Then

"Explain to me why we're in London, of all places," Jace whined with a sour expression. "It's supposed to be a vacation. I should be on a beach somewhere, sipping Mai Tai and working on my tan."

Sighing with a roll of his eyes, Phoenix kept walking as if he had not heard Jace whine and noticed how he dragged his feet like a petulant child. "It's a few days off, not a vacation."

"Potato-potato. It's not work. I'll call it a vacation, however short it is."

"Suit yourself." Phoenix shrugged with indifference, not really understanding why Jace was suddenly not ok with being there. They had been there for almost two days without it being a problem. "Besides, nobody said you had to come with me. I'm sure Gareth would not raise an eyebrow to receive a postcard from some Greek island."

The words hit Jace hard. He had not been asked or told to come; he had just taken it for granted that they would spend the days together. Hell, he had not even asked Phoenix if it was ok. He had simply assumed, and when they had finished with Horse in Belgium, Jace had tagged along with Phoenix. Gone to the airport and flown with him to London, where Phoenix had rented a car and taken them to a cozy, small hotel in Greenwich. Separate rooms, yes, but it had all been natural to him.

Right, for lack of a better word.

In his defense, Phoenix had not once complained or commented on it. He had booked their tickets, had found the hotel, and asked for the rooms, and Jace had let him. It had not felt like a dominant thing where Phoenix felt entitled to dictate how things went, nor Jace having his power of choice taken away. All it had been was an innate reaction to how they were. Phoenix was a natural leader and take-charge person, whereas Jace was a leader who appreciated being taken care of.

It was not a divide between being a leader and a follower. They were both leaders in their own rights, both made choices and stood by them. None was more than the other, held more power, or had better choices. It was Jace's choice to follow Phoenix, to have what his childhood had never offered him, somebody, who wanted him around and took care of him for a change.

Had it been wrong of him to come? Did Phoenix feel crowded by the clinginess? That need to be taken care of had somehow subconsciously guided Jace to follow Phoenix without being invited.

Jace stopped and shook his head to clear his mind. People rushed past him, but he barely noticed. Had he forced Phoenix into taking their club relationship out into the real world, and now Phoenix finally let him know he had overstepped, and he was not welcome?

"Jace?" Phoenix stood in the crowded street a few yards ahead of Jace. He looked puzzled and maybe a tad impatient.

"I never realized. I'll go back to the hotel."

"What? Why?"

"You obviously don't want me here," Jace mumbled, though loud enough for Phoenix to hear with the street noises and distance between them.

"What are you talking about? First, you whine, then a detour around potatoes, which I still don't get, and now you want to go back to the hotel." Phoenix moved closer, and stood right in front of Jace, noticing the pain on his face and how his posture was that of one who felt small and uncomfortable. "Are you tired? Is that why you want to go back? I know I've had you out all day looking for a gift for my mum. I should have realized that would bore you, but I just thought, since you seemed interested..."

"No, it's not that. It was fun. I don't have anybody to buy presents for, so it was a kind of adventure for me."

They had both agreed on the antique fountain pen, ink holder, and ink bottle with a wax stamp and colored wax as the perfect gift for Phoenix's old-school mother. Phoenix had asked for Jace's advice after having looked at perfume and jewelry like they were from an alien planet, and Jace had suggested something less stereotypical and maybe more in the spirit of Phoenix's mother.

They had spent lunch at a café, talking it over. Phoenix had told him about his mother and how she was. Perfume would be wasted on her, Jace had concluded and had then poked into some of her habits, and when Phoenix had laughed at how she always handwrote Christmas cards and birthday greetings, Jace had thought of the fountain pen. The rest they had agreed on in a quaint antique store they found on a side street in Greenwich.

"Then what?"

Jace looked up and blinked to keep his emotions in check. He did not know why it made him feel devastated Phoenix did not want to have him there. Maybe it was because that was Phoenix's vacation, and he had wanted time away from work and work people, like Jace.

"Nothing. I'll go back. We can have dinner or something later, if you want."

"Jace!" Phoenix grumbled. "I told you to never lie to me. That was not just a club thing. That's how I expect my friends to behave too."

