Then

Though surprised, Phoenix's anxiously beating heart calmed, and he sighed a breath of relief before he removed the chain and opened the door, hiding the gun behind his back.

"This is unexpected?"

"Sorry, I'm just here to drop off these." Vlad smoothed down his wrinkled suit and held out a folder for Phoenix, smiling as he always did, though he looked tired. "It's for that emergency meeting with Jordan Rockside tomorrow."

Phoenix took the folder and scratched his head. "What emergency meeting?"

"The one I sent you an email about. Jordan got pissy about something and demanded a meeting face to face. Rotha moved things around for us, and we have a meeting tomorrow morning." Vlad's otherwise brilliant smile faded a little. "I guess you've not seen the mail or calendar reschedule notice?"

"No, sorry. I've been busy with that contract we talked about, and then I took the evening off to eat and stuff." The stuff part was the most important to Phoenix, because Jace was responsive again, not that he needed to spread that news just yet. Vlad had only been by Chess' apartment a few times to drop off or pick up work-related stuff. He always asked Phoenix to relay his best wishes to Jace, but never asked questions or pried into Jace's condition. He just did everything he could to relieve Phoenix of the unreasonable workload on him.

Vlad's smile was back, and he patted Phoenix's arm. "No problem. I've put everything you need in the folder. Don't worry. I'll meet you at the hotel conference room tomorrow. The info is in the meeting invite. Say hi to Jace for me." He waved and walked off, leaving Phoenix at the door with the folder and his gun, looking rather dumb.

"Who was it?" Jace asked, turning his head to look at Phoenix when he came back into the living room. He was not as nervous as when Phoenix had left. There had been no gunshots or sounds of fighting, so he assumed it was not someone dangerous.

"Just Vlad, with some papers for me. I have a meeting tomorrow morning, and I need to go through this. Do you mind?" Phoenix glanced at his computer on the dining table, and then at the couch where he would much rather be.

"Can you do it over here?" Jace patted the empty spot beside him on the couch and smiled invitingly. "I won't disturb you."

Phoenix did not even answer. He just picked up his laptop and went to the couch and sat down, opened the darned thing, and prepared himself to go into work mode. It all felt a little better when Jace snuggled closer and pushed his feet under Phoenix's thigh, wriggling his toes with a teasing smile.

"I thought you said you'd not disturb me?"

Jace winked at him. "But am I, really?"

Laughing, Phoenix gave Jace's leg a squeeze and then dove into the information in the folder. About an hour later, he put an exhausted but seemingly happy and relaxed Jace into bed. He stayed in bed with him until Jace slept soundly, for once receiving cuddles in return before Jace drifted off.

It was past midnight when Phoenix was done. He had read the files and done the work needed on his laptop. His alarm he had already set for 5:30, not that the prospects of leaving Jace on the first day after he had come back to life agreed with him. He had texted Packard about the meeting and change of plans, and Packard had assured him they had no problems with keeping Niall for the day, even if the boy would miss his time with Jace. He had also texted Rami earlier with the schedule, and he would come and take over Jace's protection at 6:00. Everything was set, and he should go to bed, but his mind was too active with his concerns about Jace.

He had enjoyed the sex. Connecting with Jace again, physically and emotionally, had been bliss. That he could not lie to himself about. If they had ventured into that arena too fast, he would know soon enough. He would deal with it if Jace had a reaction. That was his job and responsibility as Jace's Dom, and as someone who loved the man and only had his best interests at heart. Still, the idea of Jace seeing a professional, he had to acknowledge. Jace's demons were too powerful in Jace's mind. They ate away at him and caused more damage than the threat of Levi did.

Levi was real, and they could fight him. Protect Jace and show him they were there for him. But an invisible enemy. One that could get to Jace at any moment they had no chance against.

Phoenix opened a browser, made a search for local therapists, and began the arduous task of researching them all for credentials. He found two who fit pretty well. One specialized in abusive relationships, and the other one was openly gay, which might help Jace feel at ease. He rubbed his face, finally feeling tired when his phone beeped.

Mind opening the front door?

Sighing, Phoenix stood up and went to let Rami in. They had a silent agreement about not ringing the bell after ten in the evening in case Jace was asleep. It was a stupid notion, since Jace could sleep through a bombing. But it was a courtesy, and Phoenix valued to know when people came by to not have a near heart attack, like when Vlad had rung the bell earlier.

"I thought you'd be here at six?"

"I just finished with Vasili, and since I didn't feel like getting up at four to get here, I thought I'd crash on the couch." Rami stepped inside and went straight to the kitchen. "Any news?"

Phoenix scratched his head, deciding to just say it rather than try to explain. "He talked. I think he's back?"

