"Can we just talk? Can we just talk?
Figure out where we're goin'"

So...here we are, sat opposite each other, waiting...just staring.

It feels as though we're waiting for this big revelation but in all honesty, I have a feeling that I know what he's going to say. That doesn't mean that it isn't going to hurt my feelings any less. A few moments have passed by with both of us just staring into space. I can't get over how awkward it is between us. Ever since Harry and I met all those years ago, there was never, not even one, awkward moment between us because we always had something to talk about, whether it be serious topics or random things like what would we wear if we ever went to Abbey Road together? Or what would we say to Liam Gallagher if we ever met him?

Not Noel though. He's a total douche.

By the look on Harry's face, I can tell that he felt the same way about the awkward tension.

The silence was suffocating and the awkwardness in the air made my skin crawl. I couldn't take it anymore. "Harry? Are you going to say something or are we going to sit here and stare at each other all day? Don't get me wrong, I'd be down for that but my butt is kind of starting to cramp."

A ghost of his cute dimpled smile that I miss so much comes out but when he sees the seriousness of my face, it instantly goes back into hiding. I didn't mean to seem so harsh with him but I couldn't help the fact that it's now become habit. It pained a little to know that all I wanted was to see his smile again yet I was the one preventing him from showing it.

That smile though. While it was short-lived, it reminded me of something that I used to freak out about a couple years ago.

Oh my God, I've got a crush on Harry Styles!

Hearing that now seems so insignificant because of the millions of the female population saying that on a daily. Maybe some of the male too, I wouldn't doubt it. Point is, back then, saying those words were a big deal to me and now it feels like it's meaning is completely lost. I bet he's heard people say that to him so many times now.

He clears his throat, trying to find the words for whatever he has to say. I don't know why he's making such an effort though. He and I both know why our friendship took a backseat in our lives. I've imagined the day when we'd be reunited again so many times in my lowest moments because it was the only thing that kept me going. I fantasied about everything, from how we'd meet to what we'd say to each other.

And maybe that's all they were. Fantasies.

Because right now, I feel like I'm looking at a shell of my best friend. And maybe he feels that way about me too. So what's the point of forcing something that probably was better off left alone.

"Your erm...you are....uh your hair looks nice," he says nervously.

In my head, I scoff. Nice? The audacity! Dude my hair looks phenomenal. End of discussion.

To him, I smile slightly, accepting his 'compliment'.

He was stalling and he knew it but it was starting to get to me. Eating away at my chest, chipping away at my heart. I wanted to hear him out. I do. Even when I already knew what he was going to say. But if you're going to rip someone's heart out, at least make haste with it and put them out of their misery. Not drawl it out painfully slow.

That's just torture.

"Harry, I really don't have all day. Can we please just get this over with? You insisted on having this conversation so manos a la obra." I say, trying to get him to hurry up.

He watches me confused and says, "What does that-" I cut him off, rushing out, "It means get crackin'! Get a move on, Harry. Let's go!"

He nods swiftly, as though I just reprimanded him and starts taking deep breaths like he's gearing himself up to reveal something life changing. Just say it already!

A few moments of silence pass by again with him hyperventilating and me slowly losing my patience from the opposite couch. "Okay Harry, " I let out a resigned sigh, "Clearly your voice box isn't working today so how about I help you out with that? I ask a question and you give me an honest answer."

I don't wait for a reply and continue, "Why? Why shut me out? Why quit on us without telling me? What reason could you possibly give me that could explain why you stopped communicating me, Harry?" So much for a question. Why did I just say all of that at once jeez! My voice was laced with so much emotion and I wanted nothing more than to let them out yet...the tears never came. Which is a good thing, it means that I'm getting better at hiding my emotions properly.

She taught me that. The more you hide, the less of a chance they have to hurt you.

I wonder if she saw me now, if she'd finally be proud enough to look at me...

He sits back on the couch, finally looking at me and says, "Mia, there's nothing to tell."

