'As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends forever'

I'm angry.

Angry at my thoughts. Angry at my body. Angry at my emotions.

I'm angry at myself. And embarrassed.

The one time I actually decide to let myself go a bit and just live in the moment, I just had to mess it up.

I was happy. Absolutely filled with joy last night. I let myself feel something for someone else and allowed them to comfort me by doing the simplest thing as opening up.

Now there's no doubt in my mind that I do like Harry in that way.

I have feelings for Harry.

I don't know if this revelation makes me want to cry in sadness or scream in excitement.

I could never tell him that. Harry doesn't feel that way about me.

I know that.

But a girl can dream.

Besides he like someone else anyway.

This is a huge deal for me though. Letting myself feel that way for someone again is a huge step for me.

After Blake, I didn't even think it was possible.

But it seems that as soon as I take a step forward, I take two steps back.

I shouldn't have let myself go overboard with the thinking. I shouldn't have put myself in that position.

I shouldn't have put Harry in that position. A position where he was clueless, felt helpless and probably filled with worry.

I really wish he would forget about it because I really want to forget the image of his hurt and worry filled face when I pushed him away.

I didn't mean to. It just happened and I could never forgive myself for it. It's confusing how I wanted him to touch me. To put his arms around me and hold me close to his chest just like last night and tell me that it was okay.

But it's like my body went into defense mode and rejected any form of comfort coming near it.

I was completely stunned when he stayed and sat next to me. To me, the way he handled everything was truly admirable.

I half expected him to be freaking out and tugging the life out of his hair.

Then again, there were moments when I wasn't really aware of what was going on around me so...

Nahhh I have faith that he didn't have a complete meltdown not knowing what to do. He's the most confident person I know.

A knock sounds on the door.

"You ready love?"

Love. It makes my heart skip a beat everytime he calls me that.

"Just a minute" I call out, finishing my lips with my favourite red lipstick in the mirror.

I look at myself in the mirror, calming my nerves and then proceed to open the bathroom door to find Harry on the otherside.

He inhales sharply and then breathes out "Breathtaking. Absolutely stunning"

I watch between him and my dress confused, fighting the smile threatening to appear "Seriously?"

He nods wordlessly as his tongue sticks out and wets his pink lips.

"But it's so plain...and it's a dress"

Have I mentioned how much I don't like wearing dresses, especially fitted ones?

"Oh come on!"he scoffs"You could make a garbage bag look like Gucci"

I smirk at him"I'm not sure that's my specialty" and he blushes.

"Well thank you the compliment, good sir" I smile and he goes to say something but I cut him off "but the only way you're getting me in a garbage bag is if you wear one too. If I go down, you're going down with me"

Though I highly doubt that. I'd be six feet under while Harry is being swarmed by famous designers and super thin super models, talking about the start of a new fashion trend that they'll name after him.

"Just tell me when and where" he smirks seeming rather confident about us wearing garbage bags.

It was only then that I took in what he was wearing: a short sleeved patterned shirt with only the two bottom buttons buttoned, revealing the two swallows below his collarbones and the butterfly on his torso peeks through the thin fabric with black skinny jeans.

I smiled to myself when I noticed he was wearing his signature Chelsea boots.

As per usual, the neat freak in me takes over, catching the sight of his upturned collar and wild curly hair that has grown quite a bit.

"Your hair is getting a bit long" I state then ask "don't you want to cut it?" while I start fixing the collar of his shirt and smoothing out any wrinkles with my fingers. He doesn't object my actions or looks like he's uncomfortable so I take that as a green light.

"No" he starts "well not yet anyway. I'm planning to grow it out long enough to make a wig and donate it to the cancer society"

My hands stop their movements, landing on his chest, as I look at him completely awed.

Why can't there be more of him on this planet?

"That's really sweet Harry, thoughtful too" I smile "and for the record, I love the long hair"

His shirt is thin beneath my hand, his hard muscles rippling beneath my palm and fingers in a way I've never felt him before, causing me to remove my hands from his shirt and to the hair falling into his eyes.

I grow frustrated as the hair keeps falling over his face and doesn't stay where I put it.

It's as stubborn as Harry himself.

Giving into the fact that it won't stay on it's own, I sigh and let my hands hit the sides of my thighs.

"Come with me" I motion for him to follow me further into his room where I left my bag "I think I've got just the thing"

I feel his eyes on me as I search my bag for my holy grails.