"Really?" Rami looked up from the fridge where he had found one of Natalya's sandwiches and frowned at Phoenix's expression. "Is that good or bad? Do I need to prepare for a hard day tomorrow?"

"Grab me a few of those, and we'll talk in the living room."

Rami nodded and took out the plate with sandwiches, hoisted on a few pierogies, and went to the living room to talk. If Jace was responsive again, but Phoenix was worried, then Jace's recovery might not be an easy one. Not that he had expected it to be easy, but he had hoped with Phoenix's help and all the protection around Jace that it would give Jace some peace of mind and help him back to who he had been. Or even a better version of that man and friend.

Though Rami hated when Jace poked fun at him, he enjoyed it when Jace pranked people and joked around. He was the brightest light around Gareth, and when Gareth came back, he would need Jace. Rami did not know why Gareth had gone into hiding, but he knew him well enough to know it was serious, because Gareth would never leave his men unless it was dire for his own preservation.

"So, is Jace ok?"

Phoenix poured a drink for both of them and snatched a sandwich, leaning back and turning slightly to see Rami next to him on the couch. "I don't know. It's too early to say. But I talked with him about seeing a therapist. Maybe what he really needs is to talk it through and stop hiding in his head."

"You might be right." Rami rubbed his face and chewed his sandwich, silently agreeing with Phoenix. From what he had observed over the last month, Phoenix served as something Jace recognized as safety, and that was a big help in calming that fight-or-flight response, because flight would have been Jace's option. But as helpful as that was, then Jace had to gain control of his fears, or he would slip back into that almost catatonic state the next time something happened.

"I've researched the local therapists. But I know nothing of what to look for other than someone who'll understand the complexities of Jace." Phoenix threw out his hand at the open laptop and the browser with a list of therapists, feeling inadequate in his research abilities.

"I might know someone. I can talk to Jace about it tomorrow?"

Phoenix shrugged. Anything was better than researching every therapist in Dublin and possibly the rest of fucking Ireland. "Can you be gentle about it? He's fragile and could take it the wrong way if we push him. Just that he said yes without arguing is pretty huge."

"You think he'll go into denial?"

"I wish I knew." Tired Phoenix threw his head back and stared up at the ceiling. He wished he knew how to help Jace, but in all honesty, he could only function within his own logical mind, and it limited the suggestions he had to that mindset. Maybe Rami could reach into a part of Jace and help him? "Try talking with him and see. I'll leave my phone on during the meeting, and you call me if Jace needs me."

Rami nodded, not feeling like talking more about it. He had a plan brewing in his head and needed some time to hatch it into something they could use. Phoenix was exhausted and had to sleep to stay focused on what was his job while Gareth was away. If Phoenix dropped the ball because of Jace, everything could be lost. Gareth's entire organization rested on the legal side of things. The businesses Phoenix handled. If that cover did not stand strong, then everything else Gareth did would go down the drain. "Go to bed, Phoenix. I'll crash on the couch and take over when you leave."

He sat for a moment and enjoyed the silence when Phoenix had finished in the bathroom and gone to bed. It did not take a genius to figure out that Phoenix and Jace were more than colleagues, even more than friends and brothers in arms, and whatever they were, it seemed like a connection no one could break. The others still thought Phoenix and Jace had gone out as friends that night, and that was the reason Phoenix stayed with Jace. But friends did not sleep in the same bed, nor behaved as Phoenix did. Rami did not judge whatever they had, and he did not envy it either. It seemed like an impossible and volatile situation.

Sometimes he found it odd how he knew secrets about Gareth and his closest men. That was the privilege of being a silent but trusted bystander, and a massive curse too. Like how Cracker ran from who he was, the real man behind the tactical wonder with the extraordinary mind. Something or someone in his past kept him on the run, and Cracker seemed haunted by that. He knew how Oleksander still battled with nightmares from the time he had spent with Perreault. Even if he on the outside appeared ok, Rami had experienced Oleksander's night terrors one night he had stayed over after they had dabbled with motorcycles. Changing sides to the mafia, changing his name, and even having the safety of Gareth's organization to back him while he did good in saving others from a fate similar to his, he still had moments of complete terror from what he had gone through. Not unlike Jace and his obvious trauma.

Rami knew how Gareth battled with his humanity. That ethical struggle in him to justify everything he did and ordered his men to do, in the name of good, but still on the wrong side of the law. He fought daily with the pressure of who he was and the expectations of him from his mother, not only to maintain the Adjenkov legacy, but to procreate and secure the future. Gareth self-medicated with alcohol, and Rami hoped Gareth's disappearance meant he had checked into rehab. Though, if he had to be honest, he suspected it was a Mackenzie issue. Gareth was smitten with that woman, but the hurdles of who they were came between them. The Sante family was not to be trifled with, and they all knew it. Sadly, Gareth's heart did not care, and hopefully, Mackenzie was on the same page. Together, they might win. A union between them would not be easy. It would ripple through the European underground and change everything, not necessarily for the better.

