A/N: This is a continuation of Chapter 42: A Cute School Girl but from Harry's POV. Enjoy xx

Oh my God

Is all I hear resounding in my head, drowning out the loud music of the club. She lays unconscious in my arms and all I could do is stare blankly at her relaxed face.

I cradle her comatose body in my arms, as best as I could away from where she threw up on my shirt, looking over her features, wanting to drink in all of it so I wouldn't forget. My eyes move downwards until they reach her lips and my lips immediately start to tingle.

The feeling of actually having her lips on mine is nothing compared to what I imagined in my head. This feeling is utterly incredible and nothing that I've ever felt before. My body felt alive, blazing with flames when I held her head in my hands, her lips against mine.

But nothing...absolutely nothing could've prepared me for the earthquake that shook my every core when she kissed me back.

She kissed me back!

My best friend.... the girl that I'm falling so hard for.... KISSED ME BACK!!

Why didn't I do this years ago?

Our lips matched together perfectly, almost like they were meant to find each other and now that my dream has actually come through, I know for a fact now, that I never want to let her go...I can't let her go.

"Harry? Hello? Snap out of it!"

I'm brought back to reality by Lily snapping her fingers in front of my face to get my attention. It's only then that I look down at Mia again and it sinks in that she's unconscious and I don't know what she's thinking. Then my heart starts racing in my chest at the unknown.

I try to keep my head down as we maneuver our way to the entrance where Joe is waiting in the car. However, that was proven to be a challenge at all the stares watching us like hawks. To be more specific, the men in here thought that they would take this opportunity to check Mia out. I could feel my blood start to boil and the vain in my temple was this close to popping. I had to angle my hand that was supporting her lower half awkwardly to try and pull down her dress that kept riding up.

Once we made it out, I led Lilly towards the car. I got in the backseat, laying Mia's head down on my lap and Lilly slid in on the other end, letting Mia's legs rest on her lap.

And then we were off...

I ask Joe if my bags were already in the car and he says that there are in the boot. Lilly stretches behind and grabs a tshirt from my bag for me to change into.

Good thing I was already packed to go.

Now just Mia's stuff.

"You're awfully quiet," Lilly states and I can't help but sigh deeply, leaning my head on the window.

"Why didn't I wait? Just a bit longer?" I ponder out loud, more to myself, "Why?"

"Hey..." she chuckles, "the heart wants what it wants right?"

I look down at Mia again, running my fingers gently through her long ringlets, "Maybe..."

I feel a small smile start to form on my lips watching her sleep but then it drops, remembering what I started. This is not how I wanted it to be. Our first kiss? On a drunken night at a club?

Talk about being romantic...

Every single time I think about it, I'm instantly reminded of how idiotic and impulsive it was. For some reason, I keep thinking back to what she told me that night out on the porch at mum's. It doesn't help that the silver rock on her finger slaps me right in the face saying, SHE'S TAKEN!

Never in my life did I think that I encouraged something like this.

"I fucked up!" I groaned, running a hand down my face in frustration.

"No," she pauses to let out a yawn, "you didn't!"

Removing the hand from my face, I turn to look at her with wide eyes like she's crazy, "What?!"

"You didn't!" she exclaims, probably a bit too loud as Mia starts to shift. We both stop moving, not even breathing, waiting for her to fall back asleep.

Once she stops moving, we both peek downwards at her to make sure that she's asleep.

"Just relax," she says coolly, "everything will be fine"

"Fine?! That's bollucks!" I whisper yell, "I just made out with my best friend...while she was drunk!"

"And so were you," she rebutted before adding, "well...not anymore"

"But she's my friend," That was probably the lamest excuse I could've come up with.

"That you have feelings for," she pointed out, "and if you can sit there and tell me to my face, that you and Mia are still friends...then I don't think that alchohol is completely gone from your system"

I stay silent at that and resort to looking out the window and playing with Mia's hair between my fingers again. I don't say anything because I don't know what to say. Yes, it's true, I do have feelings for Mia and yes, it's also true that we are only friends because I don't know what we are.

"Yes, but-"

"But what?!" she hisses, "Friends don't call each other in the middle of the night, without any reason but to hear the sound of each other's voices. Friends don't have conversations with nothing but their eyes and light up like a candle whenever they hear each other's names.

