❝quoth the raven, 'nevermore.'❞

-edgar allan poe, poet

♛

I SIT ALONE OUTSIDE of the cave, twiddling my thumbs and wishing nothing more than to have my notebook with me. Sadly, I had left it in mine and Bellamy's room in Arkadia. That means I have nothing to do as I try to soak up the cool, night air and calm myself down.

I can hear Octavia and Bellamy's muffled voices coming from inside the cave. Their words are indistinguishable, but I can tell just by Octavia's tone that she's angry. It isn't really a surprise. Ever since she killed Gillmer, she hasn't lost the murderous glint in her eye that gives me shivers.

"Good news," Miller drawls as he steps outside.  I turn my attention to him, as does Harper, who's on watch. "Arkadia has officially gone to shit. It's not safe — Jasper said something about chips and crap — so we're staying here. Rain check on going home."

I sigh, burying my face in my hand. Of course. But then his words sink in, and I stand abruptly. My head tilts to the side as I hold him under a calculating gaze. "Miller, what about chips and crap?"

The boy shrugs vaguely. "Dunno. It was really hard to understand him because he was screaming into the radio. We just know that we can't go back and he's on his way in the Rover with Raven."

I feel my spirits deflate. If he's leaving with Raven, that means something truly must be wrong. But why take her if she's chipped as well? What the hell is going on?

Caleb strolls outside of the cave as well, shaking his head. He blows air out of his mouth and slides down the opposite side of the opening until he hits the ground. His shoulders are hunched like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, body tense with worry.

"Bickering getting too much?" Miller questions lightly, but Caleb doesn't smile at his playful tone. He stares into the darkness blankly.

"I should never have left," he mumbles quietly. Just by the crestfallen expression on his face, I can tell he's blaming himself for whatever's happening back at home. "If I had stayed, Jasper wouldn't be all alone. I could have helped him—"

"You helped to turn in Pike, though, so that's good," Miller assures him. I stay quiet, observing one of their rare, civil interactions. "It's not your fault, man."

"It's so easy to blame myself, though," the mechanic sighs before running a hand down his face. He appears exhausted, black hair sticking up unevenly. It matches the bags under his eyes that I hadn't noticed before. They appear almost gaunt in the darkness, concealing his eyes in shadows.

I know how he feels. I constantly blame myself for everything, no matter how hard I try not to or how trivial the thing is. It's so easy to pinpoint myself as the source of a problem. My mind always ends up tricking me into thinking I could have done something more or acted differently to get a better result.

Before any of us can get another word out, Octavia storms out of the cave without so much as a backward glance at us. Bellamy follows shortly after. I watch him disappear into the trees, determination and sorrow apparent in the way he's carrying himself. But, before I can call after him and ask him what's wrong, the rumble of an engine catches my attention.

"They're here," Miller announces, his eyes on the headlights that shine brightly between the trunks of trees.

A door slams. I run closer to Bellamy with Caleb hot on my heels, not stopping until I'm beside the older boy and nothing is blocking my view of the Rover. My eyes carefully scan the area surrounding the vehicle to maybe gain a clue as to what's going on.

But the first person I see is neither Jasper nor Raven. It's Clarke.

My eyebrows crease in confusion and disbelief at the sight of her. It's difficult to see since she's blocking the headlights and thus making her silhouette dark, but I can tell that she's still wearing her Polis clothes with the same braided-back hairstyle as before. Her cheeks are smudged with what I think is dirt. Widened blue eyes switch between the three of us below her, blinking in surprise.

Another door slams. Jasper's voice sounds from the Rover that's parked on higher ground. "Need your help!" he shouts, appearing from around the vehicle with a seemingly unconscious Raven in his arms. "We have to get her inside before she wakes up."

Caleb takes off like a rocket. He immediately takes her from Jasper's arms and cradles her bridal-style, her limbs dangling awkwardly. She's wrapped loosely in a blanket. My heart clenches in concern, perplexed at the scene before me.

"Were you followed?" Bellamy asks Jasper.

"Maybe — I don't know," the boy stammers. It's quite possibly the first sentence he's spoken to Bellamy without firing an insult at him. Whatever is happening certainly has him shaken, and it causes my heart rate to pick up even more.

Miller turns to Bryan, who had run out at some point. "Get to the ridge. Radio if you spot anyone following. Harper will stay here on watch."

My heart swells with pride. He would have been a much better Commander of the Guard than I had been.

Caleb hikes Raven up further into his arms and carries her inside as quickly as he can. I take off after him back into the cave where Sinclair is sitting alone. As soon as he spots us, he jumps to his feet at the sight of our panicked expressions.

"Clear some space," Clarke orders to him. He brushes aside some stray items on the ground so Caleb can set her gently on the floor, near a bed of leaves that the now-extinguished fire had been placed on. The two men work on situating her in an upright position against the rock wall.

"What the hell happened to her?" Sinclair questions in a confused tone, examining the unresponsive girl in a quick once-over once she's sitting.

