(Trigger Warning at the endish)

Yesterday was a hard training day, I fell asleep the minute my head hit the pillows. I didn't even cook, we ordered Chinese take out.

This morning however I woke up fairly early. Around 7ish. I tried to fall back asleep but found it to be impossible! So instead I got up, and took a shower.

I stood under the hot water, letting it roll off my shoulders. I let my mind wander. I thought of my 3 almost 4 years here. The kindness shown to me in the beginning. My first few missions. Natasha becoming my best friend. But then my mind wandered beyond that.

I climb out of the shower, and look at my reflection. I make my hair it's natural brown color, and my face the way it's "supposed to look". No one knows what my real face looks like, I always use a a slightly different one. Higher cheekbones, lighter skin, smaller lips. But I never change my eyes. I love my eyes. Golden whiskey colored eyes, they're big and beautiful. One of the few things I really take pride in on my natural body.

I remember my childhood. My mother Kirsty Larkspur was such a pretty woman. She stood 5 feet tall, had long dark brown hair and a porcelain face. I take more after my father, Gabriel. I have his eyes and nose, I know this from the times he's visited me.

I wonder if he'll come see me this year on my birthday... It's next week. If not I know it's not his parental negligence, it's just the other Arch Angels being assholes.

I like to tell myself they're jealous because they don't have children of their own.

I change my face back to the one I'm most happy with, but I grow my hair out to my hips and let it be red like The Little Mermaid.

I decide to go out today, I'll leave a note so the others don't worry, but I want to have a me day. It's now winter and very cold outside. So I put on a pair of fur lined dark grey leggings and black boots. Burgundy leg warmers and a thick black sweater with white hearts on it.

Before leaving I changed my mind on the hair and made it my natural brown and covered it with a beanie that matched my leg warmers. I sling my purse across my body leave with my wallet, phone, and earbuds

I walked the streets anonymously, just mixing in with the crowd as the snow fell gently. I didn't quite know where I was going, but I knew that the fresh air was doing me good.

I thought of how I came to be in New York. I wasn't born here. I was born out west in California. My mom and dad stayed together after I was born at least for a few years.

When I was about 4 my the Angels came and confronted my mother and father on what they had done. I was so terrified. My father told them to leave, to just let us be. But they would not, they said I was a product of impurity. I should never have been conceived let alone born.

I had cried a yelled for them to stop calling me names. In my terrified anger I screamed out and set forth an awesome display of light energy.

After that, I was exhausted. I drained myself of all energy, my father scooped me up and held me close. The Angels had been pushed back against the wall but got back up.

I past out from over exhaustion, but when I woke up I was alone. My mother was dead, and my father was no where to be found. But he left a note.

You have been spared. Don't make her death vain.

I was young, I couldn't read. But I kept that note. And when I learned how to read I didn't understand it until I was older.

I find myself sitting in Central Park, holding a cup of hot coffee. Smiling dreamily into my cup. I remember the first time my father came to visit me. I was 17 and very angry at the world. I didn't hate people, and I wasn't mean or cynical. But I was very frustrated with how my life was turning out. This isn't what I wanted.

I made money by working at a crumby diner and living in a tiny apartment. I was under a false name, with a fake ID. I made my body look older so people would believe I was 18.

I had just had a very bad night at the diner, sexual harassment in the work place. I got in trouble with my boss for breaking the mans face... Not just his nose, but his whole face.

I went home to my crappy apartment, but there was already someone there. I didn't know it at the time, but it was my dad.

I shot him twice but it did nothing, you can't kill an angel. He explained a lot of things to me. I landed up crying and apologizing for all the terrible choices I made in my life.

I did a lot of lying, and some stealing. I killed more than one person in self defense...

My father held me the way he did as a child and told me that he forgave me. That it wasn't my fault. But he said I can't keep living this way. That I was dangerous, and that he knew people that could me. That's how I landed up an Avenger... 17, confused, lost in the world.