Am I missing something? "What I mean, is that there was no real reason why I stopped writing back. From since the X Factor, my life just got so hectic that I didn't get time to write back. And when I did have the time, I just kind of...." He stops mid-speech and I literally felt my heart stop in my chest. Again, I knew what he was going to say yet it didn't make it any easier to hear. But I needed to hear it.

I desperately needed to hear it...especially from him.

Then I'd finally come to terms with the fact that I wasn't enough for the ones I love to remember that I even exist.

"You kind of what Harry?" I say as calmly as possible, "It's okay, just say it. We're being honest here, right?" If I stay cool and collected then he will too, and this conversation will be over in no time. At least I hope....

He gulps and looks down ashamed,"I just kind of...forgot," he says quietly, so quiet that I struggle to hear what he said. Main thing is that I did hear. I thought knowing what he was going to tell me was going to soften the blow a bit but damn! That hit hard.

My shoulders slumped in defeat and I felt as though someone punched me in the stomach.

I sucked in a breath and bit my lip, avoiding his gaze. Wow...so he did forget about me.

You know, somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a little beacon of hope. That there was a logical reason for Harry ghosting me. That he really remembered me and the special bond that we had...and he just...forgot it all?

"Mia please listen to me," he begged. I couldn't look at him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know, I'm a prick of a friend. I just...when things started picking up and we just continued going and going, there wasn't really much time to slow down and do the simple things. And what little down time we had, there was always something else waiting for me to do...fuck! That didn't come out right." I couldn't help the little smile that shined briefly before disappearing on my lips when he swore. It wasn't something that I was accustomed to. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard him swear before. At least not in my presence.

Call me weird but something about it just sounded so...good. I almost caught myself asking him to swear again. Almost.

"Excuse my French." I really did not mind. He pauses and runs a hand through his hair. Then he continues, "I never meant to do it on purpose, I swear."

He reaches forward and takes both my hands in his. Instinctively, I flinch back. I didn't mean to, and certainly not with him but it just came naturally. I have absolutely no idea what just happened.

Maybe it was the ghosts with the unfinished business...that's a bit of a long shot.

His face falls when I flinch away from him but he quickly recovers and goes back over to where he was sitting.

He sighs then says, "Mia you have to believe that I never forgot about you. Not once!" he blushes and says, "I think about you all the time." 

So cute! Wait- what?

I feel my features soften at his words and an unfamiliar fluttering begins in my chest. What in the name of Snickers is happening?!

"I just forgot-no wrong word. It just slipped my mind to write you back." 

Call me crazy, and I'm no English major by any means- I'm more of a math/science girl- but I think that means the exact same thing.

"Is that it?" I ask and he nods and says, "Just about."

I take a deep breath. I guess it's my turn now. "You never told me about the X Factor, you know."

"Really? Mia I'm so sor-"

"Just let me get this out, okay?" His mouth clamps shut and he leans back on the couch, keeping his eyes solely on me. He keeps apologizing for doing nothing wrong and the next time I hear those two words again, I might tape his mouth shut. Despite wanting to be mad at him, what reason do I have to be? Sure, my feelings were hurt but I'm a big girl now and I need to be more mature about this.

I can't be adulting, paying my own rent and getting my own groceries, if I don't act the part.

He's human. I'm human. He has his life and I have mine. We would have been naive if we thought that our long distance friendship was meant to last forever. Us growing apart is not something that I didn't expect but actually experiencing it is a whole other story.

I look into space, reminiscing, "I remember, one day, turning on the television. The X Factor going on. As I'm watching it with Tia, I see an adorable boy walk on to the stage wearing a scarf and a full head of curls," I chuckle at the last part and continue, "He sang 'Isn't She Lovely', one of the songs that my best friend and I bonded over the first time we met. His voice was incredible. So beautiful that I could listen to it all day. After looking very closely, I realized 'wait, that's Harry! That's my best friend!'. Honestly, when you said your name, it didn't really register that it was you auditioning. My mind was...all over the place that day." That was a tough day....

