'I knew you were trouble when you walked in'

Have you ever had those moments in life where you feel like you don't belong?

We finally arrived in Dublin, and to say I felt out of place was an understatement.

Besides the fact that I've never been here before, I think the hotel that the bus dropped us off at takes the cake.

It's so lavish and.....expensive looking.

I don't think I'd like to know how much it costs to stay here. I honestly think I'd faint.

And it wasn't just me. Lily had the same reaction when she came off the bus.

How we managed to get to our room is a mystery to me. We always got distracted by the artwork hung on the walls or the voluminous crystal chandeliers glaring down at us from the ceiling.

The room wasn't much but it was still something.

I am exhausted. I feel like I have to drag my limbs everywhere. I slept on the plane but that hour and fifteen minutes honestly felt like five.

Then I didn't nap on the bus because Bill was telling me about his family and I found it quite rude to fall asleep.

Now in the hotel room, I want to do nothing but sleep but I know that won't be happening because I'm left alone to my thoughts.

Lily went into the bathroom to have a shower. The room is empty....and quiet. Too quiet.

I feel incredibly guilty.

I overreacted and for no reason at all. I don't even know why I did. It's not really something I would do. It was definitely out of character for me.

I guess it was my already skyrocketed nerves to blame.

I was already anxious enough because I had to perform soon but One Direction turning up, more specifically Harry just shot my anxiety to the roof.

Truth is, I'm guilty for two reasons. The first one obviously being my overreaction and I know I have to apologize to him.

The second one though, being my dishonesty to Harry.

I know he didn't know of my....singing abilities. I could see it from the shell shocked look on his face when I came on stage.

At the time, when I decided that keeping this from him was the best idea, it made sense because I knew he wouldn't have found out. I didn't do it often. Probably only my immediate family knew but usually only my sister and the shower ever heard me sing.

But I didn't think he would find out now either.

There are no secrets that time does not reveal.

I have never had a cause to believe in that saying until today and I feel my body tense up in fear of what else will be revealed in these six months that suddenly feel too long for my liking.

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It's now dinnertime.

I just came off the phone after Mari fell asleep and Lily somehow managed to drag me to the hotel restaurant.

"Get your lazy ass up. Time to socialise"

Paul secured the restaurant tonight so that the crew can get to know each other.

While I'm all for that initiative, I just wanted to sleep.

And she made me wear a dress!

Hey! At least it had pockets!

We stood at the entrance of the restaurant, observing the environment.

The restaurant was very elegant and had classical music playing in the background of the light chatter and occasional laughter that sounded through the room.

The people, to whom I'm guessing is everyone working in the crew, looked contented as they engaged in conversation.

Overall, the setting was relaxed.

"C'mon, let's go mingle" she says excitedly, linking one arm through my own and waving the other toward someone in the room.

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After about two hours of mingling and a couple light drinks, I was ready to go to bed.

The crew were so welcoming and friendly. There's no doubt that I'll get along just fine with them on the road.

"Hey, I'm gonna head up. See you in the morning" I said to Lily who was on her way to the bar.

"You're not even going to wait up for me?" she teased.

"And put my already gravel-filled eyes through more torture. Nah, I don't think so" I laughed and made my exit.

In the elevator, I press the button to my floor and watch as the doors slowly start closing.

I feel my droopy eyes snap wide open when a hand appears through the tiny space between the two doors right before they close, stopping it.

I breathe out a sigh of relief "I think you nearly gave me a heart attack"

"Oh no, need me to call an ambulance" he says stepping into the elevator and pressing a button. The scent of his cologne filling my nostrils instantly spikes my anxiety.

We're in a confined space. Together.

What if it stops working? I start panicking.

"You know....it was quite uh expected, seeing you here" he starts.

"Surprise!" I exclaimed with a fake smile, doing jazz hands. He shakes his head with a smile.

"I just found out. It was kind of a last minute thing" I felt the need to clarify after a few seconds of silence passed.

He just nods.
This has to be the longest time I've ever spent in an elevator....

