Male x Male

TW: includes swearing, mentions & attempted suicide, angst, H E double hockey sticks, and mentions of USSR

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(Russia POV)

The sun was shining brightly. Everyone was talking, chatting away their problems. And I'm here... in a bathroom stall compensating my life choices.

I've been depressed for so long, fatigue has been building up, I've been hearing voices in my head, but no one cares. No one cares. No one cares... if I die or not. So I've decided.

I just attended class and 'listened' to the teachers. But I didn't care anymore. I wouldn't want to remember my last few hours as boring as hell classes. The only thing I could hear were the voices in my head...

Your father doesn't care about you. He thinks that you're a mistake, an utter failure, an idiot of a son.

I already know all of this. He didn't even treat me like a son, beating me up, shouting about how horrible I was like a maniac. I don't need to be reminded of all this. I already know.

Did you know that Ukraine has a boyfriend? It's the nice and caring brother of that good-for-nothing, capitalist pig! Can you imagine? She doesn't follow your father. She doesn't follow you.

'America isn't a good-for-nothing, capitalist pig!' I shout in my head in defense. He may be annoying as hell sometimes, but I'm not like father anymore! I don't follow what he thinks of others. People are nice, I just don't deserve to be part of their lives. The voice scoffed.

Look what Soviet made; a useless, stupid, and soft idiot of a son. You know, if you die, your father will be waiting for his death to go with you too; to treat you with the pain you deserve along with the fires of hell.

'Here goes this voice saying that I'm stupid when he forgets that I'm a fucking atheist,' I scoff in my head. If there is hell and I end up going there, at least I'd have the pain to preoccupy myself from my father. That's better than nothing right?

Pay attention, idiot. Class is dismissed. Everyone's going outside. Unless you want to kill yourself in here and traumatize the rest, you should go outside.

I hate to think that the voice is right. Despite myself feeling lazy as hell, I go outside and fight the urge to kill myself in the middle of the hallway with my switchblade. I keep walking and walking until I see the emergency exit. I opened it, feeling like an idiot. I go through and continue up the stairs. I keep going until I see the final door. I open it and walk through.

I end up being on top of the building. I thought about the different people, how stupid they were, how idiotic they were, how naive others can be. I honestly have no idea why I would give a fuck about them.

The thoughts seemed endless. I ended up staying up here for hours. But I decided that enough was enough.

I slowly walk to the edge, hearing voices in my head. But the voices seemed different. They seemed to be... my siblings... my friends...

"Don't go! Who will be there when my nightmares come again?!"

your sister, Ukraine...

"Who will be there to help make me happy again?"

your boyfriend, Canada...

"Who will be there to help me fly? Or to catch me when I fall?"

our friend, Poland, has wings too... he can help you...

"Who will be there to help me when my father beats me up again?"

your boyfriend, Poland, takes care of you, doesn't he?

"Who will be there to be my school partner again?"

you are an idiot, Amerika. There are so many other people...

"Who will be there to help me heal when my scars open again?"

my siblings know how to treat scars, Poland...

"Our life would be different without you..."

no one ever cared about me, Ukraine.

"We do!"

I know you do, Kazakhstan. Your my siblings...

"Please don't go!"

Belarus, there is no other way...

"There's always another way, son."

I froze in place.

I was already standing at the edge, ready to go down. But I heard that voice... that voice was...

"папа..." I whisper. I shook my head. He wouldn't dare care about me... would he?

"But I do. No matter how many times I beat you, that was all in the past. I learned to let go. Please, your friends, your siblings... they need you... I need you too."

He kept going on and on. Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. I started to doubt... should I even do it?...

I close my eyes as more tears flow down. I had to.

I kicked off the edge, and fell down into the abyss.

I kept my eyes closed tightly. Tears were still streaming down my face...

Goodbye...

But is this really goodbye?

I felt arms wrap around me tightly. I didn't dare move or open my eyes. 'If they want to die with me, then go ahead,' I thought simply. But what I didn't expect, is that when I fell...

I could feel feathers wrap around me.
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I sat up, shaking vigorously. I swiveled my head left and right, trying to process everything. I soon realized I was in the damp, clinic. I looked right and noticed someone.

They had gorgeous white wings, they seemed to glow very lightly. They looked as if they were beautiful, if only they weren't bent in a weird way. I looked down to see that they were scarred all over, as if they grazed cement. I look up to their face and instantly recognized them as-

"Amerika..." I said softly. A million questions blew up in my brain. Why is he so scarred? What happened to his wings? Why are there feathers on my-

"Arms," I whisper. That's when I realized. My eyes widened as I swiveled my head to look back at the unconcious country beside me. One, singular thought popped up in my head...

I fell and he caught me

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Man this is sadder than I thought... anyways...

A MESSAGE TO PEOPLE COMPENSATING SUICIDE:

DON'T! Don't kill yourself! Life has so much more meaning than you could ever think of. So much can happen when you're there. Little do you know, you've already changed people's lives. Everyone has. Big or small. Just know, that regret hits harder than pain. If you're in pain, I know you can push through! Regret is something that no one should experience. It's horrible really. It brings down everything with it, everything in it's path. And I know that you don't want to be in the middle of it sight. So just keep pushing through! You can do it :D

This applies to literally everything. If you feel like giving up, just know that you can take breaks, but don't give up the entire thing. Breaks are important! They're healthy and helps you get back on track. So don't give up! You can push through! If I've pushed through with writing this and not doing my very important project that I've barely done anything with and I'm planning a 3 part series rather than everything else more important which ends up giving me more pain, YOU CAN PUSH THROUGH ANYTHING!!

- hoping ya'll are ok, Author-chan <3

Update: HOW DO WE HAVE 300+ VIEWS ALREADY WAHT- I- you guys are insane. Thank you so much.