❝the water hears and understands. the ice does not forgive.❞

-leigh bardugo, six of crows

♛

AS WE ALL SUSPECTED, possessed-Raven's threats had been bullshit. This is evident in the way she apologizes after everyone has calmed down, and because she grabs Caleb's face and kisses him the moment her mouth has been cleaned of her blood.

It's expected but also not expected, so when Raven yanks his shirt collar and pulls him down to her, everyone wears expressions of mild shock. Nobody is sure where to look. Jasper finds interest in his shoes, Sinclair begins deactivating the EMP, and Octavia rolls her eyes with the shake of her head. I, for one, feel a swell of joy for them. Caleb had told me that their first kiss had likely been when Raven was already possessed, and now they're having the chance to have a real one.

"I didn't mean a damn word I said," Raven whispers almost breathlessly. Her voice is desperate in an I-need-you-to-believe-me kind of tone, her eyes pleading as they search his.

But Caleb only smiles, his eyes a little pained. "I know."

There isn't much time to spare afterward. Sinclair and I busy ourselves by packing up the Rover with our minimal supplies, but I do it more to focus myself on something. My hands need to do anything concrete to keep them from trembling. Raven's words still lurk in the back of my mind like a sharp nail prodding at somewhere in my mind.

"You okay?"

I realize I've been brushing dirt off of the bench in the back for five minutes, which definitely isn't how long a simple task like that should take. Sighing, I turn to see Clarke standing a short distance behind me with both amusement and worry etched on her pale face. It startles me to see her. With all the chaos that had been going on for the past few days, it still hasn't fully sunk in that she's here.

"Yeah," I reply in a half-lie. My gaze drifts from her, though, and I notice her pressing her lips in a line in my peripheral vision. She knows I'm not telling the truth.

"You did good," Clarke assures me. She doesn't mention my outburst from earlier, doesn't even seem upset with me for it. "Really. You handled it well."

"Things have been shit," I respond in a nonchalant tone, shrugging and dusting my hands off on my black jeans. "Just another bump in the road."

Clarke opens her mouth as if to say something, but is cut off by Sinclair announcing, "Alright, everyone. Let's load up."

"We need to move," Bellamy adds from out of nowhere. He suddenly appears as if materializing from thin air, lightly touching the small of my back to get my attention. "Can you drive?"

I nod. "I'm good to go."

Clarke casts me a knowing glance that I dutifully ignore as I retreat from the back doors and climb into the front seat. In the side mirror, I can see Caleb carrying Raven from the trading post. Monty follows along somberly. Octavia is one of the last to leave, and I notice she's wearing new clothes.

I glance down at the olive green shirt I've been wearing for almost four days. Maybe I should have exchanged something for a new top.

The click of the passenger door opening shifts my attention. Bellamy climbs into the seat beside me, slamming the door behind him. He manages to catch my gaze fleetingly and gives me a supportive nod. I barely give a small lift of my lips in return.

"Okay," Sinclair begins as he closes the back of the vehicle. "We're good to go. But, Fallon? Please be more careful this time."

"You're the boss," I say blankly, starting the Rover with a rumble and slamming on the gas pedal.

Sinclair mutters several curse words from the back. For the first time in a while, the tiny grin on my lips is real.

At least driving gives me a plethora of things to focus on. My mind is too busy watching for hazards and maneuvering through the trees to wander off. Although my grip on the steering wheel is tight enough to make my bones visible, I'm grateful for the distraction.

It's normally about a day's drive to Arkadia, but with the darkness of the early morning and the fact that I have to go slower than normal on uneven terrain because of Raven, it ends up taking longer. It doesn't help that we still have to pick up the others from the cave. I rub my eyes once we hit the open field. By taking a quick glance through the rearview mirror, I can see Caleb dozing on Sinclair's shoulder, Octavia resting with her head tilted back, and Jasper with his head flopped over so he's dangerously close to falling out of his seat. It's good that they're resting. I don't know when we'll be able to do it again.

The sun is low in the sky, casting a warm, orange glow over the flat grass. The smooth ground is much better than the rough, uncharted soil in the forest. This is where the Azgeda army had marched not too long ago. I can still remember the terror flooding my veins when Bellamy and I posed as Grounders to find Clarke. And now she's with us.

