"But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry"

Did my past self do something stupid and now I'm paying for it? Because this sure as hell feels like punishment.

I've been on the phone for the past five minutes retelling my horror story from downstairs with Harry to Lily.

While I'm drowning in my embarrassment, Lily is getting stitches. I swear, she's been cackling down the phone before I even finished telling her everything that happened. I feel like I'm being punished. This is why honesty is the best policy, guys.

I think for the most part, I'm embarrassed about the fact that I denied checking him out and he knew that I was lying but didn't call me out on it. Instead he chose to have fun with it. I don't think he'll let me live this one down either.

I don't know why but despite the fact that I'm embarrassed and probably weirded out our friendship before it even started, I enjoyed it. I liked looking at him. That probably sounds pervy but I've never felt these feelings before. I was so tempted to touch his skin. Thank god that didn't happen.

It's like suddenly waking up finding yourself at a starting line for a race and you don't know if you should run that race to the best of your ability and find out what's at the finish line, or just start running in your drowsy state and then give in to the tiredness and pass out before you even make it halfway.

Should I try to find out what these new feelings are? If I do, do I explore them more and more and see what it brings me, whether good or bad, or chicken out when it gets too much and just forget about it.

This is why I called Lily because I'd go crazy if I keep thinking like this. But she's no help at the moment. I think I'd have to send an ambulance to get her soon if she keeps laughing like this.

"Uhm...are you done?"

"Wait! Gimme a minute!" she wheezed out.

I blew out an annoyed breath. I deserve this anyway. I brought this on myself. If I wasn't so stuck in my head, I'd be laughing with her too. Maybe later...

She clears her throat and I can still hear the smile in her voice,

"Okay! I'm done, now"

I roll my eyes at her though she can't she me.

We stay silent for a few seconds before she says,

"I think I need to meet Harry"

"Why?" I ask puzzled. Why does she want to meet Harry? That's a recipe for disaster anyway. They'd gang up on me and 2 against 1 isn't fair.

"Because if he's the one that's going to steal your heart then I believe I have the right to meet him!"she exclaimed. What is she talking about?

"You confused me"

"Mia...." she drawls out. Then she shouts,

"YOU LIKE HIM BITCH!"

I chuckle at her. She's crazy!

"Why are you laughing, Mia? I'm being serious!"

"You're very funny, have I ever told you that? Instead of psychology, you should have gone into comedy."

"I'm not joking, Mia,"she says sternly.

My face drops as I take in the seriousness of her voice.

I don't like Harry. I can't like Harry. We're barely even friends yet. There's no way.

I must have gone silent for long because Lily says softly,

"It's okay, you know. To feel this way. You're new to this and that's okay."

"I'm not new to this," I denied, shaking my head,"I don't like Harry. Could never. I had a crush on him years ago. Those things don't come back." Right?

I'm not sure if I'm saying this to convince her or myself but she's not having any of it.

"Mia......you and I both know that whatever happened with Blake," she pauses as I suck in a breath.

"You okay?" she asked concerned.

My voice wavers as I speak quietly, maybe just above a whisper,"Yeah....continue"

She waits a few more seconds, making sure that I don't change my mind and then says softly again,

"I can't say that there weren't feelings involved because then I'd be lying.....but it was kind of forced and rushed. You, yourself said that."

"I remember," I said meekly, trying to keep my emotions at bay.

"But this. This is new to you Mia! Don't deny it. You may not see it now, but you still have feelings for Harry. More than you think......if you think about it at all." yhhh.....i don't see it.

"I may be out of line here......but what happened with Blake was bad. Very bad. Probably scarred you for life. And I don't get you wrong," she pauses again and asks if I'm okay when I draw in a shaky breath.

"But Mia, you can't close yourself off from the idea of love again because what you went through isn't going to happen again. I'm sure Maria and I sound like a broken record but you're so stubborn it's like it goes in one ear and out the next,"

"These new feelings could be good for you. Being around Harry again could be good for you."

"Maybe," I mumble quietly. I'm surprised she heard me.