I smile victoriously when I find them and wave the different colour fabrics in front of his face excitedly "Choose one!"

He watches me amused and chuckles "What are these for?"

"Just choose one" I insisted.

He shakes his head with a smile before looking at the various colours. He moves his eyes to something behind me, where I left my bag and points "What about this one?"

I turn to look at what he's pointing at.

"The scarf?" I ask confused and select the olive green scarf that he chose and put the bandanas back in my bag.

"Why choose the scarf?" I had a hand filled with probably 10 different coloured bandanas and he chose the scarf?

He just shrugs.

I put it in his open palm and he watches it confused "what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Tie it around your head"

He gives me a deadpanned look as he tightens the bandana around his head "I know that"

"Well, I figured you might be needing more of them as your hair is getting longer, so now you can have a collection of your own. You have the bandana you wore to Simon's office and now, this one"

Trying to cover up the fact that I remembered exactly what he wore that day, I say almost immediately "Not that I remember or anything. Besides I have another one so you can have it"

Qué pena!

Let's just pretend that the other reason why I gave him the bandana wasn't because I wanted him to wear something of mine so that when he looks at it he thinks of me...or to see how it looks on him.

Hot damn does it look good! Not just good, es fuego!

Thankfully, he doesn't comment on it, instead flashes me a grin "I'll have to make this one my new favourite then"

Don't do it! Control yourself Mia!

I couldn't do it. I'm grinning like the chesire cat "Yeah?"

If it was even possible, his grin widens "Yup. Just because you gave it to me"

No human being on this earth had the ability to make me blush but if there is one person that can change that, I have no doubt in my mind that it's Harry.

I go to respond but I'm interrupted by soft irritated huffs and groans sound from the door.

Harry and I turn our attention to the bedroom door and then back to each other with amused smiles.

Nerves now forgotten, I walk the short distance to the door and pull it open, revealing a red-faced Mari clutching her teddy bear tightly to her chest.

"I don't like being small" she grumbles"I can't reach the doorknob!"

I start smiling, not only because of how even though she's angry and annoyed, she's absolutely adorable but also the dress she has on.

I stoop down to her level, still smiling "You look so pretty!"

She blushes, swaying from side to side "Thank you. I put it on myself but I can't zip it up"

"You put it on yourself?" You know that moment when a child does something by themselves and the parent get extremely emotional because it makes them feel like the child is growing up too fast? Yeah I'm having one of those, only difference is...I don't get emotional.

She nods flashing me a toothy grin. I zip up her dress and then she asks me to braid her hair.

As I'm braiding, she whispers to me not so subtly "Uncle Harry looks really pretty"

My cheeks flush as I glance at him, seeing a faint blush across his cheeks and a shy smile on his face.

"He does look really pretty" I agree with her shooting him a smile.

"He is drop-dead gorgeous!" she laughs as she mocks Lily's favourite line of all time.

Suddenly, Harry appears in front of us and scoops Mari into his arms. He holds her up in the air and spins her around as she giggles.

He chuckles as he spins "Not as gorgeous as you are!"

I stand up from my position on my knees, smiling and laughing at the scene "Hey! I wasn't done yet!"

"Too bad!" they yell in unison at me.

Considering Harry's history with being clumsy, I fear what would happen if he keeps spinning around like that. The same thought probably enters his head as he stops spinning but their giggles don't cease.

Mari bops his nose "Not as gorgeous as you are" she repeats.

He nuzzles his nose with hers, both of them giggling uncontrollably.

If I could take a picture of this scene and keep it forever, I swear I'd never get tired looking at it.

If this isn't more of a reason to like this guy then I don't know what is.

"People! Let's get a move on!" we hear Gemma's voice echo down the corridor.

He doesn't put her down, instead holds her on his hips and we quickly hurry downstairs.

As we're halfway down the stairs, Gemma blocks Harry's way and sticks her hand out "Can I have your keys?"

I watch as his face scrunches up "No"

"Why won't you let me drive?"

He laughs in disbelief "And risk you wrecking my car? I think not!"

She glances from me to him and a smirk forms on her lips. She pulls him closer and whispers something in his ear. I give them a weird look as they both turn to look at me.

Harry lets out a defeated sigh and begrudgingly puts his car key in her outstretched hand which she accepts triumphantly.

