❝i don't want to keep watching people die.❞

-scott mccall, teen wolf

♛

LUNA HAD SENT THE Flame back with us, which was as loud and clear as the message could get: she doesn't want anything to do with it.

After we'd woken on the beach in almost the same place we'd fallen unconscious before, we all looked to Clarke for answers. None of us knew where to turn. Unfortunately, neither did she, so we'd unanimously decided to return back to the Rover.

Only, it had been dead. From lack of use and sunlight, the solar-powered vehicle sat motionless where we'd left it. And it still sits there even three hours later.

I busily organize the medical supplies in my pockets. There are more than enough bandages, disinfectant wipes, and strips of gauze to last us a few weeks if none of us get mortally wounded. I house medical tape in another pocket. I'm basically a walking version of Medical, except without the advanced technology and years' worth of experience. Having Abby around would prove to be more useful; a pang blossoms in my chest at her absence. I can only imagine how Clarke is feeling.

Jasper sits boredly on the hood of the car. I wonder how well he's dealing with the loss of Shay, but decide it's better not to ask him in case he lashes out. He's been more civil lately and I'd hate to break the ongoing streak.

"The Rover's almost charged," Bellamy informs us. His legs are beside me, the top half of him disappearing out of view as he checks the battery level on top of the vehicle. "We need to pack up. We'll be home soon."

"Then what?" Clarke asks from where she restlessly paces outside. Her voice is laced with impatience and anxiety, a result of our failed mission to recruit Luna. Our futures are looking grim and she's been carrying the weight of the Flame on her shoulders for far too long. "Run away?"

"We're not running away, Clarke," Bellamy retorts as he hops down and slams the door shut, his voice turning muffled now that the only opening is the back door. "We need to regroup with the others and find another way to defeat—"

"There is no other way!" she exclaims. "We need to find a Nightblood."

Octavia climbs out of the back and shuts the door behind her, effectively cutting me off from the rest of the conversation. I sigh and finish placing all of my supplies back into my pockets. I miss my notebook— the one I used to write in constantly when I was bored or in need of something to busy my hands with. It's back in Arkadia. Maybe, once we go back, I can retrieve it.

I untangle my legs and open the passenger-side door. My rear end feels numb from how long I'd been sitting, but I ignore it as I hop down to the uneven grass just in time to tune into Octavia's side of the argument.

"—won't help you destroy another innocent Grounder village," she says firmly to Clarke, eyebrows drawn closely and mouth pulled into a scowl.

Obviously, there are things I have missed, an ancient feud between them that never simmered down. Maybe it had transpired while I'd been in Mount Weather. Judging by the confusion on both Jasper and Bellamy's faces, that's probably the case.

Clarke steps toward the girl with her face pinched in desperation. "If we don't find a Nightblood, there won't be any Grounder villages. Or a home for us to go back to."

"That's all the more reason we go there and make sure our friends are okay," Bellamy tells her, his tone hard in an attempt to break through her tunnel vision. It seems to work. Clarke's defeated eyes drift to Octavia, then Jasper, and finally, me. Once again, they seem to beg for an alternative. But I agree with the others— we need to check on our friends before we do anything else. Maybe they've accomplished something that we need to know about. Either way, explaining our circumstances could result in a new plan.

Eventually, Clarke nods, understanding she's lost, and walks past Bellamy to where the trees condense.

"She'll be fine," Jasper says with a sigh, his breath forming clouds in the cold air. "Just let her cool off."

Octavia slings a canvas bag across her shoulder and heads to the back of the vehicle to continue packing. Bellamy pats Jasper's leg as he walks by, returning to the driver's seat. I stay rooted to my spot and watch Clarke's frame disappear with a crease between my brows. I don't like how she's by herself. The last time she'd walked away from me and into the forest, I hadn't seen her for three months and she had a bounty placed on her. My gut twists at the not-so-pleasant memory.

"Hey, Fallon," Jasper calls. I blink and turn to see him studying my reactions carefully, then sliding off of the hood and crunching the sand under his feet. His expression seems almost gentle— a foreign emotion as of late. "She'll be okay."

I nod and dig my boot into a section of the ground where a clump of grass sticks out from the sand. "Yeah. Thanks, Jas."

