NEIL
✨

'KISS KISS KISS KISS!!!' My sister-in-laws kept cheering for us when my cousins were trying to hide their laughing faces behind their palms or little sofa cushions. I gulped and slowly looked in her direction when she was playing with the end of her white dupatta and damn can someone look so innocent and so sexy doing it all at the same time.

I held her hand and her pitch black eyes met my bluish green ones. Her lips were quivering and I could feel her breathing accelerated. She was nervous. I wanted to dive into that pretty little mouth of hers but I could sense that she was nervous and although I had a hard on and every atom in my body wanted to complete that dare...I couldn't.

I just couldn't...

So I simply pressed my lips softly onto the back of her palm and said

'Done!!!'

My sister-in-laws scowled and yelled at me when Ken Bro smiled and appreciated my gesture. Omkar Anna patted my back while Rudra Anna rolled his eyes saying 'I heard he was popular amongst girls. Didn't you send him to a co-ed?' he asked Ken Bro. Each one had a different comment to pass but the person who's feelings really mattered the most was just staring at me without even blinking.

Our eyes met yet another time and I noticed how her ears and cheek looked flushed. They had a shade of crimson pink making her look more adorable. She was trying to look away but within seconds her gaze would again meet mine and would get lost. Her lips parted yet never uttered a word. She was looking like the epitome of grace and beauty right now. I don't know for how long we kept silently staring into each other's eyes. Unspoken emotions yet there was so much to say and listen. Things were changing between us. That's when suddenly my phone rang and I saw it was Camellia. I immediately disconnected the phone. She called again. I disconnected again and then she sends me a message saying

'So babe...what time is your flight? I miss you already. I'm on a shopping spree with Shine and we are loving it. Will buy something fun for me so you can have fun too!!! Hmmmm how about some sexy lingerie?'

And I was pissed. The phone began ringing and I picked the call this time going to my balcony I whisper yelled asking

'What the fucking hell is wrong with you Camellia?' to which I heard her chuckle

'Babe!!! Relax!!! I'm just kidding. Until and unless you really took offense with my linger-'

'Shut up!!! Just shut your mouth.'

That's when I heard Shine's voice and I froze. What the hell? She's with her?

'Shine is with you? How dare you take her out with you. You know that-'

'I know babe!!! Relax!!! And don't be so offended. I've just brought her along for shopping. Calm down!!!' she said and I started sweating profusely.

'So... Message me...I'd like to personally pick you up!!! I want you here on monday which means you must take a flight Ummm... tonight maybe?' she asked and I grit my teeth.

'Bye babe!!! Don't make me dial you or someone again......And I love you!!!' saying she disconnected the call leaving me speechless. I was helpless again.

✨

We, cousins decided to spend time playing shuttle when the ladies decided to take a swim. I was not in a mood to play so I sat quietly seeing my brothers play. I was constantly thinking about how to tell my family about my travel plans. Tomorrow is Omkar Anna's birthday and tonight was the celebration and here I was looking into the plans to escape. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and Ken bro sat next to me. He had a comforting smile. It felt like those days when we siblings would share everything with each other.

I wanted to share 'everything' with him but I knew he had gone through enough in the past. May it be his mental health, his physical health, my decision is to walk out of a wedding hall having him tie knot with Prakruthi Vanni which I believe was the most beautiful thing he ever did but still could have been much better if I had planned it well and then Vanni's miscarriage and now finally their succesful IVF after multiple attempts.

I couldn't give him more tension. I wanted Avanthi and my marital life as beautiful and simple as all my cousins but the roadblocks in my life are such that I feel congested and blocked.

I wish I could share it with someone here but I don't want to see them broken. And if they know that I did all of this in the last seven years without giving even a hint of it, I don't know how they will take it. Him...Mom??? Oh god Mom!!!

No!!!