If it was the dominant voice and Phoenix's thundercloud face, or it was the fact that Jace did not appreciate lying either, Jace did not know, but he felt compelled to tell Phoenix truthfully. At least he would get a straight answer. "I never asked if it was ok that I came, and you just confirmed that you didn't ask me either."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I just guess that it means I'm crashing your vacation... Eh, days off."

"Damn, you got all that from one sentence?" Phoenix asked in a surprised voice as his eyebrows shot up. He scratched his head in confusion. "Jace, I thought you knew I just say things as they pop into my head. There's rarely a reprimand or a hidden agenda in anything I say. It was a plain fact that I hadn't asked you."

Phoenix sighed. He wanted to hold Jace and comfort him, to let him know there were no issues between them, but they were in public, and they were not a couple, he had to go with the 'friends' rules of conduct he had made for himself.

"Ok, you didn't ask because, I hope, you wanted to come. And I didn't ask because I thought you had hoaxed those days off out of Gareth because you wanted to spend some time with me." Phoenix swallowed hard when he thought maybe Jace had asked for days off for himself, and not to be together. Maybe his feelings and hopes of Jace one day wanting more had clouded his judgment, and he had made a mistake. "Unless you can tell me you don't want to spend your days here with me, then I truly don't see that we have any problems at all."

"You're sure?" Jace peeked at Phoenix from under lowered eyelids and squirmed a little on the spot. "You're not annoyed with me hanging around on your days off?"

Out of nowhere, Phoenix grabbed around Jace's wrist. He held on tight and dragged him away from the street to the nearest unpopulated space he could find, which was an archway between two buildings, leading to a small courtyard behind them. He pushed a shocked Jace against the brick wall with a growl and held him pinned with his body.

Leaning in close for him to whisper, so only Jace could hear it. Though they were finally alone, Phoenix sighed and let go of some of his frustrated anger. "Either I've actually managed to fuck your brains out because you're talking nonsense, or I'm worse at showing that I appreciate your company than I thought."

"So, you're sure you want me here and I'm not in the way?"

"Where have you been since we left Belgium?" Huffing, Phoenix pulled back and drew in a breath to not yell at Jace. His fists he held balled up at his sides with the frustration of having to explain himself on a subject that was hard enough as it was without it being scrutinized. "Do you think I'm comfortable enough around people to just ask for advice on a present for my mum? That I trust anybody enough to not judge me for being clueless?"

Despite being in public and not having permission to do so, Phoenix lifted his hand to caress Jace's cheek. "There are three people in this world I trust, no questions asked. My mum, my dad, and you. Gareth's working his way into that exclusive club, but you're already there."

Dropping his jaw and blinking owlishly at Phoenix, Jace felt how his mouth dried out with the way Phoenix spoke. With the impact of what he had said. He wanted desperately to say something, but his tongue felt thick and unwilling. All he could do was stare into Phoenix's serious face and see he told the absolute truth.

"Jace, every time we meet at the club, you place your trust in me to not harm you physically or mentally. When outside that club sphere, you still trust me to not judge you and not reveal what I know about you and your past. To support you in work situations and not undermine your knowledge or authority. To have your back in life-or-death situations. You trust me." Phoenix did not care; he pecked a quick kiss on Jace's forehead. "Why don't you see I trust you back? I trust you to not laugh at me or treat me like an idiot for not understanding basic things. I trust you to translate the world you live into a language that I understand, and not once have you let me down."

"Phoenix..."

"Jace, it's very hard to be me most of the time, but when you're around, it's easier. And don't for a second start to think that you're a crutch to lean on for me to feel better. You're somebody I genuinely like to be around. I wanted you here. Can you please get that through your thick skull?"

"I wanted to be here. I still do."

"Then why the holy fuck are we arguing about it in some alley?"

Jace looked at Phoenix and laughed. He did not know why they were arguing. Phoenix had not said that he did not want him there. He had practically taken it for granted that he would go with him. Why had he been insecure about Phoenix's intentions? Why had it bothered him to think of Phoenix not wanting him there?

Gently, Phoenix smiled at the laughing Jace. It was a stupid discussion they had gone into. He had difficulty understanding it, and what it had sprung from. Maybe he needed to be more direct and ask for confirmation on outside matters as he asked for consent to do sexual things at the club? If he did, maybe Jace would let him know if their boundaries had changed.

