Ch. 14: I'm Mister...
Then
"Mister P.?"
Phoenix looked up at the mention of his name and spotted Brannon just inside the door of the lounge, where Phoenix had recently concluded his beginner class in impact play for a group of members.
That class had gone smoothly. The group had been enthusiastic, and the subs of the group had taken turns letting their Dominants try what Phoenix demonstrated. The best way for people to learn was not by listening to a teacher talk. They needed a visual exhibition, an explanation of the techniques needed to do it right, and, of course, then to try it for themselves.
With BDSM, doing was the way to learn.
But not blindly without knowing how to do it safely and with consent.
In a power exchange situation, be it for a scene, a contract of any length, or a partnership beyond the sexual contract, the sub held all the power. It was their consent, their limits, and them who decided when and where to allow a Dominant to exercise their dominant rights.
To outsiders, it might look like the Dominants just bossed their subs around and treated them as sub-human. That they got fucked and punished at the drop of a hat, and that they decided when and where to play and what would happen. The crawling, the dress code, sitting by their feet, servicing them – sexually or otherwise.
All ignorant and judgmental people saw were abusive, self-entitled assholes and dumb punching bags, who had to have mental issues to not hold themselves to a higher worth.
That could not be further from the truth.
Everything a Dominant did, they did in accordance with the agreements made with the sub beforehand. Yes, it was a negotiation where the Dominant could state his or her needs and wants, and the sub could counter with theirs. Sometimes a bit of give and take was required for a match, and other times, everything just clicked. If a match was impossible through negotiations, the policy was to wish each other well and part on good terms with respect for the other and acceptance of their lacking compatibility.
Ultimately, in any case, was the fact that people made an agreement, and both parties had a chance to voice what was a go and what was not.
That agreement was the number one rule in the community.
Consent was paramount.
Phoenix had asked each sub if they were ok with submitting to hits that could be hurtful because they got delivered wrong, not in malice, but because of inexperience. And he had made sure the Dominants practiced on dummies before they tried on a real person. The subs had shown a lot of trust in their Dominants, and a few had gotten some unpleasant hits. To their Dominant's credit, they had been there instantly to soothe the subs and comfort them until they were ready to go on.
Phoenix had helped everybody try the different techniques and explained to them where to correct angles and force of impact for them to get the most enjoyable experience possible.
It would take a few more classes for some to learn, which was fine. Nobody came out as a master at anything without working to perfect their skills. What he loved was the fact that no Dominant there had felt bad about showing they were inexperienced with some implements used in impact play.
It was his job to create a safe atmosphere for questions and mistakes, where they could talk them through without blame or shame.
Afterward, like he always did, he had stayed to talk casually with people, answering questions and signing them up for the next class he held. That kind of socializing Phoenix found easy. He knew the answers, and the rules of engagement were there. He did not have to small talk about outside stuff. They were there for his expertise, not to make friends as such.
Brannon rarely interrupted his classes.
Nobody did.
Brannon discreetly gestured Phoenix closer with his hand, eager for Phoenix to wrap things up.
"What's the rush?" Phoenix excused himself from the two he had talked with and met Brannon by the door.
"It's Packard, something's wrong, and he asked for you when your class ended," Brannon answered and rubbed his temples with irritation. He was not a messenger boy; he had other duties that needed his attention.
"Is he ok?"
"I don't know. He rushed around and seemed agitated. It rarely happens, and I usually stay clear of him when it does. I waited as long as I could, but I think you need to go to his office."
That did not sound good.
"I'll be there in five. I'll just need to say goodbye here. Can you make sure people get out alright?" Phoenix patted Brannon's arm in a friendly way to ease him. "Thank you."
The sight that met him when he entered Packard's office was not what Phoenix had expected. Packard was a too-cool-for-school kind of guy. Always calm and collected, rational, and knew how to distance himself enough to keep a clear head in tight situations. Maybe it was the Dominant in him that made him mellow and cool-tempered. Real Dominants rarely let go of their control because they knew they were always responsible for the people in their care.