My coffee is now cold and so am I. I am beginning to shiver, I need to get moving. I dump my unfinished coffee in the trash can and start to walk again.

The snow is falling harder now, and it's getting on to be lunch time. I hail a cab to take me to my favorite restaurant.

In the cab I daydream about food, and how I came to be such a good cook. In my days of lying and running away from who I am, I worked a lot of jobs. One of them was when I was 13 I got taken in by a head cook for a billionaire in Southern California. I got paid to be a kitchen aid. There I learned how to make excellent food from all around the world in large and small portions. It was very useful to me. I learned creativity, disipline, culinary skills, how to clean properly. One of the best jobs I ever took. I had to leave when though, I was living in a shitty part of town... Meaning an alley way. Of course I wasn't a person living in an alley way, I shifted into a dog and stayed in a cardboard box. But I couldn't stay working in the billionaires kitchen because he died, and left all of his money to his greedy son who fired me.

I paid the cabbie, and he told me to stay warm. The seating hostess in the restaurant didn't recognize me as I looked different from how I normally do when I come here. But I still request my single seater table in the back. I never take anyone here, this is my place.

It's a tiny Italian bistro, called Giovanni's. It's warm and cozy. I order a big plate of beef raviolis in bolognese sauce. It's my favorite dish to get here. As I eat I think about my friends back home in the Tower. I remember my first night there I cooked a big dinner that basically gained me their acceptance. I was only 17, but damn I cooked a mean Corn Cowder(*).

I finished my food and paid my bill, thanking the waiter for the excellent meal. I left Giovanni's with an actual plan. I went to the grocery store I ordered the fixings to make that Corn Chowder, it's been a while since I've made it. Before I left, I went to the candy aisle of the store and bought a big package of mint chocolate squares. My father bought me a bag of these when he visited me the second time in the tower two years ago.

He always used to keep these around the house when I was young, we ate them after meals and he used to try to get me to balance them on my nose.

I called another cab and instructed the man to take me to the Avengers Tower. I didn't let my mind wander this time, instead I made conversation with my driver.

"Avengers Tower? You a fan?" He asked me.

"No, a resident," I said popping a chocolate in my mouth.

"Oh are you a personal assistant or a chef?"

"Something like that," I laughed to myself. He dropped me off at the tower. And I paid him, along with a nice tip.

I took the elevator and thought about how afraid I was when I first rode it up. I thought about those doors opening, and how utterly terrified I was. The elevator doors opened and I stepped out, sort of reliving that moment all those years ago.

Thor was sitting on the couch with Steve and Tony, they all had coffee and were talking somewhat loudly. I decided not to draw attention to myself so I shifted into a little black cat and just snuck through the shadows into my room. I stood up and dusted off my sweater.

Two of the STARK housekeeping employees were working on the room.

"Oh Miss Daphne, you're back! We can come back later," one of the women said.

"No no, you go right ahead. I just need to put up my boots then I'll be out of your way," I replied taking off my boots and putting them in my closet.

"Hey Darielle, is Pietro home?" I asked the housemaid making my bed.

"Yes, he's in his room I think," she replied.

I thanked both of them, and went to cross the hall to Pietro's room. In that short amount of time I thought deeply about my meeting the housemaid and adjusting to life in the tower. It took a while, but look at me now.

I opened Pietro's door without knocking, I poked my head it gently.

"Hello?" I called softly. Pietro was sitting in a studio chair in front of a half pained canvas.

He turned in his chair with a paintbrush between his teeth. He grinned at me and spit the brush out.

"Daphany my angel, you're back!" He got up and came to give me a big hug.

He wrapped his big arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth. I took a deep breath, taking in his scent. I want to fix this moment in my life into my memories, so I don't let go right away. I just hang on tight and live in the moment. He rubs my back and begins to pull back to kiss me, but I don't let him. I hold myself flush against his chest, I don't want this moment to end.

"Hey, котенок (kitten) vhat's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks holding me closer, kissing my hairline.

