I woke up with a jolt, resting my hand on my rapidly beating heart.

Another nightmare.

This is the 5th day in a row.

I brushed my fingers through my messy medium-length blonde hair, grabbing my phone in the process.

September 5, 2015

8:34 AM

I would get nightmares back home too, but they weren't this consistent.

I slipped on my baby pink fuzzy slippers and headed towards my closet. I reached for my towel when my door suddenly opened.

"Fuck" I cursed, realizing it was only my mother.

"Sorry honey, forgot the 'always knock' rule" she said with a little smile.

"It's fine" I said, throwing her a nervous but reassuring smile as I picked up my towel from off of the floor.

"Well, how do you feel about starting school on Monday?" my mother said, leaning against the door frame.

My eyes instinctively shifted towards my calendar.

Today was Saturday.

"All right I guess" I answered.

But in reality, I was a nervous wreck.

Transferring to a new school your senior year, surrounded by people that already knew each other is never easy.

"I was thinking maybe we could get to know our new hometown, go to the mall maybe?" she said, picking up the picture frame that was placed on my night stand.

It was a picture of me, her, and dad.

"I don't know mom..."

"It'll be nice, I promise. We're in a new area, it's not like he-" I cut her with a bang on my closet door.

"Mom" I said, my eyes downcast.

"I understand... Just, think about it okay?" she said with a pained expression on her face.

She left my room without another word, closing the door behind her.

I sighed as I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose.

It was never easy for my mother.

Being told that her daughter is diagnosed with paranoia.

I felt my eyes begin to pool with tears.

I hate being like this.

I hate not being able to talk to another human being other than my mother without feeling anxious. Looking down, making sure not to make any eye contact with anyone when I'm outside.

I wiped away my tears, folded my towel, and made my way towards my bathroom.

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I flipped my hair to the right, inspecting myself in my full-length mirror.

"Honey! Breakfast is ready!" I could hear my mother yell from the kitchen.

I picked up my phone from my nightstand and made my way downstairs towards the kitchen. The scent of toast and eggs invaded my senses. I felt my mouth water.

I took a seat across from my mother where my plate was placed.

"Thanks mom" I said, picking up my fork and knife, ready to devour my breakfast.

We sat in silence eating our breakfast for about 10 minutes when I decided to speak.

"Mom, I'm sorry about before" I said, my eyes trained on my lap.

"It's fine Jan, I understand" she replied, smiling softly.

I looked up, giving her a smile back. I got up from my seat, placed my plate in the sink and kissed my mother on the cheek.

"I'm going to go to Staples and get some supplies okay?"

"Oh do you want me to come? I can come" my mother said, already getting up from her seat.

I rolled my eyes playfully as I watched my mother put her plate in the sink. I started making my way towards the stairs.

"Just let me wash these dishes and I'll start the car"

"As long as I can drive" I yelled from the top of the stairs.

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I walked out the front door, swinging my mini Calvin Klein backpack over my shoulder. I closed the door behind me and raised my eyes, looking at the house next door. My eyes drifted towards the window on the left side of the house.

The window that is aligned right in front of mine.

"Janice!" I heard my mother shout from the car.

I made my way towards the car, opening the driver's seat.

"Are you sure you want to drive?" my mother said, looking at me with concern written all over her face.

"Yeah" I replied, letting out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

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Stay tuned for the next chapter. :) 

Joyleen.