He was not stupid enough to think that Jace had gotten in contact with his feelings overnight, or there were any feelings for him, but if Jace was ready to open himself to something outside the club, Phoenix would be ok with taking those small steps and see where they led them.

"Jace, I have no right to ask since we're not at the club, and I'll accept if you say no... But may I kiss you?"

Phoenix's heart swelled with how Jace stopped laughing and smiled sweetly. He soared with the fact that Jace did not look around to see if anybody was watching them. He simply nodded and lifted his head to greet him.

As their lips met for the first time since that morning in the playroom before the meeting, Phoenix felt the butterflies in his stomach. An expression he had never understood but finally grasped the idea of. It was a fluttering feeling, exciting and invigorating, like his insides got whisked around by a powerful whirlwind.

Sure, they were not entirely in public, and Jace had not agreed to anything but the kiss. But it was a first for them to do anything outside the playroom, and that was exciting. The wait had been long. Maybe it had been worth it?

Jace clung to Phoenix's neck where his hands had found their way without him noticing. His lips tingled, and the look in Phoenix's eyes when they pulled apart only made those tingles spread to the rest of his body.

Damn!

Maybe they would have to talk about their agreement, that a kiss here and there might be in order outside the club. That if Phoenix was ok with it, they could fool around a bit when off on assignment together. There had been none of that in all the years they had played together. They had kept it strictly at the club. Even if on assignment for weeks and staying at the same hotel, they had done nothing. There had only been that one night before the Perreault mission, otherwise, they had both adhered to the rules of the agreement.

He was ready to renegotiate.

"Come, Jace. I have somewhere I want to show you."

With sparkling eyes, Jace followed Phoenix back out into the streets. His cheeks were still a bit flushed, and Phoenix did not look entirely unaffected either.

"Where are we going?" he asked some fifteen minutes later when they walked into Greenwich Park.

"Is the destination important if the journey is worth it? Look around. It's beautiful here."

There was no argument against that. The park in the late summer afternoon sun was spectacular. Green, flourishing, tranquil. Even with all the people walking there too.

Phoenix walked beside Jace with his hands in his pockets to not accidentally reach out and hold Jace's hand. It was an itching urge in his fingers, and something he knew from movies was common for couples to do. His feelings were slowly taking over, and he had to stop himself from pushing things too far. From the looks of it, Jace allowed him some leeway on their vacation, and he would take anything he got with grace and not demand more.

"What is that?" Jace looked at the strange structure they approached. It looked like a concrete bottlecap. He had never been there before and did not know, but it looked strangely misplaced in the park. People seemed to flock toward it, though.

"Eh." Phoenix scratched his head and turned to face Jace. "It's The Peter Harrison Planetarium. It opened a few years ago. There's a show soon, and I thought you'd like to see it?" Shuffling a bit in the spot, Phoenix grabbed the bull by the horns. "Happy anniversary, Baby boy."

Jace's wonder with the building turned to complete shock. He looked at Phoenix and then at the building again.

A planetarium?

Anniversary?

"But I thought you said dinner?"

"Well, surprise...!"

Phoenix waited for Jace to react. Positive or negative, when waiting like that, anything would suffice, but Jace kept staring at him like there would be more. A parade or something. Balloons or a candid camera crew jumping at him.

"Do I need to do jazz hands for effect?" Phoenix asked, unsure if he was the lousiest at surprises in the world. Or maybe he had shot so far off target that Jace geared for an explosive laugh.

"You planned this?"

Phoenix squirmed and looked down as he blushed in the cutest way. "Well, yeah. I thought you got days off to be together, so I planned this, thinking it would be something you'd like. I already booked tickets for us. That's why I was so surprised when you made it sound like you didn't want to spend the day with me. I thought..."

"I do, Phoenix. But I never expected this." Jace threw out his arm, gesturing wildly at the building. Without thinking, Jace grabbed Phoenix's hand and pulled him toward the queue to the entrance. He practically ran there like an overexcited kid, jumping up and down like Tana would have done.

