She's fighting back tears,
She's fighting back years of the only life she's ever known
There's a future that's bright in the dead of this night,
All she's gotta do is go.

With my windows down, and my radio blaring, I felt free and weightless as I got on the interstate and left Baton Rouge behind in my rear view mirror. As I got further away, the feeling of calm began to diminish. I pushed the feelings of doubt deep down, and just drove. My vintage Mustang was purring, eating up hundreds of miles along I-12, but my nagging doubts were starting to cause me havoc. By the time I crossed the Mississippi state line, I was in a near panic. I pulled into the welcome center and began sobbing. What the hell did I just do?

I thought quitting my job was impulsive, but that had nothing on this. Leaving the only life I had ever known was just certifiably crazy. I've never lived anywhere else. I didn't have a job. I didn't have a place to live. I didn't know anyone, well, hardly anyone. I almost turned towards the exit to go back home, but I heard that voice in my head again: "you would absolutely love North Carolina sweetheart."

It's just a visit to clear my head, I reminded myself, also thinking about that one person who I knew would be there for me.

I pulled back out onto the interstate and continued on to my destination. Four and a half hours and three hundred plus miles later, I had reached Birmingham, which was approximately half the distance. I pulled off into a hotel for the night. I had some things to figure out, but right now, it was late and I was too exhausted to even think. A good nights rest and I would finish my journey in the morning.

I ignored the texts coming in from Steven. I would deal with them later. Or not. I powered off my phone and slipped into a restful sleep.

*********

I was very lucky to have someone in my life that I could count on. Courtney Calloway was my cousin and best friend since we were both in cribs. My ride or die. We were the same age, grew up together and were co cheer captains for our high school. I last saw her for my dad's funeral seven months ago, and since then, she's been begging me to come and visit her.

My dad and his sister Sherry were born and raised in Fayetteville, North Carolina. Shortly after finishing college with an engineering degree, he moved to Louisiana to accept a plant job, where he met my mother. When Sherry came to Louisiana for their wedding, she fell head over heels for his best friend Randy. Within a few months, she had moved to Louisiana. She and Randy were married and the following year, Courtney and I were born, six weeks apart.

During our senior year in high school, uncle Randy and Aunt Sherry divorced and she moved back to North Carolina. Courtney stayed with uncle Randy until she finished high school. After graduation, she moved to North Carolina with her mother and attended college. After spending some time as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers, she landed her dream job in NASCAR where she met her boyfriend.

I missed her like crazy and I hated it when she left, but I had plans of my own. I attended LSU and earned my degree in marketing and public relations. I had also developed an interest in the healthcare field. Courtney came home several times to visit with her father, and we stayed as close as we could by regular phone calls, texts and social media. But the last time I had actually seen her in person was for my dads funeral.

As I sat down at a table in Starbucks sipping on a Frappuccino, I pulled out my phone, hesitating for just a moment before I hit the call button. She answered on the second ring.

"Court, is that offer to visit still available?" I blurted out, barely giving her a chance to say hello.

Of course it is Sam. Anytime, you know that. Are you okay? When would you like to come?"

"Uh is now a good time?" I laughed nervously.

"Where are you?" She asked.

"I'm at a Starbucks on River Hwy." I replied.

"Wait. You're here? In Mooresville?" I could just picture her now with a look of utter surprise on her face.

"Court, I may have done something really stupid." I admitted.

"Okay. Just sit tight. I'll be there in ten minutes." She promised.

I stared at the door anxiously waiting, finally seeing Courtney walk through the door. She scanned the room, a worried expression on her pretty face, until she finally locked eyes with me. In a matter of seconds, she crossed the room and engulfed me in a hug. God I missed her.

Courtney took a seat across from me, pushed a lock of wavy blonde hair behind her ear and her green eyes stared at me intently. "Okay Sam, spill."

"I quit my job." I said simply.

"Okay. You hated that job anyway." She said.

"I also left Steven." I continued on. This got a hint of a smile from her.

"Good. He was an ass anyway. I don't care that he's a freaking neurosurgeon. He treated you like shit, like you were a possession instead of a partner." I could always rely on Courtney to be straight with me.

"I just feel so lost Court. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even know who I am anymore." I felt a tear escape from the corner of my eye.

Courtney reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "You've been lost for a while Sam. Steven changed you. He controlled you. He made you dependent on him. You think you acted impulsively, but the old Sam did everything by the seat of her pants. Fuck the rules, I'm doing what I want. I'm so proud of you honey. You finally had enough and you took action. You just need some time to find yourself again, but you will. I know it. I'm so glad you are here, and I'm so glad that you are finally starting to sound like the old Sam again. I missed her."

"That's not who I am anymore." I said sadly.

"Yes it is. You are still you. What you did took guts. You've been repressed for so long, you lost a little bit of yourself. You just need time to find it again."

"I've just never did anything this reckless before." I sighed.

"Don't you remember sneaking out of the house to go skinny dipping with Jackson Landry junior year?" She grinned at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "That doesn't even come close to what I just did. Besides, that was a huge mistake because he was the worst kisser ever." I faked a gag over the memory.

"Don't forget the tattoo you tried to hide from your mom and dad that you forged their signature to get because you were underage."
She reminded me.

"Still not even close." I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at her.

"The three speeding tickets you got at seventeen?" She went in.

I rolled my eyes. "It was two, and a warning."

She rolled her eyes right back. "Are you seriously going to make me recount every reckless thing you've done in your life?"

I knew she was trying to make me feel better, yet more tears rolled down my cheek, but I forced a smile. "Now what?"

"Now you find yourself." She said with a smile.

How the hell was I supposed to do that when I had no clue who I even was anymore?

"I don't even know where to begin." I sighed.

"One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Does your mom know that you are here?" She asked softly.

I shook my head vehemently, and she frowned at me. "I'm still not speaking to her."

"Sam, that's your mom." She scolded slightly.

"She chose her boyfriend over her own daughter. I have nothing left to say to her. It's bad enough she moved on barely three months after dad died, but she moved on with such a creep that hits on his girlfriends daughter." I fumed over the memory of my mother walking in and catching her younger boyfriend David hitting on me. When I tried to explain what had happened, David lied and told her that I made a move on him.

"Are she and David still together?" Courtney asked.

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. She's the one who owes me an apology. One for believing that ass over me, then straight up calling me a whore."

"I'm so sorry about that Sam. I know that had to hurt." Courtney said apologetically.

I shrugged again. "Yeah, it did, but I'm over it." I lied.

She didn't look convinced, but chose not to press the issue any further. "Where are you staying?" She asked.

"Uh. I haven't even thought that far. I can find a hotel near..."

"You will do no such thing." She cut me off, and I raised my eyebrows questioningly. "You are coming with me. For however long you need." She stated adamantly.

"What about your boyfriend? Chance?"

"It's Chase. She corrected me. "He won't mind. I want you to tell me everything. I know you left some stuff out about Steven. I know this isn't exactly the place to get into all of that. I also know from my dad that your dad couldn't stand him."

"I promise I'll tell you everything Courtney, but let's wait until we get back to your house. It's a long story, and I'm going to need a lot more than coffee."