"Maybe" she echoes just as quietly.

Suddenly her voice changes back to concerned and what she says next silences me.

"Mia......you know, it's not a bad thing to cry. Or hell, even feel sad. You're probably the only person I know who won't cry when they see a bunny die!"

That's NOT true! I'll cry!......just on the inside.....

"Crying is for the weak. I am not weak. Can't let people see you cry unless you want them to know your weaknesses. And when they know, they'll find a way to use it against you,"I say monotonously. She taught me that. She's said it so many times that it's practically engraved into my brain at this point.

"You know that won't work on me. Not anymore. Quit the bullshit Mia! It's not healthy for you to be thinking that way at all! Whatever she's filled your head with, you just.....urgh- just don't listen to her!"she says sounding frustrated. I could picture her running her hands through her hair with her face scrunched up.

"How did we even get here? We were talking about Harry!" I exclaim, getting just as frustrated as she is.

"This is exactly what Maria got upset about Mia. You can't just brush this aside like you always do anymore. You have to talk about it if you want to get better!"

"You make it sound like I'm sick or something! I'm perfectly fine the way I am, thank you very much and I don't need you or Maria or anybody else to tell me who the fuck I am!"

I instantly regretted the words as soon as I said them. It goes quiet. I've never heard silence quite this loud.

In a way, I didn't mean what I just said to her but I kind of meant them, if that makes sense. I didn't mean it the way I said it or the tone I used but I did mean what I said.

I'm so sick of people constantly on my back about showing emotions and talking about my feelings. Or even just the simple fact that I don't like to cry. Always saying 'this is not you Mia. you're not who you used to be' or 'you've changed Mia. what happened?'

What I want to say to them everytime is 'yes! I've changed. Got a fucking problem? Go solve it in your fucking math book!'

Sorry, didn't mean to be so...aggressive but it's how I feel.

But I don't. I don't have the guts to tell that to every person who's asked me that.

I know, Lily, Maria and abuela have the best intentions. They care about me too much that their worry overtakes them. But it's been years now, and quite frankly, I'm getting fed up of the constant nagging. Okay....maybe it's not nagging but still.

But I can't lose my best friend over something so stupid. She's just worried and that's okay. She didn't deserve the way I spoke to her. I asked her for help anyway.

I must have been in my own world for a while because I'm brought back to the present with Lily's voice calling my name.

I reassure her that I'm still on the phone and walk over to my bed and slump down on it.

"I really sorry Lily. I didn't mean that. That was uncalled for. I'm sorry."

She sighs and then with a smile in her voice, she says,"No you're not. You did mean it. And that's okay! You're speaking your mind. First step complete,"

"I'm sorry too. I pushed you and I know you don't like talking about everything that happened."

"It's okay. We're both idiots,"I mumble into my pillow.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. The only idiot here is you. I mean, come on, a lazy eye! Who the hell says that! And then you had to clean the bowling balls. You don't function properly under pressure honey."

"Oh shut up!"

"You know what? I take it back. You don't function properly, period."

"You just wait till the next time I see you," I sneer playfully.

"That's why I'll have Harry to help me out. I should ask him for some of his tricks for getting to you. It seems like he has more luck than me." she says with a playful huff.

"That's because he's had a few years on you. Quite annoying actually,"I said, sounding annoyed but I was trying to fight back a smile. Seems like I'm doing that more and more these days. No I don't like Harry!

"Oh don't roll your eyes at me! We're not even face to face and I can tell that you secretly love it," she sounds like she's smirking.

"You don't think I've suffered enough today? Give me a break!"

I love how just a few minutes ago we were basically at heads with each other and now it's like that moment didn't happen. I honestly don't think that some little disagreement like that could break us apart anyway. We've been stuck together for a few years now. It'll be a shame to just let that go to waste because I was being stubborn.

There was a knock at the door so I walked towards it while Lily continued talking.

"Seriously though, think about what I said, with Harry. Don't push your feelings away. He could be a good thing for you." pssh....yeah right!

As she says this, I open the door and immediately froze. Speak of the devil.....