As she skips down the rest of the stairs, I comment "That was easy"

He simply shakes his head and continues down the stairs.

"Oh good! You're ready!" Gemma exclaims looking behind us.

"What's going on?" Anne asks confused, holding up her long flowy dress as she takes in our appearance.

"Oh no, what have you done this time?" Robin asks suspiciously fixing his tie.

"Get in the car, ask questions later" Gemma instructs.

Not long after, we all pile into Harry's range rover.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The nerves are coming back.

My palms are sweaty and my hands are shaking. I rest my right hand on top of my left to hide it.

Instinctively, my fingers toy with the silver band on the finger of my left hand, twisting it back and forth.

I should really take this off.

Funny thing is, is that I'm not nervous about singing in front of everyone. It's a smaller crowd and people who I'm familar with.

I am nervous about singing this particular song. It just doesn't feel right singing it by myself, and without him. I try to remember what Harry told me last night but it's as though its stored in the deep crevices of my mind and all I can think about right now is how strange this feels to me and how much I wish he was here.

I wish he was here.

I see the image of his smiling face in my mind as something warm covers my hand and a voice softly whispers by my ear,
"I'm right here"

I nearly jump out of my skin, thinking I'm hearing his voice in my head but I immediately relax as I catch the sight of a little cross tattoo.

I look up at him as he gently squeezes my hands in his own. He smiles reassuringly, his eyes staring into mine. It makes me feel as though he can hear all the thoughts buzzing through my mind and for the first time in years, I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid of him knowing everything because I know that he won't judge me and look at me differently. I'm not afraid of him seeing parts of myself that I always keep locked away.

I'm not afraid.

That doesn't mean that it's suddenly going to be easier for me to open up to him. I'm trying, I really am but it's hard.

The longer he holds my gaze the more I feel the crack in my high walls widening.

"Alright! We're here!"

I'm the first to break eye contact, my eyes widening at the familiar surroundings as I turn to look out the window.

No.Way.

"A Chinese restaurant?" I hear Mari ask curiously.

Gemma turns around to face her with a smile "Not just any Chinese restaurant"

"Oh my! We haven't been here in ages!" Anne gushes with a bright smile, turning to look at us.

"What are we doing here?" Robin asks confused from the passenger seat.

"You'll see" Gemma replies vaguely as she parks.

We all exit as she turns off the engine. I go to take Mari's hand but to my surprise, she's already reached Harry.

I watch from behind as she raises her small arms into the air and Harry bends slightly to pick her up, balancing her on his hip, her arms around his neck.

Gemma starts hurrying us up to get into the restaurant. Anne and Robin walk hand in hand with confused expressions, Harry holding Mari following and I walk right behind.

She turns her head to face me and grins cheekily, holding on tighter to him causing me to shake my head with a smile.

She has him wrapped around her little finger.

A surprised gasp leaves Anne as we reach the door to the entrance. Stuck to the door is a giant heart made out of rose petals with Anne and Robin's names in the middle.

How big did Gemma go with this thing?

I observe the way they watch the door in awe and then turn towards each other with loving smiles on their faces. It makes me wish that I had someone to look at me the way they look at each other. The way they care for and love each other.

Yeah, sure, they may have found each other a bit later in life but I genuinely feel that they were meant for each other; soul mates.

I feel something brush over my fingers, snapping me out of my thoughts. I look up, only to be met with Harry's concerned eyes and Mari's frown.

"You okay?"

I notice that he asks that a lot now and I don't know how to feel about it. I know that it warms my heart because he's letting me know that he cares and is just looking out for me but it also...I don't know...it's just weird.

I'm not used to people being so observant about whether I was doing fine or my mind was eating me alive. Granted I don't really expect that from them but this Styles/Twist clan has managed to prove me wrong.

I'm used to always being hounded, feeling like I'm not being able to breathe. I feel like I'm the rope in the middle of a tug of war. On one side, I have someone constantly nagging me about not taking better care of myself and always thinks I fell off the track again. Then on the next side, is someone who doesn't want to take the chance of me falling off the tracks again, so they're always checking up on me, always trying to find out my thoughts with reverse psychology, always keeping me company so that I'm never alone, like I'm a child who needs constant supervision.

While I know that they have the best intentions, it can get frustrating and exhausting and sometimes irritating.

But it seems that with Harry, I don't mind it that much.

"We had some goods times here, didn't we?" I mused, changing the subject.