"Becca's journal is amazing," Raven marvels from the back. "At 26, she found a pathway to access a human mind."

"I'm six years shy of that and sometimes I can't even get out of bed in the morning," Caleb jokes halfheartedly, rubbing his eyes with his fists.

"That same year, she had to lock up ALIE because her answer for what was wrong with the world was 'too many people,'" Raven continues less enthusiastically. "She was 27 when it launched the bombs."

"What did she write about the Flame?" Clarke questions.

"ALIE 2.0," the brunette responds. "She saw it as a way to atone for her sins. She designed it to not just access a human mind, but to merge with one. It could never wipe us out because it would be one of us. She put it in herself first. Altered her genes so her body wouldn't reject the implant."

"Bekka Pramheda, the first Commander," Clarke adds with a nod. "The gene therapy made her blood black, didn't it?"

"Yeah," Raven confirms with a glance at the journal.

"How did you know that?" Octavia asks.

"Nightblood," the blonde responds. "That's where it came from. Somehow it became hereditary. Luna has it— that's why we have to find her. If she can access ALIE-2..."

"She can tell us how to stop ALIE-1," Octavia finishes.

"Bekka Pramheda gets her second shot at atonement," Sinclair mutters.

"Get back to the mind pathway," Monty says to Raven. "If ALIE uses it to upload our minds to the City of Light, then there's a chance my mom's still alive."

Raven winces. "That depends on your definition of 'alive.'"

The pathway that leads to the cave we'd left opens up. Once we get Bryan, Miller, and Harper inside, I'll really have to drive carefully.

"Eyes sharp, weapons hot," Bellamy orders to break the silence. "We're almost home."

"We should let the others know," I say, turning the wheel to guide us into the path.

Bellamy grabs the radio receiver. "Miller, come in." After a pause filled with nothing but static, he asks, "Harper, you there? Your ride's two minutes out."

Tension hangs thick in the air at the fact that there still isn't a response.

I try to shove down my fear and turn my attention to the route I need to take to get to the small alcove. A small grunt escapes my lips when we hit a particularly hard bump, wincing at the others' complaints from behind me.

Once we pull up as close as we can, I shift the gear in park and open the door. "I'll get them."

I jump down to the ground and steadily climb down the steep decline, digging my boots into the loose dirt to keep myself from falling. The inside of the cave is seemingly dark.

Poking my head in, I say, "You guys suck at responding to your radio."

No reply. My brow creases as I step inside, hesitantly rounding the corner to look into the back. Nothing is there except the acrid scent of smoke from a fire that's been stamped out.

"Very funny, Miller," I call out, walking even deeper into the cave. "You can come out now."

But the further I walk, the less positive I am that anyone is even here. I sweep the curtain of vines back to find nothing. The hole in the ceiling provides little light, but it's still enough for me to see that there's nothing on the floor. It's like they packed up and left.

"Fallon, what's taking so long?" Bellamy's voice questions from the radio at my hip. I jump at the sudden noise, my hand flying to my heart.

I unclip the device from my belt and hold it up to my mouth. "They must have left already. I'm heading back now."

"Hurry up," he orders. "Monty's driving."

When we get close enough to see Arkadia from a distance, Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia, Sinclair, Caleb, and I climb out to surround the Rover from all angles in the event of an attack. Even Jasper pokes out of the hole in the top to see from higher up. However, the closer we get to the camp, the less likely it seems we'll be threatened.

"We left two days ago," Clarke says in confusion as we near the busted entrance. "Why haven't they fixed the gate?"

"Maybe because there's no one here to fix it," Jasper replies.

Sure enough, nobody seems to be occupying the camp. Every building we pass is empty. There aren't any guards to be seen. The lack of people sends a chill down my spine, the hair on the back of my neck prickling with unease. I clench my rifle a little tighter.

"It's like a ghost town," Octavia murmurs.

From the opposite side of the slow-moving Rover, I can hear Bellamy still attempting to make contact with the others. "Miller, where the hell are you? I don't like this."

"Maybe they all got chipped," Jasper surmises.

"If they got chipped, they'd have been waiting for us at the cave," Bellamy points out.

"Maybe they saw the open gate and went in for Lincoln's book," Jasper tries again.