Sighing, Rami made his bed on the couch with the sheet and duvet he had waiting for those overnight visits and sat down, drinking both his and Phoenix's drink before he got comfortable to sleep.

The drinks helped, but in the end, he still felt like crap when he heard Phoenix rummaging around in the bathroom a few hours after he had finally fallen asleep. He had spent too much time thinking. Too much time wondering about why he was in the middle of so many conflicts he had no ability to help with or solve for the people involved. He could support Gareth, calm him down, and be his friend when needed. He could take Oleksander's mind off his issues with a few beers and some guy time. Even Phoenix, he could relieve of the duty it was to stay cooped up in Chess' apartment to keep an eye on Jace. And Jace, he could protect with his life. But in the grand scheme of things, he did very little to solve anything.

"I'm off. Jace is still asleep." Phoenix stood in the doorway to the living room, dressed and ready to leave. It was almost odd to see him in his usual suits because while staying with Jace, he had worn jeans and shirts on the daily. "Just let him sleep until he wakes and then let him eat whatever he wants. Text me or call me if an emergency."

"Will do. I've done this before." Rami rubbed his tired eyes and sat up. He did not mean to sound grumpy, but sometimes Phoenix went a bit overboard.

Phoenix blew out a breath. "I know. I guess I'm just worried if he'll be ok when he wakes up and I'm not here. He just responded again, and I can't handle if he withdraws into that shell once more."

"I understand." And Rami did. That sense of responsibility in Phoenix, he knew from himself. It was overpowering and debilitating when worry entered the game, and Phoenix cared too much about Jace to see straight at times. "I'll have him text you when he wakes, ok?"

A relieved expression crossed Phoenix's otherwise stoic work face, and he nodded in gratitude. "Thank you. I'll see you later. It'll probably not be until after lunch if I know Jordan."

Rami smiled briefly when Phoenix left and then got up. He took a quick shower and changed into a clean set of clothes from the go-bag he had in the living room. Some much-needed coffee and a bit of news on the TV later, he stood, ready to take charge for once. He had an idea, and maybe that was his tiny chance to actually solve something and not just stay in the shadows.

"Jace?" He knocked on the bedroom door. "Jace?"

"Come in, Rami."

Jace sat on the bed with a sort of lost expression on his face, looking at a note in his hand.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." Jace shrugged and looked back at the note. As always, beautiful words and gratitude from Phoenix, and he already knew about the meeting and Rami taking over his protection. But he missed Phoenix's presence.

"Well, get up and have a shower. We've got shit to do today."

"What do you mean?" Jace mumbled.

"Well, unless you want a dried-up sandwich or stew for breakfast, we need to go to a café. And I'm hungry. I can only cook cereal."

Jace grinned. "I don't think you actually cook cereal."

"I'm your bodyguard, not anyone's maid. It's cereal or you get your ass out of bed, and we have some proper food at a place I know. You need to get out of here, if only for a few hours."

Jace's head snapped up as fear raced through him. Going outside? Was that safe at all? Could he do it, even if it was safe? Somehow being in Chess' apartment had seemed less restrictive than when Gareth had locked him up at the mansion. Maybe because Phoenix was with him, or because he wanted to be in the apartment. It was a pocket in time where the world outside did not matter.

"Is it safe?"

"I'll be with you all the time," Rami assured. "Cracker and his people have scouted this place, your apartment, the club, and the airports. Cracker's seen nothing suspicious. Horse has tabs on Levi, as much as he can, because the man is a slippery weasel, but so far, he's kept to his part of the deal he made with Phoenix. He's been in Luxembourg and a few other places in Europe. But he's not attempted to come here."

Rami waited for Jace to absorb the information. It seemed like a thousand emotions crossed Jace's face while he sat silently in the bed, staring blankly at the duvet over his legs.

"If we know where he is, why haven't we caught him yet?"

Shrugging lightly, Rami understood Jace's question, but he also knew it was not for him to question operational decisions. He led his team when orders came in, did what they were told, and otherwise just existed to protect their leader, who right now was Jace.

"I don't ask about things above my pay grade. But I think they didn't want to make any decisions about that without you. Which is why you need to get your ass in gear. Come on, shower time."

