The sun was bright, it shined so vividly that Cress had to squint her eyes whenever she looked up. Constantly moving white clouds decorated the blue sky and a light breeze blew around the palace grounds causing her kaftan to ruffle.

It was a perfect day. One that children would use as an excuse to play instead of doing their chores and completing their homework.

Cress stood on the ground, her barefoot legs struggling to not bend down as she looked at her father being lowered down to be placed on the crematorium. Her kaftan was white reflecting the light and lessening the heat, her body was bare of any ornaments and jewellery and her dagger was in her room.

She couldn't help but feel vulnerable, maybe that is why the rituals stated they left their possesions before they came, to realise that underneath all the beautiful luxuries, this was all that would remain of them, that they were all going to die at some point and no amount of wealth could save that, that their dementia of owning things did not deter death from taking them away.

Her eyes flicker to her family and her gaze came to rest on her mother, her mother's blue eyes shone with a pang of overwhelming sadness and her lips were set into a tight line as if she were stopping herself from screaming out. Her brother, Arian, had an arm around her mother and she leaned against him, Cress couldn't help but think that maybe he was the reason that she hadn't fallen to the ground yet.

Her mother had an elegance that was admired by many. Her movements were graceful and her eyes were bright and lively with a smile in them but the woman Cress saw now was a broken one. Her eyes were dull and her posture sloppy, she looked like she had forgotten how to smile.

Cress felt despair wrap its cold fingers around her as she took in the expression her mother held. She forced her eyes to move away and rest on her brothers.

Her eyes took in the identical features of her brothers, her gaze focusing on the violet eyes and the dark hair, features which stood out against their pale skin but that was where the similarities ended.

Her brother Arian stood straight, his shoulders squared and his jaw clenched. He looked like a soldier facing an entire horde of enemies by himself, with nothing but bravery, courage and willingness to sacrifice.

Not a soldier. Cress thought as she took in the authority with which he held himself. A king.

Even though he looked strong and imperishable, his eyes looked like they didn't belong to him. They belonged to a child in a dark room, scared of the shadows in the corner of in-room and the monster that seemed to come to life under his bed. Cress noticed the stiffness in Arian's shoulders, they seemed as if they were holding the burden of the world, fighting against it.

Cress wondered what it was like for him, to know that now he would have to shoulder the burden of a king. To be responsible for his kingdom and it's people. Cress knew that her brother wasn't a child anymore, he was twenty-three summers old. Everyone knew that Arian was to be crowned the king since the moment he had taken his first breath. He had been training to become a king all his life but even then, he wasn't to be crowned until he was married and passed thirty summers of his life.

Did he feel alone sometimes? Did he even want to be the king? Did he feel suffocated by all the pressure placed on him? Did he cry when he was away from everyone?

The mere idea of him crying was incredulous to Cress. She tried to imagine him crying but the image was impossible to create. She had never seen him cry even when he had broken his arm. His voice had been filled with pain but no tear had escaped his eyes. Had he ever cried? He must have in his childhood, all the children did.

Jesperson shifted and the moment caught her eyes causing her eyes and thoughts to leave Arian and move towards the other twin.

While her brother Arian held a look of grief in his eyes and a great burden on his shoulders, Jesperson looked slightly blank as if it was taking him time to comprehend the situation. While Arian grief spoke volumes, Jesperson's looked like it could be overcome, his grief was profound but unlike Arian, he didn't look broken

Did his look mirror hers? Cress wasn't sure. She had heard the saying that time heals wounds. What if her father's death was a wound that wound never close? What if even after years, her heart would ache with the memories? Was her heart supposed to hurt this much?

While Cress wasn't entirely sure of the turmoil Jesperson was facing, she was aware of the reason why his grief didn't equate to Arian.

Everyone was aware that out of all the children, it was Arian and Taemia who had spent most of their time with her father. People said that a parent's love was true and equal for each child, Cress couldn't help but feel that it was slightly more for them than it was for the rest of the children.

Jesperson's one true love was reading, if he was to be found then the libraries were the place to be whereas her father enjoyed the adrenaline caused by swinging swords, Cress couldn't help but think that somewhere between the pages of her brother's books and the clanging of her father's swords, the love they had for each other had turned into something they both understood but couldn't express.