Thankfully, he catches on "It feels a bit different being back here after so long"

"Don't come inside until I say" Gemma instructs before she swiftly disappears inside the restaurant and Anne and Robin walk over to us.

"Were you part of this too?" Anne asks with a smile.

"We thought we were" Harry answers with a chuckle.

"She really surprised all of us with this one" I add, remembering she said something about a park.

A comfortable silence falls over us as we wait for Gemma.

The house next to the restaurant causing a smile to spread across my face as a wave of nostalgia hits me.

"Mari?" I call quietly getting her attention "You see that house right there?" I point to the stoned house next door and she nods.

"That was Aunty Anne's old house. It's where Harry and Gemma grew up"

Her face lights up at the information and turns to Harry "Really?"

He smiles at her enthusiasm and nods "Your mum and aunt and I had many sleepovers there when we were younger"

Her eyes widen "You knew my real mum too?"

I feel my eyes bug out of my head at her bold question and Harry only seems to grow confused, not knowing what she meant or how to respond.

"We made a lot of memories in this house" Anne cuts in, saving me from having this conversation and I send her a grateful smile.

Robin chuckles causing us all to look at him.

"I was remembering when Anne first brought me home" he says causing us all to start laughing.

I think everyone remembers the day Anne first introduced Robin to Harry and Gemma and I'm so happy that I was there to witness it. I took a liking to Robin right away, he seemed like a decent guy but then again, Anne wasn't my mother and Robin wasn't my mother's boyfriend.

You'd think Gemma would be a handful but an overprotective Harry is much worse.

I think what made the scenario so hilarious was Harry being short and awkward acting all macho and serious, threatening Robin, who was much taller than him, about what he would do if he ever hurt his mother.

You can say that they've come a long way from then.

We turn our attention away from the house to Gemma waving us inside.

Harry and I let Anne and Robin enter first, considering it's their day.

Entering the restaurant was like entering a new world, not at all the small, homey chinese restaurant I remember.

The large 'Happy Anniversary' banner is the first thing you notice as you walk in.

Hanging from the ceiling were red hearts, some of them had pictures of Anne and Robin stuck to them.

The room was illuminated by candles and a dim light from the ceiling.

"Wow" Harry breathes out in amazement next to me and I nod my head in agreement.

"Happy Anniversary!" cheers from the centre of the room where a few tables were joined to form a bigger one. Seated around the table, cheering, clapping and whistling were Harry and Gemma's aunt and uncle, Mike and Dee, cousins Ben, Ella and Matty and their stepbrother whose name also happens to be Mike. The restaurant is empty apart from that one table being occupied.

I see Gemma waving wildly in front us to join the table so Harry and I comply as Anne and Robin take in the room.

Matty with a grin on his face, waves me over and pats the seat next to him.

I ignore the way Harry harshly glared at his cousin and take Mari from him so that she can sit next to me as well as his grumpy face that appears as he drops himself down on the seat across from me.

What's up with him?

Now being in front of them, I can see Anne close to tears as Robin holds her at her waist with a little smile crossing his lips.

"Oh come on mum! Don't cry!" Gemma pleads as she pulls her mother into a hug.

"It's so beautiful" Anne weeps as she wipes under her eyes "Thank you all for making this day so special" she then says loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.

Cheers sound around the room again after Robin says a few words and then couple take their seats at the table with content smiles permanently eteched on their faces.

A familiar short Asian girl, probably around my age, emerges from where I remember the kitchen was with menus stacked in her hands.

"Alright everyone, this is Su Lin and she'll be our waiter this evening" Gemma announces as Su Lin reaches our table. We all greet her and she responds with a polite smile as she sets down the menus and says she'll be back to take our orders.

"It's been some time since I've last seen you" I hear next to me as I skim through the menu.

I think I'm going to be sick.

"Nice to see you too Matty" I say slightly distracted, skimming the menu aimlessly. It's not like I can order a salad at a chinese restaurant, who does that?

But I know if I order of the mouthwatering meals on this menu before Gemma says it's time, I know I'll lose the little confidence that I managed to gather and on top of that, puke my guts out.

I help Mari pick out something that I know she'll eat and then close the menu in defeat.

I look over at Gemma who sends me an apologetic look and mouths "Sorry!" to which I dismiss not needing her to apologize for something she can't control.

I'm a mess and that's a fact.