"I told you on the radio, Raven is not Raven anymore," Jasper answers dejectedly. His voice is still full of sheer panic, like whatever he had seen had haunted him. "None of them are. Jaha's been chipping everyone."

My eyes grow wide at the same time my stomach drops. "What?"

"Jasper's right," Clarke confirms with a nod. Her voice is much calmer than his, cool and collected— the tone of a leader. "I've seen it with my own eyes."

"I don't need your help, alright?" Jasper jabs a finger at Clarke angrily. Apparently things had not gone well between them on the way here. It doesn't surprise me— she's been here for, what? A minute? And she's already started commanding others what to do. It's her instinct to take charge in any situation, but sometimes it does more harm than good, and she doesn't realize it. It's exactly why Bellamy and I had been so angry at her upon her visit to Arkadia.

I turn to Jasper with a perplexed expression. "What happened while we were gone?"

His lips press into a thin line, face grim. "Jaha is using the chips to control everyone. You swallow it, and it...changes you. You forget who you are and then you see this thing, ALIE. Only, she's not really there." He sighs and reluctantly adds, "She made Raven slit her own wrists."

Caleb looks at the ground, then back at where his hand is gently resting on her face. He pointedly keeps his gaze away from where the blanket is obscuring her forearms.

"She was trying to get it out of her head," Jasper continues, his voice picking up speed again. "I was trying to help her, but—"

"Okay, so let's help her now," Sinclair proposes calmly, standing up to face the panicked boy. His demeanor is refreshing. "Did she say how?"

"She was working on building something," he answers vaguely. "She needed one of her old wristbands but Jaha destroyed all of them."

"Frying the chip..." Caleb mutters under his breath, eyebrows pinched as he stares at the ground. Sinclair gives him a nod, as does Jasper.

"Wait a second," Clarke says as she reaches into a small pouch on her hip. She holds up a tiny, translucent rectangle with a blue infinity sign printed on it. "Does it look like this?"

Jasper shakes his head. "Not exactly—"

Caleb grunts harshly. I glance downward to see him laying on the ground, holding his cheek and grimacing. Raven abruptly pushes herself into a standing position and knocks Sinclair over with a single punch. She then shoves me into the wall, running toward the exit like I've never seen her run before.

"Don't let her get away!" Clarke shouts to Harper outside.

Bellamy pulls me to my feet while Clarke helps Caleb up. Jasper sprints out of the cave after Raven, his long legs working in his favor so he can move quickly. I can hear Raven's voice screaming.

"It's just woods! I can't see anything!" she shouts, presumably to the invisible ALIE. I burst outside to see her frantically trying to identify her surroundings while simultaneously fighting off Harper and Miller. The two of them are struggling to keep her in place. It doesn't help that Raven is flailing about desperately, as if her entire life depends on knowing where she is.

I race forward and hold one of her arms down, my fingers digging into her skin so I don't lose my grip. She swings her limbs and screeches, "Get away! Get — away!"

Jasper was right— this isn't Raven.

"If Raven finds out where we are, so will ALIE," he informs us over her yells. He situates himself between Bellamy and I, reaching gently for her head. "She'll come for us."

There's a hissing noise as Jasper presses a syringe into her neck. I quickly identify it as the ones we use in Medical to sedate patients who are out of control. It's likely sodium pethanol— and if it is, we only have a short time before she wakes up again.

"Reaper stick," Jasper tells the others, meaning my guess is correct. He drops the needle onto the ground. "Last dose."

"We need to go," Clarke urges suddenly. I turn to see her with her idea face on, slowly turning into a smirk as she quickly forms a plan.

"Why?" Bellamy questions. "ALIE doesn't know where we are."

"Because I know where we can get a wristband."

—

Sinclair curses as I drive over a harsh bump, making the entire vehicle lurch roughly. I wince and glance in the rearview mirror to make sure everyone's okay. My fists tighten on the steering wheel. "Sorry."

"Fallon is a terrible driver, but she's also the fastest," Bellamy explains to the middle-aged man in the passenger seat beside me. His usual smirk while talking about my lack of driving skills is absent.

"Pick your poison?" Jasper offers from the back, where he and the others — excluding Harper and Miller — are packed like sardines. Raven is laying across Bellamy, Caleb, and Monty's laps. She hasn't moved yet, so that's how I know that we're making good time.

"We're here," I announce shortly, slowing down the Rover as we approach the same trading post that we'd looked for Clarke in weeks ago. I don't understand why she led us here or why she'd have a wristband.

The owner — Niylah, if I remember correctly — is standing in the arched doorway of the building with a sword drawn. She appears much healthier than when I saw her last. The beating from the Grounders looking for Clarke had left her bloody and bruised, but now she seems to have recovered completely from the attack.

"I'll talk to her," Clarke says quietly.

"I'll go with you," Bellamy offers, not making it an option.