As she caught the sign of regret in Jesperson's eyes, Cress realized that she was right. He was wishing for more time with their father and Cress found herself wishing for the same.

Maybe her father would have laid down beside her on a clear day and pointed at the stars. Maybe he would have shown her the kingdom and told her about the burdens a king faced. Maybe he would have told her stories about her ancestors. Maybe they would have had more time together.

Cress shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. Almost unwillingly, her gaze settled on Taemia. Her sister stood dressed in a kaftan eerily similar to hers staring at the crematorium. Her cheeks were tear-stained and her hair was a mess. Her shoulders were drooped and from time to time she would glance around as if searching for someone to comfort her.

Taemia stood a few feet away from them and while her expression screamed for someone to come and stand by her, she didn't move. Cress couldn't help but feel the slightest of guilt spread through her.

It isn't your fault. A soothing voice whispered in her mind, She brought this upon herself. You did no wrong.

Cress's eyes flickered towards Taemia, taking in her broken expression and the hunched manner she stood in like she may fall any moment. Memories of Cress holding the same appearance travelled through her mind. Feeling alone and afraid, wishing that someone would just put a comforting arm around her. Tell her that everything was going to be alright.

Before Cress could change her mind, she moved towards Jesperson and nudged her with her shoulder and nodded towards Taemia. Her brother nodded at her, grateful for having a reason to not look at his father's body, he moved towards Taemia.

Taemia looked surprised as he made his way towards her, his lips moved to form words that Cress couldn't comprehend but as soon as he stopped speaking, Taemia burst into tears. Cress watched them her stomach twisting itself in knots, she took a step towards them but stopped as Jesperson moved and hugged his sister. Taemia continued to sob, her lips moving in words that Cress couldn't decipher. Jesperson nodded and patted her back, slightly unsurely at first but he became more confident as Taemia began to quieten.

Cress turned her face away as Taemia lifted her head, her gaze meeting hers. In that brief moment, Cress witnessed many emotions. There was sadness plain as day mixed with apology and regret, for a second Cress thought that she even saw a hint of gratefulness.

She clenched her fists, she did not want gratefulness. She didn't need any of that. Taemia needed to know that she had to leave Celestia as soon as cremation was over, that she still hadn't forgiven her.

That she would never forgive her. That she couldn't forgive her. She needed to know that.

Cress tried to divert her thoughts as she looked towards her father. His body had been covered with wooden logs and now Arian was being called to burn the body. Arian looked back, his gaze cutting to Jesperson who was still busy calming Taemia down before it came to rest on hers.

Cress swallowed as she understood the meaning of his gaze, she nodded her head and walked towards her brother who still had an arm around their mother.

"I..." He said his gaze fixated on their father, "I have to.."

"I understand," Cress said and gave him a weak smile to which he replied with a nod.

"Thank you," Arian said disentangling himself from the weak hold their mother had on him as soon as Cress slipped an arm around her.

Her mother turned to look at her with blank glassy blue eyes. When they met hers, they showed no signs of recognition.

"He is going to be alright, isn't he? Quyen is fine. He told me he would get better you see? He promised me he would." Her mother, the queen of the kingdom of Celestia spoke, gave a short laugh that sounded too strained. "He was going a little crazy, made me promise that I would marry someone else if he died. That I would be happy. He is crazy isn't he?"

Cress felt her throat tighten at her words and the way she said it. Look around she wanted to scream He is dead.

Cress felt her thoughts turn towards Florencia. Where was she? Why had she run away? Was she alive and if she was then why wasn't she here?

If Florencia had been here then she wouldn't have had to take off her mother, if Florencia had been here then she wouldn't have to see her mother like this.

"He is crazy isn't he?" Her mother repeated and laughed that strange laugh that sounded too hollow to be merry.

"Why was he crazy?" Cress said her voice hoarse as she watched Arian grab a log and move to light it on fire.

"Because he thought that I could fall in love with someone, not him." Her mother said and leaned towards her as if letting her in on a secret. "You think he is dead? Oh no, he is pretending you see? He likes to play tricks on me. Arian is in on this, wait a moment, he will wake up."

Cress stared at her mother. Her voice had been broken but it held confidence and hope. For a second, Cress was convinced that her mother had been speaking the truth, that her father was playing a trick on her.

