Song: Chevelle - Still Running
Chapter is NSFW

------

Langley was selfless.

She was also the most insecure but never let anyone know. She made you feel like a fucking star in the center of the universe before she let anyone know that she was fighting demons in her head every day. So, being up on a rooftop with a knife at her throat, being held in exchange for a ransom that was surely far more than her worth, it was kind of ridiculous.

Langley tried her best not to grin because Murphy looked like her world was ending and everyone else looked legitimately scared. Everyone except Anjo and Evan, who seemed to be attempting to think their way around this. But there wasn't a way.

Anjo finally spoke once everyone was inside the now closed gate. He had to raise his voice over the gurgling and shrieking of the screamers. "What do you want?"

The man spoke in her ear, just loud enough, "Your doctor, in exchange for her."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Langley nearly snorted in her captor's arms. "Our doctor? What makes you think they'll give up a doctor for me? I'm not that valuable."

He didn't speak. Just waited for a response from the leader of the group.

"And if we give you the doctor?"

"Then I'll leave her here, unharmed. If not, she goes with me and she more than likely won't see many more sunsets."

It was silent, as silent as it could be with all the dead running rampant around them below. For a moment, Langley could see them considering it. She could see Evan's hand gripping Anjo's arm and she couldn't quite tell what that meant. But she caught his eyes and shook her head at him, mouthing a simple 'don't'.

His jaw flexed and Evan said something in his ear. Langley's heart almost flipped in her chest when she saw David at the front doors. They were idiots if they were going to agree to this. She had to do something.

"I will never forgive you if you give him to them. He is all we have and I'll be damned if I let you give him away. Everyone needs him, no one needs me. It's simple and you know it." Langley attempted to persuade her leader and she saw the moment that he decided to let her go.

She gave a small nod. "I'll be fine."

"You better be or I will find you and kick your fucking ass." Murphy glared up at her, lowering her weapon.

"Love you, too, Murph." Langley caught a dark figure in the corner of her eye and turned her head to see the guy that had attacked her in the first place. He wore all black, hood up. She pointed at him as the other man started walking backwards with her in tow.

"Watch out for that one, he's a sneaky little fuck!" She called out as the gate disappeared from her view and it all started to sink in.

It's fine. It's fine. If anyone was going to die out here it was always going to be you. You knew. It's fine.

She took a deep breath and her heart finally calmed down and she was forced down a ladder, the guy in black was waiting for her at the bottom. She took his hand when it was offered and she hopped off the last step with a sarcastic smile.

"Thank you, kind sir."

The boss came down beside her and landed in the alleyway. His boots echoed off the brick walls. The screamers had been blocked off by two dumpsters where the alley began at the street. They paid them no mind as they ran loose in the pitch black night.

"Take her below, I'll meet you back at camp." The boss instructed and disappeared into the next building without another word.

"Come on." The guy turned and Langley followed him further down the alleyway until he uncovered a manhole and motioned for her to get in.

She raised a brow, "Seriously? Is this where you guys have been the whole time? Living in the sewer, fighting crime?"

"Get in, please." He asked without so much as an emotion.

"Tough crowd." She shrugged and lowered herself in, stepping down the small ladder until her feet were firmly planted on a semi-wet hard surface. It was just big enough to stand. "Awesome."

The guy came down after her and if she wanted to, she could've run but she knew she'd be lost in a matter of minutes and she didn't have a light to see with. As soon as she thought about the darkness, he clicked on the flashlight that he'd taken from her and started moving forward.

They walked for about five minutes taking seemingly random lefts and rights. The air was sickly warm and reeked of more than just shit. Something smelled well and truly dead mixed in with it. It sent a hard shiver down her spine and almost forced the bile up her throat.

"So. Is this how you guys always get around?" She inquired and he didn't say anything for a good while so she asked again.

"SO. IS THIS HOW YOU GUYS ALWAYS GET AROUND?" Her voice echoed so loud it hurt her own ears. She stepped back when he spun around and pulled his hood back revealing his troubled face. She didn't expect him to look so . . . normal.

"Keep your voice down. We aren't the only things down here. We have them under control, blocked off, but if they get too riled up, who knows what could happen. Okay?" He furrowed his brows and he actually looked like a nice guy. He just seemed so out of place.

"You don't want to be doing this." Langley stated because there was no question about it.

"No." He said, looking faintly torn before he turned away and kept moving. "I never wanted any of this. There are things you should know before we get there."

"Like what?"

"Like how he's going to hurt you. It won't just be physical, but mental. He has a way of breaking people and also killing them. He excels at that. He's smart so don't underestimate him. Everything he does, he does it for a reason. Just like how he took you tonight."

"He knew we wouldn't give up the doc?"

"Yeah."

"Great. So what does he want me for? Weak ass leverage?"

"Leverage nonetheless." He said casually, like he'd been through this before countless times.

"Why don't you get away if you don't want to be with him? You have the sewers that you clearly know how to navigate. Why don't you run?" She wondered as they trudged along.

"I have friends. I can't leave them behind."

"Jesus, seriously? Go get them and take them to the tower, they will take you in. It's that fucking simple." Langley was having a hard time believing how ignorant this guy was.

"It's not." He stopped walking and sighed, using his hands as he spoke. "You're right. I could take them to your tower, but your leader knows who I am. I beat the ungodly shit out of him. Under orders of course. I do what I have to, or else I get fed to the dead."

"Nice." She huffed and leaned against the wall.

"So I wouldn't be able to go with them. If I returned alone, he'd know it was me that led them all away. He'd kill me right there. Or worse, he'd bring them back and kill them right in front of me and leave me alive as a lesson. You see? I'm stuck here. I don't have a choice. I do what he says, I have shelter, food, I live."

Langley crossed her arms and nodded. "That sucks, dude. Listen I feel really bad for you and your friends. But I still think you have a choice. You can go back with me, I can get you in."

"I don't think your friends will be as forgiving as you." He gave a small amused laugh.

"Alright. Your choice." Langley shrugged and pushed off the wall. "And it's totally fine if you have to beat me up or whatever he makes you do. I have a very strong disposition when it comes to uncomfortable situations."

"You say that now." He furrowed his brows. "I really don't want this to be bad for you. Do what he says and you'll be okay. Or as okay as you can be in a world like this."

Langley didn't know what to say so she gave a small nod of acknowledgment even though she was going to fight this head honcho tooth and nail when they got there. "What's your name?"

He started backing away down the sewers, catching her hard gaze before he pulled his hood back up and turned. "Arlan."

------

"She's dead." Murphy said plainly a week later, no emotion in her voice as they all sat in the lobby cleaning guns as the sun broke the horizon.

"She is not. She can handle herself." Jonathan stated and Murphy's head snapped in his direction.

"Is that why you just let her go because you think she can handle herself?" Murphy stood. "They are violent, hostile men. When she turns up in the middle of the night screaming her dead head off, maybe then you'll be sorry."

Jonathan watched her storm off and he really didn't have the energy to explain to her why he knew Langley would be fine. He was tired from running all night with Evan, so he rubbed his eyes and laid back on the floor. Lucah licked his hand and huffed.

