❛ This is so messed up ❜

The pain was unlike anything Annabelle had ever experienced, even including the dreadful horrors of Lian Yu. Oliver had rocked her to sleep the night she needed him to hold her, and it certainly wasn't an easy task. She perhaps cried for two hours before Oliver was finally able to give her medicine, and then he had to wait another hour until it started working. The entire time he was blaming himself for not seeing her slipping into destruction yet there was nothing he could do. Her sickness wasn't based on him, it was based on the past five years. 

After her ordeal that night, she had stayed inside the mansion on Oliver's bed while he took care of whatever he needed to for the party he was throwing - reluctantly against everyone's wishes. So instead of wandering out to assist with the party, she had been doing what Tommy suggested to her nearly two months ago. She was claiming her right as the heir to the Carter Provision, and since the company did not technically belong to her yet, she was creating her own sublet that would function under her father's company when time came for it to conjoin, but as of now, the business would be able to stand alone.

Growing tired of sitting in Oliver's bed, Anna grunted as she slid her feet out from the covers and made contact with the floor. She took another dose of medicine hours ago, and the pain was hardly apparent, but that didn't mean she could go out and kick some guy's ass just yet. She was going to take things slow.

The woman closed the laptop and left it sitting on Oliver's bed before pulling a sweater onto her torso and making her way downstairs where everyone was working to get the house party-ready. 

She wandered onto the deck where Oliver was sitting and talking with Thea, and instead of interrupting their conversation, she walked to where Diggle was standing in the grass as he watched over the workers with a stern expression on his face. 

Once he saw Anna, a small smile was brought to his face and he nodded. She stood by his side and crossed her arms over her chest, just observing everything going on around her. It was Diggle who first broke the silence, however. "Out of your room, I see," he noticed, a raised eyebrow following, implying he knew what was going on with her.

She bit her lower lip and looked at her feet, "Did Oliver tell you?" she asked, her head lifting as her eyes concentrated on his. "He didn't need to," he replied, shifting his weight onto his heels as he rocked back and stared at the clouds in the sky. "It's my job to keep you safe," he added in.

"Yes, from external dangers," Anna replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable with this conversation revolving around her. "From yourself, too," Diggle shrugged. "I mean, you've already got this night gig that I can't stop, and you're pretty capable of handling yourself out there. But lying to yourself is the most dangerous thing you can do."

Anna sighed, "Maybe so."

Diggle scoffed lightly, "Maybe? Girl, you're in for one wild ride if you can't even tell yourself to stop." Anna smiled and laughed quietly to herself after seeing Diggle reveal some of his true and not-so-serious self to her. "Yes maybe. But if it means so much to you, I will try harder to take a step back."

"Or a couple," he suggested. "Or a couple," she agreed, nodding her head. 

After an awkward moment of silence, Diggle looked down at the girl and clenched his fists at his side. "Your ulcer," he began, testing his words carefully. "Is it like anything I ever would have felt?"

The girl tensed at his side and stared down at her hands that now began to shake. Her mind flashed back to the island where she was repeatedly tortured for tests of endurance and strength. She could hear the shouts of the guards that were in charge of supervising her training. She could hear them laughing at her when she fell to the ground and couldn't get up because they were punching her too hard. She remembered the taste of blood because it was always dripping from her mouth after being punched in the face. 

But aside from the ruthless training, like the day where she needed Sara's help to make it into bed, she remembered trembling in fear and crying out as a man held a pistol from ten feet away. She remembered hearing the sound as it launched out of the gun, and the piercing feeling she had felt when it embedded itself into her side. And she remembered when the man dropped a scalpel and tray in front of her so she could pry the bullet out herself.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" Diggle's voice boomed from reality, forcefully sucking her back out of her trance. She blinked twice to enhance her own vision and finally looked at him, "Diggle, were you ever shot in war?"

The man nodded and she looked straight ahead at Oliver who was still talking with his sister. "It feels worse than that."

Diggle was ready to respond before he checked his watch. He noticed it was time to accompany Oliver to his polygraph testing so he placed a hand on Anna's arm and looked down at her with sympathy, "I'm sorry, but I need to take Oliver to the station. Can we continue this conversation later?" 

Anna nodded and motioned to her boyfriend who was standing in the doorway of the patio with a curious look on his face. "Yes, certainly. Don't let me hold you back," she assured him, returning his smile he through at her as he walked toward his other client and directed him to the front of the house. 

Oliver stared at his girlfriend for a moment before reluctantly turning away and following Diggle. Of course, not before mouthing 'I love you' and her whispering it back.

•••

Diggle had left nearly an hour ago to stop Mueller and his gang-violence deal to sell weapons around the Glades. Anna wasn't completely comfortable with letting him take all the pressure of being 'The Hood' but she knew she couldn't go out herself and there was no second option.