"Maybe you should stop saying 'maybe,'" Octavia shoots back in an exasperated tone.

"If they are chipped, ALIE already knows we're coming," Clarke says.

Monty stops the Rover in the middle of the clearing in front of Alpha Station. I relax my grip on the rifle and turn in a full circle to survey our surroundings. The area is completely bare, not even a footprint to be seen. There's absolutely no sign of life.

"It's like the dropship camp," I breathe out. At least there aren't ashes and skeletal remains covering the ground.

My gaze drops to a puddle of red in the dirt only a foot away from my boots. I quickly take a step back, my heart lurching in my chest as I do. I tear my gaze away and try to focus on anything else.

"Let's get his book and get the hell out of here," Octavia suggests. For the first time in a few days, I agree with her.

"That's a plan I can support." Jasper nods.

Bellamy knocks on the back of the Rover to signal Monty to move. The vehicle lurches forward almost immediately, like he'd been waiting for an excuse to get going. The doors of the garage slide open upon his command. We all run inside, weapons ready, but there still isn't anyone to be seen.

"Close it up, turn the Rover around," Bellamy commands loud enough for Monty to hear. "We may need to get outta here quickly."

The garage slides shut with a bang. Raven climbs out of the vehicle, luckily steady on her feet again, and follows as we survey the area. I notice one of the gathering tables still has playing cards scattered on it as well as several half-eaten plates of food.

Clarke's voice is troubled when she says, "It's like they just got up and walked away."

"We're in and out," Bellamy commands, ever the general. "Pack as much as you can into the Rover."

"I'll get the map," Octavia offers.

"I'll, uh, go with her," Jasper adds. "No one should be alone."

"You don't wanna load gear, huh?" Sinclair asks lightly.

Jasper turns. "Not even a little."

Raven turns to Bellamy, Clarke, and I, her eyebrows pinched. "What's the rush? They won't be coming back."

"How do you know?" Clarke asks.

"ALIE's mission is to chip everyone," she answers. "It wouldn't make sense to return to a place she already took."

"It might make sense if there was someone in that place, i.e you," Sinclair reminds her.

"Which is why I don't mind getting the hell out of this place, anyway," Caleb says with a shudder and a glance over his shoulder. "I don't like being here when it's so empty. I feel like eyes are watching me."

"Good point," Raven agrees. "Let's load gear."

"I'm going to grab more supplies from Medical," I say, heading toward the door Jasper had just walked through. "My pockets are getting empty."

"I'll go with you," Clarke offers, but I hold up a hand.

"No, Clarke, it's okay," I say. "You guys will be busy enough."

"You heard what Jasper said," Bellamy argues. "Nobody should be alone."

"Jasper just wanted to get out of work." I turn back around. "If one of you falls on your face, I'll be the one patching you up."

The door opens automatically once I come close enough to it. Then, after I pass through, it closes, and I'm faced with Alpha Station alone.

The corridors appear almost hauntingly empty, the fluorescent lights above flickering on and off at random. I hug my arms closer to my chest and quicken my pace. Caleb had been right— I feel like someone's watching me, and it brings me immense discomfort.

"Get in, get the supplies, get out," I mumble to myself. How much can I fit in my pockets? A good amount of gauze, some extra rolls of medical tape and bandages, disinfectant.

I list these items in my head as I enter Medical. The machine testing Raven's blood samples has been stopped, the cots against the walls empty and the sheets rumpled. I quickly find the drawers with medical tape and gauze. My hands shove them into my pockets with barely more than a thought.

Then, someone grabs me from behind.

I have barely enough time to take a surprised breath before the prick of a needle pierced my neck. My limbs thrash at the sharp pain, but as the syringe is pressed down, I feel its effects almost immediately. It's some sort of sedative. My breaths come out in heavy pants as my vision blurs, arms and legs falling slack as I'm dragged away.

———

i always feel like somebody's watchin' meeeee (season 3 edition)

if you can't already tell, part 3 is going to be (slightly) longer than the others because i still have the second half of episode 12 to write as well as 4 more episodes after that. rip. season 4 will come soon enough

side note: DID YALL WATCH THE SEASON 5 TRAILER??? MY MANS LOOKS AMAZING WOW I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE THAT

-kristyn