Smiling like a fool, Phoenix relished in the feel of Jace's hand around his. There was not one ounce of resistance in him to Jace's pulling, or with his childish behavior while they waited. That look of joy was what he had wanted. Well, it was far more than he had hoped for. Chess had been right; dinner would not have gotten a reaction like that.

Phoenix showed his online booking, and they could enter. He did not tell Jace he had paid for tickets for every show available on the days they were on vacation, just to be sure they would get to see something, depending on when he got Jace there. He had no concern for what it had cost him, or the number of non-refundable tickets that would go to waste. All he focused on was those baby-blues, sparkling with wonder. The smile looked to split his face and make his cheeks ache for days. The spots of excitement that tinted those cheeks rosy, and the unending stream of knowledge that flowed from Jace no matter what they looked at, no amount of money could pay for.

When they entered the dome where they were to watch the show, Phoenix got struck by the magnificence of the structure. It was huge, much larger than he had imagined. It looked like there were seats everywhere, and the leaning floor made him a bit queasy because the optical illusion played with his mind to make it look much steeper than it was.

Jace too stopped and just stared up at the dome ceiling.

"I have no words..."

"No words needed. Let's find some seats."

The show was sold out. There were people all around them. Of all ages and ethnicities, locals and tourists alike. Chattering in many different languages sounded from the room until the lights dimmed. Silence fell, and everybody looked up to go to the stars.

Phoenix admitted to himself that it was a splendid show. The visuals combined with the compelling voice that had done the voiceover were something he had never experienced before, and hard to concentrate on as he tried to live himself into it. The only star in the room who kept his focus was Jace, sitting beside him, enthralled in the magic of space.

"It's like flying," Jace whispered with his eyes fixed on the images over their heads. "It's so beautiful."

Phoenix could only agree, though he was looking at Jace, not whatever star cluster, nebula, or galaxy he should have paid attention to. It did not matter if he had to wait forever, or if Jace would never love him back the way he loved Jace. That moment was enough to feed his needs and fill up his reserves to wait it out.

"That," Jace said with excitement in a hushed tone. His hand found Phoenix's to get his attention, and he held on to it. "That's what I see when I go to that place. That's how beautiful it is. You give me that."

Stunned, Phoenix looked down at their intertwined hands, then up at Jace, who was still deep in his own world, and lastly up at what Jace was talking about. What he saw were colors that not even an art major would be able to explain to him. So bright that they blinded him with their intensity, yet they had a soft embracing feel to them. They pulled him in, and showed him wide ranges of freedom, a serene calmness in their simplicity, though it was more complex than anything.

Jace spontaneously squeezed his hand from time to time to let Phoenix know there was something worth noticing, and what Phoenix realized was that Jace showed him his feelings. In HD. Each image resonated within Phoenix and let him know exactly what it was Jace tried to explain with his squeezes. He saw sadness, joy, wonder, loneliness, longing, and yes, he saw love.

It was a unique moment of sharing. When Jace let him into his most sacred and locked away place, to reveal everything in him, he could not say or show otherwise. Things he was not ready to share in words or emotions, but somehow felt comfortable enough to show in images without a commentary to go along. Phoenix had to interpret it himself, and he had to settle for that because Jace would answer no questions about it.

Not yet, at least.

Sitting there, they shared something Phoenix had never dreamed would be possible. It made feelings Phoenix had never been in touch with swirl inside him. Like an avalanche, they came tumbling down and buried everything he knew and thought. Covered his beliefs and everything he had worked so hard to learn with its cold. It was not an evil and overwhelming cold; it was more like a blanket pulled over his pretense to open him up to the real deal. All the white blinded him and made him look away, only to discover things about himself and Jace he had not seen before, because he had been looking in the wrong direction.

Yes, he loved Jace.

That was unmistakably true. But he finally understood why. Understood what they were as individuals, and why they were perfect for each other. He had been ready to let go several times, whined to his mother constantly, hoping she would agree with him in giving up, to justify not hurting while he waited. But there in that theater, he realized he had to keep fighting, had to hang on to hope, because what Jace was, was worth fighting for.

He would wait.

Forever, if that was what it took.

It was right about the end of the show when Jace's breath hitched and the grip around Phoenix's fingers tightened painfully. Phoenix turned to see horror etched on Jace's face, though he was still in that trance of looking at the show. His Adam's apple bobbed uncontrollably, and his breathing sounded strained.