That calm and even-tempered Packard had apparently gone on vacation.
Because the Packard in the office looked flustered, as he repeatedly raked his fingers through his disheveled hair, grumbling and cursing loudly while rushing back and forth from his private playroom or bathroom, piling things up on his desk. Phoenix stood there with a puzzled expression, watching Packard dump his eclectic collection into an open suitcase. Whatever was happening, Phoenix seriously doubted that Packard needed a riding crop, three tubes of toothpaste, and a stapler...
Phoenix cleared his throat, staying just inside the door at a safe distance. "So, what's going on?"
"I don't have time to talk. I need you to take over for a few days."
"Sure... I can do that."
"Good, good," Packard said absentmindedly. He slammed the suitcase shut and locked it, once again running his fingers through his white hair. "I've got a plane to catch. I'll call you tonight after the club closes. Ask Brannon if you need help."
Phoenix stood there dumbfounded, looking after Packard, who pushed past him in the doorway and hauled his suitcase away from the office.
What had just happened?
"Oh yeah, and please do the questionnaire and reschedule the training for the new member in playroom seven. The questionnaire is on my desk!" Packard yelled over his shoulder and was gone.
How the hell had he got dragged into taking over a club for however long without knowing why? How would he explain that to Gareth? It was already a full-time job for Packard, Phoenix could not hold two jobs.
For one, he valued sleep from time to time. Second, he liked to be meticulous in his work and never did anything half-assed.
"Sure! Phoenix, do this. Phoenix, do that. Phoenix, make it rain. Phoenix, make the stock index go up," he grumbled angrily, walking down the hallway leading to the playrooms, skimming the pages of the questionnaire for the new member trainee.
A new sub if going by the questionnaire. That was not bad with all the subs they had recently banned. Hopefully, with proper training, the newcomer could become a delightful addition to the club for Packard. They needed good examples and active members to help develop the atmosphere that the club had lost a bit with the behavior of those competitive and selfish subs.
To his amazement, the questionnaire was completely empty, which meant Packard had not held an initial meeting about the training program that was normal between the trainer and sub. Phoenix had to assume that Packard had held the initial interview and approved the trainee, but had done nothing else. That was his luck. Then a rescheduling would not mess up a training program already agreed upon. All Phoenix had to do was fill out the papers, and then he could get Brannon to give him a crash course in running the club.
Going over his personal routine for an initial meeting with a sub trainee, Phoenix opened the door to the playroom and entered, breathing in deeply to calm himself of the annoyance he felt. The trainee should not feel unwelcome just because Phoenix was in a shitty mood.
"I'm sorry I'm not the trainer you expected, but something came up and we'll have to reschedule your training." He closed the door behind him and turned to face the room. "I'm Mister..."
He looked up and froze as his heart nearly stopped.
"Phoenix?"
And there he was.
Big, blue eyes stared at him in shock. Clear as the most beautiful summer's day, slightly vibrating with emotion. Blond hair oddly shone in the overhead lights, falling like a soft blanket down the sides of his face. Standing there in jeans and a tight t-shirt as casual as possible in the situation.
"Jace?" Phoenix swallowed hard, noticing that Jace did the same. From the looks of it, Jace's usual cocky self was nowhere in sight. He looked just about ready to sink into the ground. "You're not who I expected."
Understatement of the year!
Shock had been his initial feeling.
Intrigue came next.
Phoenix could not identify the different directions his mind pulled him. The way his body tensed, and it felt like his heart pounded just a bit faster. Why would he even feel anything? Jace was there, and he sought training.
As a sub?
It was a sub-questionnaire Packard had left on his desk. It made little sense to him.
Was Jace...?
"And you're not Lady Gloria?" Jace mumbled sourly.
Oh!
Straight as an arrow.
How could he have forgotten?
Phoenix chuckled.
Lady Gloria, he was not.
And Packard he was not either. The way Packard had asked him, Phoenix figured it was a trainee of Packards, not one given to Lady Gloria. He had expected a man because Packard only trained men. But he had not expected Jace.