With my head down, I return back to the passenger seat and resist the urge to clench my hands into fists nervously. But just as I open the door and climb inside the Rover, I notice Bellamy grabbing his pistol and hopping out.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

He turns around as he tucks the gun into his belt. "ALIE followed us to Luna's rig. She could be anywhere. Eyes sharp, weapons hot. Got it?"

Jasper sighs as he climbs into the backseat. "That means he's following Clarke."

Bellamy doesn't deny it. Instead, he tilts his head down and looks me in the eye. "Don't trust your surroundings, okay?"

He shuts the driver's side door and disappears into the trees.

"Great," Octavia drawls, organizing the bags of rations noisily. "And then there were three."

I press my lips into a line but don't move to join Bellamy. Although I know that Octavia and Jasper can fend for themselves in the event of an attack, I don't want them to feel like I'm abandoning them. Despite worrying about Clarke, I trust that Bellamy will be able to help her if anything goes wrong. I can't go after her every time she needs to cool off.

Since there isn't much else for me to do, I walk around to the back of the Rover and decide to assist Octavia in packing. She's busy jamming the small ration bags into a larger one. As I walk closer, the air immediately tenses between us and she glances up upon sensing the sharp change in the atmosphere. Once, she may have smiled and greeted me with a joke. Now she only steps aside to make room for me as a means of acknowledgment.

Having expected a reaction like this, I silently take my place beside her and begin stuffing our tools into a bag. The younger Blake had counted all of our supplies and made note of their quantities. Even if we aren't on the best of terms right now, I have to admire her efficiency.

Part of me mourns our wounded friendship. Octavia had been the first new face I'd encountered while in a dropship hurtling toward Earth, our futures uncertain. We'd bonded instantly; we just clicked. But something had happened as we grew and changed. Our paths have now split, and I'm not sure when they'll combine again.

As I carefully place our flashlights, mechanical tools, and blankets into a canvas bag, I simultaneously watch Jasper out of the corner of my eye. He's left us alone and is scanning the area for any sign of a threat. I immediately notice that his hand isn't on the gun at his hip. Although he's vigilant, it doesn't seem like he thinks we'll be attacked.

"I wish I had the iPod right now," he says. He's not facing us, but the sound of his voice after the silence is jarring enough that I can hear him clear as day. "Maybe then this wouldn't be so awkward."

Nostalgia creeps in as I remember the day we'd gotten the signal from Farm Station. We hadn't been perfect by any means, but things were slightly better in that moment with Jasper's music playing as Raven drove. Octavia had ridden her horse alongside us with a smile on her face. We were so close, so unified, and all of it has ruptured in a matter of weeks.

Octavia hurriedly finishes packing the rations and stands stiffly like she can't get away faster. "That bag's the last one."

She turns, moving to keep watch with Jasper. I sigh and continue folding a flannel blanket into a small square. A sense of dread settles in my heart, growing stronger the darker our situation seems.

"Hey," Jasper calls as I zip the bag closed. "They're back."

I turn around and follow to where his finger points to the trees. Sure enough, two figures are visible in the distance, Clarke's long, blonde hair a dead giveaway to their identities. Only something doesn't seem right.

"What the hell..." I trail off, shifting my weight as my eyebrows crease together. Octavia unsheaths her sword and assumes a fighting stance.

Because they're not alone. The closer they stumble, the sooner I recognize that they're carrying someone by slinging his arms over each of their shoulders. The figure is clearly a man judging by his height and the male armor he's clad in. He appears to be completely unconscious.

A few minutes later, they break through the trees. Clarke's knees buckle, the man's weight too much for her to carry, and he ends up toppling out of their arms and onto the sand-filled grass. I jump at the movement.

"Um, who is this?" Jasper asks.

I squint at the figure, trying to place why he looks so familiar. He's tan and his shoulder-length, dark hair, decorated with the trademark Grounder braids, is now dusted with grains of sand. A permanent scowl stretches his lips and makes him all the more intimidating.

"His name is Roan," Clarke informs us through heavy breaths. Although her voice is level, a crease between her brows reveals she's more troubled than she sounds. "He's... an acquaintance."

It hits me, then. As I stare at him a moment longer, a ghostly burst of pain in the back of my head reminds me of why I know him. It's the same Grounder who'd kidnapped Clarke and almost killed Bellamy and I. She'd spared our lives by agreeing to go to Polis instead.