Something was wrong!

Panicked, Phoenix looked at what Jace saw. A massive black hole just above them. The visuals showed how everything that came close got caught in its gravity and was pulled in to just disappear into nothing. There was no escape, no fighting to get free, just acceptance. No cries for help could be heard as things just vanished into the dense and unyielding darkness.

Like everything else, Phoenix had to interpret it for himself, but it took little to understand that Jace showed him how he felt when his own darkness took him. The helplessness and futility in fighting back. Everything was bigger and stronger. It was like the darkness sucked out any life and will to fight. It ate all the surrounding light without mercy.

If that was how Jace had felt, and still felt at times, then Phoenix had nothing but respect for him. Facing that and remaining the man he had gotten to know over the years was nothing short of miraculous.

Carefully slow, to not shock Jace, Phoenix lifted their hands to his lips and kissed Jace's fingers one by one. He held onto Jace with both hands until Jace relaxed his grip a bit.

"I've got you, Baby boy. Always."

Kissing Jace's hand one last time, Phoenix lowered them both to hold Jace's hand against his chest, where Jace could feel his rapidly beating heart. Maybe not in actuality, but through the sentiments of the gesture. He held it there until Jace relaxed and stopped rasping for air, and it stayed there until the show ended.

They did not speak after it was over. They just left the dome and the planetarium while holding hands, paying no mind to the few looks they got from strangers. There were only a few, mainly people either not noticed or did not care. Why should they? It was a free world. People should be able to love whoever they wanted and should be able to freely hold hands without judgment.

Besides, Phoenix's size and Jace's prominent muscle mass made them two people nobody had the balls to call out.

"Phoenix..." Jace finally mumbled, looking down at his feet while they walked.

"Thank you for showing me. For trusting me with that."

Jace stopped and lifted his head. His eyes were slightly red-rimmed, but there were no tears. "So, you understand?"

"Jace. Look up." Phoenix looked up at the sky and turned for the sun to shine directly on his face. He said nothing else, he simply waited for Jace to do the same. "What do you see?"

"The sun?"

"That's me. I'm the sun in that universe of yours," Phoenix explained and moved for the sun to be straight on Jace's face, but for him to shadow it with his head. He cupped Jace's chin and caressed with his thumb over the cheekbone. "I might not be stronger than a black hole, and if it came to a one-on-one battle, I might lose. But not until I had fought with everything in me."

Jace's eyes widened. Phoenix was talking his language. Beautifully and fluently in a language, Jace understood better than English. Phoenix was talking about emotions in images that Jace could understand.

"Jace, know this: I am the sun. And I'll always be there to shine on you. To provide light when you're in darkness. To warm you when the cold of space enters your body, and the gravity from the black hole pulls you in with a force you can't fight." Pausing, not sure if he pushed the metaphors and cheesy comments too much, Phoenix thought about what to do. He tried to talk in the language Jace had spoken, just like Jace translated normal things into something Phoenix would comprehend. Phoenix studied Jace's face and the tears that freely rolled from his eyes. "You're my world, Jace, and I'll be your sun. Every day I'll rise to shine on you. I cannot stop the darkness, but I can promise to chase it away every single day."

"Oh, God!" Jace choked out.

Just like that night at the club, Jace crawled up on Phoenix and clamped his legs around him. His arms held thoroughly around the man's neck, and he crashed his lips to Phoenix's without a care for where they were and who saw.

Holding on to his little koala, Phoenix leaned into the kiss and accepted Jace's response to his words. He greeted Jace's actions with gratitude, his lips and tongue gladly said what his words were not allowed to. Anything Jace was willing to give that went outside their club agreement, Phoenix was ready to take. They would have to talk about it, he knew that. Phoenix did not work well on vague ideas and fuzzy lines in the sand. He needed to know what Jace allowed and would at all times respect that.

But it felt like Jace wanted more too.

Cheering and a few applauses sounded around them. And yes, a bunch of disgusted looks, Jace noticed too when he pulled back from Phoenix's lips and waited to be let down again. He felt no shame in having kissed Phoenix in public, had nothing in him that made him feel wrong about it. If that was because they were not home in Dublin, or if he was truly ok with it, Jace tried to figure out, though he did not get far in his thoughts when Phoenix looked at him with a soft smile.