I can't take the silence. It's so awkward and filled with unsaid things. I can feel my guilt levels rising so fast, I might just combust.

"I'm sor-"

"Listen-"

We turn to look at each other and I send him a small smile as an indication to continue.

But he shakes his head and tells me to go first.

As I open my mouth, the elevator dings and the doors open, revealing the floor that I'm staying on.

"Nevermind" I said stepping out of the elevator.

"This your floor?" he asks unexpectedly stepping out of the elevator as well and stands next to me.

I nod and start walking towards the door, fiddling with the room key with Harry following close behind.

"Ever the gentleman, walking me to my door" I commented trying to make small talk.

I turn to watch him as he shrugs and says, "What can I say, mum raised me well"

I smile at the mention of Anne and respond,"That she did" stopping when I notice we reached the room.

"Well I guess this is me" and he nods again.

I can't take this anymore. It's eating me alive. You can tell by the look on his face that he feels terrible about what happened back in London.

I sigh defeatedly and explain,"Harry, I'm sorry about how I reacted in the restaurant. That was uncalled for"

"No it wasn't. I understand why you reacted the way you did but I didn't mean it in that way" he says and then chuckles lightly "it sounded way better in my head"

"I overreacted and I don't know why. I knew you didn't mean it in that way because I've known you long enough to know that you're not like that" I said honestly. I did know he didn't mean it that way. Like I said before, it was the nerves.

"I don't react well when I'm nervous" I admitted looking down embarrassingly.

"Stage fright?" he guessed and I nodded embarassingly leaning my back against the wall.

"I figured" he murmured and then asked nervously "so how long have you been singing?"

I feel my face drop at his question.

"Can we not talk about this tonight?" I requested slightly pleading with him to drop it.

Kind of a touchy subject and I'm too exhausted and if I'm being honest, slightly scared to delve into those details tonight.

Answering that question tonight could go many ways. Some of which I'm not ready to talk about yet. Or he could end of being disappointed and hurt that I've kept this from him for so long. Or it could end up turning out to be the exact reason why I'd kept it from him in the first place. Another thing that I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about yet.

Thankfully he agrees and drops it.

"Absolutely loved the song though" I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not.

"You liked it?" I asked unsurely.

"Brilliant song, so catchy. Though I don't think you quite accomplished what you were going for" he says lowly.

"What was I trying to accomplish?" Now I'm intrigued.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but the message that you were trying to get across was for me, yes?" he asks, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Wow, you figured that out by yourself?" I responded sarcastically.

"I don't think you did a very good job" his smirk widening ever so slightly.

I swear his head is filled with bricks.
"And why's that?"

"Because squeaky" he emphasises the stupid nickname "she's.not.gone" he taps my nose with each word.

I swat his finger away from my face. He has piqued my interest with his answer so I can't help but ask,

"And how do you know that?"

"I believe that she is not gone. In fact, she's still in there" he points to my heart "and I can prove it" he says confidently.

"And how are you going to do that?"

"Well I guess you're going to have to find out" he smirks again.

I have never been more terrified of a statement in my life. I think hearing him say that finally cements into my brain that I'll have to endure 6 months of this.

While I'm scared of what's to come in these 6 months, the thrill of it all has me excited as well.

For the first time in years, I have no control over my life and while that could be alarming, the anticipation of what's to come has me feeling bubbly and exhilarated.

I don't know what these six months hold, maybe good things, maybe bad but what I do know for sure is that it's just getting started.

He chuckles at the expression on my face and says,

"For now, I must bid you adieu. Better rest up, first day on the job tomorrow" and just like that, with a chaste kiss on my forehead, he spins on his heel and heads towards the elevator.

He walks into the elevator and shoots me a warm smile,

"By the way, you look beautiful as always. Cute dress"

I watch with my mouth hung open as he presses a button and then waits as the doors slowly close but not before sending me a salute and a wide grin on his face.

I continue staring at the steel doors, trying to compose myself as I shuddered at the thought that entered my head that I never thought I'd have to say again.

Man....I'm in trouble.