An hour later, because Jace apparently had not forgotten how to take long showers and spend time doing his hair, they left the apartment. Rami had instructed Jace to text Phoenix, and he had received a prompt reply, wishing them a good day and promising he would be back as soon as he could, but the meeting looked to drag out. Jace sat jittery in the car, looking left and right to spot any threat, whereas Rami took it cool. He had three of Cracker's security details following them, and at the cafe, Jace finally calmed down. Jace was perfectly safe, but Rami did not tell Jace that because he needed to face his fears and learn to overcome them.

Some brunch and more coffee later, they sat in the car again.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see soon enough. If you go along with my ideas, we can have ice cream after and then pick up Phoenix from his meeting?"

"I'm not a kid who can be bribed with ice cream," Jace mumbled sourly and fiddled with the radio to occupy himself.

"I know. But you want the ice cream, don't you?" Rami smiled when Jace huffed.

"Yeah."

Rami drove them to an empty parking lot behind a white building in a neighborhood Jace did not recognize. It looked sort of industrial but had none of the loading docks or bustling activity a place like that normally would.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere that always makes me feel better," Rami replied cryptically and exited the car, not bothering to wait for Jace. He went to a green door and unlocked it.

Unsure what Rami meant, Jace shuffled behind him, still glancing around to make sure they were alone and Levi did not pop up like a Jack-in-the-box. The parking lot was large and open, and it made him feel vulnerable, but since Rami did not act all protective as he had done when they entered the café earlier, Jace hoped Rami had his security covered. When the thought of needing protection from thin air like that entered his mind, Jace understood just how dependent he was on other people. It was one thing to have Rami there as a regular bodyguard, shadowing him when he worked. Being Gareth came with some level of danger, and a bodyguard was expected and appreciated. But being a fucking princess, afraid of his own shadow, dependent on other people to walk outside like a normal person, he did not want to be that man. Did not want to ever feel helpless again.

Jace shuffled after Rami inside the building, looking at the white bare walls of the long hallway they walked down. It was eerie quiet, but inside the building, he felt less exposed, and with Rami there, he felt as safe as when with Phoenix. Both men would lay their lives for him, not that he wanted them to, but he knew they would if it came to that.

"Dorian!" Rami greeted a nerdy-looking man in his late twenties who came out of a door farther down the hallway. He had on a lab coat and held a clipboard in his hands.

"Rami?" He looked surprised at first, but then lit up with a smile and came to greet them. He gave Rami a hug and shook Jace's hand after a quick introduction, raking his fingers through his mousy-brown hair. "Why are you here?"

"I need to borrow the green room for a while. My friend needs a pick-me-up."

Dorian smiled widely and shook with excitement. "He's never been here before, right?" He turned to Jace and studied him with a smile. "You'll love it."

Rami led Jace to another green door, and they walked inside. Jace curiously looked around. The walls were green, and the floor had a green carpet. The room smelled funky, disinfectant with some earthy undertones Jace did not understand.

"Dude, if this cheers you up, you'd better have twelve strippers with beers walk in here pretty soon, otherwise I might think you're crazy."

"Who says I'm not?" Rami chuckled and sat down, patting the floor next to him. Curious and rather unnerved, Jace sat down next to him and waited.

They sat for about ten minutes in awkward silence, listening to some noise in the room next to them. Jace sat and wondered what the hell they were doing there. Maybe it was a meditating thing? Sit in a tranquil room in silence and reflect on life, though he really did not peg Rami as the type.

A latch in the wall opened and startled Jace. Alert he looked at the open latch and then at Rami to see if he went into battle-mode. But he still sat calmly and looked at the opening in the wall.

"Get ready..."

Through the opening tumbled one puppy after the other. Small, fluffy furballs of energetic joy ran clumsily to them and yipped for attention. Rami picked up the first to reach him and cuddled it to his face, whereas Jace was nowhere near prepared for the attacking masses. Five enthusiastic puppies of different breeds jumped onto him and tilted him over, yipping and nipping at him to be the ones to get cuddles. They licked his face like they wanted to devour him, and Jace let out a joyous laugh.

"Puppies!" He picked up the two nearest his hands and sat up with the others in his lap. They crawled all over him and Rami, spreading their simple joy with innocent licks and wagging tails. "They're adorable."

"I know, right?"

The puppies tumbled around them, wagging their tails, play-wrestling with each other, biting shoes, and yawning when they got picked up and laid against a chest to receive soothing pets on their soft baby fur.

"I love this," Jace exclaimed, patting a tiny Golden Retriever in his lap.

"I thought you might." Rami struggled with a puppy, which had a good hold of his shoelace, playing a fierce game of tug-o-war. "I go here when life becomes too much. When I need to clear my mind of the things I know and the things I've done."