"I'm sorry. I have no idea what's going on, but Master Packard asked me to reschedule your training. He was off to the airport in a hurry, and I suppose Lady Gloria was the reason." It was the best Phoenix could offer in terms of an explanation. He himself had no clue what was going on.
Jace's shoulders sank.
He had psyched himself up to finally do it. The talk he had with Lady Gloria over the phone had put him at ease, and he was ready to jump back in and reconnect with what he needed sexually. And he had dearly hoped to postpone the run-in with Phoenix until he was a member. As members, they would have been equals. Though on different sides of the fence.
In there, in the impersonal playroom, they were not even themselves. Not equals, colleagues, or even friends.
They were in limbo.
In a way, Jace was more annoyed with the part where Phoenix knew he wanted to become a member. It was not like he could not wait a few days or weeks to train with Gloria. Their training could easily wait until she was back from wherever she had gone with Packard. But he was not ready for Phoenix to know. It had been bad enough having to tell Packard his secret, and though that had gone sort of well, it was another scenario when it was Phoenix.
Phoenix's respect was something Jace craved.
His approbation was like the air he breathed, necessary for him to function.
Not that he expected Phoenix to react badly or demeaning, it was more that natural reaction of being repulsed by knowing something that personal about a friend, and the look in his eyes when he realized Jace was nothing but a sub. In their work relationship, they both held alpha roles, acted on top, and bossed people around. Jace was not ready to see that approval disappear from Phoenix's eyes.
It had been hard enough to earn his respect in the first place. He did not need more hurdles to get past.
Jace sighed in defeat. "It's ok, Phoenix, just reschedule me." He waved his hand in dismissal and turned to get his jacket from the bed, ready to get the fuck out of there.
"Eh, Master Packard asked me to go over the standard questionnaire with you and then reschedule you."
"The what what?"
"It's a sort of checklist for the trainer to know who you are, your experiences as well as likes and dislikes, for your trainer to set up a training program for what you need to know to become a member," Phoenix explained in his usual detached way like he stated clauses in a contract to Gareth. His voice held the same monotone indifference about the topic as he would in any business situation.
Maybe to Phoenix, it was just business?
Swallowing hard, Jace tried to wrap his brain around what Phoenix wanted. "You mean us? Talk about sex?"
H. E to the fucking double L, no!
There was no way Jace would tell Phoenix of all people about his kinks or his sex life in general. Just him finding out that he was a sub was so far into the nightmares of The Twilight Zone that Jace would not be able to find his way back without a yellow brick road and a few thousand munchkins to guide him.
"Just never mind. Please forget you saw me here."
Phoenix glanced at Jace.
That was a weird request. How would he forget that? Why should he?
Phoenix noticed the blush tinting Jace's cheeks as he turned and hugged his jacket in his arms like a shield.
Oh!
"You're embarrassed that I know you're a trainee here?" He cocked his head in curiosity. "I'm a trainer here. I think we both stand strong with dirt on each other, if that's your worry."
Of course, Phoenix did not get it, Jace realized. He never got the subtleties of human emotions. How could he understand how humiliating it was to meet a colleague in a sex club when in a disadvantaged position?
"It's not that, Phoenix. I don't care what you do in your spare time, and I'd never tell anybody. It's just..."
"Just what?"
Ashamed to admit his secret, Jace looked down. Phoenix already knew many things about him. What would one more embarrassing thing matter?
"I'm a sub." The words came out laced with all the shame Jace harbored inside, his fear of ridicule just under the surface, waiting for the reactions he was so used to. And he expected them, even if that voice at the back of his mind defended Phoenix bravely, saying Phoenix would never judge or comment on something like that.
It just sat too deep in Jace. Too many in his life had proved the voice wrong.
"And I'm a Dominant. What's the problem?"
Jace felt like laughing. Of course, Phoenix would not understand that either. The man did not see a problem with it or mocked Jace for his sexuality. The voice had been right. It was not in Phoenix to do something like that, maybe because he did not know how it felt to be submissive in a world of macho men.