Harry was standing on the other side with his hands fisted, raised mid-air, about to knock on the door again.

Oh god I'm not ready yet! I'm not over my embarassment yet! He didn't give me enough time.

Before I realize what I'm doing, the next thing I know is that I'm slamming the door closed in Harry's face.

The slam must have been loud because Lily managed to hear it.

I forgot she was still on the phone!

"Mia? What was that? You didn't walk into another table, did you?"

"Oh ha ha. That was so funny I forgot to laugh,"I said sarcastically.

"You know, one of these days, you're going to meet someone who's going to deal with your sarcastic ass and it won't be me."

"Lilyyyy focus!"

"What now" she whines.

"We have an emergency. Well not you, more me. I'm not ready for this!"I rushed out urgently.

Another knock sounds on the door and I hear him faintly calling my name through the door.

"Quick! I'm running out of time!"

"Wait-hold up. What's going on? You know I can't understand you when you start speed talking. No one can!"

"Harry. Outside the door. Knocking. Help me!" I squeaked out softly, hoping he won't hear me.

And....she laughs. This is what my life has become. A comedy show. Cool.

"This just keeps getting better and better!" she laughs.

"Really?" I ask in a bored tone.

"Oh yes! Definitely! You're on your own butterfly. Time to fly. See ya!" and she hangs up.

I pull the phone away from my ear and stare down at it with my mouth hung open in shock. Did she just.....?

A single knock snaps me out of my dazed state and I slowly, very slowly, tip toe to the door and press my ear against it.

"Erm....Mia? I'm sorry about um....earlier. If I made things weird or anything, m'sorry," he says nervously but I still hear the sincerity in his voice. He's sorry?! I was the one checking him out, I should be apologizing.

He continues after a moment of awkward silence,"Well um....I guess I'll just- erm I'll leave now."

No! Don't go!

Hmm. Yeah....no. That doesn't mean I like him.

Before I talk myself out of it, I take a deep breath and then slightly open the door and poke my head through.

I see him with his back facing me, a few steps away from the door, one foot in front of the other. And he has on a shirt this time.....

He slowly turns around to face me, his green eyes wide and his eyebrows raised, like he can't believe I actually opened the door.

"Hey...." I drawl out awkwardly.

"Hi," he replies with a small smile.

"So....what's up?" I say, trying to make conversation.

"Uhh. Well erm, we finished outside, so I thought, why not see what Mia's up to?, I thought we could, you know...."he rubs the back of his neck nervously as he speaks.

I look at him expectantly.

"I thought we could, like, catch up or something." why is he so nervous?

But then he blurts out,"but only if you want! You don't have to if you don't want to." that's probably the fastest I have EVER heard him talk.

I bite my lip, fighting the urge to smile and open the door a bit wider.

It's only then that I decide to take in what he's wearing. Clearly I didn't learn from last time.

He has on a plain white t-shirt that lets his tattoos peek through and a pair of sweatpants. His hair looks wet and it sticking to his neck. Well anyone can see that he's just had a shower.

But what I don't undertand is how someone can pull off sweatpants and a plain t-shirt that effortlessly. He looks so damn good without even making an effort, which is a complete contrast to the Harry I knew who spent hours in front the mirror fixing his hair. Okay, maybe it wasn't hours but he spent so much time in front that mirror, I'm surprised that I was his best friend and not the mirror.

I snap back to reality upon hearing Harry's voice.

"And well, um, I was coming to ask you after I showered but when I reached the door I heard you yelling and you sounded frustrated and I didn't know if I should knock or come back later or....." he rambles on nervously.

"Christ! Now I'm just rambling. What I should've asked first was, are you okay? You sounded really upset," his eyes filled with concern.

I don't get time to think about how cute his rambling was or how concerned he was about me because the first thought that comes to my mind is,

"What did you hear?"

"Oh I um- I didn't hear anything. It was too muffled," he says averting his eyes. Is he forgetting that I know when he is lying to me?

I stay quiet because I'm just not in the mood to talk to him about what he heard.

So I'm just going to go along with it.