Jace cocked his head and studied Rami for a moment. It all made sense. That was his escape from what they did as part of Gareth's group. The horrors he saw and the kills he had to make under orders. Even if Rami seemed unaffected, he always choked up when they had to tranquilize canine patrols, and seeing his escape was puppies, Jace understood Rami's heart.

"Hey, boss? Do you want some puppy treats?" Dorian popped his head in from the almost closed door to keep the puppies from escaping the room, because they stormed toward him, seeing another chance for cuddles.

"Sure." Rami caught the plastic bag with different biscuits and other crunchy treats, and Dorian closed the door. He opened the bag and handed Jace a handful, and the puppies were all over the treats before Jace had a chance to distribute them. They were ferocious little beasts when there were treats around, crunching and slobbering all over the place.

"Are we going to address why he called you boss?" Jace asked when the dogs had gobbled up all the crunchy bits, leaving crumbs all over Jace's lap.

Rami shrugged and blushed slightly. "I own this place. It's a kennel where we have a dog hotel for people to check in their pets when they travel. And we have a breeding program too."

Jace smiled at the information. "Why doesn't this surprise me at all? You love dogs."

"I don't have time to have one at home. Feeding and walking them on a regular schedule is not an option for me with my work. This way, I can come and play with these tiny monsters whenever I feel like it, and that's enough." Rami blushed deeply. "You're the first I've ever taken here. It's sort of my secret hideout."

"There are so many sides to you I never knew," Jace admitted. Though he had tried to get to know Rami with all the time they had spent together, there was still much to the man he did not know. But every piece of the puzzle showed him more of a friend he liked. Someone he could trust with not only his life in work situations, but with his life outside of work too. Jace doubted Rami knew everything about him and Phoenix, but he knew more than anyone else, and still, he felt no shame about it. Rami was a vault, and once information entered that vault, secrets stayed secret. "I'm honored, Rami."

"We should get going." Rami cleared his throat and pulled away from the conversation. He had shared enough for one day, but he felt ok with having brought Jace into his sanctuary. Somehow, he knew Jace would understand and appreciate the simple pleasure of a bunch of overactive lumps of fur.

"But..." Jace looked down at the three puppies in his lap, all sleeping soundly after their puppy treat eating and cuddle fest. He brushed his fingers over the soft white fur of the Dalmatian, tickling it gently behind the ear until it yawned and looked up with tired eyes. The head dropped, and the puppy was back asleep.

"We can come back. I have a key." Rami lifted the puppies away from him and stood up. "We could bring Niall. He might like this place."

"He would," Jace mumbled and lifted the sleeping puppies off his lap. He lifted the last one to his face, resting it on his shoulder. The fluffy fur tickled his skin and the heartbeat inside the bundle of pure innocence vibrated through him. Kissing the head, he reluctantly put it down and caressed over it one last time, realizing it was another bubble of escape, and he had to break out of his bubbles. He needed to learn how to have a sanctuary like Rami, somewhere he could go to forget the world when he needed it, but still live and be strong in the real world when that was needed of him. Too many depended on him, and he was good at what he did. Levi had already taken too much from him, and Jace refused to allow him to take the things Jace had worked his entire life to achieve. A job he loved, respect of his peers, friends, and maybe even love. Some day.

After a last look at the knackered puppies and a goodbye to Dorian, they were back in the car. Rami clicked around on his phone for a bit and then started the car, pulling away from the building.

"Thank you for taking me there. I didn't even know I needed that."

Rami smiled and then scratched his head, ready to put the rest of his plan into motion. "I'm glad you liked it. I sort of did it to put you in a good mood before the next part."

"What next part? I thought we were going for ice cream?"

"I have a friend I want you to meet. Just meet her."

Jace turned his head and gave Rami a sly smile. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Laughing loudly at that comment, Rami shook his head. "No, Quinn is not my girlfriend. She's a friend. A very good one."

"I'm game." Jace rested back in his seat and looked out the window at the streets of Dublin, feeling like it was a lifetime since he had last done that. Just sitting back and feeling almost worry-free. That state of mind he wanted back more than ever. He would talk with Phoenix about the therapist later. It was time for action.

"We're here." Rami parked the car in a parking lot at a building not too far from Decadence. He got out and waited for Jace, and they went inside. They took the elevator up and Jace just looked around when they entered a front office where a secretary sat.

"Mr. Costa. She's ready for you."

"Thanks, Darlene." Rami waved at the secretary and opened the door to an office.