"For fuck's sake, Phoenix. Don't you get it? I can't have you look at me differently. It was hard enough earning your respect in the first place," Jace spat with hardly hidden anger and clutched the Jacket harder. The tears of frustration pressed at his eyes as his knuckles turned white with the forceful grip on the poor piece of fabric.
It was not anger aimed at Phoenix, but at himself. He hated that his sexuality could drive a rift between them. Phoenix was on solid ground being a Master Dom, a respected businessman, a fucking genius. The man had nothing to lose whereas Jace...
His reputation and his dignity hung in the balance.
Slowly, Phoenix moved closer and at that time he did not have the strength to stop his hand from reaching for Jace. His long fingers tenderly cupped the side of Jace's face and brushed over his ear. Electric bolts shot through his arm at the contact. Jace's chin was incredibly soft and smooth. It felt like silk satin.
"Do you really think I'd lose respect for you because you're a sub? Is that what you think of me?" Phoenix gently whispered.
Jace's head jerked in surprise, and he slowly raised his eyes to meet Phoenix's gaze. Deep, cold greys studied him intensely, just like at work meetings when Phoenix waited for him to say something stupid or crack a joke.
Jace let out a shaking breath. "No..."
It was the truth; he did not believe Phoenix to be that disrespectful. Acceptance was everything to Phoenix. It was the fear talking, it had to be as simple as that.
"Do you trust me?" Phoenix continued in his gentle voice. His eyes never left Jace's face. He saw all the conflicting emotions there, the vulnerability, the same one Jace had displayed when they discussed his academic future.
The doubts and, yes, fear.
A fear a man like Jace should never have.
"Do you?" Phoenix pushed with hushed words. He needed to know because for some reason he saw and felt Jace's emotions. The fear was not something he wished to strengthen, and Jace feeling fear with him was something that made him feel sick inside.
"I do..."
"Then let me train you?" The words had left Phoenix's mouth before he could stop them.
Why had he said that?
Jace was straight and had an appointment with Lady Gloria for a reason. Phoenix should have filled out the papers for Gloria and left it at that.
There were rules.
Cut in stone, which Phoenix always followed when inside the club, and proposing something like male-on-male training to a straight guy went against those rules.
He was a bloody idiot!
Disbelief made Jace's eyes widen, his pupils dilated, and he locked his stare with Phoenix's, waiting to see if that was Phoenix's first and only joke.
If it was, it was not funny.
"I mean, I'm certified in everything. You won't find a better trainer," Phoenix rambled on.
Ok, he needed to stop with the talking.
"Gender doesn't make a difference. I can work with both men and women. It's not sexual for me, and I'd never break any of your limits, unless the fact that I'm a man is a deal-breaker. You hold ultimate control in everything."
Seriously, he needed to shut the fuck up.
Why did his mouth have a mind of its own around Jace?
He had no filter, no rational mind, and he had no idea why. For reasons unknown, Phoenix spilled his secrets, told things from his past, and let the guy into his life in ways he had not even allowed Gareth.
It was like his thoughts simply bypassed all reason and tumbled out of his mouth in chaotic word vomit with Jace.
"I can take you through the questionnaire and the basics, then when Lady Gloria comes back, you two can finish your training faster."
"It's ok, I can wait. It's not like there's a medal for completing training fast." Jace moved back out of Phoenix's reach, leaving Phoenix's hand hanging in the air until he let his arm fall. The loss of contact took Jace's breath away, the warmth in his cheek got sucked away when the hand disappeared.
He could not understand why it felt wrong to lose Phoenix's touch.
Jace just shook his head to gain a normal train of thought
Phoenix chuckled and rubbed his face with an embarrassed look. "I'm sure I can persuade Packard to make you a medal."
"How about, no?" Jace laughed, though he did not want to. But it was cute how Phoenix tried to lighten the conversation, and Jace appreciated that. "Unless there's dinner involved. You know me and food."