The party had started long ago now and instead of saying hello to people and partying her panties off, Anna was relaxing in her bedroom with a nice bowl of popcorn in her lap and her television on to play some old black and white sit-com that she wasn't really paying attention to. 

The noise downstairs was bothering her, but not as much as not knowing exactly what was going on with Diggle across town. She was monitoring his movements, yes, but even with that she couldn't see if he was injured or needed assistance. And if he was or did, there was no way for her to get into her suit fast enough to give him the help he needed, and she didn't have an alibi as to why she wasn't home for the party while 'The Hoodess' was off fighting in the Glades.

But as Diggle reported in to Annabelle that he was almost completed with his task, Anna sighed in relief and stood up, not bothering to pause the show rolling on her television. Instead, she decided to go give the good news to Oliver who was hopefully in his room. 

As the girl walked down the hallway, she hardly felt any pain in her side and mainly felt relief - something that was so rare but so amazing. Diggle was alright and Oliver would be freed of his charges, and everything would be okay. 

Oh, the irony. 

Anna opened Oliver's door and strolled into his room - like she normally does and like he does to her - and as she said "Oliver, I just wanted to tell -- " she abruptly stopped. She watched in shock as two people pulled away from their kiss in a rush and and she took a step back while trying to formulate her next words. "God," she began, throwing her hands up at her sides and shaking her head, "I am so sorry. I-I'll come back. I didn't mean to walk in on you cheating," she snapped, already spinning on her heel and heading to the door. "Anna, wait! Please!" Oliver called out to the girl as he quickly buttoned up his shirt.

"Anna, it's not what it looks like. I swear," Laurel defended, her hand shooting out to touch her friend's arm before she yanked it away. "I started the kiss, it was my -- "

"I'm sorry if I'm not in the mood, Laurel, but it doesn't matter, it truly doesn't," the girl acknowledged, stepping away from Laurel.

The brunette sighed and glanced sadly at Anna with tears welling in her eyes before quickly rushing out of the room while the door cosed behind her. Oliver looked at Anna and opened his mouth and instead of trying to understand she lifted her hands onto her head and took a deep breath while pacing around the room. "Anna, can you just please listen to me?"

"This is so messed up, my goodness, this is a mess," the girl mumbled to herself while still trying to comprehend what she just saw. She had her suspicions of Oliver still having feelings for Laurel, and while she almost expected Oliver to break up with her, she didn't expect him to cheat on her with one of her past best friends. This wasn't adding up to her, and it hurt her stomach just thinking about it.

Oliver reached out for her, wanting nothing more than to take the stress that ate at her stomach and created pain, but instead, he backed off as he noticed her trying to calm herself down. Making excuses for himself would do nothing except make the matter worse. If he made excuses, he would be acting like his old self before the island, and Anna would then know for sure he was trying to act fake with her and she would probably throw him back to the island at that point.

He could only watch her pace back and forth while letting his mind circulate through how disappointed he was in himself. 

He watched her for nearly a minute before he heard a knock from his door, and with a sigh, e rose to his feet. "Yeah?" he called out, waiting for an answer. "Mr. Queen, if you're entertaining guests upstairs, shall I bring some drinks up?" the man on the other side of the door answered - making it known he was a waiter. "No, it's just my girlfriend and I up here and we're on our way down," he responded, making his way to the door.

Anna briefly closed her eyes after being called Oliver's girlfriend - as she didn't know how to approach this new situation - and pulled out her phone that began to vibrate from her pocket. She answered instantly upon seeing it was Diggle, hearing the simple words: "Man in the hood -one. Gangbangers - Zero." She sighed in relief and relaxed on the foot of the bed that she was seated on. "That's the best news I've heard all night," she told him.

Oliver's hand wrapped around the door handle just as Anna concluded the phone call and she stood up to begin making her way downstairs. Just as the door was pulled open, however, a gun was jammed into Oliver's face and his eyes widened. He grabbed the gun and yanked it out of the man's hands just as Anna was able to process what was going on.

She instantly reacted and dove for the gun. She was tripped by a jutted out foot from the waiter and instead of grabbing the weapon, she ducked under his incoming fist and grabbed his outstretched out. Quickly, she slammed him into the ground, allowing Oliver to continue the fight so she could grab the gun.

She had to be fast as the waiter was certainly holding his own ground, and by the time she had the gun in her hands she didn't have any time to hesitate and question whether shooting was a good idea. She hadn't killed since returning home, and she didn't liek having murder as her first choice. She was unlike Oliver in that sense.

However, as the gun was in her hands, two bullets flew into the man's chest and he dropped onto the ground.

But it wasn't Anna who fired the shots even though she held the gun to point at the man before he fell. Anna took a deep breath, knowing it wasn't her but it very well could have been. 