"I'll go talk to her." Evan offered and pushed himself to his feet trailing quietly down the hall Murphy had disappeared down.

But they both knew she wouldn't fully forgive anyone or herself until Langley came back. They didn't know when that would be or if he'd even let her go. But Jonathan knew deep down somehow that she wasn't going to be killed. The guy in the mask kept her for a reason.

"Murph, listen to me." Evan tried to open the door that she was holding shut with her body on the other side.

"Fuck off."

"You don't have to open the door, just listen to me." Evan leaned against the wall. "He needs her for leverage against us. As long as he has her alive he has something to hold over us and we have nothing over him. He's not gonna give that up. She's going to be okay. You know her better than any of us."

Murphy yanked the door open and glared at him with glossy eyes. "Exactly! I know her. She is perfectly okay with dying for me, for you, for everyone here. She wouldn't think twice about it. So if he pushes her for information she is going to laugh in his fucking face until he's had enough. He's going to kill her and for what?"

"Murphy."

"I'm done." She shoved her way past him.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to run."

Evan jogged to keep up with her but stopped when Jonathan grabbed at his pants leg when he passed him on the floor.

"Let her go."

Evan looked down at him, surprised at his leisure mood. "What if she goes looking for her?"

"She won't. She's not that stupid. Give her some space." He threw his arm over his eyes and went back to petting Lucah with the other.

"What's up with you?" Evan crouched and pulled the man's arm away from his face. He had bags underneath his eyes.

"I'm thinking. Do you mind?" Jonathan tugged his arm back and covered his eyes again.

"No." Evan grinned fondly at his attitude. "Why don't you go get on the cot in the corner and get some sleep. You look dead. We can run for the day while you rest."

Jonathan just gave a short groan in response, but he didn't move. Then he groaned even louder when Evan stood over him and grabbed his arms, pulling him up until he was on his feet, swaying. He dragged him over to the small bed in the corner and left him there.

Jonathan didn't argue, just pulled the pillow over his head and let his leg hang over the edge. He passed out within thirty seconds and the room fell silent. Evan gathered up his bag and pointed at Marcel and a young guy named Desmond, motioning for them to follow him outside.

For the past week they'd been sending other's outside to run. Murphy was a natural at it and everyone else was steadily learning how they did things. They were on the search for more baby food and antibiotics just for the sake of keeping their supplies in stock for emergencies. He and Jonathan had discussed it the night Langley was taken and decided that they needed to let more people get out there and get used to the city and how to navigate the streets and the rooftops. That way if they had to abandon the tower, they had more than just two people to lead them all away.

They crossed their fingers that a situation like that never happened. Enough had already happened and Evan knew it was weighing Jonathan down. Because he was stubborn and felt like he had to fix everything even though they couldn't fix any of it.

They couldn't bring Bryce and Ryan back any more than they could waltz in and get Langley. It was all entirely out of the picture, but Jonathan still insisted on fighting sleep and thinking of a way. He was surprised he got up and laid down in the bed.

He, Marcel, and Desmond climbed their way to the rooftops and set off in different directions to cover more area. Evan could see Murphy off in the distance sitting up high on a church tower, letting her legs hang over the edge as she brooded. It was best to let her be for now. She was a little spitfire and pretty much Langley's twin, so he steered clear.

The day was long as he picked through abandoned stores and housing. He felt a little sick the longer he lingered around the memories of people that were surely dead, maybe some of which he'd killed in the night. Swallowing it all down was getting harder and harder to do, but he was fighting hard to keep himself from slipping. Choking on his guilt.

He felt solely responsible for the three people they lost. It was his pep-talk, his encouragement, his idea.

His fault.

Then there was Jonathan and the fact that the ache in Evan's chest was getting worse every time he caught his eye. The runner was straining himself and hadn't really spoken to him since that night when chaos erupted. Evan understood, he needed to think, they all did.

The atmosphere had changed dramatically in the lobby. Everyone was gloomy and grey and hardly joked around anymore. The ball of sunshine was gone, said ball's best friend, and the woman that kept them all on their toes. They were essential and without them they had withered.

Evan ran until night fell then he regrouped with Marcel and Desmond. They gathered all their bags and trudged into the tower where everyone helped them sort it all out and cart it where it needed to go. The supplies were growing in number just within the past week from the increased amount of runners. It took one small weight off of their shoulders.

It was better than nothing.

------

Evan found Jonathan where he always went as a last resort to get away from everyone. The door to the roof was propped open and Jonathan was resting against the ledge, leaning on his elbows, looking out at the city with paint on his fingertips.

He paid Evan no mind, like he used to before he let himself slip and started caring too much about him and his place in his life. Lately that place was right beside him, everywhere. In the next shower stall, the bed next to his, the seat to his left, on his six as they ran.

He never used to feel the heat coming from him, but now he could sense his warmth radiating like summer. Jonathan knew he was right there, but he refused to look at him. He refused to feel anything more than he already did. Yet he couldn't stop the nerves from twisting in his stomach at Evan's soft tone.

"Angel Boy."

Jonathan was silent so Evan leaned against the concrete, letting his shoulder brush his.

"You can't fix this one. Stop hiding and trying to find a way. The military has our boys and tall guy won't give up Langley unless we give him something important in exchange. We have nothing else that we can afford to lose." Evan looked over at him and sighed when he continued to stare out at the city. "Jonathan, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" The runner looked at his hands and the small triangle tattoo on the inside of his middle finger. It matched his brother's and his father's. "Bryce and Ryan could've got away and are in hiding, waiting for help and we're just sitting here twiddling our thumbs."

"That's all we can do. I seriously doubt they got away. The military was waiting for us, I heard a warning shot. Yeah, maybe one of them are hiding. But we don't know and we can't exactly go looking over the boundary line without getting ourselves killed. And if they were able to make it back here, they'd be back already. As for Langley, I trust you when you say she'll be okay. So, can you please stop disappearing on me? We need to work together and keep going." Evan stood back when Jonathan did. The runner ran his hands through his hair before he pulled his hat back on.

"Jonathan, I swear to fucking God if you back out on me again I'll . . ." Evan could hear the plea in his own voice and swallowed when Jonathan looked him dead in the eye.

Evan knew what he was trying to do, what he was always trying to do. He was trying to push him away and Evan thought that after all the times the man had tried and failed, that maybe he'd give up. But there they were, staring each other down and he could pretty much taste the tension that was hanging between them now.

"You'll what?" Jonathan finally responded and Evan couldn't do anything but glare at him because it hurt to see the guy who admitted to him that he was sort of his best friend, pushing him away yet again. Even if he was semi-high at the time, it didn't change the fact that Jonathan had said it and that it had meant everything to Evan.

He wanted to say a lot of things, but instead he watched Jonathan brush past him. Then he surged forward and kept pace behind him all the way down the stairs until they reached the elevator.