"Tell you what, let me train you, and I'll buy you dinner when your training is complete. You'll have to imagine the medal, though." Phoenix cleared his throat and went back to his business-detached voice. "Jace, I'm serious. I respect that you're straight. I'll have you ready for Lady Gloria when she comes back, and you can become a member in no time and find what your heart desires among our members."
Why did that tug at something inside him? Phoenix had seen Jace leave bar after bar with a string of conquests. There was no reason for it to bother him that Jace would find somebody at the club. The Dominants there he knew and respected. Any of the females would be good to Jace and treat him properly.
He just did not want to see Jace leave with any of them.
"Please trust me?"
Jace studied Phoenix's expression and, as always, it was unreadable. He had a tick in his jaw, but the rest of him was relaxed and indifferent.
Would he be ok with Phoenix?
He had no problem with men, sexually or otherwise. That was not something he needed Phoenix to know. Jace knew Phoenix was a respected member, and he would definitely not overstep if he gave his word. Phoenix was straight, just as he thought Jace was.
It would be like a business arrangement. Like the management course.
It was still a lot of trust to put in a friend.
Being a sub, he opened himself up to vulnerability. Allowed another to take control and let them into his head through his body. It was something he needed, craved, and it was something he had hoped to find in the club once a member. What he had not seen in that equation was Phoenix doing it.
He would have to be naked, or at least semi-nude, in the presence of Phoenix. There would be touching and intimacy on a deep level.
Was that even possible platonically between friends?
"Jace, give me a chance. If you're uncomfortable, we stop instantly. I don't operate like the other trainers. Try it my way, then you can decide if you want to train with me. If you don't like my style, tell me no at any point, and we'll just do the questionnaire for Lady Gloria to have when she gets back, and there are no hard feelings. How does that sound?"
"I'm not sure, Phoenix." Jace looked up and breathed in hard.
Was it nerves or something else?
There was something that stopped him from accepting, and it pulled at him inside in a way he had never felt before. For the life of him, he could not identify that feeling or why it stopped him. It was as if his lungs had collapsed and he did not get enough oxygen. He felt lightheaded and confused.
"Jace, you trust me with your academic future. You trust me with your life in the field. Why is this any different?"
"Ok, Phoenix. I'll try."
They both looked at each other, not really sure how to proceed.
"Would you mind if we did it in my playroom?" Phoenix asked in an embarrassed tone. "I don't really like being in these impersonal rooms."
Jace huffed quietly.
Typically Phoenix.
Sure, why not add to the shit pile and go into Phoenix's playroom? The nightmares could hardly get any worse.
"Lead the way."
Phoenix motioned with his hand for Jace to follow, and they walked in silence to his playroom on the second floor.
Phoenix knew Packard hated when the training schedules ran behind, not only because he wanted members for his club, but because people's time mattered. He had set up rules about certifying members. It was his responsibility to make sure they got certified as quickly as possible to enter the club and play safely.
Jace had taken time out of his life to do the training. His time mattered too. Why doing the training had become an obsession with him, Phoenix had to ponder another time. He owed Jace to be on top of his game with the promises he had just made.
As they walked, Phoenix felt Jace's unease. He wished he knew why he felt it. Somehow, he always felt how Jace felt. It registered with him easier than with other people. In any other situation, he would not have noticed a thing. That he was certain of.
The black door with no name or number on it opened when Phoenix punched in his code on the lock panel. He stepped in and turned on the lights, looking around desperately for a place he could sit if Jace sat on the bed. Admittedly, he wanted to sit close to him, and that scared him. He needed some distance between them for the questionnaire.
"Please sit on the bed." Phoenix went to the corner and pulled out a low stool he would usually use for spankings and sat on it. "Do you have any questions before we begin? Do you want something to drink?"
Slowly, Jace moved into the room and closed the door behind him.
The playroom was much more personalized than the first one. The bed was as large as the one in Phoenix's apartment. That was only fair if Phoenix had sex in it. It was covered in a dark-green satin sheet. Tube pillows in blue and green were at the headboard and a thin, folded duvet with the same green satin bed casing was at the foot of the bed. The walls were dark maroon with dark polished wood panels. Heavy curtains in the same dark maroon covered most of the walls, effectively hiding what was behind them, though Jace suspected all Phoenix's toys and implements were there.