Jace followed, curiously looking around the room. It looked like a standard office, though with some feminine touches here and there that Gareth had not in his offices. It felt homey and inviting. A woman in her late thirties stood from the desk to greet them. She smiled welcoming and pushed up her glasses to sit better on the ridge of her nose. She was quite the looker. Slender with curves in all the right places. In a grey pencil skirt, stilettos, and a white shirt. Her reddish-blonde hair she had in a messy bun, and she even had a pen behind her ear.

"Rami." She came over and hugged Rami before she directed all her attention to Jace. "Hello there. I'm Parker Quinlan. But everyone calls me Quinn."

"Hello." Jace shook her outstretched hand, still unsure why Rami wanted him to meet her. But she seemed nice, and he had missed being around other people. "So you're Rami's friend?"

"We've known each other for a long time. He can drink Sake like nobody's business." She grinned and smiled at Rami, who just rolled his eyes.

"Quinn," he grumbled.

She waved him off and smiled at Jace again. "Rami texted me that you need to talk with someone about some issues. He's not told me what those are, don't worry. If you want, we can have a chat, and you can get to know me. There's no pressure at all."

Feeling oddly ambushed and yet thankful at the same time, Jace looked back and forth between Rami and Quinn. Phoenix had mentioned a therapist, and he might have talked with Rami about it. He was not sure if springing it on him like that was good, but he already knew he needed his head sorted, and had agreed to do it. Quinn seemed nice and an initial chat could not hurt.

"I'm sorry if you feel cornered, Jace. But Quinn is the best. She won't judge you or pull back from anything." Rami put his hand on Jace's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "I take Gareth here when he's too wound up. And I make him call Quinn when his temper gets out of hand. She helps him. Let her help you too?"

So that was Rami's secret? How he calmed Gareth when nobody else could? If that woman could handle Gareth, there was a chance she could help him too. Jace sincerely hoped so. It was already a stamp of approval that Gareth trusted her, and since she then knew about Gareth's issues and probably all the bad things in his life, then Jace's issues she could probably handle.

"Ok, we can have a chat." Jace looked nervously at Rami. It was one thing to know Rami had information, it was another if he got all of it. Jace did not want Rami to see him lose it, if he indeed did.

"I'll be outside. Darlene and I know how to pass the time." Rami nodded at Jace with clear respect for how Jace handled everything. He was proud to have done something that might help Jace, and by that, help them all. He missed his days with Jace at the office, though it to some might look boring as fuck to just stand and look at another person work, then Rami liked it because Jace was always a joy to be around.

"She has to work," Quinn said and sighed overdramatically, then she shrugged with a smile. "Have her bring us something to drink and snack on, and then take her out for coffee or something. Jace and I can entertain ourselves, right, Jace?"

Jace nodded, feeling very at ease with Quinn and the obvious familiarity between her and Rami. She seemed down to earth and gave the impression that she would not get shocked by anything.

Quinn cocked her head, studying Jace for a moment through her glasses, thinking hard. "You look like a black coffee and sugary treats kind of man. Am I right?"

"Spot on," Jace said with a grin.

Rami left the office, and Darlene brought them coffee and some cake that rivaled Natalya's, which Jace would never tell her. Natalya's pride he could not dent at all. She was the mother figure he had never had, and she had gone out of her way to send food to him and Phoenix. But the cake was fantastic.

Jace sat in a deep Chesterfield armchair, and Quinn sat opposite him on the Chesterfield couch. She had offered him to sit anywhere, and the high sides of the armchair had looked protective, as opposed to the couch and other available furniture. Quinn allowed him to take it at his own pace. She poured him coffee and offered him cake, leaning back with her own cup in silence.

"So, how does this work?" Jace asked when he found enough calm to speak.

"We just talk for now. I can start by telling you about myself. Feel free to ask questions or inquire about specific credentials or education, if I'm not thorough enough." Quinn smiled warmly at Jace and kept her voice strong but non-threatening. She talked like Jace would talk with Gareth or Phoenix. With a sense of lifelong familiarity and understanding. "My name is Parker Quinlan, but since I was about five, people have called me Quinn. I'm thirty-eight."

No red flags so far. Jace relaxed a little more and listened to Quinn talk. She had a rather beautiful voice when he thought about it.

"I know you're curious, and I'm sure Rami doesn't mind if I tell you. I'm a bit of a motorcycle nerd, and I met Rami at a show many years ago. We ride together sometimes when we have the possibility. And we drink Sake and sing karaoke."

Smiling, Jace could vividly imagine Quinn in some tight leather bike suit. Rami singing karaoke took a bit more imagination, though. He liked the idea and the picture it painted of a man he liked a lot.