Cress turned to the crematorium finding something within her, she realized it was hope as she stared at her father's still body. 

He is pretending. Hope told her. He will wake up. Cress had almost believed it until Arian approached the still body placed over stacks of wooden logs and lighted them on fire.

Cress froze. Her ears begin to ring and for a second, she felt everything come to life. Time seemed to slow down as the flames licked at the body almost teasingly before they covered it. The wood burned and dark smoke rose towards the sky, an imperfection over the impeccable blue sky.

A scream rose and Cress was surprised to find out it wasn't hers. The voice her mother used was that of an animal howling in agony. Her mother tried to push her away as she lunged towards the crematorium, ready to throw herself into the fire. Cress reacted, her arm tightened around her waist and she held on to her mother, refusing to let her go.

She stared at the crematorium unable to hide the pain she felt, pain greater than she had felt when she had first received the news. It was like fate was playing a cruel joke on her, having her fall for the same trick again but this time the trick hurt her harder for she had believed in something completely useless, hope.

Her mother continued to scream but her voice was useless for the flames continued to burn and mock her.

"Let me go!" Her mother cried, her face full of agony. "I need to save him."

Cress felt white-hot anger slice through her and spread until it all but consumed her. Angry tears fell down her cheeks as she turned to face her mother and scream.

"He is dead! He is not coming back! He wasn't playing a damn trick so would you please shut the hell up and stop being in denial?!" Cress's voice dipped to a tired whisper as she added. "He is never coming back."

Her mother stared at her for a second and Cress knew that those weren't the only pair of eyes on her. The anger she had felt, disappeared with her words leaving her slightly broken. She stood unsure of the reaction she would receive.

Her mother's face turned ashen before it crumbled and tears filled her blue eyes. It was as if she had broken out of the daze she had been in. Her mother reminded Cress of a small child, one that was trying its hardest not to cry. Her mother had tightened her lips into a straight line and she breathed heavily as the tears fell but her lips remained close, refusing to let a sound pass.

In the silence, Cress could hear the sound of a heart-shattering. Cress didn't speak as she wrapped her arms around her mother. The action seemed to undo the silent spell that had been cast on her and her mother began to sob. Uneven and non-rhythmic sobs reached her ears as her mother placed her head on Cress's shoulder.

The smoke continued to rise as the flames burned the body leaving a pile of ashes in its wake. Taemia had buried her face in her hands unable to view the sight of her father any longer. Jesperson had turned his face away and was looking towards the palace, grief and thoughtfulness etched on his face. 

Arian still held the burning splinter he had used to set the flames in his hands, he continued to stare at the flames with a disbelieving look on his face, as if he couldn't comprehend what was happening. Their mother continued to sob, burying her face deeper into her daughter's kaftan as she heard the unmistakable sound of fire crackling, burning the away from the man she had sworn to love until the day she died. 

Cress couldn't recognise the feelings she felt. There was grief mixed with slight disbelief but they were just background sounds, whispering in a language she was familiar with but didn't recognise. She felt numb, the kind of numbness you felt in your legs after you hadn't moved for a while. It spread over her body until she couldn't recognise grief anymore until she couldn't feel the pain anymore.

Cress couldn't help but think that if Florencia had been here then maybe there would have been someone to hold her too. 

***

THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME A LOT OF TIME SO Y'ALL BETTER APPRECIATE ME!

Also, someone told me that authors are professional killer because they kill people (can't argue with that) 

Well, are you guys enjoying my book so far?

(Please say yes, I'll die if you don't but honest opinion can also be given, my heart can take it)

Someone has been helping me realise my mistakes and honestly I am so close to killing him sometimes but I do appreciate it, yes it hurts to realise that my book is not as well written as I think it to be and there are many parts that demand more but I am trying my best so bear with me.

But I am proud to say that those criticizing comments hurt me less, I have begun to realise that whenever someone criticizes my book it means that they have been paying close attention and I am so grateful for that.

Also, I recently became an army and I am regretting my life decisions, unlike most people I wish I didn't know BTS cause they are so perfect it actually hurts to realise that the chances of me ending up with a member is basically zero.

With that being said, I don't have anything left to say anymore.

Adios Amigos,

Yours forever and always, 

Sadie Kane!