A St. Andrew's cross and a spanking bench graced one area. A sex swing, a suspension frame, and random chains hung from the ceiling. Bolted into the bed frame and floor all over the place, Jace saw rings for restraints. An open door showed dark tiles and was most likely a bathroom. A fridge, a low wood dresser, and a large wood cabinet finished the room.
It was definitely dark and dangerous as Phoenix, but also warm and soothingly welcoming. The sensation there was odd.
The room itself made him aroused.
Jace wrung his hands in his lap when he had sat down, for once afraid to meet Phoenix's eyes, though facing him. Never had he felt that out of his comfort zone and out of touch with who he was. It was not even his natural submission to a clearly dominant figure; it was the nerves of losing a friend.
"Are you sure we can do this? Will we be ok after?"
"Jace..." Phoenix mumbled and walked to sit next to him. "I'm no different here than I am out there. Your secrets are safe with me in whichever capacity you're willing to share them."
Closing his eyes, Jace gave in. "Ask away."
Phoenix arranged the papers neatly on the clipboard and went back to his stool, pen in hand. His skin tingled with the closeness, and that faint sweetness of coconut that always surrounded Jace got lodged in his nostrils. The need to put some distance between them overwhelmed him, and yet his hand itched where it had touched Jace's face.
"Ok, I have the basic information," Phoenix said in a businesslike voice and filled in the personal info he already knew by heart. "How many years of experience do you have?"
Honesty.
He owed Phoenix that. They had both committed to trying. Honesty was the key.
"About six years on/off. It was something I discovered when I was eighteen, and it took me a year to find the nerve to try. I've had a few brief relationships and one longer one."
Nodding to himself while he wrote what Jace had said, Phoenix caught himself wondering who Jace had been with. "Have you trained as a sub? I mean, in a club like this?"
Two questions in and Jace already regretted he had agreed to do it. Sweat broke out on his forehead, and he had to wipe his hands repeatedly on his pant legs. "After my first shorter relationships, I found a club and trained there. The same place where I met the one I had a long relationship with. Road House in London."
"No!"
Phoenix reacted with the same disgust as Packard had. His face scrunched up, and his lips turned into a thin, angry line. He clenched his teeth so hard his jaw ticked uncontrollably.
"I know," Jace sighed. "It's not a good place."
"I'm sorry," Phoenix said with sincerity and an apologetic curl of his lips. He had not intended to make Jace feel bad about where he had trained, or anything he had done in his past. "That place has a terrible reputation. It's not a club where I wish to see any sub submit to a Dominant at, because it's not a safe environment."
Safe?
That was an understatement.
Crippling was more accurate.
"I wouldn't know. I trained and met a Dominant. That's about it." Jace shrugged it off. There was no time to dwell on a club neither of them was at, or a past that none could change. Road House was a shitty place, Packard, Phoenix, and Jace all knew that. What they needed to focus on was his experiences, not where he got them.
"Ok. So, you finished the club-required training as an initiative and the rest of your experience comes from an actual relationship?" Phoenix asked politely to get back on track and hopefully not embarrass Jace any further.
"Yes."
"Then I'll assume you know the basics." Phoenix nodded with a half-smile. "I'll go through them with you in a moment. I just have a few clarifying questions before we begin, ok?"
"Sure."
"Are you allergic to anything? Food, animals, plants, or whatever?"
Jace frowned, completely taken aback by the question that made no sense to him. "What?"
"I mean, if your future Dominant wished to get romantic and maybe feed you strawberries or something. Are you allergic to any foods?"
"Pineapple, but I love the taste. Not on a fucking pizza, though. That's blasphemy!"
To that, Phoenix snickered and nodded in agreement at Jace. "Got it. What about animals?"
"I'm not into bestiality!" Jace stated with finality and looked at Phoenix with repugnance.
