Jung Hoseok's POV

"My gosh," Mr Han sighed, a sad and sympathetic look on his face. From the looks of things this seemingly cold man was feeling a strong sense of pity towards me; I was always good at putting my feelings into words, sometimes I think I should write songs.

"It feels like I've lost my own children." I confessed to him. "There's just this hole in my heart, this emptiness that clings to me. Everything feels different now; the air, the rooms, the chairs. Everything I touch, everything I smell, everything I see. It's all shrouded in this dark cloud of misery, and it just follows me everywhere."

"Everything hurts."

✧✧✧✧

It was safe to say that I was a little confused when I woke up the next day. Someone was shaking my shoulder, the floor was cold and hard, and I had the world's worst headache.

"Hoseok, wake up." Sungjin's familiar voice helped me come to my senses, and I slowly pushed myself off the floor, opening my eyes.
"What happened last night?" He asked, crouched beside me in the floor.
"Oh my god." I exclaimed, looking round at the mess I'd made. All the kids toys were broken. It was all my fault.

I felt a large lump form in my throat, and my eyes started to well with tears.
"What the fuck have I done?" I sobbed, curling myself up in a ball and hiding my face in my knees. Sungjin rubbed my back from behind, telling me not to worry. But that's all I could do. How could I be so selfish? Now none of the kids can ever play with these toys again, and it's because of me.

"Sungjin? Did you find him- oh!"
Two more workers in the orphanage, Jackson and Dahyun, came in a few minutes later. They both rushed over once they saw me on the floor, but by that time I'd dried my tears - with Sungjin's help - and I stood up to face them.

"I'm so sorry everyone." I sniffled. "Last night... I drank.. a lot. I came back here and broke everything in a rage." I couldn't look them in the eye, but they just stood and listened to me. "I'll spend the day cleaning it up. I'll buy new toys, I'll sort it out before the kids get back from school I promise, I'll-"

"Hey, don't pressure yourself with all that." Dahyun smiled. "We'll all help you clean up when we're not on nap time duty."
"I don't have a busy day so I can go out to the store and buy more toys for the kids." Jackson offered.
"Guys," I sniffled again. "You don't have to, it's my fault, I'll-"

"I can't imagine you can do much with that hangover." Sungjin sighed. "And I doubt you had a good enough sleep last night on this hard floor." I couldn't say anything, I just kept sniffling.
"We won't tell Mr. Han about it either." Dahyun added. "You're going through a lot right now, and expecting you to work in a place that reminds you of them all the time is so harsh."
"Everyone here knows how close you were with them." Jackson continued. "And it's okay to not feel okay."

"Just please come to us if you need anything. A hug? Someone to talk to? Anything, we'll always be here." Sungjin reassured me.
"Guys... thank you so much, for everything." I felt another tear, but wiped it away. "Seriously. I don't deserve any of you."
"You deserve everything Hoseok." Sungjin smiled weakly. "Now let's get you some hangover soup."
"Wait- the kids!" I suddenly called out. "I didn't wake them up! What time is it?"

"8:30am." Dahyun replied. "Don't worry, we did your section of the dorms when we noticed you hadn't come out of your room yet. All the kids have eaten and have left for school."
"Yeah," Jackson smiled. "We thought we'd give you some space after yesterday, we just weren't expecting you to not be there, you know?" He laughed, patting my back.

Over the next couple of days the orphanage had changed my rotor, meaning I had no reason to go into the teenage area anymore. That did mean I didn't see Sungjin much during the day, but I spent more time with the infants, which was where Dahyun spent most of her time. I also spent more time in reception with Kyungja, who made sure to keep me busy cleaning the tables or making coffee when we had nothing to do.

Everything was getting better; I hadn't cried since the other day, or even felt the need to cry. All the kids were nice to me, which isn't really much of a change, but I just noticed that if I passed the teenagers in the hallway a lot of them would smile or say hi, where I would normally just be ignored by a lot of them.

"Hobi!" Kyungja yelled to me from the door. "I'm just going to get some more coffee from the shop, we're all out."
"That's because you keep telling me to make it!" I laughed.
"Mind the desk for me while I'm gone?" She asked after a laugh, to which I nodded and waved her off.

After a few minutes of typing on the computer I heard the little bell ring, telling me the door opened and someone walked in. I had one little thing to finish, so without looking up from the computer I smiled at the person walking up to the desk.
"Welcome to Hope Orphanage." I smiled. "How can I help you?"

"Hi." The strangely familiar voice began. "Do you perhaps have a teenage girl in this orphanage, who goes by the name of Areum?"

what.

I looked up to the person, to see a broad man with long dark hair that covered a lot of his face. He brushed the hair out of his face to reveal cute doe eyes that stared back at me filled with hope.

I know who this is.

It's Jeon Jungkook.

He's come to see Areum.

"Oh! It's you." He smiled. "Who came to visit me. Hoseok, right?" He smiled, but I couldn't answer. I just stared back blankly. "Is Areum still at the orphanage, or has she grown up already? Ahh... it's been so long I can't even remember how old she is."

"Eighteen." I managed to choke out. "She was eighteen."
"Oh, so she should still be here?" He asked. "Wait... what do you mean was?" There was a silence.
"She's dead." I clenched my fists under the desk in an attempt to control myself. I felt my nails dig in harshly to my palms. It hurt. Good. I deserve it. I deserve more.