"I'll do nothing." Evan rubbed at his eyes. "Because in a few days you'll go right back to laughing at my jokes and letting me be near you again. You think you're doing yourself a favor by trying not to care about anyone, but you have no idea how much you've already changed and there is no going back from it."

The runner sighed and kept his mouth shut. He knew that arguing would make Evan speak even more and he didn't have the patience at the moment. Jonathan just wanted to get away from it all. He wanted to get away from Evan more than anything.

"You can give me the silent treatment, I don't care, because I know you. You're doing this because of them; Langley, Ryan, and Bryce. They're your friends now no matter how much you tried to keep to yourself. You're not a lone runner anymore and you gotta accept that, man. I don't understand why you keep backpedaling. You open up to everyone and then you regret it. What are you so scared of?" Evan stepped off the elevator behind him and kept his eyes on his shoulder blades that kept moving beneath his shirt. "When I first met you . . . you would've let them all go without thinking. You wouldn't have worried because it was their choice and you'd move on, do what you had to do. You wouldn't linger. But now that you care and I know you fucking care, you're losing sleep over it. Just like I couldn't even think straight when you were taken."

Evan stopped walking when it all settled on his shoulders, the guilt that had been hanging around him like a storm cloud waiting to come crashing down disastrously. He took a deep breath, "Jesus fucking Christ, this is all my fault."

Jonathan stopped, "How is any of this your fault? It's not anyone's. It just . . . happened."

Evan shook his head, "If I had never gone out there and started running in the first place . . ."

"Then I'd have been overwhelmed, taken eventually, probably killed, and then everyone here wouldn't have known what to do. Chaos would've erupted, the tower wouldn't have lasted as long as it has." Jonathan shrugged and turned around to find Evan looking at him so god damn desperately and all he wanted to do was laugh at him and shove him, take off running down the hall just because he knew he'd chase him down. He wanted to, but that only meant Evan was one step closer to being someone he didn't want to live without.

When you cared too much about something and then you lost it . . . . it was worse than dying. Worse than being alone.

He'd take the solitude any day.

"Dude . . . please." Evan huffed. "Stop doing this."

Jonathan took a step back, "I can't."

Evan let him turn and walk away yet again. But like all the times before he swallowed his emotions, readjusted his hat and took off running after him. "I won't stop either, you asshole."

Jonathan sighed so heavily when Evan caught up. He felt him bump his shoulder like everything was going to be fine and go back to normal. But it wasn't.

Jonathan wouldn't let it this time, no matter how hard Evan tried.

------

Her teeth felt loose from biting down on nothing. The headache she had was unreal, piercing behind her eyes and throbbing with her erratic heartbeat.

But, Langley refused to scream. No matter how hard he hit, or how deep he cut, she refused. It was nothing she couldn't handle, except when the guy walked away and she was left to herself in the dark. That's when she cracked just a little. It would get so quiet.

She was lost in thought, day dreaming about nice things and sticking a knife into the tall guy's chest, watching the blood flow beneath her fingers. Such a nice thought. There were times when she actually wanted him to kill her, but she knew he wouldn't do it until he got what he wanted.

Her lips were sealed even to Arlan who always snuck in at the most random times to give her a bit of water and something for the pain before he ran off without so much as a sound.

Langley was grateful for that.

"He won't stop." Arlan whispered to her through the door one day or night, she really didn't know. "Not until you give him something. Give him something, please. Lie, make something up."

" . . . I can't." She muttered through bloody teeth.

Arlan sighed and she didn't hear from him for another three days when he came bursting through the door which made her jump and scramble for the corner. The dark only made it worse as he grabbed her beneath the arms and lifted her. It was the only place it didn't hurt and she relaxed a bit when she realized he wasn't there to hurt her.

He placed her on a table, the only furniture in the cold, empty cell and he pressed the side of his face against hers and he spoke so low she had to strain to hear. "He's listening. I know you won't talk or give up anything. But can you scream?"

"What?"

"Scream. I'm supposed to be ripping your clothes off right now and having my way with you. If he hears you scream, even just a little, he'll ease up on you. He'll think he's winning." Arlan gripped her hips. "Langley, please. If you don't scream for me, someone else will come in here and trust me when I say the others aren't as gentle as I am."

She shuddered at the thought and felt the bile threaten to come up. "I can't -"

"Yes. You can." He pulled her closer to him and tore her shirt at the collar, ripping it halfway for show. "Think about someone else doing this to you, not me. Get angry. Fight back. Scratch me. Make it real."

He didn't say another word just slammed his fists down on the wood and Langley heard herself yelp then imagined it being another man. A tall man, who had already beaten her black and blue. She could imagine his hot breath on her face as he held her down and tore her clothes unwillingly from her body.

Her breathing started to become uneven. The anxiety took hold of her and she almost couldn't breathe.

"That's it." He whispered and wrapped his arm around her and started to lay her back on the rickety table.

"No." She gasped and tried to work her hands in between them. Fuck, she couldn't breathe. It was dark and she couldn't move.

It was the feeling of being constricted that set her off. The heavy weight of another person on her in the dark and hot breath in her ear. Her lip trembled and she started pushing at him, but he wouldn't let go. He pressed her down into the table and her breaths were coming fast now.

"Get off!"

"Make me." He whispered as he held her a little tighter, increasing her anxiety on purpose. Arlan wasn't hurting her, but it was hurting him to see such a strong woman have to go through so much torture for such a stupid reason.

She struggled and it felt like the world was closing in on her. Langley thrashed as she thought about the time she was locked in a well house when she was twelve. It was her cousin's fault but none of that mattered. As much as she had beat on the door, no one heard her calling for help. The air had turned hot, moist, and thick in the small confined space and she had hyperventilated just like she was now.

The tears fell and her back arched with the intensity of the scream that left her lungs. It was ear splitting and she sucked in a ragged breath before it came up again just as loud. All of her fears and frustrations poured out and it felt like hours before it let up and Arlan pushed up and away from her.

"Shh. He's gone." Arlan offered her comfort but she pushed him away so she could breathe. The skin on her face was raw from wiping away the wetness furiously as she got control of herself.

"I'm sorry." He whispered into the dark. "I don't think he'll touch you again now that he thinks he's got to you. Don't listen to anything he says. Don't believe a word."

All Langley could do was breathe heavily into the dark, shaking, growing angry at how weak she really was.

"I have to go." Arlan stepped toward her carefully and reached for her, finding her fingers, giving them a small reassuring squeeze. "You're going to be okay. Do you believe me?"

His hand moved up to touch her warm, clammy face and she gave an uncertain nod.

"I'll be back when I can."

Then he was gone and she was left sitting there with a splinter in her thigh and ripped clothes, not knowing what day or time it was. She had to put what faith she had in a man she didn't really know. A man that could be playing her for his own gain.

------

"Where the fuck is Craig?!" Murphy fumed back into the lobby after she stomped off the elevator. "I need him to fix this fucking radio and for once in his life he's not holed up in that disgusting nerd lair."

"He was in the mess hall last I saw." Scotty mumbled and went back to polishing Marcel's blades while his lover sharpened old ones.