'I know you are thinking about your past with Avanthi.' Ken Bro said and I looked at him. He slowly smiled saying

'Trust me when you announced that you wanted to marry Ava...even I didn't trust you. I thought you are playing a stupid game again although I know how you changed your entire persona in the last few years. You started going the devotional way. The guy who didn't know which direction a Pradakshina (round) had to be taken in a temple was regularly doing Jaap (changing), meditations, you turned into a pandit to be practical Neil!!! But we also knew this was your way of coping up from the guilt that was inside you!!!' and I shut my eyes.

He patted my back saying 'I know it's not easy losing an unborn child. I amongst all can feel your pain but more I've felt that pinch more I've realised is that sometimes it was never meant to be!!! Maybe the child was never meant to be born. It was in your destiny. Just accept it and move on.' he said and a lone tear rolled down. I wiped it off when Bro said

'Let it go Neil. Tears and the past. Avanthi is your present and future. You have hurt her a lot. And it's unimaginable for a woman who was mercilessly rejected by the guy whom she fell in love with-' Bro said and that's when my eyes met his.

He also had moisture in his eyes when he blinked through it saying 'I take her as my younger sister Neil. She has been more vocal to me than to her sister in last seven years. You could say our maturity level matches. I know...she loved you. And let me be very precise. It's not 'loves'...it's 'loved'. You broke her Neil. I know why you left home and came here. I know that the fire accident wasn't really an accident.' he confessed and I was shocked.

'Bro...I....' I couldn't gather words when he patted my back again saying 'She was angry with you Neil. Any woman would be. A man betrayed her that too when she was pregnant and honestly I don't think I can ever forgive you for it but one thing I can surely say is that...there is hope for you both. I have always seen it in your eyes. From the day of the wedding till date but today I saw it in Avanthi's eyes as well. She still has feelings for you. May not be love but like... definitely. She likes you. And I can only suggest that you don't lose this chance with her.

Give it your best shot Neil. Marriage is not just another bond. It's a new stage in life. It strengthens you to fight against every odd because now you have a partner. Well then it's completely up to you whether you fight each other or fight together. We love you Neil!!! We want to see you happy!!!' he said and I smiled through my tears.

I wish I could tell him how much more I love them. And Avanthi...I have always loved her. From day one but time and situation has brought me to choose and the worst part I lose either way.

I choose her. I loose.

I don't choose her. I loose

Loving indeed is a losing game.

✨

'Happy Birthday to youu...Happy Birthday to you...' everyone kept singing when Omkar Anna sliced the cake and he fed Mukta Vanni while she fed him jumped to feed him the cake and Anna lifted her slightly by her waist and she fed him the same in return Anna kissed her making everyone squeal and tease them.

Everyone was happy and feeding cake to each other when suddenly Avanthi stood infront of me with a piece of cake and I was shocked. I didn't expect her to do the same but she slowly offered me a piece and like a lost lamb instead of accepting it via my hands I opened my mouth. She blushed hard and I couldn't take my eyes off her. I didn't know what magic was in the air but she took a step forward and fed me the cake. I smiled and took a small piece and fed her too.

Her soft lips brushed against my fingers and I was instantly turned on. She looked at me with a hooded gaze when the chocolate cream on the corner of her lips teased me. I was going to clean it but she probably realised and quickly cleaned her mouth. Damn that was such a tease!!!

'Are Ava...scoop out some ice cream from the fridge...Pattu and I will serve pizzas' Mukta Vanni said while Rudra Anna and Omkar Anna were busy cleaning the mess we created with the cake. She slowly nodded and then looked at me. I didn't know what that gaze meant. I knew she probably didn't mean anything but I don't know why it felt like it meant so much more. And like a puppy I followed her to the kitchen.

She had arranged the bowls into which she was scooping out icecream and I helplessly kept admiring her. She had a small smile on her lips. I didn't know how am I going to tell her that I have a early morning flight for which I need to leave to the airport in a few minutes. I was going to lie to her again.

Yet another lie. I hate myself.