"Oh well, yes I'm fine. Don't worry it was nothing," I say plastering a smile on my face.

He watches me intently and doesn't say anything. Not that he needs to because his eyes say it all,

'You're so full of shit'

I clear my throat and turn my attention to my fingers.

Thankfully, he doesn't push the subject.

"So!" he clasps his hands together,"What did I miss? Are you still walking into tables?" he says with a smirk. Ah yes, the smirk.

I pretend to be offended and say,"I'll have you know that, that was just a phase, Harold." Lies. I walked into the coffee table in the living room just yesterday.

"Hmm. I'm impressed."

He's still standing outside the door so I beckon him inside the room and close the door. I walk towards the bed and crawl onto it. This feels sooo good!

I sit up and rest back against the headboard while Harry stands awkwardly in the middle of the room.

I pat a spot next to me on the bed and say,

"Come on, I don't bite," I say with a small smile and then a smirk spreads across my face,"yet"

"Yet?" he asks as he crawls onto the bed and sits next to me, a small distance between us. I can feel the heat radiating from his body and the smell of his cologne fills my nostrils. It makes me feel all warm and tingly inside. No! Cut it out Mia!

"What? So in the past fours years I've been away, you turned a vampire?"

"Oh damn! You figured out my secret."

"Without me?! Mia, how could you!" he points an accusing finger at me and pretends to be hurt.

He continues," It makes sense now! Why you put us to work, out in that bloody blazing sun! It was so you wouldn't burn to fucking ashes! I'm disappointed in you Mia. You used me!"

"What? It just happened," I said, feigning innocence.

He looks me in the eye with that mischievous glint and says,"Like your lazy eye?"

I avert my eyes from his while he chuckles at my embarrassed expression.

"You know love, I forgot to ask....how did the cleaning of the balls go?"

I look at him with a deadpanned expression.

"What? I was just curious as to how it went? Was it cleaned to your liking?" That damn smirk.

"Curiosity killed the cat though. Remember that? And for your information, it did go well. My bowling balls are now squeaky clean. In fact, they're practically shinning under the light." I'm such an idiot.

"That may be true but satisfaction brought it back, if I'm not mistaken. And I'd just love to see such marvelous work under the light. Judge for myself whether the balls are 'squeaky clean'."

"Oh shut up," I say looking down to hide the smile that I just couldn't resist off my face and nudge my shoulder with his.

"Your English charm won't work on me," I mumble, the smile still present on my face.

Harry lifts my chin with his finger so that he can see my face. As soon as our eyes meet, it's like time stops. We stare into each others eyes, getting lost in them. I don't know how long we were there for but I didn't want to look away, and he looked like he didn't want to either.

His eyes flicker down to my lips and then back to my eyes and he says quietly,like he's scared if he speaks to loud, it'll shatter the moment,

"That's the first smile I've seen you smile all day. I remember how beautiful it was. It still is."

I bite my lip again to try and hide it or at least prevent it from growing bigger.

He shakes his head at me,

"Please don't hide it. I like seeing you smile. It makes me smile." Then his signature dimpled grin appears as he speaks and I let out a low chuckle and he does the same.

Before I could respond, my alarm goes off and I jump away from him but not too far. We were still very close. Phew! Not that I'd know what to say anyways....

He pulls away but the smile never leaves his face.

"I see you're still setting alarms for everything. Always quite the organized one."

"I wouldn't be Mia if I didn't set alarms for everything I needed to get done, now would I?" I say as I start getting off the bed,"I gotta go get Mari from school." Time flew by really fast today.

Harry gets off the bed as well and heads for the door.

"Some things never change."

"And some things do. I'll see you when I get back?"

He looks at me strangely at my comment but then responds to my question,

"Yes, of course. I enjoyed talking with you. Just like old times," he chuckles at the last part and I follow.

"Yeah. Just like old times"

Maybe having Harry back in my life again won't be such a bad idea.....

A/N

Feels like it's been a while but I just wanna say, to all my readers.....

I LOVE UUUU❤

More chapters to come soon! Till next time.....