Murphy disappeared back upstairs again and the room fell silent once more. Everyone hated it. It was so tense and no one had the patience for humor anymore. Things took such an unexpected turn and no one really knew how to deal with it.

"You think shit's ever gonna get back to normal?" Scotty asked and relaxed a bit when Marcel took his hand that smelled of metal and pressed his lips against his knuckles.

"I do. We just have to give it some time." Marcel leaned over and lifted Scotty's chin, kissing him gently because he knew he needed to be reassured that they weren't lost causes. "Come on."

He pulled him away to their bunk in his workspace and took his mind off of things for a while and it wasn't until they were dozing off that he heard two familiar voices floating through the lobby.

"I'm going with you." He heard Evan and the attitude in his tone. They'd been arguing again, but that was nothing new.

"Of course you are." There was Anjo's unamused sarcastic voice.

"What? You don't want me to?" Evan pressed. But Anjo kept silent. "Dude, if you keep doing this to me I'm only gonna get worse. You know me, I can't stand it when it's quiet. I'm gonna get so fucking wound up that I'll give you another nickname."

"Don't."

"I don't know, I think people around here would like to call you something other than Anjo. Since you're stupidly secretive about your name why not just call you . . . . Jay?"

"No."

"Come on, Jay, you know you like it." Evan smirked and he wasn't ready to be slammed against the nearest pillar with Jonathan's hard fists digging into his chest.

"Don't ever call me that again."

Evan blinked and it registered that this was something deep, not just simple annoyance. This hurt him and Evan knew that he was one step closer to getting him to unravel at the seams. But the pain he saw flicker in his eyes had him thinking against pushing him over the edge.

Evan finally felt his feet firmly on the ground again and Jonathan was slinging open the front doors and running off into the sunlight. He collected himself and took a deep breath as he fastened his bag over his shoulder, following the only thing he ever wanted to; Jonathan.

"Come on, Lucah." He snapped his fingers once and as always she was there beside him, following him wherever his mess of a life took him. Lately that was in an endless circle around a man that was so complex that it made his head spin. But there was something so tragic and beautiful about his fucked up past and mind that made Evan want to drown in it.

------

Jonathan was on the verge of losing it. Losing his mind and definitely his patience. It was the kind of repressed anger and stress that stacked continuously, building up until it was ready to snap. He was ready to snap. He almost couldn't deal with it anymore.

He couldn't deal with wanting to open up and be as distant from Evan as he possibly could at the same time. Sometimes it felt like he was smothering and he would dig his nails into his arm until the feeling receded. It never lasted and hours later he was wanting to rip his hair out all over again.

But then there were the times when he would just lay there and listen to Evan talk about anything and he'd fucking talk all night. Jonathan didn't mind though. Once upon a time he would've thrown his shoe at him and told him to shut the fuck up, but recently his voice and his stories and his really bad jokes calmed him down. Sometimes he really wanted to know more about him, wanted to ask him about his past, wanted to know more about all the places he'd been and all the things he'd seen. Jonathan wanted to know deep down what made him tick and that's what worked his nerves up the most. The fact that he wanted to be closer, wanted to know every detail, how he got his scars, and whether or not he dreamed in color.

Evan was a good friend, he couldn't deny it and he wanted to. But he was good, great in fact and he moved around him, fit in his life so easily that it scared him.

It was like how things had been with Tyler, except Tyler was like his brother. With Evan it was like . . . magnetism. He was so fucking drawn to him, he felt it in his fingers. His smile was infectious and it always sent a wave of warmth through him. He was gorgeous from his head down to his toes and like himself, he was a little lost.

Jonathan knew he was already in too deep and it was going to hurt regardless, but he was accustomed to pain. So, he ran in the opposite direction when he saw Evan make it up to the roof tops with Lucah clinging to his shoulders.

To his surprise he was left alone for the majority of the day, until the sun started to set. He'd gotten comfortable sitting on the edge of safehouse, legs dangling over the edge as he watched the clouds change color and felt the temperature dropping with the season. There was a shuffling of little feet on a tin roof and looked to his left to find Lucah trotting his way from the adjacent building, moving steadily across the thick piece of tin he and Evan had placed between the the two rooftops ages ago to serve as a bridge.

He held his hand out and she jogged over, sitting beneath his arm after she dropped something in his lap. Jonathan clenched his jaw to calm himself before he pried the top off the small plastic tube.

To be honest, he wanted to toss it over the edge and pretend he didn't see the small piece of paper folded up inside of it. But his fingers ached and he shook his head at himself because he was so fucking weak-minded. He told himself it was because he had nothing else to do, that he was bored and curious, that it was not because it was from Evan and probably contained something really stupid or sweet or corny. Something that would make him smile.

Jonathan unfolded the paper and he bit his lip trying not to let the feelings run through him. He resisted the urge to look for him in the abandoned buildings below.

"You look really good up there from where I'm sitting. I mean you look good no matter what but, yeah. Have I ever told you how photogenic you are? Probably.

Listen, don't throw this into the wind or I'll come up there and fight you. I want you to have your space if that's what you need, but you are legit my best friend and my dog loves you. Really wish you would talk to me and stop hiding yourself from the world.

To be honest, I just like being with you. I like teasing you and running my mouth because it's like I said all those months ago, I'm trying to keep my mind off of everything else.

You help me do that.

-Me (your bro)

P.S. Yes, I'm using my dog to get to your heart because you love her, too."

This was the part where he was supposed to write back. Maybe turn the paper over and draw a quick sketch of a hand flipping him off. He knew that's what Evan was expecting, that's what he wanted him to do. But Jonathan pushed himself to his feet and started climbing up to the safe house, attempting to forget the words that were burning themselves into his brain.

He was a foot off the ground when he heard Lucah whine below him. Jonathan glanced back down and waved her off. "Go back."

She huffed and shook her head, pawing at the ground in front of her. She refused to go and Jonathan knew she'd sit there all night because she'd made up her mind already where she was going to sleep.

"Alright." He dropped to the ground and crouched. Lucah immediately crawled up his back and clung to him with her nails when he stood. It was clear she'd done it many time before because she held fast and never slipped. Her bottom feet were on his waist band and she leaned forward to balance herself as he climbed up to the open window. When he got to the ledge she jumped up and crawled in first.

Evan watched from his dark window a few layers down in the favela and grinned to himself. Jonathan didn't reply but at least he took Lucah with him and he wasn't alone and torturing himself. That was enough for him, for now.

------

Evan sent him a letter via Lucah each night and each night he'd watch him read it devoid of all emotion before he turned in for the night. Lucah kept him company until morning then she'd give Jonathan a wet lick on the face and retreat back to her owner until night fell again. It became a routine for two weeks and Jonathan thought that it was better this way.

Everything was fine up until the moment he realized that with each letter he read, the more he learned about the Asian. The more he read, the further he went into Evan's mind and it was the most fascinating thing.

Jonathan couldn't fall asleep without him waiting for him behind his eyes. He couldn't fall asleep without his letters playing themselves out.