"Anyway, I remember jumping off the couch, running around the house and screaming 'That's my best friend! My best friend is on the X factor!" We chuckled together and then I continued,

"I was so...so happy that day. You were chasing your dream. You were doing what most people could only dream of experiencing. I wrote you so many letters after the audition. I was so proud of you. Back then, I'd say I was your number one fan," I teased.

Then the mood plummeted, "A few months after sending those letters, I never got a response. I assumed that you were really busy and couldn't reply to any of my letters and I was okay with that because I understood. I still watched the X Factor till the end just to see you, and well the rest of the boys grow and become such huge successes."

"But when the X Factor ended and the band took off, I started losing hope. I started to lose my Harry. After a few months of radio silence, I gave up. I couldn't do it anymore. Why invest so much of my time into someone who doesn't care enough to do the same right?" From the corner of my eye, I see his head hang low and he starts playing with his fingers.

"I had bigger things to worry about anyway. Your absenteeism from my life has actually aided in me becoming the person I am four years later."

To his face, I say, "So thanks, I guess, for teaching me how to not let anyone walk all over me again."

You know, that actually sounded a lot better in my head...

I wasn't accusing him of anything. I wasn't blaming him either. With the life I've had, what I've had to go through these past four years...Harry forgetting about me, in some twisted way, actually helped me find myself.

"Mia I never intended for things between us to get this way. I never forgot about you and I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way. Please believe when I say that I'm sorry. And I know that no matter how many times I apologise, it's not going to fix what I've caused."

Where is that tape...

He pauses and then hesitantly says, "I honestly thought that you forgot about me too."

My eye twitches. I kid you not, I felt my right eye twitch. He did not just say that to me. What part of me could've forgotten about him when I was the one sending him letters? He really thought that I forgot about him? Why would I want to forgot something so special to me?

"Why the hell would I do that?"

Why would he even let that thought enter his head? My Harry would've never thought that. In fact, he'd be too busy trying to keep his mother's birthday surprise a secret to even entertain the thought. We all know the history of Harry and keeping secrets.

The tall, skinny jeans and t-shirt with black combat boots wearing boy with the medium length curly hair, sitting across from me is not my Harry. This is someone else.

"Of course I know you! I've practically known you most of my life. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way but you said that we were being honest," His signature smirk appears but once it meets my deathly glare, it vanished as soon as it came. Yeahhhh I should really stop doing that...

We sit in silence for a while until Harry speaks up again, "Mia I'm so very sorry, " The sound of tape sounds really great right now... "I can't tell you how much. I messed up and I'm sorry. Please let me make it up to you. We found each other again and I don't want to lose you a second time."

"There wouldn't even be a first if you-," I catch myself saying under my breath.

When I meet Harry's eyes again, I realize that he heard what I was about to say because his eyes flashes with hurt and sadness. Really, Mia? You just had to, didn't you?

He nods in acknowledgement and says, "You're right. Which means that I need to fix my mistakes. Let me make it up to you. Please." he says, almost pleadingly.

I hesitate, "Harry, you don't need to do this. If it's because you feel sorry for me then don't because I don't like-"

"No, I'm doing this because I want to. Because I miss you and can't lose you again and I was stupid enough to let you go the first time. I know you may hate me now but give me a chance to make it right."

Well I'll be damned. There are many ways in which I thought this conversation would go. My anxiety has thought out all of the possible outcomes of this conversation. None of them went like this.

"I don't know Harry. I need time to think about this." Do I really want him back in my life again?

"Yes, of course. Take all the time you need. I don't mind at all!" he says giddily.

"I just want to say that I'm not doing this to spite you or anything. I genuinely need time to think."

I continue, "And I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I could never hate anybody!"

"Yeah I remember. You don't like holding grudges," he teases me and we laugh together because we both know how true that statement is.

When our laughter dies down, we fall into a deep silence. Staring at each other.

Does he have more to say? Are we done here? He looks as though he has something that he wants to say but isn't sure if he should. So we're doing this again, I see.

"Spit it out Harry."

"Spit what out?" He asks, feigning innocence.

"Your brain looks like it's going to burst any moment so just say whatever you want to say. We're being honest, remember?"

