to stand in front of you
it’s like a thriller movie

"You knew."

Those were the first words that left my mouth. Not a sob. Not a scream. Not a word speaking of heartbreak. Simply you knew, two words that held every single emotion the other three couldn't include in themselves.

"Yes. I knew." The coldness faded from Vernon's expression, replaced by a look that one bore when dealing with the consequences of an action. Acceptance. "I knew everything."

"And yet you never told me," I whispered. If it hadn't been for the silence shrouding the room, he would have never heard me. "You let me be in the dark. Blame myself for everything that happened."

The spark of relief I had felt when he'd first shown up had washed away swallowed by a choking, poisonous disbelief. I didn't want to believe that this was real, that Lay was dead.

"There are some things you're better off not knowing," he said, a familiar sadness overtaking his voice, which would have sounded like dullness to someone who hadn't heard it from him before. "Did you enjoy getting to know about your mother's involvement with the racers?"

His question had the desired effect, leaving me struggling to breathe. No, I wanted to say, but I was childishly stubborn, wanting to know more rather than less even if it left me feeling more trapped than ever. "So it's true."

"So is your father's business with us, which you wouldn't have had to know about if you'd never listened to Baekhyun," he said. He still sounded aloof, which I suspected was limited only to the delivery of facts.

Now I was alert, planting my feet in a more defensive stance as soon as Baekhyun's name left his lips. "You know what Baekhyun told me?"

"I wasn't supposed to, but there are only a few things that I don't know about," Vernon replied, looking at me steadily. "The right hand is usually more informed than the informant. It sounds ironic, I know—but some secrets, even if they're not mine to hide, are mine to keep. Byun Baekhyun was never supposed to know about your mother."

Mine to keep. It sounded so much like what he had told me in the hospital, about doing things no one else would do. It all added up. His secretive behaviour, irregular absences, Seulgi's words about him being the worst of us. Vernon was Jungkook's right hand.

But if my mother's involvement had been one of the secrets that he had to keep, what lengths would he go to hide it? And if Baekhyun had found out...

The realization that dawned on my face must have been obvious, because he spoke before I could. "Yes," Vernon said dryly, sounding tired. So, so tired. "I killed Baekhyun."

I was on my knees before he could finish his sentence, already knowing what he was going to tell me as I felt along the ground hastily for the gun I had dropped. It was laughable, really, because what was stopping him from killing me? I was helpless, unstable, physically and mentally.

I was nothing against a cold-blooded killer like him.

Still, something told me that Vernon was not going to hurt me. Maybe this was what Lay had felt, even as I had pointed a gun at him. Lay. He was dead now.

My grip on the revolver was shaky as I rose to my feet, pressing my shoulder against the wall as I raised the mouth of it towards him. Vernon's gun was already facing me, his expression unchanged, but I still didn't feel the spark of fear that I should have, knowing that he could shoot me any second.

"I hate you." Even I could barely make out what I had said, vision blurry once again. "I hate you so much."

"You don't." Exhausted-looking, he sighed heavily as he shook his head. "I'm the reason you're alive right now."

"How much do you know?" I asked, unable to keep the tremble out of my voice. This wasn't my Vernon. I refused to believe it, though he was right there, though I could see all of him at that moment. "How much more have you hidden from me?"

He winced, but I figured it was from an earlier injury rather than my words. "What can I do to make you trust me?"

"Answer me," I said, eyes stinging, keeping the gun pointed straight at him despite the muscles in my arms screaming against the exertion. "Explain this." I gestured around us.

After everything that had went down, my curiosity had become something more than just interest in the activities that went on behind closed doors at The Dragon's Tail. It was a matter of awareness, of knowing the reason behind everything that had happened to me, a right to know.

And even if it hurt me, I wanted to.

"Your father came to the manager, a long time ago," he began, looking reluctant. "What he wanted was to protect you—from what, I'm still not completely sure," he said, biting his lip. "But Jungkook must have known, because the job was assigned to me—which directly implied that you were in the kind of danger that would automatically put everyone around you in the same situation."

When you're taking care of things no one else will touch, because you don't have a choice—when you don't want to choose.

Things no one else will touch. He had been talking about me.

I listened to him through my heartbeat still pounding in my ears. The bikers. There was no other explanation for the supposed danger I was in, and Vernon knew that. Then why did he say he still wasn't sure?

"So I did," he continued. "I watched your every move, took out people who wanted to hurt you without you realizing. This is why Byun Baekhyun had to die—if he managed to reveal to you what exactly was the nature of your past, you would have been in even worse danger. Knowledge would have made you someone extremely important to exterminate."

As he mentioned Baekhyun's death, I clenched my jaw to keep from speaking. "What past?"

"Your mother was a Lee," he said. "She married your father, tried to escape her family's business and live a normal life, but it didn't work out. She was a professional racer, wasn't she?" He asked. "Even retired, she couldn't stay away from the temptation of racing. So much like you," he said, sounding almost wistful. "She joined us, leading to a rivalry between the Hwangs and Lees that she didn't know would surpassed her generation."

Hwangs and Lees. I recalled the conversation that had taken place between me and Taeyong on the cliff, which seemed so long ago.