"My favorite place to go was to my grandmother's house in the mountains of Cali. It was so far out, you couldn't hear a car for twenty miles and when night came you could see every star in the sky. Like that time the earthquake hit and it felt like I was where I was supposed to be. That's how I felt at my grandmother's. It was trees and adventure and make believe and lots of cuts and scrapes. Best time of my life.

Until it burned with a wildfire. Gone in minutes, half of my childhood, my sanctuary. I lost a piece of myself that day and it was like a turning point in my life. All the fantasy and mystery that came with being young and a dreamer, it was just gone in an instant and I'll never get that back.

But I feel it here. Kind of messed up, I know. But this place and the monsters and your mysterious ways . . . . feels like a little piece of me was put back into place."

Jonathan dreamed of wildfires and a figure standing in the middle of it all, tall, menacing and familiar. The smoke was thick in his lungs; dry. Then he was running from it all, just like he was running from everything in the real world. He got nowhere and he woke to Lucah licking his hand. She laid her head on his chest for comfort and he stared out at the stars for hours until the sun came up and the faint screams disappeared.

------

Jonathan adored Lucah.

He cared about her, so he disappeared before she even showed up the next night. She howled sadly from below but he turned in the bed and ignored her calls until she got quiet.

That didn't mean there wasn't a little plastic bottle with another note in it sitting on the window sill waiting for him to open. Jonathan popped the top off and pulled the paper out, unfolding it and falling back to the bed as he read.

"I try not to hit the reflectors on the road when I switch lanes."

That was it. Before he could even think about anything, he slipped his shoes on and took off running once his feet hit the rooftops. Evan was always in the distance and never far behind when he dropped his bags off. He never really went away.

Jonathan went inside the tower to eat and shower and he wasn't surprised when Evan turned on the water beside him. He never said a word though and it had Jonathan itching in the silence.

He couldn't take the quiet much more. That empty void between them. It was like Evan was a drug he had unwillingly and unknowingly become addicted to. When he wasn't there talking in his ear all day, he started to miss it.

Jonathan cut off the water and ruffled his hair up with the towel rougher than was really necessary, but he was so anxious waiting for Evan to finally say something.

Fuck, he wanted him to. Because he missed it, he missed him.

He slammed his locker shut after he dressed and nearly ran out of the room, doing anything he could to stop himself from turning and looking at him, from saying anything. His chest was hurting and he was pacing in the elevator before he got out on the mess hall floor.

He found some dinner and took a seat in the corner with his back to everyone like he normally did. It was so quiet and he was half expecting Evan to sit across from him as per their routine but instead he saw his hand place another message in a bottle beside him before he disappeared without a word.

Jonathan didn't realize his heart was beating a little faster until he had to take a deep breath to calm it down. He opened it after he finished eating. The fork clanked in the empty bowl and he glanced around for a familiar face that wasn't there, luckily.

The paper unfolded in his hands and he read.

"I see things and feel things very deeply. A sunrise isn't just a sunrise, it's colors and peace and it fills me up with a feeling I'll never be able to describe.

I love sitting in a coffee shop in a town or city I've never been in before, listening to foreign music I don't understand, watching the world move around me. It makes me see how small I am. It puts everything into perspective. Makes you enjoy the little things, like the shapes in the foam on top of your cappuccino, or the smile on a stranger's face as they run and hug a friend in the street.

I like to see other people happy even if I'm not entirely happy myself. Makes me wonder what could be and if maybe one day that'll be me instead, running across a busy street just to get across and hug that person I haven't seen in such a long time.

That's what most of my travels consisted of; photographing moments like those and just taking in the world around me.

It's really easy for me to put up a front, to pretend I'm okay. I have lapses, but I try to keep it up for you because I want to see you smile sometimes. I want to see you to be yourself. I want to see the real you.

Just want to see you, to be honest.

-Evan (Stop pretending to not like me. It's getting old and Lucah misses you.)"

Jonathan stared at the paper for a long time and like all the other times instead of balling it up, he folded it neatly and put it in his pocket.

He still didn't know why.

------

The air was getting colder and Langley knew that fall was here or maybe winter was close. She never really kept up with the days. She was just waiting on it all to end. She wished for it, but she had a feeling he knew that so he kept her alive just out of spite.

He had moved her out into the open, in the middle of their camp for all to see how torn she was, how bruised and bloody and bound. But she didn't care, all she wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up.

She was lying there face down in the dirt one morning when she heard quick whispers, something new. It was quite the task just trying to push herself up, but in time she was on her knees, looking around for the commotion and there it was being pulled into the camp by their arms, one ankle caught in a bear trap.

She felt the fire flaring up again in her chest when they were thrown to the dirt beside her. They groaned and then slowly turned her way, grinning madly.

Langley rolled her eyes and grit her teeth, "What the fuck, Craig?!"

He gave a small laugh, "Trying to make things right."

"By stepping in a fucking trap?!"

"Well, that was unexpected. Didn't exactly know they were there, forgive me."

Langley sighed, "If you'd ever come out of that fucking room, maybe you'd have heard about life on the outside and by the way, you're not making anything right. If anything, it's worse now."

"Not everything goes according to plan." He shrugged where he was laying in the dirt. "It's whatever."

Heavy shoes and a dark voice interrupted their reunion. "This makes things easier for me. So I owe you my thanks . . . . Craig, isn't it?"

"It is. Congratulations." Craig remarked which earned him a handful of dirt in his mouth.

------

Jonathan was running out of excuses to not let Evan come along, so when he passed him in the lobby the next morning he motioned with his head and Evan was on his feet so fast it was kind of cute. He shook the thought off and started running.

Evan made Lucah stay behind with Murphy for comfort because she was only getting worse and more angry at the world. The dog always made her feel better, so he gave her up for a while.

He caught up to Jonathan and kept his mouth shut for a majority of the run until they were getting pretty close to the boundary line on the outskirts of the city. They'd never searched this far out. Jonathan was rummaging through a closet in a random house, pulling sheets out of a closet until he found what he was looking for.

Evan was curious. "What exactly are you doing?"

Jonathan stuffed a wad of blue sheets into his bag and kept moving, giving the house a quick sweep for essentials before he climbed back up to the roof.

"We need to set up more safehouses out here if we're sending out more people and expanding our search grid." Jonathan finally responded and spread the sheets out on the rooftop, making Evan hold the edges out while he cut them into fourths. One to hang outside each safehouse so they could spot it easier.

It took up most of their day and they were falling into separate beds by sundown in a new safehouse after they'd secured all the doors downstairs.

All was quiet and Evan couldn't take it anymore. "Can I tell you something?"

"I can't stop you." Came Jonathan's calm reply in the dark.

(***SUICIDE/SELF HARM MENTION AHEAD/WILL BE MARKED BOLD***)

"I used to be suicidal."

Jonathan opened his eyes and turned to see Evan's silhouette sitting up in his bed crosslegged, looking out the window. Of all people, Evan seemed like the last to have wanted to die at some point.