The gun dropped to her feet and she whipped around to face Quentin Lance who stood fearlessly with a gun between his hands and his finger on the trigger. He killed the man, not Anna, and it gave her a clean breath.

•••

Just like several other nights in the past few months, Oliver and Anna found themselves sitting in the living room with Detective Lance in front of them and Tommy and Thea beside them. Anna was again snuggled into Tommy's side, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder. The tension in the room was thick after moments of explaining what happened and it was Oliver who finally broke that thick air.

"How did you know I was in trouble?" he wondered, leaning forwards on his feet with his elbows on his knees. Because when the guy was fighting you he broke the ankle monitor," he explained just as Moira barged into the room with Walter in tow.

"Are you alright?" she demanded while looking to her son and racing around the couch. "Mom, I'm fine," Oliver said with a sigh. "Are you sure?" she pushed on, wanting to know the complete truth. "Yes, Mom."

Being sort of satisfied with her answer, Moira stormed over to Quentin, a finger pointed at his face. "This is on you. By accusing my son publicly you made him a target," she spat, Quentin nervously biting his lower lip, almost to shield himself from saying anything derogatory. 

"Do we have any idea who attacked Oliver?" Walter asked, his voice more calm than angry. "We haven't identified him yet. But it wasn't just Oliver, he was going for Annabelle, too," he retorted, motioning to the girl curled at Tommy's side. Upon hearing her name, Tommy ran a hand through her hair and kissed his forehead as she stiffened. 

Moira and Walter exchanged glances and the woman shifted on her feet, knowing who it was. She had a conversation with Malcolm Merlyn earlier in the evening when Malcolm had suggested Oliver and Anna truly were the ones under the hood, though Annabelle wasn't accused. Of course, Moira had denied there was any truth to the claim, but even still, it made her know Malcolm had sent someone to murder the two because they had relations to the list and were targeting its inhabitants. She also became aware that after her meeting with Walter, the man was going to be targeted by Malcolm as well if he didn't stop meddling in the affairs of the Queen's Gambit.

"Someone with a grudge against 'The Hood' and 'Hoodess,'" Lance said before sinking to his knees to take off the anklet from around Oliver's foot. "I'm sorry, are you implying that Annabelle is this 'Hoodess?'" Moira asked.

Tommy's hand found Anna's and he gave it a tight squeeze just as Oliver looked over to her and sat up straighter. "I did, but there was no evidence to point to it so we couldn't warrant for her arrest. And clearly, whoever went after Oliver thought that his girlfriend was involved, too. But after spotting 'The Hood' downtown earlier tonight, the connection's been lost," Lance explained.

"In light of this, all charges against your son are being dropped," he said, speaking directly to Moira now. She shook her head lightly as if she were being mocked. "I'm truly sorry for what's happened to your family, Quentin. But would you kindly get the hell out of my house?"

He started backing away, almost to the exit of the living room when Oliver called out his name, forcing him to stay back. "Thank you," Oliver simply said, earning a stern nod from Lance as he shuffled quickly out the door. Anna raised in her seat, straining her back to watch him go, and she wanted nothing more than to get up and go talk to him, to try and explain everything, and to lastly apologize for everything. But she knew he just needed a little time, and so did everyone else for that matter.

•••

As Anna was preparing for bed that night, she pulled back the comforter and wandered to her wall to turn the fan on. While standing next to the door, it opened, and in the doorframe stood the infamous Oliver Queen with a puppy-dog face upon him. Anna paid him no attention as she made her way back to her bed and shoved the journal farther under the mattress for self-reassurance that no one would find it - other than Oliver who knows of its presence.

Finally, Anna sighed loudly and turned to face her boyfriend. "Has coming back to Starling City resurfaced your feelings for Laurel?"

Oliver's eyes widened and he shook his head immediately. "No, Anna. I-I don't know what happened, honestly."

"Look, Ollie. I am giving us the chance to work this out like adults, serious adults. So I am telling you now, don't you dare lie to me.I have been through too much with you to be lied to now. I have literally given everything for you," she snapped, taking a step back as he stepped forward.

"I'm being honest, Bella."

"Out of everything you could have done, out of the ulcer that floods me with pain, this, this, is what hurts the most. This lie right here."

"What do we do, Anna? What happens now? I know you're disappointed in me, and believe me, I am, too. So what do we do?" Oliver asked, finally coming to his senses to realize making these excuses would do nothing. Anna took a deep breath and turned around, "I think we take a break," she said. As soon as she said the words she regretted it. She didn't want a break, she wanted to cuddle and kiss her boyfriend, but this was for the best. They needed to find themselves in order to know who they were with each other.