And do you really think that friends almost kiss? On more than one occasion? Oh please! You two aren't fooling anyone but each other"

She does make some pretty convincing points.

But it doesn't change the fact that kissing her, under these circumstances, was a crappy thing to do. I had it all planned out in my head. I'd planned the perfect day. When and where and what we'd be doing and then at the right time, no matter how badly I wanted to shit my pants, I was going to tell her how I felt.

That is, once my first plan of action runs smoothly tomorrow.

Operation Kidnap the Chicken

"But she's..." I gesture towards Mia's hand strewn across my lap, "you know"

"So?" she says, like it's completely irrelevant and for the second time tonight, I look at her like she's crazy.

"Maybe you're from another planet or something, but on this planet, it means that she's unavailable"

I know. I know that Blake passed away and that technically means that she's single.

But does it really though?

From what she's told me and from what I can see, he seemed to have dug himself deep into her heart. There's no telling how long someone can grieve for and there's also no telling of when that person will be ready to move on because it is a hard thing to do. I just want to ensure that when the time comes, even if she's not fully there yet, she'll at least consider being with me the way that I hope to be with her.

And no matter how jealous I might be of a dead man, rest in peace, I still wish that I would've had the chance to meet him, even if it meant that my chance with Mia was completely blown.

He seemed like a swell guy.

"Ok first of all, that shouldn't even be there. I mean, she's only now going to turn 20. Second of all, I have no idea how that wasn't illegal but then again, some really messed up shit went down that night and lastly...how can she be unavailable when her partner is probably 6ft below the ground?"

I don't respond, instead resorting to swimming in the deep ocean of my thoughts. There's so many things that don't make sense to me and so many things that I want to know. But then, what if, what I do want to know is something that I didn't want to hear?

"Someday you're going to wake up and realize that friends isn't enough anymore and you want more. What's going to happen then?"

"I don't know...I just-" I run my hand through my hair with an agitated sigh, "I just didn't want it to be like...this."

"Harry, there hasn't been a day that you and Mia haven't spent time together. Right?"

"Well if you want to put it that way..." I say meekly.

"You got her to take a break from studying, which she rarely ever does and you don't think she likes you?"

"I never said that," I defended, "I just never know what she really means by some of the things she does, you know"

"She deliberately sleeps in just so you will come wake her up every morning." I feel the heat from the blush rapidly spreading across my cheeks and there's a warm fuzzy feeling growing inside of me.

She actually does that?

"Harry, she caught you red handed, with her favorite cereal and milk, called you a 'milk thief' and she still talks to you. I don't think you have to worry about Mia going anywhere"

While that makes me feel like the luckiest person alive, my guard is still down and it makes me anxious of what the dreaded conversation will be like tomorrow...well today, in a couple of hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We get back to the hotel and Lilly opens the door to their room while I carry Mia in my arms. I lay her down gently on the bed and try to tuck her in as carefully as I could without waking her up. She needs all the sleep that she can get for the day I have planned ahead for her. Once she's all tucked in, I find myself standing at the edge of the bed, watching her. I take in everything from the slow rhythm of her breathing to the purse of her plump lips to the hair strewn messily across her face. I kneel right in front of her face and start moving the curls with the lightest touch until I can see her full face again.

"Tell you what?" I jump at the sound of Lily's voice whispering to me, forgetting that I wasn't alone in the room, "why don't you stay here tonight?"

"Here? And where would you sleep?" I ask curiously, though inside, I feel like a child on Christmas day.

"Not here! Gross"

It's not like we'd be doing anything...

I start to feel guilty knowing that I'm intruding in on her space but I'm not ready to leave Mia's side yet. I mean...what if she throws up in her sleep and no one's there? I hear Lilly sleeps like a whale.

Excuses, excuses

I take out my room key and place it in her hand, "Here, take mine. Don't worry, I cleaned up before I left"

"Thanks, Harry. We're still on for tomorrow right?"

"As long as I can get her out of bed early enough"

She nods and not too long after grabbing a few of her things, she left.

And then there were two.