"I know, of all people right? That's what you're probably thinking." Evan gave a small laugh. "All my life I kept having the most important things taken away from me. When I'd find a friend in school, they'd move away the next year. When I got attached to an animal, they'd disappear or die. My grandmother's house burning took a big piece of me. I'm bisexual but I could never be with a guy because of my mother and the social circle I was forced into. That was another big piece of me. I felt so suffocated and supressed. When my dad died, that was the last straw for me. (***START OF MENTION***) I locked myself in the hospital bathroom with a scalpel and I had barely cut into my wrist, blood dripping on my foot when my family started banging on the door. I couldn't kill myself with them nagging me like they'd been doing my entire life. (***END OF MENTION***) So I ran, caught a random flight. I ended up in Indonesia and it was so beautiful. I thought to myself, how can I kill myself when I have all these sights to see? All these places to go and experience? So I traveled and I found an albino puppy in an alleyway, crying because it'd been thrown out like trash. Lucah stayed by my side and she's still here unlike everything else I've ever held close. I'm just hoping that you don't disappear . . ."

Evan left it at that and got comfortable in his bed before he drifted off to sleep leaving Jonathan restless. But when he did fall asleep he dreamed of his dad and his rich laughter. He dreamed of lighting firecrackers in a bathroom with a young Tyler, dreamed of squeezing his fingers purple on a plane to Rio, dreamed of walking away from him as the dust kept falling around them in the dark shambles of the parking garage. He was running and crying and he couldn't fucking breathe. Then he was awake with his heart running wild, a panic attack setting in, and Evan's hand in his squeezing it tight.

Evan lifted his hand to his chest and Jonathan could feel his heartbeat, strong and calm and he took a deep breath, focusing on the feeling of it beneath his fingers until he could breathe again. Evan was silent, letting him take his time in the dark until he finally settled.

"Do you-"

"No." Jonathan pulled his hand back and rolled to his side. "I don't want to talk about it."

He didn't want to think about it or the fact that it was almost impossible to imagine Tyler's laugh or smile anymore. He was forgetting. At the same time he could just think about Evan and he knew where his scars were and what color his tattoos were and why he loved that cat shirt so much. He knew what made him laugh and he knew that he was hurting him, but he kept telling himself that it was better this way. For the both of them.

Night turned into day and Evan was getting irritated, Jonathan could tell by the way he kept groaning and mumbling stupid shit behind his back. But then he went back to his old ways and started telling him the most off the wall facts and cracked the lamest jokes until the sun fell and Jonathan was ready to strangle him.

Instead of killing him he waited until the screams rang out and one set of green eyes wandered down an empty alleyway alone. Jonathan crept down the fire escape and let the thing get right beneath him. He pulled a blade out and dropped right on top of it, sinking the knife into the base of it's spine. He pulled back and stabbed again and again and again until he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure it's dead now, Angel Boy." Evan rubbed his thumb into his shoulder and it felt like a rock.

"You're so fucking tense."

"I'm not tense."

"Sure feels like it."

"Evan . . . don't fuck with me."

"Oh, come on. You know that's what I love to do. Why don't we call it a night and head for a safehouse? It's too dark."

Jonathan sat there crouched for a moment catching his breath and cleaning his knife off. Evan squeezed his shoulder again and worked into his muscle, but a moment later his fingers grazed his neck then moved to his collarbone. Jonathan grabbed his hand and stood. He glared at him in the dim moonlight and pressed his hand back against his chest before shoving him away and heading back up the ladder to the roof.

He could feel Evan's eyes boring holes into his back and it took effort to resist looking back even once, because he knew what he'd see. He'd see exactly what he was trying to run from.

------

(This part has been revised. It was grapey, and my younger self was fucking wild for that. -walk 2024)

The new safehouse was larger than the rest. Open floor plan, lush carpets, colorful trinkets hanging against the walls, and big bay windows that they'd chosen to leave wide open for the cooler air. It was clear a wealthier person used to reside there.

Jonathan went straight for the kitchen and dug through the canned food they'd left stashed in the cabinet.

Then he felt Evan's warmth behind him and he paused with the can opener in his hand.

"Hey." Evan spoke quietly.

"What?"

"You've got some rips in your shirt. Let me check you for scratches. I don't want you to turn and eat me in my sleep."

"It was one fucking screamer and it was dead before it could even fight back."

"You were definitely caught up in the moment, you don't know what could've happened." Evan persisted and watched Jonathan roll his neck before he pulled his shirt up and over his head, throwing it off into the next room like an angry child. He pressed his hands on the cold marble counter and waited.

Evan saw his fingers curl in when he ran his hands over his bare back that was still damp with sweat. But his skin was turning cold from the air.

"You look good. No scratches, I mean."

"Are you done?"

Jonathan walked off but Sam caught his arm and tried to pull him back. "Wait, you have a cut on the side of your face."

Evan reached for his jaw to run his thumb over it to access the severity of the scratch but as soon as his hand grazed his skin, Jonathan pushed at his wrist and shoved his other hand into Evan's chest, sending him back into the kitchen.

His hip caught the counter and he just stood there in shock for a moment. But he felt victorious, because Jonathan was never like this, had never been so physical toward him until tonight.

He was close to breaking and Evan was hoping for it.

Jonathan was breathing heavier than normal when he said, "I'm fine."

Evan stood there leaning against the counter trying to calm his heart and the heat in his stomach when Jonathan started walking away again. He was holding it all in and continuously pushing Evan away, fighting it with every fiber of his being.

Evan realized that the only way Jonathan would fold was if he was confronted with nowhere to go. Sure, Evan could let him run away again, but that would get them nowhere. It'd be an endless cycle of Jonathan not wanting to face his fear.

He pushed away from the counter and took three big steps, stopping only when Jonathan turned to face him.

Evan let out a pent up breath. "You think pushing me away is the best option but you're making things worse and it doesn't need to be. Why can't you see that?"

Jonathan cut his eyes at him. "Let me know when you're finished."

"You're really fucking stubborn aren't you?"

"You really want me to hit you, don't you?"

"Maybe I do." Evan shrugged. "Because at least you'd be communicating something, anything."

Evan was close enough already but he took another step toward him. Jonathan didn't move and Evan counted it as a small victory.

"Why did you tell me that you cared, if you don't? Why did you say that you considered me a friend? That I was like the kind of friend Tyler was to you? Why did you tell me any of that if you didn't fucking mean it, Jon?"

Jonathan sighed dejectedly, almost defeated until Evan spoke again.

"Why can't you just let me be that friend and take care of you?"

Jonathan moved past him silently and made his way back into the kitchen, looking for his shirt but not finding it.

Evan was right behind him. "What's it gonna take? What do I have to do to get you to let me in?"

"Please, stop."

"Jay."

Jonathan's eyes snapped up to meet his and Evan looked at him sadly, realizing things that he wished Jonathan would've told him to begin with.

"That's your nickname isn't it?" But Evan didn't need an answer by the way the man looked away quietly.

"Evan, you have to stop."

"I'm guessing that no one called that, but Tyler did."