Quin went on to tell about her education and, without revealing names or specific details, she told Jace about some of her cases, and how she had helped individuals with their issues. She explained how talking in a safe atmosphere with a stranger, bound by patient/doctor confidentiality, could open up old wounds, but without the feeling of being vulnerable. If confiding a person's deepest secrets to a friend, someone a person saw all the time, there would be worries if that person kept the secret or judged, and that could incite anxiety and deeper issues. She, however, would never divulge anything, and that was a safety net the mind needed.

Nodding, Jace agreed. He knew from experience how scared he had been to confide in Phoenix. Luckily, Phoenix was one to be trusted, but not all were like that. He trusted every single person in Gareth's group. They would always have his back. But telling them he had let someone bring him so far down, he had trouble finding himself, he did not want them to know. Even if they understood and accepted it, they would see him in a different light.

"Your wheels are turning," Quinn commented and cocked her head in curiosity.

"I'm just agreeing with you. There is safety in talking to a stranger rather than a friend," Jace admitted, stuffing his face with cake to gain some time to think. He chewed, and Quinn allowed him to stall as he wanted. "How does this work, then? Do I just tell you the entire shit show or what?"

"You can, if that's what you want. Or you can tell me something specific that you spend a lot of time mulling over, and maybe we can figure out why that is more prominent than the rest before we move on to another subject?" Quinn pushed up her glasses and sipped her coffee, again giving Jace space to digest her words. "There are no rules, and nothing is too taboo, strange, dangerous, or embarrassing. I never judge."

Jace ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his temples, desperate to figure out how to even open the can of worms his mind surely was. "I don't know what to do about Phoenix," he blurted out because that thought kept circling in his head.

"Who or what is Phoenix?"

"He's..." Jace wrung his hands in his lap and stared at his fingers as if they could help him. "My Dom."

"Ok. Tell me about Phoenix."

Jace looked up in surprise. He had expected Quinn to comment on Phoenix being a man or ask about the Dom thing. He had prepared himself to defend Phoenix because most would assume Phoenix was the issue when he mentioned him first, but Quinn just looked at him with interest and waited to see if he wanted to share. She did not reach for the pad and pen at her side, to go all brain doctor on him, and that felt oddly nice.

Once he got started, he could not stop. Jace told Quinn about how they had met, the incident at Verno's, and what Phoenix had done for him. Then the jokes and pranks, Gareth's birthday, and how Phoenix had made it a priority to help with his education. Their meeting at the club, training, and all those confusing feelings about being with a man again after Levi. Quinn laughed until tears fell when Jace told about the birthday confession and how he, for once, had been at a loss for words. He told her everything. From day one. No filter, no shame, and no secrets.

"...and now, I'm here." When Jace stopped talking, he felt strangely relieved. Just sharing his tumultuous thoughts, even if it had solved nothing, gave him a chance to see his life as it was, and how it had been with Phoenix in it.

Quinn stood and went to a cabinet, opening it. She poured two glasses of whiskey and came back, handing Jace one of them. "I keep this for Gareth, but I think you could use one."

Thankfully, Jace sipped the drink. He had never been a whisky drinker, but being Gareth's friend, he had sampled his fair share, and a drink, any drink, he appreciated at that moment.

"Where do we go from here?" he finally asked.

"That's up to you."

Jace sighed. It had been very nice to not feel pressured, but he had no solutions to his problems, and he needed Quinn to help him move in the right direction.

"Do you want my opinion?" Quinn asked when Jace had sat quietly for a while. "Of course, I have one, and I have exercises and advice to give, too. But in the end, those are my interpretations of what you've told me, and it might not fit you."

"I'm open to hearing your opinion and your advice. It can't hurt me to have options, right?"

Smiling, Quinn pushed the plate with the last piece of cake to Jace and waited until he took it, giving her a small nod. "Ok, as I see it, you've found someone in Phoenix you truly care about. Your feelings of love sound genuine, and I understand they're complex and difficult to handle because you associate love with someone who'll hurt you later on." She paused to give Jace a chance to say something if he wanted, but he sat and looked at her, waiting for more. "You loved your mother, and she left. You love your father, and illness took him. You even love Gareth as a brother, and he disappeared. But Phoenix is not only platonic love as you feel for the others. With him, it's romantic, and it scares you because Levi used your need for love to hurt you."

Stunned, Jace realized just how much he had told about himself and his life just by telling his tale of Phoenix. To explain all the aspects of who they were and how they fit together, he had told about his mother and father, his friendship with Gareth, how Levi had hurt him, and all to explain what Phoenix meant to him and his sanity.

"I'm not afraid of Phoenix. He'd never hurt me."

"I think you're right. But you're deeply afraid that he'll leave you, like everyone else. He might not change and hurt you as Levi did, but you see a future where you lose him, don't you?"