Lively chatter goes around the table and I find myself feeling kind of left out...even Mari is engaged in conversation!

"So how's the business going Matty? Any new ideas to share?" I ask striking up conversation and making up for kind of ignoring him before. For as long as I've known Matty, he's always been strongly into fashion, coming up with fancy and elaborate designs that really took my breath away when he showed them to me. He works as a retail assistant but everyone can see that it's not for him. I know he started up his own side business, sharing his brilliant fashion ideas with the world and I have no doubt that it'll get big some day.

His face lights up at my question and he answers animatedly, telling me about his newest designs that he wanted me to see, describing them, how he plans to use them and everything in between. You can tell that he loves and is passionate about what he does.

As I'm listening to Matty, I feel eyes boring into the side of my head. I catch Harry's eyes and send him a questioning look at his grumpy expression but he quickly diverts his and settles back into conversation with Mike and Robin.

A frown forms as I try to understand the reason for his sudden ignorance.

"That's awesome Matty. I'd love to see them some time" I smile at him as he requests that I take a look at his new designs when I get the chance "maybe after this tour is done and I'm finally back in one place" I joke "we can catch up or something?"

He beams at me "I'd like that very much"

I think out of the three, I was always closest to Matty. Though he was the eldest, he was a major goofball while growing up and we had a lot of things in common as well.

He abruptly stands up and says "Bring Mariangeli. I want to show you something"

He leads us to a board at the back of the restaurant. There are loads of pictures covering the board of what seems to be customers enjoying their time at the restaurant.

He then points to one in particular and my jaw drops "Oh my god"

I lift Mari onto my hips so that she can see it as well.

It's a picture of Harry, Tia and I pulling funny faces at the camera, standing next to the owner. We were really young in this picture. Harry was missing a tooth and Tia and I had braces on.

Something in my head clicks. The owner! Su Lin is the owner's daughter! That's where I know her from.

Sure enough there's another picture with the three of us, as well as Su Lin smiling at the camera holding chopsticks.

"Where did these pictures come from?" I ask in amazement only find that Matty isn't next to me anymore.

Mari giggles in my arms and I turn around to find what causes it.

Matty is talking to Harry who seems to be acting stubborn. From here, you can see Matty getting frustrated to the point where he forcefully pulls Harry out of chair by his ear walking towards us.

It really is funny watching Harry wincing in pain as his ear that's being pulled turns red with Matty scolding him as they continue to walk towards us.

"Who peed in your froot loops this morning?" I joke as he reaches me.

He doesn't respond opting to soothe his aching ear.

"Hey" I try to get his attention, taking in his annoyed expression "What's wrong?"

His face softens as he looks at me. His once annoyed expression melts away and my ears stand on high alert as he opens his mouth to respond "I-"

I raise my eyebrows as I wait for him to continue. I grow disappointed as he shakes his head and lets out a sigh "Nothing"

I frown at him "It can't be nothing. Something's botheri-"

I get cut off by Matty piping in "Styles here is just jea-"

Harry cuts him off with a deadly glare and snaps "Shut up"

My frown deepens at his odd behaviour but I decide not to push him.

Instead I try to lighten the mood, looking at the pictures again "Remember when we would stick our heads out your bedroom window to smell the chinese food coming from here"

He laughs "There's nothing better than waking up to the fresh smell of chinese in the morning"

Having only now noticed the two pictures, he lets out a small chuckle "Who took these pictures?"

"Till this day I still don't know how to use chopsticks" we snickered quietly "Me neither!"

As our laughter dies down and we continue to stare at the photos, retelling some of our childhood memories to Mari, she suddenly raises her hand and points to one of the little girls in the picture.

"Is that her?" she asks quietly and I gulp.

I can feel his confused eyes staring into my side profile but I ignore it.

He's going to find out sooner or later....I choose later.

"It is" I confirm, smiling slightly at the image of my twin with her tongue stuck out staring at me.

"Wow" she breathes out "you look the same"

I laugh quietly "That's because we were identical twins"

"That's cool" she says in awe "I want a twin!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's time.

And I'm absolutely shitting bricks right now.

"You can do this" No I can't Harry!

"I can stand next to the stage, if you need me to" he offers but I shake my head at him.

Walking the short distance to the stage felt like walking up a steep mountain. I'm feeling out of breath.