"Azgeda," Octavia hisses distastefully as she noticed the fur-trimmed hood poking out of his armor.

"Yeah," Clarke confirms. "Not only that, though. This is King Roan kom Azgeda." She looks up from his still frame, causing our eyes to meet. "Bellamy shot him. Can you help me make sure he doesn't bleed to death?"

I nod and step around Octavia to kneel beside Roan, Clarke joining me. She points to his left biceps. My fingers lightly trace over the wound, noticing that while there's no bullet lodged in his skin, it definitely hurt him.

The armor is too complicated to remove while he's unconscious. Roan is roughly 200 pounds of nearly pure muscle, and since the injury isn't particularly life-threatening, I think it will be fine to make a simple tourniquet over his sleeve until we reach Arkadia.

I voice my thoughts to Clarke, who agrees with me by giving a simple nod. Jasper hands me a cloth from somewhere in the Rover. I carefully loop it around his arm as Clarke lifts it from the ground, tying it in a tight knot above the wound to cut off the blood flow.

"That'll keep him alive for now," I say as I straighten up. "Bellamy, he's lucky you're still a lousy shot."

Bellamy playfully rolls his eyes in response.

"What do we do with him?" Jasper questions, staring down at the injured King of Azgeda with a half-intimidated expression. Even in slumber, his tanned face holds a certain sternness to it that sends a chill down my spine.

Clarke glances up at the boy. "We take him back to Arkadia."

—

Miller and Bryan flank the garage door, which opens as soon as the Rover passes through the gates of Arkadia. Bellamy drives roughly. He hits a particularly hard bump that makes Octavia grimace and I accidentally knock shoulders with Roan. Considering it's the arm with the bullet wound, I'm afraid he'll execute me if I hadn't already told him that I'd be the one to patch him up. I wouldn't be surprised if he could somehow escape the restraints tied around his wrists or the gag in his mouth.

Jasper sits in the front. Clarke had wanted to keep an eye on the Grounder, and I'd requested to stick around in case he was injured even further during our journey. Octavia doesn't trust him either. Throughout the entire ride, she's been glaring at him from across the bench.

Bellamy slows to a stop inside the garage and kills the engine. Monty is the first person to approach the Rover, and seems visibly relieved once Jasper hops down and actually turns to talk to him.

I'm not sure what Azgeda's royal customs are, so I climb out of the back door first and extend a hand to assist Roan. He ignores the offer for help and carefully jumps down by himself. When I lock eyes with Clarke, she rolls hers in his direction.

"I'm glad you made it back," Monty says, but his tone is more focused on Jasper.

"We were getting worried," Raven adds as she limps toward us with a small grin on her face. It fades when she realizes who we're missing, lips slowly pulling into a confused frown. "Where's Luna?"

"Luna said no," Octavia replies stiffly.

Caleb approaches, a blackened cloth in his hands. I'm not sure what he'd been doing prior to our arrival, but he must have been tinkering with some sort of machinery, because the dark stains on the once-white towel are from his hands. His eyes widen and he halts once he notices our guest.

"Who is this?" Harper questions with a hostile glare toward Roan.

"He's Ice Nation," Bryan notes sourly.

"King of the Ice Nation, actually," Clarke says. "And he's our way into Polis."

When a slightly tense silence follows her revelation, Bellamy nudges Roan forward slightly. "This way, your Highness." He gestures to Miller and Harper as he leads the Grounder out of the garage. "You two, come with me. I'll take him to lockup. Fallon, grab whatever you need from Medical and meet us there."

I nod, waiting until Harper and Miller pass me to speak to Raven, whose perplexed gaze rests on me. "Pleasure to be back."

It's constant motion. There's never a time to rest, a time that we aren't planning our next step or moving forward with a plan. Although it's exhausting, I have to admit that it's necessary. We don't have spare moments to spend doing nothing. ALIE could have hundreds of people chipped by now— we just have to stop her from causing more damage before it's too late.

I feel strange as I walk to Medical. It's like eyes are constantly following me, but I know it's simply paranoia from the ordeal with Emerson. I try to shake it off as best as I can. Even so, a shudder shoots down my spine when I enter the empty room and imagine those who should be here. Abby. Jackson. Two people much more experienced than I am. Better yet, my own mother, who should have made it here.