"Yes, I just want to remember this forever and ever," I whisper.

He pulls me back with a little more force and bends his knees to look me in the eye.

"Vhat do you mean 'remember thees forever and ever'? Have I don't something to upset you?" his face overcome with worry. Now there is an aching in my heart, this is not what I wanted him to think.

"No! No no. I just..."

He spun me around and backed me up to his bed and made me sit down. I did not want to break up with him. So I did not worry.

"Please Daphany tell me vhat I've done so I can fix it. I love you. I love you vith all my heart, you make me so happy and-"

I cut him off

"Woah woah woah speedy hold on just a second," I placed my hands on his chest. He looked at me intently.

"Pietro I don't want us to be over. I want to be with you for a long long time. I only meant that I wanted to remember that moment when I am very old,"

He let out a sigh of relief and slumped forward onto me. I laced my fingers into his hair, and stroked gently.

He looked up at me, and I smiled. "Did you mean that?" I ask in a whisper. "That you love me?"

"Of course I meant it. I vouldn't lie to you Daphany,"

I kiss his lips, and pull away to whisper onto them "I love you too,"

He stands again without breaking the kiss he has reestablished. He kisses me a little harder than he has in the past, and presses me down to the mattress.

"Let's remember this forever and ever," he says.

I allow Pietro to kiss me in his room, but no further. He is not my first nor my second, but to be fair I was unconsenting and underaged in both previous situations. And although they were both a long time ago, and under very different circumstances I am still not ready to be on that level of intimacy yet.

When he slips his hand under my shirt I grab it and let him go no further. I pull my lips back from his,

"no." I whisper. He removes his hand with no words, and kisses my cheek cradling my head with the same hand.

"only vith your permission," he kisses me again.

"I promise, some day. But I need more time,"

"As much time as you need. But ve vill remember the keesses. Every keess," he whispers kissing my lips again.

"Every kiss," I repeat, he rolls us onto our sides. He does not continue kissing me, he just stares at me with his lopsided grin.

I'm a little surprised he's not upset I stopped him. Not even a little...

"Vant to see my painting?" He asks.

"Yeah, let's see it," I say getting up and wrapping my arms around his shoulders and letting him drag me on my tippy toes behind him playfully. He let's me sit in his painters chair, and I gaze at the half complete art piece. It's not perfect, not by a long shot but it is pretty.

"Eets not finished," he says, resting his head on my shoulder also looking at his art piece.

"What is it?" I ask,

"To be honest, I don't know," he laughs. I look at him, and he just smiles and laughs. My silly prefect boyfriend.

"Alright Speedy, you keep painting your Great Unknown. I'm gonna go make dinner," I kiss his cheek and stand to leave.

"Okay, vhat are you making today?" He asks returning my kiss.

"Chowder. Hot yummy comfort food," I stand at the door.

"Call me if you vant me to come and help," he calls over his shoulder as he starts painting again. I go down the hall to the kitchen, Bucky is sitting on the counter top reading a cookbook with earbuds in. I decide to just leave him be, and cook around him. He's not really in my way anyway.

As I cook the chowder, I think of what just happened back in Pietro's room. Part of me wishes I didn't stop him, but the other part of me says that I honestly wasn't ready. But Pietro stopped so easily.

I think of him as I cook, my thoughts sort of remind me of his strange painting. Many colors and shapes mixd together, blended but with sharp edges.

I serve dinner and it goes down as it normally would, only I'm a little distracted. My little brain clicks and whirs like an over heating machine.

After dinner Steve and Vision take care of clean up. I sneak off to my room, I'm too lost in my brain to have company this evening.

I land up falling asleep in a little ball, in my dreams the memories I relived today replay. Only this time the bad ones come back too....

(AN: Okay I'm sorry this is such a long chapter. It took me all day to write, and I unpublished my first draft to add more. The next chapter will be shorter, I promise! And the actual plot of this story will pick up soon I swear! Cross my heart, hope to die all that jazz! Okay XOXO Abby)