I kept looking at her petite form. In a simple cotton black pajamas and a v necked white tshirt with hair tied in a messy bun and absolutely no make up she looked like a dream. My dream. I helplessly started taking steps closer to her. She paused. She probably felt my presence but did not react. I stood next to her leaning on to the island. Hardly any gap between us. She was nervous. I could see her hands shaking.

'You want something?' she whispered in a husky soft tone and damn I couldn't handle it anymore. I grabbed her via her waist and pulled her closer. The scoop spoon fell from her hands and her hands instantly grabbed my shoulders. She was softly pressed against my body and her eyes grew comically big as she whispered

'Neil... someone will come... please...'

I smirked asking 'Please what my dear Swan?' and she blushed saying 'Dont call me that!!!' and I smiled tucking a strand of hair behind her ear asking

'Then what do you want me to address you as wifey?' she bit her lower lip but said nothing. My eyes shifted on her lips. The ones that teased me so much. I wanted to do so much more to her but I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

'You danced like a goddess today!!!' I finally said it and her eyes met mine as she raised an eyebrow asking 'So...you got the time to compliment me now? That time you were looking for a reason to run away. I don't think I'm such a bad dancer...Am I?' and I don't know what went into me I pulled her closer and her breasts collided with my hard chest as her breath hitched and I confessed 'I wanted to compliment you so much more my dear Swan...It's just that you were such a seductress that if I stood there for a few more minutes I would have lost my self control!!!' saying I brushed my index finger on her lower lip and she blushed and tried to hide her smile but suddenly she bit my index finger making me yelp in pain when she pushed me away carrying the tray full of icecream bowls saying

'Keep your hands in control Mr Nayak!!! You don't want me attacking you all the time!!!' saying she ran outside the kitchen with a baby like giggle and I was shocked. Ken Bro was right, she is warming up towards me but here I was ready to yet another time break her heart.

Everyone was having their ice cream when I announced

'I have to go to US right now!!!' and everyone was shocked.

'Anything urgent Neil?' Ken bro asked and I nodded saying 'Its...a deal that I'm working upon. I am required to sign some papers personally and meet the...the cus... customer!!! I'm sorry Omkar Anna it was really a last minute thingy!!!' I lied when Omkar Anna patted my back saying

'Work comes first. Let's celebrate when you are back!!!' but Ken Bro kept looking at me suspiciously. I tried avoiding his gaze but then another pair of eyes looked at me without a blink. I felt terrible to lie to her. It wasn't fair with her but I was helpless. I had no choice.

✨

I dressed up and was wearing my watch when I saw she was leaning towards the cupboard and looking at me folding her hands towards her chest. Her gaze was firm and she looked extremely serious. The playfulness in her eyes was lost. Weirdly her eyes looked blood red. Did she cry?

'I....I will be back soon' I told without meeting her gaze when she said in a heavy voice

'Doesnt matter anymore. Infact!!! You can stay there happily...with your Camellia!!!' she said and my heart stopped. I swiftly turned in one go looking at her as she had fresh tears in her eyes. She was shaking angrily. How did she know?

She slowly walked closer to me and grabbed my hand and placed my phone in my hand and another drop of tear fell on my palm holding it.

'When you have an extra marital affair with your long term girlfriend even when you are in a compromised marriage you must try to keep your phone with you. Your family here thinks you are trying really hard to win me back. Atleast pretend well infront of them although I know what a bastard you are. I don't want any sympathy from them or anyone.' saying she wipes her face that had tears rolling nonstop from her eyes and I wanted to cup her cheeks and tell her everything. I tried to hold her wrist saying

'Avanthi...Lis-' and before I could say another word I felt a thunderous slap on my cheek which was stinging. I was shocked

'I will be going to Sydney and the moment I will be back from there, my lawyer will send you the divorce papers. It's over Neil Nayak and this time it's done forever!!!' saying she walked into the bathroom leaving me shattered.

I lost her. I knew this would happen someday but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready yet. But it happened...

Again!!!

I lost her forever this time.