That smile was everything. His smiles held promises of never failing the words he had spoken, and that was just like Phoenix had said, sunlight in the dark.

"Phoenix?"

"What happens on vacation, stays on vacation. We'll talk about it later or tomorrow."

"I thought it wasn't a vacation but days off?" Jace wiped his eyes and sent Phoenix his best cheeky smile.

"Watch it, Baby boy, or we might have to talk about this sooner, because you're leaning your ass against a spanking right now."

Winking at Phoenix, Jace grabbed his hand to walk away from all the people watching them. "I truly fail to see the downside of that."

"Well, it's not me who'll have to sit on a plane with an ass red as a baboon's. So, by all means, keep going." Phoenix chuckled at Jace's face and pecked a kiss on his temple. "How does an early dinner sound?"

"Fine, but I'm buying."

"What? It's our anniversary, I planned this, and I'm buying."

Jace shrugged and waved dismissively with his free hand. "You said it. 'Our'. That means I have a say too."

"But I made reservations..."

"I don't mind. I'm still paying."

They left the park hand in hand, walking to wherever Phoenix had made reservations. Jace let himself get led through town and not once felt discomfort with them holding hands or being in public. It felt right, just like the place Phoenix took him to. The cozy English pub came as a surprise to Jace. He had expected Phoenix to have picked something classy and fancy, because Phoenix could get tunnel vision when he thought he had to do something in a specific way.

Phoenix just explained it casually with the fact that a steak dinner they could have anywhere, and some flashy French restaurant did not suit them or their likes. They were both from England, and a solid pub meal was what they valued. Jace could only agree with that. And even more so when he got served a healthy portion of Shepherd's Pie with a side salad, and Phoenix got his Pork Belly with mash and veggies. Those choices were them in a nutshell, comfort food wrapped in tradition.

They ended up sharing the mains, but Phoenix absolutely denied Jace any of his Apple Crumble desserts and ordered an extra for him, though he had already gotten a Chocolate Fudge Cake. And when the bill came, Jace paid. Obviously, Phoenix had fought himself to not grab the bill and pay, but like always, Phoenix respected Jace's choice and just thanked him for the meal.

Because it was still early when they finished eating, and they were both stuffed, they walked around for a while and grabbed a drink at another pub before heading back to the hotel.

"Do you want to come to my room for a nightcap?" Jace asked breathlessly when they stood in front of their hotel, both a bit reluctant to go in and end the night.

"What are you asking, Jace?" Standing close to Jace, playing with his hair, Phoenix waited to be told where Jace drew the line. It was all up to Jace, and even if he wanted to go with him, Phoenix needed to know what Jace expected to be able to give it to him.

"I want you tonight."

"I can't give you what I usually do. It would only be sex. Is that enough for you?" That was the big question in Phoenix's mind. Jace was with him for the dominance because he craved the control and pain. What Phoenix could offer outside that department, Jace could find anywhere, and Phoenix was not sure he would measure up.

"Give me half an hour to shower and prepare?"

"You're giving me consent to have you outside the playroom?"

"I am."

"See you in half an hour." Phoenix turned on his heel and walked away from the hotel.

Jace stood there until he could not see Phoenix anymore, wondering where he was going. Not that he had any doubts he would be back, it was just weird how he walked away. Maybe he needed a moment to adjust to the new road they were venturing down, whatever that was, because Jace did not know what they had just agreed to. All he knew was that it felt right.

Still thinking, Jace walked in and greeted the elderly lady who sat behind the reception counter. She smiled at him and wished him a joyous evening. She even called him 'sonny' which was adorable and felt nice. Nobody had called him anything like that since his preteens. It was a warm feeling it gave, sort of like when Phoenix called him 'Baby boy'. There was something comforting about being with somebody in a caretaker position.

Was that what he saw in Phoenix? Was that why he felt so comfortable with him? He was a substitute for the parents Jace had never really had?

No.