"Stop."

"Is that what all this is about?"

"I don't -"

Evan moved a little closer, like he was trying to approach a wild animal, not wanting to scare him off. "How you still feel guilty, like it was your fault and that this all just a sick form of punishment-"

"This isn't about Tyler!" Jonathan finally turned his full attention to Evan and stepped into his space. "I know he's dead and I know I can't change that! I'll never move on from it, but I've accepted it!"

Evan searched his eyes that were watering, making them shine even brighter. "Then what is it? Why do you keep pushing me away?"

Jonathan gave a small sad laugh and tried to blink away the tears as his emotions swelled.

His answer came out frail and sounding like a question. "Because I'm scared?"

Evan wanted to reach out and touch him, but thought against it and pulled his hand back. "Why?"

"Because, Evan!" Jonathan blurted out and pulled at his own hair before pacing in the small kitchen.

"Jon, say it."

Evan swallowed and took a few steps back when Jonathan took a deep breath and moved toward him quickly, like he wanted to reach out and grab him but he didn't. Still holding back out of habit.

Evan felt his back hit the wall right before Jonathan spilled. His voice almost broke and it sent an ache through Evan's chest.

"I don't want the same thing to happen to you! I don't want you to get hurt because of me! I don't want you to die! I don't want to get close to you and then lose you!"

He sucked in a shaky breath and almost choked. But his tone was calmer, exhausted. Jonathan looked up at him through dark, wet lashes and said, "I already see your face every minute of every god damn day even when I'm not looking at you. I can't imagine letting myself feel what I know I feel for you, only for it to be taken away from me. Being alone is -"

"Not worth it." Evan interrupted him and shook his head. "Being alone was the most painful thing I ever put myself through and if it weren't for Lucah after I lost my dad, I probably wouldn't be here. Yes, I had sights to see and countries to explore but loneliness always creeps back into your life whether you want it to or not. Enjoying life with someone you might lose is so much better than pushing everything and everyone away just to avoid a pain that's a thousand times better than the pain of being isolated and alone."

Jonathan wet his lips and sighed and looked down at his feet. "I wish you would've just stopped when I asked you to."

Evan shook his head and there was a heavy yearning in his voice when he whispered, "I'm never gonna stop, Jonathan."

Silence engulfed them and in that moment nothing else existed but the other.

Jonathan wanted to run, wanted to scream, wanted to end it all but he couldn't. Evan was standing there patiently like he had been since the beginning, letting him wage a tumultuous war in his head.

A war that Jonathan finally surrendered to and lost.

He broke and gave in to everything he'd pushed down and away as far as he could get it. Which was never too far. Always right there at the back of his mind, on the edge of his fingertips, the tip of his tongue.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Jonathan muttered on an exhale and surged forward, letting their lips crash together.

Evan gave an abrupt sound of surprise and at first he thought it was a joke, something to shut him up but he knew it wasn't when Jonathan slowly reached up and took his face on his hands. His fingertips made his skin flush.

They both exhaled at the same time and as soon as Evan responded and ran his fingers down his sides, Jonathan grabbed a fist full of Evan's hair and pulled hard, but Evan didn't care. He'd never been so turned on before in his entire life, he could already feel his thighs trembling.

Jonathan pulled back, yanked at Sam's shirt and ordered deeply, "Off."

Evan held his arms up and the shirt was gone in a blink of an eye and he hadn't even taken another breath yet when Jonathan came at him again.

He pressed him into the wall, hearing the wood shift against their weight. It crackled and Evan let out a filthy noise when Jonathan bit down on the soft skin between his shoulder and neck. Jonathan's nails were cutting into his skin as he dragged them down over his hips and down past his pants and briefs.

Jonathan was fast and aggressive and it was so good, like everything he'd held back was pouring out of him at once. Evan was breathing like he was running a marathon with screamers on his six. The adrenaline was coursing through them both and Evan was trying his best to kick the rest of his clothes off while Jonathan kept kissing the life out of him and rolling his hips into his.

He was finally successful in kicking his socks into oblivion just as Jonathan reached down and pushed his pants and briefs down all in one go. Evan stepped out of them shakily and risked trying to push Jonathan down and to his surprise he let him, just enough until his cock was free.

Jonathan grabbed his jaw and caught his mouth again, kissing him until Evan was digging his fingers into his skin. His tongue was like liquid fire.

Jonathan pulled back for air, then pressed two fingers against his lips and slipped them into Evan's wet mouth when he opened up.

He watched Evan's tongue slip between his fingers, eyes darkening, half-lidded and pupils blown wide, silently cursing when Evan sucked hard as he slowly pulled his fingers from his mouth.

Jonathan leaned in and ran his teeth across his jaw, at the same time reaching over to a jar of oil that spilled when he tried to grab it. He coated his fingers then himself.

Evan heart was hitting his chest so hard it felt like it was coming out. He'd never been fucked before.

Jonathan pushed him up the wall until he was holding him up with his body and paused when his fingers dipped down between Evan's thighs after Evan had wrapped his legs around his waist.

He waited for an answer to his silent question to which Evan gripped his shoulders and pleaded, "Don't stop."

He pushed two fingers inside of him and Evan let out a heavy breath, relaxing as Jonathan worked him open quickly. Evan wanted to move with him but he was stuck against the wall by his weight. A few minutes passed but it felt like years.

Jonathan pulled his fingers back, letting Evan drop a bit and hooked his arms beneath his knees. He pushed his way inside slowly and Evan almost couldn't take it, almost, but he didn't want him to stop. Jonathan watched his face carefully, picking up the pace when Evan gave him a nod.

Evan soon felt a searing heat but an incredible pressure inside of him.

Jonathan teeth were at his throat, biting as Evan started moaning uncontrollably with each thrust. He clawed at his shoulders and pulled at his dark hair.

Evan cried out breathlessly and when Jonathan hit something particularly good he threw his head back. "Oh, fuck!"

A moment later Jonathan pulled out, unhooked his arms, and let Evan's feet hit the floor. He pulled him forward before moving him towards the table. He led him to the wood face-down and slipped himself inside again, spreading Evan's legs as he whined beneath him.

Evan tried to move a hand between his legs but Jonathan pulled his arm away.

"Not yet."

He groaned in frustration but bit at his lip, laid there, and enjoyed the ride so to speak.

Jonathan hips were snapping harder, faster, unrelenting and Evan was pushing back against him as much as he could.

He slammed into him so perfectly each and every time and Evan wasn't expecting the orgasm that hit him so fast and hard that he couldn't process it. Just pure feeling running throughout his trembling body without even being touched. His mouth hung open with a silent cry.

All he could do was shake and try to form words that weren't coming. Then suddenly Jonathan was pulling him up. Evan's back arched and a hand slid around his throat. He applied pressure but not enough to constrict his breathing.

Jonathan's other hand slid around his chest and his nails dug in, which much to Evan's surprise was a massive turn on. He never thought he'd have a little pain kink but here he was savoring the sting.