"Oh, God no. It's just much of the equipment used is made from different animals. Whips can be made from horse hairs, moose skin, or cowhide. Most furniture padding has a leather cover. If you're allergic, it's important for me to know to keep you away from those."
Oh!
Something like that, Jace had never given a thought because his Dominants had never brought it up. It only showed how responsible Phoenix was.
"I see. Sorry about that," he whispered with a blush. "No, I have no known allergies to animals."
"Any foods or drinks you don't like? Besides pineapple products."
"Mhmm, I detest elderflower drinks and octopus, though I don't see any Dominant using a squid sexually."
"You'd be surprised," Phoenix hummed with a knowing smirk. "Plants? Like nettles, hibiscus, seaweed, or other things that can be used in play or in lotions, oils, and salves?"
"No, again. I don't like elderflowers. The smell is awful to me."
"Fair enough. I've put it down in your file." The scribbling was fast but meticulous to get everything done in the right order. "What do you allow a Dominant to call you? Any preferred names, pronouns, or nicknames?"
"I don't know... I know what I don't like. Can that help?"
Phoenix nodded and held the pen ready.
"I don't like being called names like Muscle Mountain, Steroid Bomb, Dumb Giant, or the like. And I don't want to be degraded. I'm not a whore or a mindless slave. Don't ever call me a slut!" Jace had not noticed how he had fisted his hands and raised his voice, and the words came out with hate.
Once again, Phoenix moved over to the bed and sat carefully beside Jace. He calmly rubbed his hand on Jace's back and breathed in and out in long, even breaths until Jace mimicked him. "Calm down, please. It's noted and will never happen. I'll stick with Jace, and you can discuss it with your future Dominant when you find her, ok?"
Whoever had given Jace that hate inside, Phoenix wanted to strangle. Who was evil enough to degrade like that? Against the desires of their sub? In a way that mentally scarred a confident man like Jace. Phoenix made a note to himself to try some affirmation and praise talk to see if Jace responded to that.
If someone had broken Jace down at one point, maybe he needed a bit of building back up. Affirmation and the use of his name would be tools to have Jace connect his experiences and sexuality with his name. Nicknames his Dominant could use during play, he and she could work out when Jace was more confident. Nicknames were the perfect way to make a person feel special. Jace needed to learn that.
"Are you ok to continue?"
Instinctively, Jace ducked like he expected a form of punishment. "Yes, I'm sorry."
Phoenix drew back to give Jace space and show there was no threat. He knew submissives well enough to read the signs in them when they thought they had done something wrong. "Never apologize to me unless during a training scene and an apology is warranted. We're just talking here. Nothing you say is wrong, and no apologies are needed."
A force inside Jace made him lean in toward Phoenix until Phoenix moved back closer for Jace to settle against him. He closed his eyes and calmed to the smell of Phoenix's cologne and the feeling of his large hand rubbing his back.
"Are you comfortable with me? I mean, to continue?"
"Yes... What do I title you as?"
"Phoenix is fine. I'm not your Dominant, I'm just your trainer."
Just.
That word ripped at him.
Phoenix sat there with Jace's warm body pressed against his side. It felt so right to be the one to comfort him, to train him. If Jace backed out, his disappointment would be great. There was no way around it. "Would you be ok with undressing for me? Just your shoes, socks, and t-shirt. You can leave your pants on."
Jace nodded against Phoenix's shoulder.
"Please use your words. It's important for me to have full verbal consent all the way through. A no is a no and will always be respected."
"I'm ok with it."
"Then please undress, place your things on the dresser, and stand in the middle of the room. Take all the time you need."
Heat rose in Phoenix as he politely looked away to let Jace undress with a modicum of privacy. He had seen Jace take off his shirt at the gym after training and thought nothing of it, but there in his playroom, it was different.
The way the skin shifted over the flexing muscles with his movements. How his jeans hugged his legs and ass, the brown leather belt contrasting between the blue of the jeans and the tan of his skin.
Phoenix sat quietly and observed Jace take his place on the floor with his back turned to Phoenix. He naturally assumed the 'inspection' position with his legs spread slightly, back straight, and his hands behind his head.