He fidgets for a bit and then nervously says, "There is a picture at the house with you...and Gemma. There were Christmas decorations in the background. Ones that I know I helped mum put up every year." He pauses and lets out a sigh, "I know you've been at the house. Why?"

Crap. I know what picture that is.

"So what? Just because we weren't talking, I can't visit your mum now?" I tease. I don't really know if I want to answer that question to be honest. He already feels bad enough, not that he should but if he finds out the story behind Anne and my relationship, I'm not quite sure how he'll react.

He gives me a look and I sigh, "Honesty. Got it."

I look down at my lap, playing with my fingers and start, "It was after the X Factor. I didn't know what happened after that so I assumed that you went back home or something. Kind of stupid to assume that now thinking about it."

"Anyway," I took a deep breath and continued, "Um.. In our last letters to each other, we...we agreed," I paused because I couldn't get the words out. Pull yourself together Mia!

"We agreed that since I was spending Christmas with abuela that year, when I arrived at the airport, you'd be there waiting for me," I finished quietly. The timeline of everything just so coincidentally adds up that I can't make this up. Ever since I was seven years old, my family and I would travel to Holmes Chapel for two weeks to spend the holidays with abuela. It's how Harry and I met. One year before Harry auditioned for the X Factor, so 2009, we didn't go to Holmes Chapel that year. Harry didn't know why. Nobody did...and if he ever found out...

So in 2010, we weren't going to Holmes Chapel again for Christmas but I really wanted to. Harry and I devised a plan where I'd travel on my own to London and he'd come with Robin to the airport to pick me up and take me to Holmes Chapel.

There's a moment of silence where he simply stares at me, possibly processing my words, before his face contorts and Harry suddenly sucks in a breath, "Shit"

I'm ashamed at myself for wanting him to say it again. Oh God, I'm a disgrace. There's something wrong with me!

Before I knew it, he got up and started pacing around the room muttering incoherently.

"I can't believe I forgot. I'm such an idiot!"

He swiftly turned around to face me and asked impatiently, "What else? There's more, isn't there?"

I look at him unsurely, keeping my lips sealed, afraid of how he'd react but his eyes widen and looks deep into my soul, "Tell me."

I gulped, gathering myself. "Well I travelled by myself and when I arrived at the airport, I tried calling you but your phone kept going straight to voicemail and-"

"Christ!" he exclaimed running a hand through his hair frustratedly not looking at me. 

"Mia please don't tell me I left you stranded at the airport," he pleaded with his back to me.

"Well technically you didn't leave me stranded at the airport. I should've called first to make sure that our plan was still a go, you know," I chuckled at the last part when I realized that the words rhymed.

"Mia this is serious. How long were you at the airport?" he asks suddenly getting furious. Is he mad at me? Or himself?

This whole conversation just escalated so quickly. If I didn't prepare myself for him asking to be in my life again, I definitely did not prepare myself for revealing!

I gulped again, "Just a couple of hours." I said quietly, looking down at my lap.

Harry comes back to the couch and shakes his head at himself with his eyes closed. Then sits lent forward with his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry for interrupting. Please continue" he whispers. Should I? Should I really?

"Umm after a while, I texted my dad for the home phone number and called it. Gemma answered. She and Anne came to pick me up at the airport and explained what happened after the X Factor with you and the boys and Simon."

I didn't want him to know about this. There's a reason why he didn't know anything up until now.

To be quite honest, I fell off the map for a while. I watched the X Factor solely just to see Harry. After it was finished, I sort of just tuned out of it. I didn't know what happened after that. I didn't even make the effort to try and find out. It's not like I had social media or anything either.

Yes. I'm one of those people. Sue me.

An awkward silence soon followed. The tension in the room so thick, that you could slice through it with a knife.

"Were you upset with me?" he asks cautiously, afraid of my answer. He finally looks at me.

I smiled softly at him and said, "Strange enough, no. I wasn't. In fact, I didn't really think about it too much. I remember being so happy that my friend's dream came through and thinking 'if he's happy then I'm happy too'.