"Holy shit." Evan muttered to himself, still feeling the echo of his orgasm and the overstimulation setting in as Jonathan thrust into him a bit quicker. Just a few more uneven times before he gripped him tight and let out a heavy breath in Evan's ear as he came.

Neither one of them said a word, just stood there catching their breath while they came down. Jonathan really didn't want to move or deal with what had just happened, as good as it had been or as much as he'd wanted it.

Didn't want to and didn't know how.

Evan was slick with sweat and slightly bleeding from the scratches he'd left down his back. He could see the bruises on his neck from his teeth.

Jonathan stepped back slowly and let his hands slide away from him. Evan sank down into the chair that was closest to him, his face pressed into the wood with an arm hanging limp, exhausted and still in a daze.

Jonathan could feel it building in his chest at an alarming rate.

The anxiety was wrapping around his lungs the longer he stood there looking at Evan laying there against the table, a small trail of blood now running down his hip. Jonathan took another step back, ran his fingers through his hair and pulled, trying to breathe without choking.

The panic hit when Evan moved just barely. Jonathan pulled his sweats back up around his hips and scrambled for his shirt that had landed on a lamp across the room. He almost tripped on the rug by the window but caught himself on the balcony railing. He hopped over the edge and took off running and when he looked back he saw Evan standing there long, tan, lean, and naked. Perfect, leaning against the window frame covering himself with a shirt watching him run away.

Jonathan stopped and turned and he really wanted to say that he was sorry but he couldn't do anything but keep moving as far away as he could get. All of his anger was gone and what he was left with was an insufferable yearning.

He stepped backwards, turned, and he ran.

------

Murphy was sitting in the lobby, perched on a window sill with Lucah resting her head on her leg. She stared out at the closed gate and the stars that were popping up in the sky. It was unusually quiet outside. The screams were so distant and a part of her wanted to run out there and join them, but she knew what Langley would say.

It was kind of peaceful but she felt so empty and alone in the dark. Everyone else was sleeping soundly and she was ready to doze off with her face against the window.

Until Lucah growled.

Murphy was wide awake and staring out at the pitch black street just beyond the gate, feeling the hair stand up on her neck when she saw them glowing. Those eyes.

"Lui!" She called out but no one stirred. "Everybody up! Lucah speak!"

Lucah began barking at everyone as Murphy scrambled for her gun. They were slow to start, but the screams that rang out closer than they'd ever been, everyone moved a whole lot faster.

Marcel came out of his room shirtless rubbing his face, "The fuck is going on?"

"Take a look." Murphy tossed him a gun and pointed at the front doors. There was an entire horde forming along the fence.

------

Jonathan was on the highest level of a stack of houses to the west overlooking the city. He hadn't run far because he didn't know where to go. He was sitting there on the edge, chewing at his nails, rocking back and forth, trying to think of anything but Evan. Anything but his hot mouth, the blood on his lips, and the sounds he'd made. Jonathan shivered with the wind and he could feel every single spot that Evan's nails had dug into.

And he couldn't get that image out of his head. The one where Evan was standing there calmly . . . sadly, watching him run away.

Again.

Jonathan put his head in his hands and looked at the dark below him. He whispered to himself. "Why the fuck are you like this?"

He sat there forever wallowing in self pity, trying to figure out what he was going to do about everything when he heard a gunshot.

And another. Then another. Closer this time, in the direction he'd just come from.

Jonathan stood and the wind blew his hair out of his face just in time for him to see a flash of a gun in the distance. He jumped down and ran when he realized it was from the safehouse he was just in. He ran as fast as his legs would allow and he was almost there where he heard shattering glass and a yell.

"Evan!"

Jonathan jumped over to the next roof getting closer but Evan was jumping the railing and waving him off.

"Screamers in the house! Too many! I don't know where they came from!" Evan sucked in a breath and kept running North. Jonathan fell into pace beside him. Evan never looked over at him. "Those first few gunshots came from the tower! We need to get back, something's happening!"

They ran a six minute mile in complete silence, twice. Jonathan watched the sweat drip down Evan's back as he ran in front of him until he finally pulled his shirt on that had been hanging around his neck. Like he'd been getting dressed when the screamers surprised him or something. Jonathan swallowed and looked away. Instead he focused on the horde of dead that had gathered around the gate as it came into view.

"Holy shit." Evan muttered and saw everyone outside of the hospital picking them off one by one. But the gate was damaged and leaning badly in one spot. "We've got to get down there."

Evan was running for a fire escape when Jonathan reached for him, "Wait!"

Evan glanced back as he stepped down the ladder. He barely caught his eye before he kept going, "Later."

If they were alive later. That thought alone had Jonathan sick and running after him down into the streets, fighting off the screamers that turned away from the gate. It wasn't enough to keep the others from pushing a hole open in the fence. It was large enough that they were falling in two by two.

Within five minutes he and Evan were both covered in blood and black shit, moving back to back taking out anything that got close. The numbers dwindled and they made their way through the gap in the fence to find the defenders inside at war with what had come through.

They joined the battle and it all seemed so surreal. Jonathan felt like his life was moving in slow motion as he fought and stabbed and sliced. It was so much like a nightmare, seeing Marcel swinging his machete and slicing heads clean off, watching Lui blowing body parts into oblivion, Murphy's hair flying as she channeled all of her anger into killing the dead for good, seeing Lucah jump six feet in the air to grab a screamer by the neck and rip its throat out, watching the other half dozen defenders wailing away.

None of it felt real. But what did feel real was seeing Evan in the middle of it all like a light in all the chaos, cutting into anything that ran too close to him.

What felt real was the look he gave him when the last one fell and he stood there catching his breath, blood dropping from his chin. Jonathan felt so far away and he felt like he'd lost something he never really wanted to. It was standing right in front of him, dripping with blood, sweat, and God knew what else. He still couldn't get words to leave his mouth, but for once he didn't feel like running from Evan anymore.

So he didn't.

"What the fuck is that?" Scotty pointed down the dark road where a faint shuffling noise could be heard. They'd opened the gate to move the dead away and there was a figure moving towards them in the darkness.

"It looks dead." Lui said bluntly. "But it's moving too slow."

"It's pulling something." Murphy squinted and then her entire body shook. "Langley! It's Langley!"

"Walking or being dragged?" Marcel asked.

"Walking!" She yelled and took off out the gate, but something was wrong as it usually was. Langley gave no response to seeing her best friend, she didn't stop walking either. She pulled what was now clearly another body until she was through the gate where she let the body go and kept walking lifelessly into the tower.

Her clothes were ripped, in rags, and her hair was shaved on one side. She had two deep cuts running along the side of her head and multiple scabbed up wounds on her arms, and blood spatter on the side of her face.

No one knew what to say or do. They all just stood there looking at the dead body lying on the ground where Langley had left it.

Lui was the first one to step forward and examine it. He crouched and he knew exactly who it was just by the wire framed glasses that were broken, laying carelessly on the side of his face.

Jonathan caught Evan's tired and defeated eyes when Lui looked around at them all and said what everyone was praying he wouldn't.

"It's Craig."