"Can I get the happy couple on the floor please?" I request as I reach the mic, savouring the encouraging smiles from Harry and Gemma.

I have to do this and I have to do it now. I put it off long enough. I was supposed to sing it at their wedding but I couldn't for three reasons:

1. I was in a dark place at the time.

2. I couldn't come to the wedding.

3. The wound was still too fresh and singing it at the time would've been like rubbing salt in the wound.

So I guess this is my late wedding gift to them as well as my apology for not attending, no matter how many times they told me that they understood why I couldn't come and there was nothing I needed to apologise for.

I gesture to the band behind me to start the music.

Here goes nothing...

I jump slightly as the opening chords of the guitar echo throughout the room.

What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me
Would you agree

My voice is shaky as I start, the turning in my stomach becoming worse. My heart is beating so fast I fear what would happen to my ribcage.

It's almost that feelin'
That we've met before
So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now

I found that watching the way Anne and Robin sway together and the way their love can be felt from every corner of the room offers a great distraction.

A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

I close my eyes as I finish the chorus, the day that this song was written, how it was written and where comes flooding back.

I remember how happy I was that day. I remember how everything just felt right at the time.

So instead of focusing on the sad memories, I remember the happy ones which is enough to get me through the next verse.

Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can't explain

As the song goes on, I feel a bit more comfortable on the stage. A smile appearing as I observe the couple's wide smiles at each other and everyone else's in the room.

Well I maybe dreamin'
But 'till I awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I'll cherish all the love we share

I catch Harry's eye and we stare at each other for a few seconds. His smile is wide and encouraging and he sends me a thumbs up. I keep eye contact with him for the rest of the chorus, somehow finding solace in them.

For a moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

As I enter the bridge, it feels strange, like I'm hearing the lyrics for the first time. It hits differently, a bit too close to home for me.

Yes, some people wait a lifetime but I already found mine and now he's gone, can't get him back, can't ever find another one like him.

Could this be the greatest love of all
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
So let me tell you this
Some people wait a lifetime

For a moment like this-

I reached my limit. I choked. I froze up. I couldn't finish.

The music stops as I stop. I feel everyone's eyes on me as I look up at the ceiling, afraid to look at them.

There's a ringing in my ears and their stares feel like it's mocking me, judging me.

I whisper an apology into the mic before swiftly exiting the stage keeping my head down. From the corner of my eye, I see Harry rushing towards with a concerned look.

Needing some time alone, I shake my head at him and continue hastily to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standing in front of the mirror in the empty bathroom feels like torture.

Why do I do this to myself?

Memories upon memories come rushing back like a tidal wave. I can't tell if it hurts or I'm simply reminiscing.

I miss him. I miss him a lot.

I know I can't continue to live like this. I know it's time to move on and start anew but how can I do that when I'm stuck in the never-ending dream of the past?

I feel a migraine oncoming causing me to grip the edges of the tiled counter around the sink.

A soft knock sounds on the door but I don't respond. Instead, I subject to looking at my reflection in the mirror.

It's funny how he's gone almost a year now yet I still see his pale, sunken in face smiling weakly back at me like it was yesterday.

I hear the door squeak as it slowly opens but I don't move until,

"Mia darling, how are you doing?" her soft caring voice rings in my ears that somehow uncovers all my buried feelings. And I let it show.

"Oh dear" is all she says when she takes one look at my face before I'm engulfed in a warm hug and I instantly melt into it, wrapping my arms tightly around her and hiding my face in her shoulder.

It's times like these where I wish I could just breakdown in the arms of someone who cares about me and let all my bottled up emotions out without fearing them using it against me.

But I can't.

I sometimes question if it's possible for your tear ducts to become dry because clearly it's the case with me. I could scream, shout, heck even punch a wall and I'm just...there.

"I miss him" I admitted quietly as Anne continues to hold me. I, myself, can hear the pain in my voice...and it doesn't sound very nice "sometimes it gets so hard without him being here"

"I know, my darling, I know" her voice cracks at the end as she rubs her hand soothingly up and down my back "but I promise you it will get easier"

How do you know that?

I just nod, not knowing what to say.

"You're a strong girl Mia. Ever since I first met you, I could see there was a fire behind those big brown eyes" I can hear the smile in her voice "You walked before you met him and you can do it again"

I never knew I needed to hear this until now. I never knew I needed her motherly touch to listen to what everyone's been telling me for as long as I can remember.