He was a magnificent sight.
The curve of his back, the muscles, locked with conviction, quivered just a bit from time to time as he kept the position.
Denim was his new favorite fabric. The way it hugged around Jace's perfect, small ass and muscular legs did not help the heat in Phoenix. A heat he had not felt in years and certainly had no need for in the situation. All he wanted was to tell Jace how spectacular he looked; it would probably help his confidence in terms of praising words, but coming from him, praise held no merit.
Jace did not care what Phoenix thought about his physique.
Shaking his head at himself, Phoenix stood up and picked a riding crop with a slim flap from a hook behind the curtain, moving over to Jace to stand in front of him. Gently, he pushed the tip of the crop on Jace's left arm to lift it half an inch to make his position perfect.
"Relax, Jace. That was beautiful."
The words took Jace by surprise. He did not have time to hide his shock. He let his arms fall and stood there, staring at Phoenix in wonder. Whatever Phoenix had planned, he felt no fear of it. He could not claim that he was completely comfortable with the situation, but fear was not present in his mind. A sort of thrill went through him, like the latent need in him reconnected with his reality.
A calm settled in him.
With an appreciative smile, Jace relaxed and looked to Phoenix for instructions.
"Do you have safe words?"
"I guess I have one. I've not used it much." There had been no point. After the first few times of it being ignored, Jace had given up on the concept. Road House had not cared about how Dominants treated their subs, and he had not had anybody to get help from.
"Do me a favor and think about what fits you. You need two. One to slow down if you need to catch your breath or gather your thoughts to stay in the moment. And another to fully stop everything," Phoenix explained carefully to make sure Jace understood. "They should be words personal to you, that you'll remember in any situation and can call out if you need to. Ok?"
"You want me to find them now?"
"No, not at all. Think about it and maybe discuss them with Lady Gloria to have them ready when you find the Dominant you wish to be with. For training, I work with the traffic light system. I think it's lame, to be honest. But green is for 'ok, continue'. Yellow is for 'pull back a bit but continue'. And red is for 'stop'."
Jace nodded while he thought about words that meant something to him. What would make sense to him if he was in pain or disoriented and needed a scene to stop? Which words would he always remember and always be able to say? The possibilities were endless when it came to words, but something personal, as Phoenix had said...
Thinking back on the times when he had wished to call out a safe word, Jace tried to recall which words had been in his mind, what he had thought of at that moment.
A shudder went through him at those memories. With ironclad determination, he pushed all thoughts of that time away. There was no place for them with Phoenix.
He would have to give that some consideration when he was alone.
"What do you mean by lame?"
Phoenix chuckled and decided to not act on why Jace had shuddered. He had noticed the sudden trembles go through the man and wished there was a way to read his mind to get answers.
"Ok, lame might be too strong. It's just that during play, if verbal or just playful, a Dominant asking a sub if they want to be spanked red or purple, the answer of red will be a bit of a downer, as the Dominant is expected to react to the word." He shrugged. "I like personal safe words. It shows me that the sub knows themselves, and I feel we connect better because they share something that intimate with me. Do you understand? A safe word is pure trust."
It was remarkable how Phoenix always said things that could sound confusing and maybe even pretentious and still made it simple and to the point.
"I understand." Jace nodded. "So, we'll work with the traffic light system during training?"
"Yes, if that's ok with you?"
"I'm good with that." And he was. He trusted Phoenix to respect it if any color was called out. "What happens now?"
"Now we begin."
Hi dear Wattlings.
Thank you for reading.
You've all been waiting for it. They met at the club and things are about to get complicated, don't you think? What do you think Phoenix will do next time? Will it be good or a total fiasco? I'd love to know your thoughts.
If you like it, then pop a vote and please leave comments. The comments are important for me to know how the story is progressing and the characters are developing. And I'd love to know what you think and interact with y'all.
Give me a follow too for updates on other work and put this book in your library. I'd appreciate that.
Love, Alix
Published: September 9th, 2021. ©Alix Davenport, Copenhagen
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