"You should've been upset with me. I left you stranded at the airport by yourself-"

"Technically, you didn't-"

"You said that already Mia! And yes, I  did. I promised that I'd be there to get you and I forgot. I promised you a special Christmas and I didn't even come home! God, I feel sick to my stomach!" He rants.

"Hey! Calm down. Stop working yourself up about this. It's in the past. It happened and it's done. You can't change it but I never once blamed you or got mad because it wasn't your fault. No matter what you say."

"You should be furious with me. I'm furious at myself. It was my fault. It still is my fault. You're just too nice to admit it."

"Say what you want. If I were to hold a grudge about that day over you after all these years then I'd just be plain petty."

"I still can't believe I did that to you. You didn't deserve it at all and I'm so sorry. I feel like I've been apologising whole morning, " You really have, "But I do mean it, I'm sorry Mia," he says softly, looking directly at me. I can see the sincerity in his eyes which is enough for me to say,

"It's okay Harry. No harm done." I meant it. Though it was disappointing to not spend that Christmas with him, I did still have a memorable one with his family...hence the picture of Gemma and I...and I wouldn't change a thing.

No matter how many times I say this, he is still going to be beating himself up over it. I don't know what else to do to convince him.

"And yeah. After that day, your mum, Gemma and I have always stayed close. I stayed at your house for a couple of days, just like we planned until abuela got back from whatever trip she went to."

"But I came home for Christmas," he stated, confused.

I laughed lightly and say, "Yeah I know. You need to start working on your timing skills, Harry."

He watches me confused.

"My flight home left the day before you came home."

His jaw drops, "No. Fucking. Way"

"It's true" I laughed out and he joined me.

Suddenly, his laughing stopped and his expression changed to a somber one.

"Mia, why didn't mum tell me about the airport and you staying at the house for a couple of days?"

"....."

"Did you tell her not to?"

"....."

"Mia?"

"I did" I admitted in a whisper. It didn't make sense keeping it from him anymore. 

"Why?" he asked, his tone laced with emotion, his voice cracking at the end.

"I just.....At the time, you didn't- well at least I thought you weren't- coming home for Christmas. So after all the planning we did and for you to not be there and out making your dreams come true, I thought that you didn't want me as your friend anymore. That you found better, more fun people to hang out with."

I didn't tell him the whole truth. Yes, I admit. My insecurities did play a part in my swearing Anne to secrecy. But there was something else. Something that I didn't want him to know because I knew that it will absolutely crush him. Something that should be kept buried for a long time. I continued, "I thought maybe if you didn't find out about me and your family then you wouldn't get the chance to tell me that you didn't want me in your life anymore."

"Oh Mia," he softly says.

"Which is kind of stupid honestly right?" I quickly tried to cover up my emotions.

I can't believe I just admitted that. It sounds even more pathetic out loud!

"It's not stupid at all. I don't get you wrong for thinking the way you did," he says and then to himself, "This is all my fault."

"I'm really sorry Mia. I hope you know that."

"You don't have to keep apologising. It's okay." Seriously. Another one and I'm bringing out the tape.

He nods but I know that he is not convinced.

Yeah sure, things really aren't okay but I learned to cope with it. So there really wasn't any harm done. By him at least....

Before I could say anything else, a loud thump sounds from upstairs followed by a loud 'oh shit!'.

Not in this house! I immediately rise off the couch in the living room and start speed walking up the stairs to the boys' floor, yelling,

"Aye! If you knuckleheads break anything, I swear to God! If I get up there and anything, I mean anything, is broken...all of Hell will be unleashed on this house!" 

As soon as the words leave my mouth, everything in the house goes silent. So silent you could hear a pin drop.

When I got to the floor that the boys were on, my jaw immediately hit the floor.

A/N

Alright chicas! or chicos 😂 Chapter 13 is up. So....this conversation has been long overdue. Will she accept his offer?

Also who's Tia? What happened to Mia on the day Harry's audition aired on TV for her to have a tough day. All will be revealed soon enough!

Let me know your theories.

And if you enjoyed this chapter, please be sure to

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Love you all my readers ❤❤