"Are you sure? Is that really what you want? Because I will do it. If it means being able to be with you again, I will do it."

Anna nodded, "Yes, that is really what I want."

Oliver pursed his lips and pushed himself off the doorframe, "Okay, we'll take a break," he repeated, the words uneasily leaving his mouth. "Goodnight, Anna."

"Goodnight, Oliver."

The girl heard the door shut behind her and she released a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. But with Oliver gone, she was able to get some rest. She was angry at Oliver for what he had done, and how he tried to brush it off, but she wanted him to see her disappointment, not her anger. So instead of trying to start anything, she wanted to go to sleep and worry about this in the morning.

As soon as she closed her eyes, visions danced on the back of her eyelids. They were not happy visions, they were horrifying ones. Perhaps the worst ones Anna had seen. Anna hated the idea of murder, and though she had committed it, she could hardly bare herself to remember the cases. But she had to remember her first.

All the memories of her first kill came flooding back just because she held a gun earlier that day, just like the first time she had ever held a gun in her life.

Her hands were shaking furiously as she stood in the center of a large room toward the bottom of the freighter. Every sound echoed off the wall, including her own crying. Anthony Ivo was a horrible person who locked people in cells and tested on them painfully, yes. But even with that information, Anna still harbored a little sliver of innocence that Ivo would never kill these men in cold blood while he still had a use for them.

He had been training her brutally every day, making her tougher than she ever thought she could be. And he had been training Sara as well, but not harshly like her friend. Sara still had innocence, and though she was tough and fierce, she had a soft spot. She did what Ivo told her to do without question, but when she returned to the room after her tasks had been complete, she would tell Anna everything and most of the time would try to find reasoning for her task, though there was none. 

Sara had never killed, and neither had Anna. The deal Anna made with Ivo was to keep Sara safe and to never hurt her so long as Anna did whatever was told of her. Perhaps that was why Sara still had her innocence, and Anna had hardly. Sara knew nothing of this deal. She knew Anna would do anything for her because the girl had told her so, but she didn't know Anna would do whatever Ivo demanded just to protect her. And if she did, Sara would demand it be stopped.

But to adhere to the deal she made with Ivo, Anna stood in an empty concrete room with the only noises bouncing off the walls being her own crying and the water dripping from the ceiling in the corner. 

Anna was mortified. Today was the day she was going to kill someone, the first time ever. Ivo had ordered her to do it, and she was shown to an empty corridor and handed a gun. She couldn't do this. She could never kill someone in cold blood, especially with no reason behind it. Annabelle Carter was not a murderer. 

But Anthony Ivo was.

He was making her tougher and giving her a thick skin, and to keep her loved one safe, she had to do whatever he said. So when the prisoner was dragged into the room while thrashing against the guards, Anna whimpered to herself and let the tear that slipped from her eye roll helplessly down her cheek. 

The man was chained to a clasp on the back wall and the guards stood by the door to make sure Anna or the prisoner didn't try and run. 

His name was Fernando Reyes. 

Anna had interacted with the prisoners enough times to hear their life stories and how they had gotten on the freighter. Fernando had three gorgeous daughters and a lovely wife. His youngest had just turned two before he was kidnapped. 

Anna couldn't do this.

"Please, don't make me do this," the girl whispered. She dropped her head and squeezed her eyes shut, soft sobs leaving her mouth. A tear dripped onto the gun and drizzled down the black handle, then looping around the trigger where Anna's finger laid. 

As Anna lifted her head, the man cried out sharply. He threw his head back as he tried to free himself of his restraints and he continued to tug until his wrist became raw. "Don't do this, Annabelle. Please! Please don't do this!" he shouted as she began to raise the gun slowly, sobs leaving her mouth continuously as the gun got higher and higher. "Please! Think about Maria! And Claudia and Little Andrea! You can't do this! Please!" he cried, his eyes staring into her own as to plead her to spare him. 

She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes, both hands wrapping around the gun aimed for his head. "Please!" he screamed, using her name over and over. "I'm sorry," the girl choked out, her finger pulling on the trigger as she closed her eyes and looked down. She heard the bang, and she heard one last cry of her name. And when she opened her eyes, there lay Fernando Reyes - loving husband and father of three - slumped against the wall with his eyes staring straight at Anna and a bullet hole in the middle of his forehead.

Anna dropped the gun at her feet and slumped to her knees, screams and cries of frustration leaving her mouth as she pounded her fists on the floor in a fit. "I hate you, Ivo!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "I hate you for this! I hate you!" 

Over and over she screamed, no one listening or caring to her statements. The guards had come and removed Fernando's body from the room and took the gun so the girl wouldn't harm herself, and they left her there, the smell of blood and rusty water mixing in the room.

The last little sliver of innocence in Annabelle Carter's life was officially gone.