The two climb out of the back doors as quickly as they can. I open my own door and hop out of the Rover, brushing past them to help with Raven. Monty and Octavia assist each other in heaving her into Caleb's arms. I reach over and check the blindfold over her eyes to ensure they're completely covered. The thick piece of black cloth is sure to block anything out as long as it's on.

She stirs groggily. Sinclair shouts to Clarke and Bellamy, "She's waking up. Hurry!" Then, to us, "Let's get her inside."

I step out of the way so Caleb can go first, then follow closely behind him. He adjusts his arm so her face is turned into his chest as an extra precaution. Niylah appears less than willing to house unexpected guests, but with Bellamy's rifle aimed at her, she begrudgingly steps aside and lets us pass. I'm thankful for his impatience for once.

"I told you, my mom was here," Monty says anxiously to Clarke as we hurry inside the trading post. It appears much neater than it had been before. Nothing is littered on the floor and the merchandise is positioned neatly on rows of tables that stretch across the entire room. "If she was chipped, ALIE would know."

"That's why we're putting her in the back, through there." Clarke points Caleb toward a corridor that branches off from the far wall. She quickly grabs four ropes and hooks from various tables before cramming one into my open hand. No words pass between us; we just keep going.

We head through a short passageway lit only by the small flames of candles lining either stone wall. The dim lighting only adds to the foreboding atmosphere, along with the narrow spacing that makes my heart race. It leads to a dark, spacious bedroom, but my brain doesn't take in anything except a mattress positioned on an iron headboard in the middle of the first wall.

"Tie her to the bed!" Clarke instructs quickly as Raven begins to stir even more in Caleb's arms. He sets her down and narrowly misses a swing from her fists as she grunts, realizing that she's being restrained.

"It's okay, it's okay," Sinclair soothes the girl, holding down her hands so she can't hit anyone else. She writhes uncomfortably in his grip.

I take the opportunity to grab one of her bandaged wrists and hold it firmly to the headboard with one hand, raising the rope with another. "Caleb, help me."

He holds her arm in place while I hurriedly tie the rope into the tightest knot I can muster. I worry less about hurting her than making sure she can't slip out of it as I grit my teeth and finish the triple knot. My hands already burn from the rough material sliding across them.

Raven reaches up with her other hand and yanks off the blindfold. She stops moving for a minute, allowing the others more time to tie her ankles to the bed frame. Her eyebrows pinch together as her pupils whirl around in an attempt to find anything she recognizes. Heavy pants come out of her mouth as her gaze locks on something invisible at the foot of the mattress. ALIE.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I?" she suddenly shrieks, limbs beginning to thrash again with even more desperation than before. Her restrained arm twists and turns helplessly. She realizes this and glares at it, nostrils flaring. Her voice almost sounds animalistic when she all but growls, "Let me go!"

"Hold her down!" Sinclair exclaims over her protests. Octavia grabs Raven's leg so she can't move it, pressing it to the mattress. Caleb latches onto her other arm. "One, two, three, lift her up!"

I squeeze between Monty and Jasper, slipping my arms under Raven's torso and heaving her off of the bed. She continues her enraged yells and thrashes like a fish out of water. Sweat dots my forehead from the effort and the combined body heat from all of us being in such a condensed space at once.

"Raven, stop fighting!" Octavia commands desperately.

At that moment, her fist connects hard with Jasper's face, causing him to stumble back away from the bed. Monty drops her legs and replaces his empty spot to hold her arm to the headboard with Caleb's assistance.

"Why is it always me?" Jasper demands frustratedly.

"Sinclair, I need your help!" Clarke pleads from where she's struggling to fix my already loosening knot. So much for that hard work.

The mixture of voices shouting all at once causes my head to spin. Jasper returns to his original task of helping Monty tie her other wrist down, Octavia still working on her ankles. Raven's entire body lifts off of the mattress in vain and discontent. Her constant moving and screaming is making this situation a hell of a lot more difficult.

"Octavia, I got you." Caleb rushes over to finish clipping the metal hook onto its loop, having the Blake help him tighten the rope on her ankle so it's shorter. Raven's leg kicks in an attempt to break free. He doesn't loosen his tight grip, instead holding her steady as he works. A sigh falls from his lips once the clip fastens into place. "Got it!"

"Raven—" Clarke pleads, stepping away now that the restraints are finished. But the older girl's face is set in determination. It sends a sickening feeling to my gut, concern for one of my best friends acting in such a way making me feel nauseous. This isn't Raven. This isn't Raven.

"LET ME GO." She gives an enraged cry and thrashes again. The bonds strain with her movements, but luckily hold steadily. "Let me go!"

I share a worried glance with Monty. We're both thinking the same thing: this will be one hell of a night.

——

the gif is me running from my problems lol

this episode got me thinking: can you imagine if fallon had all her pain bestowed on her at once like raven did? the bone marrow drill, the mount weather torture twice, the stomach wound, being electrocuted, murphy's torture, her parents' deaths, getting hit over the head with a log, acid fog twice....

just thinking about it makes me cringe

-kristyn