I push away these thoughts and quickly grab a roll of much wider bandages and disinfectant wipes. The healing process may be more speedy with an antibacterial shot, but I'm not sure that Roan will like me approaching him with a needle. I don't think the Grounders have vaccines.

Miller's head turns toward the door to lockup as I open it. I was in here not too long ago, helping Lincoln with the sick Grounders after I had hit Jaha. But now it's only Roan in the cell. Not that it provides any consolation.

Bellamy nods to the boy, who punches in the code to unlock the cell and holds it open as I pass through it. I don't flinch as it locks behind me and instead hold Roan's heavy gaze. His calculating eyes stay locked on mine for several moments as if he can see through my very soul.

In the end, I decide to break it with, "You hit me very hard in the head with a stick."

"I was doing my job," he calmly counters. His voice is deep and gravelly, setting my nerves on edge.

"And I'm only doing this because it's mine." I hold up the roll of bandages and metal container of wipes so he can see them.

"No," Roan says, an amused gleam in his eye. "You're doing it because you need me."

He's extremely still while I assist him in getting his armor off. I try not to show my alarm upon realizing that his restraints have been removed and he could easily overpower me. However, he seems to want his wound to be taken care of more than he wants to harm me, and is eerily obedient as I sterilize it with the wipes. He does not appear to be in any pain even though I know that it hurts. Instead, he swallows pointedly and keeps his gaze on the gate across from us.

Clarke enters just as I finish wrapping the bandages around his biceps. I glance up to see Bellamy approach as well, his watchful gaze resting upon Roan to make sure he doesn't try anything. Both of them are silent until the blonde glances meaningfully back at Bellamy.

"Sorry about your arm," he says in a tone that suggests he's only partly sorry.

"Makes us even," Roan replies blankly.

I stand and fold my arms across my chest, facing the king with a skeptical expression. He's being strangely compliant for such a powerful man.

"Like it or not, we need each other," Clarke begins, but the Grounder cuts her off exasperatedly.

"Cut to the chase, Clarke," he demands. "You said we wanted the same thing. I want an Ice Nation Commander."

"And I can give you one with this." She presents the container that holds the Flame, but judging by Roan's unchanged expression, he may already know what it is.

"And why would you do that when you know she's vowed to wipe you out?" Roan asks.

Clarke lowers her arm. Although she's resumed her Commander of Death persona that makes her almost unrecognizable, I can detect a hint of defeat in her. "We don't have a choice. This isn't just our war. The enemy we're up against is after everyone, including the Ice Nation. The only way to stop her is to get the information off the Flame. And the only way to do that is to put it in Ontari's head."

"The Ice Nation isn't afraid," Roan argues.

"You should be," Bellamy says, taking a determined step toward the older man. "This thing doesn't care what clan you're from. It controls people. And it will take over the Ice Nation, just like it took us over, one person at a time, until there is no one left."

Roan's suddenly curious gaze switches to me. I raise my chin, challenging him to accuse us of lying. His eyes then move to Clarke and she also holds it steady.

"It already has Ontari," she says.

The Azgeda King tilts his head to the side. "I'm listening."

Clarke lets her guard drop for an instant, but it's enough for me to watch desperation flood her eyes until there's no possible way she can hide it from him. Her demeanor changes again. Instead of being the harsh Wanheda, she's back to the strong leader who could convince an elephant it's a kitten with the power of her words and the right manipulation.

"We need to disconnect her before she gets the Flame," the blonde explains. "Or we'll be giving ALIE exactly what she wants. To do that, we have to abduct her from the center of a city filled with thousands of people whose minds are linked. All of them thinking as one. Whatever one sees, they all see. Whatever one hears, they all hear."

"I get it." Roan slowly pushes himself to his feet. His intentions are unclear, and I find that our trio instinctively bunches closer together. But he only keeps his face frustratingly impassive as he asks, "So, when do we leave?"

____

this was originally going to be a lot longer, but i decided to cut it off here and just make the next one pretty long. i've been waiting for a long time to include roan again because he was my favorite lmao

updates are going to come faster because i'm really close to the end of s3 and i'm relieved! season 4 here we COME

also, in honor of pride month, here's a poorly-drawn piece of fanart for your favorite pansexual meme boi (ignore how his face is yellow because i always fuck up the skin tones)

-kristyn