After getting ready for bed, and with one last glance at Mia, I walk over to the empty bed. Just as I'm about to slide in under the duvet, Mia starts squirming around on the bed and I start to wonder if she's feeling uncomfortable. I mean, she doesn't have on the most comfortable clothes right now.

It took me way too long to remember the little black dress that she's wearing, especially when it made it hard to breath properly all night. I'm stuck wondering what to do.

Maybe I should change her?

And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I know I'm won't catch any sleep knowing that, that little black dress still clings to her body, hugging every curve.

I spot an open suitcase on the other side of her bed, most likely hers. I walk the short distance to it and start to quietly sift through the neatly folded clothes. The ones at the top, I took them out and rest them on the carpet next to me. I have to resist the urge to burst out laughing when I find her secret stash of chocolates. Once I find her favourite pajamas which was nothing but her oversized Nirvana tshirt and a pair of boxers, I start repacking the clothes that I took out.

As I'm almost done and I'm holding the last piece of clothing that looks like a sweater in my hand, I notice how messily folded it was. Not thinking much of it, I go to refold it only for a small black book to fall out of it, landing on top of my leg on an opened page.

I swear on my life that I wasn't going to read it but the first line caught my attention, drawing me in. The sweater drops from my hand as I continue to read on, mentally scolding myself to stop reading it.

And oh how I wish I listened to my subconscious...

Day 54

...And she's yelling at me:

"You're blaming me for your sadness, like I'm always the bad guy. Stop crying right now because I could really make you feel pain here. What is wrong with you, you better open your mouth and tell me. This is why I have to be paying for you to see a damn therapist!"

My head is spinning, vision blurry, alone; listening to gentle raindrops splash against the car windows while there's a storm raging inside my body. I want to scream and at the same time remain silent and continue to drown myself in my tears. My head pounds in sync with my heart, slamming against my ribcage and with each discontented breath I take, I feel the grip of her hand on my upper arm, pulling me back to perfection.

YOU CAN'T NOT BE OKAY.

With one deep inhale, feeling beaten and broken down, I open the car mirror and once again not like what I see. I ripped the pins out of my hair, the pins that held my smile taut, telling myself to hold myself together but the facade that I've held for so long is bursting at the seams and I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it. I stare into my defeated, lifeless deep brown eyes and felt an anger come over me. I sit here wrapped in all this hurt knowing it's my fault. It always is. I'm crying again. And at this point I'm slapping the tears off my face because I'm not in the comfort of my room; the only place I'm allowed to fall down and fall apart...quietly.

I'm tugging at my hair, squeezing my head, short rapid breaths of pain while my chest and my lungs are giving out on me from trying to stifle the sound of a crying girl sitting in a lonely car. I throw my head back and let the more stubborn tears roll down the sides of my cheek and I close my eyes. Silent darkness. Help.

Forgetting all about changing Mia into more comfortable clothes, I dropped the journal to the floor as if it were on fire. After each sentence I tell myself to close it and pretend I never saw it because if Mia wanted anyone to see this, she wouldn't have wrapped it up in her clothes to hide it.

But I couldn't bring myself to stop reading it even if I could feel my heart breaking with each word. I didn't even notice the tears falling from my eyes until they hit the page. My eyes dart between her sleeping figure on the bed and the journal on the floor, just a little away from me and the tears pour out of my eyes like a river.

How can this be the same person? Surely, this can't be hers...right?

For the second time in my life, I'm left clueless, feeling completely helpless when it comes to Mia. I don't know what to do with this. I don't even know what this is.

And what's even worse, is that this is something private to her and I read it without her consent. It makes me a hypocrite because I hate it when people snoop around my private life yet here I am reading her personal thoughts.

Right now, all I want to do is hold her in my arms and reassure her that she doesn't need to do this alone. I'll keep repeating it until I sound like a broken record...until she believes me. The idea of getting any sleep has flown out the window and her sad words ring in my head, tugging at my heartstrings.

I move off the floor and place myself by the bottom of her feet, watching as she switches to a more comfortable position. Another wave of tears flood my eyes but I manage to keep them a bay. Seeing someone hurt and reading it are two entirely different things yet they're still both shattering to me and the images of her in so much pain feel like stabs to my heart.