"Sorry?" The man asked, very much in disbelief. "Did you just say she's-"
"Dead? Yes." I replied, tears finding their way down my cheeks effortlessly. Oh well, I guess I couldn't control myself anyway.
"What? No, that's not possible." He laughed, almost menacingly.

"She ran away from the orphanage with her friends." I told him. "They bought a van, but a man stole it and killed all 8 of them." Jungkook's face became very solemn. "He's currently awaiting trial, and refuses to tell the police where he hid the bodies."
"When- when was this?" He asked me.
"I found out a few days ago." I told him truthfully. "It was recent." I wiped my tears off with my hands, dabbing my cheeks with my sleeves to try and regain composure.

However I think Jungkook took my sudden composure the wrong way.

He paced around the room for a bit, head in his hands, when all of a sudden he stopped to look at me. "But, you told me you'd keep her safe." Ahh, yes. Here it is. Time to build up my guilt again. "You lied to me! I trusted you to look after my daughter and you lied! You got her killed!"

"I know." I replied. What else could I say?

"I know!? Seriously!?" He yelled back at me. "Is that all you can fucking say right now?!"

Yes.

"Excuse me sir." Kyungja walked in through the door. "May I ask what you're doing here?"
"I came to see my daughter." He replied. "But apparently she's- she's fucking dead."

It then clicked in Kyungja's brain, as she glanced from me to Jungkook.
"Oh." Was all she could say. What can you say in this kind of situation? "Jeon Areum?"
"She- She still used my last name?" Jungkook mumbled, lip starting to quiver. "She.. did she not hate me for what I did?"

"I never told her." I told him. "She didn't know."
"I-I thought Minji told her everything?" The man was very emotionally distressed at this point, as was I. Keeping calm was very much impossible; seeing this person who seemingly cared a lot for Areum, even after spending 13 years away from her.

"She was 5." I replied. "It was a day I helped her forget because it was a sad one. She cried a lot when her mum got distressed." Talking about Areum just made me cry again, and although my breathing wasn't irregular and shaky, I was still crying.

"I came straight here." He told us. "I was released from prison today. I have no where to go. I was hoping I could just see her once to apologise-" he cut himself off with a sob, covering his face with his hands.

"I'm so sorry." Kyungja spoke up, still stood by the door with instant coffee in her hands. "She was a very sweet girl, with a flame for adventure inside her that could never be quenched."
"Except it was." Jungkook replied, looking up at me. "By you."

He then walked out of the orphanage, leaving the pair of us stood in our places.

"Hoseok." Kyungja spoke up, but I ignored her. I can't talk to anyone right now. I need to get away. "Hoseok where are you going!?"
"Leave me alone!" I yelled out, walking out of the reception door onto the streets. It was around 3pm, the harsh winter weather making the sky dark and gloomy, and the sun would probably set in an hour or two.

The night was a bit of a blur. I don't remember deciding to get drunk, but here I was sat at a bar, one hand propping up my head and the other taking shot after shot.
"Sir are you sure you're okay?" The bartender asked me.
"Oh he'll be fine." A familiar but hostile voice replied, sitting down next to me. "This cunt is always the one that's fine. Always neglecting responsibility."

"Shut the fuck up." I looked up from the table and saw Jungkook, as drunk as I was, glaring at me.
"Make me." He retorted.
"Why should I." I replied. "I know it's my fault. Of course it's my fault. I could've fixed it, but I didn't. I could've stopped her, but I didn't."

Jungkook just stared at me angrily.

"You know she went to a party the night before she ran away." I told Jungkook. The bartender was listening too because I was being loud, but I didn't care. "She was grounded forgetting in a fight but she and her seven boy best friends went anyway."

I kept trying to read Jungkook's reactions, and something was telling me that this what not what he expected Areum to be like.

"She nearly got harassed by a third year but was rescued by her friend. They then delivered drugs you know." I told him. "A guy called Joon told him to."
"JOON!" Jungkook yelled out. "Are you fucking kidding me!?"
"Why would I lie to you arsehole." I spat. "She's fucking dead!"

Jungkook grabbed me by the collar, shaking me whilst yelling incoherent swears in my face. Everyone in the bar was looking at us now, and no one dared intervene because Jungkook was one scary looking man. I deserve it though. He's right after all.

"Joon told her where her mum was. Minji." I carried on once he'd calmed down. "So the next day when the police came round they scarpered. And that was the last I ever saw her. I could've stopped her from going to the party. She was grounded but I didn't check on her, and look where that got her."

I laughed at the irony of it all. I trusted her not to go, and the one time I did it backfired on me. I could've stopped her.

Jungkook, once noticing I was laughing at the matter, decided to punch me in the face. It probably broke something, because it hurt. I wasn't exactly beefcake, but I could stick up for myself. So I did.

I woke up the next morning in another cold room. Upon opening my eyes I noticed metal bars surrounding me, a handcuff on my right hand, and an angry looking Mr. Han staring at me from the other side of the room.

I don't know why I decided to fight Jungkook last night. I guess I was expecting it to make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse.

What am I even doing?

Everything hurts.

Word Count-2214