It was more than that. Went deeper in another way. Meant more. Phoenix was a friend, a lover, and a caretaker. He was not a parent, and Jace did not see him as one. What exactly he saw him as was the real problem.

Friend, sure. In that regard, Phoenix and Gareth were the same. They both offered friendship, company, and a good time when out having dinner or getting some drinks. Friendships Jace had never shorted on. People he enjoyed being around, who were ready to go to a movie or watch a game. What friends did. Like with Tana, dinners and parties. Sometimes just sitting at home and yelling at the tv, watching some reality program where ditsy attention-seeking people did stupid shit to gain their fifteen minutes of fame.

Lover, definitely. Phoenix was probably the best Jace had ever been with. Not only because he was an extraordinary Dominant, but he was superb at fucking, and had only become better at that since they had learned how to be together. The first many times had been brutal, not Phoenix, but the physical consequences. No amount of massages or soothing salves had made Jace not feel Phoenix for days. He could still feel him after. It was just not painful anymore.

Though he was on the clock, Jace took the time to enjoy the hot water for a while before he prepped. He dried his hair with a towel and pondered what to wear. In theory, he would be naked again soon enough. It would be too much to dress fully, and too slutty to stay naked.

He had just pulled on a pair of jeans and still ruffled the towel on his head, because there was not enough time to blow dry it, when his phone rang.

"Phoenix?"

"Jace..."

Jace's heart stopped. If Phoenix canceled, he would be upset. Not that he would tell Phoenix, but he felt how it already impacted him with sadness.

"Are you having second thoughts?" Jace asked when the silence dragged out.

"No! I was just wondering about something."

"Something you couldn't ask me in person?"

Phoenix's signature chuckle sounded, and it instantly made Jace relax.

"I'm at a small store down the road. Since we're not doing any of the wild stuff tonight, would it be ok if I bought a bottle of something for us?" Phoenix paused. "It's not too..."

"Date-like?" Jace suggested when he caught onto what Phoenix was dancing around. Somehow, the whole day had felt like a date, and he had not had any issues with it. It had been a celebration. An anniversary date, they had spent together, shared moments, had great food, and had a few drinks. A few more would only continue the relaxed celebration, and that was better than anything formal. Jace was certain the sex would be very good if they were both relaxed, and Phoenix, for once, was not bound by the principles of being sober and in his head to make sure nothing went wrong.

"Yeah."

"We're in a relationship, though it's a sexual one, and we're celebrating having committed to that for three years. I think the right term here is 'date'." Jace had no way to describe the day. It had felt like a date, which was not really a bad thing as it had been an anniversary celebration, but he had never thought of Phoenix and dating in the past.

He was not ready for a proper relationship with anybody. Jace was still finding himself, and he had no need for romance and feelings. But he had a need for what Phoenix and he did. The club part and what they had shared during those days in Greenwich. If he could have that, and he could maybe persuade Phoenix to agree to it, then they could see more of each other than those stolen hours when work allowed it.

"Oh, I understand."

Wanting to laugh at the puzzled tone in Phoenix's voice, Jace knew Phoenix did not understand at all. "It's ok if you don't."

"Thank God, because I don't. I've never done anything like this before. I've never been on an actual date, and I've never celebrated a sexual relationship either. So, I have no idea what's ok and what's not."

That time, Jace could not hold back his laugh. It was adorable how Phoenix was clueless and still went out of his way to do everything right. If someone had suggested to him what to do, or he had seen it on tv did not matter, Phoenix tried his hardest, and that was everything to Jace.

"Phoenix, let's just say you put a lot of people to shame with what you've done for us today."

Phoenix was silent for a while.

"Thank you. I'll be there soon."

Hi dear Wattlings.

Thank you for reading.

Phoenix took the advice to heart and came up with something special for Jace. Did he do good? Jace surely seemed to appreciate it, and opened himself up in a way that only he could, and Phoenix understood. Their own language to communicate that chaos they're living. There might be hope for them yet.

If you like it, then pop a vote and please leave comments. The comments are important for me to know how the story is progressing and the characters are developing. And I'd love to know what you think and interact with y'all.

Give me a follow too for updates on other work and put this book in your library. I'd appreciate that.

Love, Alix

Published: November 22nd, 2021. ©Alix Davenport, Copenhagen