It makes me wonder. I still remembered the look on his face Ashe had spoken. Dark. Worried about something that no one else around him knew about.

About what?

About whether or not I am responsible for anything you might have to go through. What they might make you go through.

Had he known even then?

A small frown tugged at Vernon's brow. "I can't tell you more," he said lowly. Then he paused, pursing his lips, conflicting emotions arising in his expression. "When you crashed the cruiser with Yoongi—"

For a split second, time stopped. "You knew about that?"

Vernon smiled wryly, his usually warm smile that seemed only sad and tired at the moment. "Who do you think pulled you out of that car?"

I scoffed, blinking against the stinging in my eyes. The nuzzle of my gun dipped again. "Then—if you're supposed to protect me, why are you pointing a gun at me?"

"So that you would listen to me instead of trying to kill me," he said, slightly raising his eyebrows. "I tried to become the person you needed, the one you would be able to lean on after everything you had gone through, alone. I'm not a good guy, I know that. But I tried to be, for your sake. I'm sorry I couldn't succeed in convincing you to stay."

My hands shook. "The rest."

His lips pursed. "Your father brought you to Seoul so you could be closer to the racers. You came here, I recruited you as a cover so I could keep you close." His voice was bitter. "You know the rest."

My mind was whirling. If he had been the one to pull me out of the car, then it meant that he had been protecting me since before I developed an enmity with the bikers. And if that was the case, who had my father been trying to save me from?

"Why did you kill Baekhyun?" I asked, feeling tears spill onto my cheeks, mixing with the blood that had already dried on my skin. Yeosang's blood. Another person Vernon had killed trying to 'protect' me.

"He didn't know what he was dealing with," he said firmly. "He was trying to send you away from Seoul, not knowing that even that move wouldn't have been enough to keep you safe. Baekhyun was smart, but he knew too much and too little at the same time—and he acted on it. Killing him was the fastest and only way to stop him."

Despite the immense hate I felt towards him at that moment, I couldn't help but feel that he wasn't the kind of person who would kill just to enjoy it. The acceptance of the fact that Baekhyun had to be killed in order to keep me safe only made me blame myself for every single death more.

"You're nothing but a murderer," I sputtered.

"I know." His voice was stony. Then it softened as he took me in, my shoulder shaking in silence. "I would rather you hate me than be hurt."

"Fuck you."

"Everything I have ever done is to protect you," Vernon said, dropping his gun and kicking it away from him. "It was just a job, at first, protecting you—but then it became so much more than just that." His tone was sorrowful, pained as he locked eyes with me. "I would never hurt you. Never."

As much as I tried, I couldn't do it. Although it made me feel weak, like a dried leaf easily swayed even by something as light as wind, I couldn't. I couldn't hate him.

His voice had turned back into the soft, gentle tone he had used whenever I was tired, like a caress or a kiss on a creased forehead. Petals. Honey. Lips. I could never hate him.

I lowered my gun, still crying quietly. "I can't."

"What Baekhyun didn't know was that leaving Korea wouldn't help your case," he continued, not once taking his eyes off me. "They're like hellhounds, they will find you no matter where you go. I can protect you—all of us can, but only if you stay."

His tone had turned pleading by the end.

"And if I leave?" I whispered.

"I can't guarantee anything," he said. "I don't know if you'll be all right there, if you'll be able to escape them for long enough."

I felt as if I was swaying on my feet. Up until an hour ago, I had been so convinced that I had to follow through with Baekhyun's plan. What now?

If I stayed, I would have Vernon and his protection. I'd be able to race, to continue living a life of crime, but at least I would know that I'd be safe.

If I left, I would have my dad. I would be able to start over, but at the same time, will somehow have to live with the idea of being hunted constantly.

"Choose me," he said, barely above a whisper.

The plea was more than just to stay, it was to choose him above any other life—above Taeyong. Earlier, I had considered Vernon a pillar, a sunbeam, and Taeyong irrational and passionate. What was Vernon now? He was still a pillar, but something more than just that.

Somehow, I couldn't bear the thought that one day, I would have to choose between them. Choose one, lose one.

"I can't." I shook my head, barely able to keep myself upright as I hung my head, eyes brimming again with unshed tears. "I can't choose."

Have you ever had your heart torn in two?

Pain and confusion flickered across Vernon's expression like a flame, but I still couldn't decide. "It's too hard a decision to make, one that I don't think I'm ready for; that I don't think I will ever be ready for," I continued. "I can't choose one over the other. Not you. Not him."

His eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean, him?"

It was at that perfect moment that he decided to show himself. Whether he had been standing in the darkness for long, listening to our conversation, or if he had just showed up, I didn't know. But he stepped out of the shadows as Vernon spoke, hair like a fire in the backdrop of darkness.

"She means me," Taeyong said.

──────

just one more to go whew idk what to feel

probably gonna edit this later to make it longer and more intense, but for now this is what you get sadly. wish i could've shown everything better—don't hesitate to ask me stuff in the comments if you guys are confused !!

how do you feel about vernon's explanation? don't fight in the comments please it's all subjective :')

and you probably guessed it, but still: not everything's been revealed yet... (i'm such a tease wth the slow burn, i feel you guys' pain)

(not really: suffer)

(lol jk ily guys <3)

love,
Manx.