"You're going to fall and fall many times" my breath hitches as I take in her every word. Her tone becomes firm but it doesn't lose it's softness "but you have to get back up. And you have to keep getting back up until you reach the finish line"

I fiddle with the ring again, wondering if I'll ever take it off. It just doesn't feel...right, I guess, to take it off. An intense wave of guilt washes over me even at the thought of taking it off.

"Where is the finish line?" my voice is barely above a whisper.

"You'll know it when you reach it" she says enigmatically.

She pulls back and holds me at arms length, revealing her eyes glistening with unshed tears "Look at Mari" she gestures to the door "look at the clever, amazing, beautiful little girl you've been raising...all by yourself. She adores and looks up to you. Show her that you're the extraordinary, strong woman that she believes you to be"

I hide behind a mask 24/7. I don't think I've reached the point where I can acquire such title but...okay.

"I know it may not seem like it now" she gently places her palms on either of my cheeks, urging me to look at her "But my darling, Mia...you are so much more than what you think of yourself" she pauses and then continues "though she didn't mean it, you are so much more than everything your mother told you"

I know she didn't mean it. I know that she was just hurt, angry and grief-stricken and took it out on me but there's always this voice in the back of my head, wondering...

Did she really? What if she was right? What if she was just revealing things about myself that I couldn't see?

"And what you did today is proof of that. You didn't have to sing that song today but you did, knowing how much it hurt and affected you" the glistening tears in her eyes shines under the light as a bright smile crossing her face "And I'm so proud of you, so so proud"

A small smile slowly stretches into a grin at her words. Nobody knows how much it meant to me to have someone say that to me. A tiny surge of confidence bursts through me...

I will cross that finish line...with Anne as my cheerleader, cheering me on from the sidelines.

"And I know that Blake is very, very proud of you. He's probably watching over us right now, unable to keep the grin off his face" she whispers as she removes one hand from my cheek and smooths it over my hair.

I look down at my feet, coaching myself to keep it together.

"Thank you" I say with so much emotion, she pulls me in another hug moving her jet black hair to the side.

"It's what I'm here for"

I stand in her embrace for a few seconds before we hear commotion outside the bathroom door. She looks at me confused as I approach the door and rest my ear against it, a smirk forming on my lips.

"I'm going to tell mum" I hear Gemma whine "It's rude to eavesdrop"

Harry responds right after with a scoff "What are you, five?"

"You're one to talk" she counters "You can't last five seconds if she's not in your eyesight, like some love sick puppy!"

"I'm not a love sick puppy!" he argues.

"Yes you are!"

"I'm not!" as their argument seems to be getting louder, I decide to end it before they cause a scene.

I pull open the door to reveal Harry's enraged expression and Gemma's smirking back at him.

I clear my throat abruptly causing them to look at me and yell,
"What?!"

Seeming to only realise who interrupted their argument, their jaws drop to the floor and their eyes widen to the size of saucers, like a deer caught in headlights.

Movement behind me causes the three of us to look at Anne, who wears a stern expression directed at her children with her hands on her hips.

"I thought I told you two not to follow me" she reprimands.

"Well love sick puppy over here" Gemma points to Harry "decided that he couldn't stay away"

He shoots her an annoyed look "That's not what happened"

Gemma quickly retorts "Oh really? Then why don't you te-"

Anne cuts her off "Alright! That's enough you two"

She grabs both their hands and leads them away from the bathroom as they continue to bicker over her, not before shooting me a smile over a shoulder.

Never a dull moment with those two.

A/N
I know! Feels like it's been a while since I've last uploaded but this chapter gave me hell to write and I have no idea why...

But! Let's talk about what's happened since I've been ripping my hair out finishing this chapter...

New cover
Guys I tried making a cover myself and it took me AN ENTIRE DAY...I still didn't like how it turned out.

Soooo
Shoutout to frictionfic for designing this amazaynnnn...(ahh see what I did there 😉) cover!

1K reads
I can't tell you much this means to me. I mean...1K reads? Damnnn...I'm excited. I know it may not seem like a lot but...you know... some of us be out here tryna get some reads.

So to all my loyal readers and the people who just happen to stumble upon this book...

I didn't feel it before, but I feel it now...THIS BOOK IS GOING PLACES Y'ALL and it's all thanks to YOU ❤

So until next time (which is very soon)...

*appreciative nose bops*