"Yes." The fear of losing Phoenix grabbed hold inside Jace. That particular demon in him screamed louder than the rest, and though he did not want to listen to it, it was the one that he heard.

"From what you've told, he constantly assures you he won't leave you. Why do you doubt his word on that when you trust everything else he tells you?"

"Because I'm a burden to him. I heard him talk with his parents. He said he was not enough to bring me back and help me. What if he gets tired of me?"

"Have you told him how you feel? I don't mean romantically. I understand Phoenix is a complex man, and he doesn't register feelings like the rest of us. But he cares in his own way, otherwise, he wouldn't have been there and done so much."

"Can I call him?"

Quinn smiled and nodded. "It's your life. If you want Phoenix to know he does well, you can tell him."

Jace found his phone in his pocket and clicked to find his favorites. Phoenix's name was there, just below Gareth's. He missed Gareth. Missed the time before he had vanished. Yes, there had been the threat of Levi, but not in the same way. Back then Levi had not found him in Dublin, he had only made contact that one time in Sweden, and that had served as a safety buffer. Jace missed the time when he was not afraid to live. Without Gareth, he had needed Phoenix more and given very little in return. Maybe telling him he appreciated everything he did would help calm that fear of Phoenix leaving him too?

He was just about to call Phoenix when he looked up at Quinn. "Would you mind listening in and then maybe doing your head voodoo to see if you hear something in Phoenix that I don't?"

Quinn giggled. "It's not head voodoo. It's common sense and a lot of practice in deciphering tones of voices and signals in people. The same as you do when you're out with your friends or on assignment. You simply think my education makes me better than you, which is not the case. The difference here is I can be impartial because I have no stake in the game, and I'm not clouded by the emotions in you."

Jace had never seen what he did like that. But he used his skills to read people all the time. It kept him alive, and perhaps the reason he was good at it, was because he had not known how to read people when he met Levi. Then how come he was so bad at reading Phoenix? Was it because he was clouded by his feelings, as Quinn had said?

He clicked the button, put it on speaker, and it only rang once before Phoenix answered the call.

"Jace?"

"Am I disturbing you?" Only then, did Jace remember Phoenix was in a meeting, and his call might be inconvenient.

"Not at all. We're waiting on Jordan's lawyers to finish up something. I've got time."

Jace nodded stupidly and realized Phoenix could not see him. "I'm here with a therapist..."

"Rami texted me about it. Are you ok? Do you need me to come?"

Smiling at the instant worry in Phoenix's voice, Jace looked at Quinn and noticed she smiled knowingly too.

"No, don't do that. Rami and I will pick you up later, if that's ok?"

"Naturally. I'll look forward to it."

"I, eh..." Jace paused, unsure how to tell Phoenix what he wanted. "Quinn and I talked, and, eh..."

"What?" Phoenix seemed to wait for Jace to talk, but when he did not, he panicked a little, which was evident in his voice, when he continued, "Jace, Baby, what is it? Are you sure you don't need me to come?"

"Thank you," Jace blurted out because he had to say something.

"I don't know what I did, but if it gets me a call from you, I'll have to do it more often," Phoenix replied, a lot less panicked than before, and he even chuckled lightly at the end.

"I heard some of your conversation with your parents last night."

"Oh! I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to..."

"Shut up!" Jace scared himself, Quinn, and he was sure Phoenix was taken aback by his outburst. "Don't apologize to me. I'm trying to tell you something."

"Ok. I'm listening."

Jace sighed at the weird tone in Phoenix's voice, as if he expected him to end their relationship or berate him for seeking advice from his parents. "I only heard very little, but you're wrong, ok?"

An awkward silence followed, and Jace feared he had messed up his message of gratitude.

"About what?" Phoenix finally asked.

"You're enough. Don't ever doubt that. Everything you do and say is enough." Jace drew in a breath. "And I'm forever grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for being you."

More silence followed and Jace's fears ran rampant inside him. His demons rejoiced and toasted each other with glee at Phoenix's silence and the nerves in Jace. He waited, and each second felt like agonizing hours.

"You're welcome, Baby boy. Thank you for returning to me."

Hi dear Wattlings.

Thank you for reading.

Well, Rami had an ace up his sleeve and showed a side of himself nobody knew. Do you like Quinn? If she can handle Gareth, she should be able to help Jace, too?

If you like it, then pop a vote and please leave comments. The comments are important for me to know how the story is progressing and the characters are developing. And I'd love to know what you think and interact with y'all.

Give me a follow too for updates on other work and put this book in your library. I'd appreciate that.

Love, Alix

Published: December 2nd, 2022. ©Alix Davenport, Copenhagen