Chapter 38: Chaos

The plan didn’t work and I feel so devastated. We cannot do anything about it dahil puto, ang close minded ng matabang ‘yon! He said a law is a law. The Capital disregards illegitimate child. Period.

I spent the rest of the day crying. I was worried for my brother dahil una, he showed resistance towards the system; to Moran at malaki ang posibilidad na may gawin ito sa kanya. Like removing him on any position in the Capital or anything. Pangalawa, medyo nawalan ako ng pag-asa na mabago ang sistemang walang kasingbulok. But then I remembered that I am Sunny Gallego, I always pluck hope in my house of cards eventually destroying everything but at the end of the day, I will start building it.

And now here I am, filled with hope and courage to try again. Everyone felt the same way I did kanina. Nawalan kami ng pag-asa pero umaasa ako na gaya ko ay muli iyong mabuo. And that they will help me build the hope for the Capital.

“Pancake?”

Napalingon ako kay Tatsulok na nakatayo sa may hagdan. Nasa rooftop ako ng academy and it’s been a while since the last time I’ve been here.this place have been my comfort zone.

Lumapit siya sa akin at tumabi. We were hugging he metal railings at hinayaan ang paa pababa. “You okay?”

“’yong totoo hindi ako okay pero magiging okay rin ako,” sagot ko. “Ikaw?”

“I’m mad, I’m seriously mad right now,” kalmadong sagot niya.

“But you don’t sound like one.”

Tumingin siya sa malayo at mapait na ngumiti. “That’s because I learned that being mad does no good. You might do decisions you will later regret. You might say something you shouldn’t and you will think impartially and unwisely because you let anger control your mind.”

Isinandal ko ang pisngi sa railings at tiningnan siya. “Are you lecturing me Triangle Grande Bermudo?” tanong ko. I know I always do something stupid lalo na kapag galit ako. I’m fully aware of that plus Pentagon always nags me about it sabay sundot sa noo ko.

“Yeah and I’m speaking for myself and everyone.” Ginagap niya ang kamay kong nakahawak sa railings. “And speaking of anger, I know you’re angry to me for quite sometime.”

“Buti alam mo,” sagot ko. “You kissed Stella!” I felt the pang in my chest again. Puto, ang sakit na nga ng pakiramdam ko dahil kay Moran, tapos naalala ko pa ‘yon.

“Sorry.”

Hindi ko maiwasang magtaas ng kilay. “Sorry? That’s all I get?”

“I am truly sorry Pancake,” sinserong sabi niya. I waited for him to say more but silence followed. Pusangina, mukhang wala nga talaga siyang balak na magpaliwanag o magdahilan. And I hate it, big time.

“’yon na ‘yon? Sorry lang?”

He gently squeezed my hand. “What do you want me to say? Magdadahilan ako? Hahanap ng excuse? No, I don’t want to because I will hate myself more. I made a mistake. There’s no excuse for what I did. She kissed me and I responded. Kahit sabihin pa na lango ako sa alak, still I am responsible for every action I did.”

Mahinang sinuntok ko ang balikat niya. “Pusangina mo, hindi mo pa talaga dineny!”

He smiled before he caught my hands and intertwined our fingers. It perfectly fits like our hands were made for each other to hold. “I told you I am responsible for my every action so I’m sorry.”

Maluha-luhang napatingin ako sa kanya. Puto, what did I do to deserve him? The Grande cousins and everyone around me? Niligtas ko siguro ang buong mundo noong past life ko kaya ang swerte-swerte ko sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin, of course except Moran kasi pusangina niya, mamatay na sana siya!

I pulled away my hand. “Ang pangit mong kalbo, alam mo ba?”

He laughed and move closer. “My hair will grow in a week or two but you and the pain I’ve caused you, I cannot imagine lasting another week without telling you I’m sorry. But I promise you Pancake that will be the first and last. I will only kiss you, only you. Ikaw lang.”

Napasimangot ako. “Why would you kiss me? You’re not my boyfriend.”

“Wait, are you asking me to be your boyfriend?” tanong niya.

“Hindi ah!” mariing tanggi ko.

“Then be my girlfriend.”

“Tatsulok!”

“I know it’s not the right time for this but Pancake, I’m telling you again. I am selfish so I wanted to keep you for myself. We will fix this together. We will reform the Capital. We’ll do it together, we’ll do this right. Whatever happens we won’t quit kasi sinimulan na natin ‘to. Alam kong medyo mahirap and everyone suffers because of these difficulties but Pancake, remember that the nicest view comes after the hardest climb. I’m sick of this life Pancake, kayo lang, kayo lang ng mga importanteng tao sa buhay ko ang dahilan kung bakit nagpapatuloy pa rin ako. Sometimes I feel so hopeless and I want to go with the flow, hayaan na lamang ang lahat pero damn, this is not what we all deserve. We deserve equality, equity and freedom. We deserve all the best. Medyo nakakapagod na but we cannot change the fact that in every run, there’s always a finish line. And I want to reach that point.”

“Tatsulok naman eh!” Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang naglandas sa mukha ko. Yes, I’m tired-- even beyond that. I’m exhausted. But Triangle is right. We deserve a lot of things that this shitty system denied each one of us. Niyakap ko siya nang mahigpit at hinayaang maging mahina ang sarili ko. I wanted to cry a river at nang maubos na ang luha ko para wala na akong iluluha pa sa susunod. I wanted to be comforted with words but I a guess a hug will suffice.

Hinaplos-haplos niya ang buhok ko. “Pancake, when everything is over we will do things we weren’t able to do before. Matutulog tayo nang mahimbing na walang aalalahanin tungkol sa Capital, we will make sure every citizens are valued, we will be the citizens that the Capital needs.”

I can’t help but smile upon such thought. I can’t wait for that day to come. No worries. No discrimination. No inequality. No wealth hierarchy, just everyone working to make life better. Ang sarap siguro ng ganoong pamumuhay.

“Tapos bubuo tayo ng pamilya--”

Mahinang hinampas ko ang dibdib niya pero hindi ako kumawala sa pagkakayakap niya. It feels like it’s the most comfortable place right now, in his arms. “Triangle!”

“Totoo naman. Bubuo tayo ng pamilya, gusto ko ng limang anak. Tapos may kambal.” Muli ko siyang hinampas ngunit nagpatuloy pa rin siya. “We will raise them to be better citizens. We will teach them a lot of things. We will name them Hope, Bravery, Trust, Perseverance and Love. I cannot wait for that day to come Pancake.”

Mas lalong isiniksik ko na lamang ang sarili sa dibdib niya at napangiti. Ako rin, I can’t wait for that day to come. I’m really looking forward to that day.

***

I woke up late and found Pentagon sitting on the sofa with his serious face. AndE was on the side at wala roon ang iba. No classes for today and it’s been a week since the war of wealth happened. Madalas ay binabati ako ni Gon ngunit nakapagtatakang ngayon ay tila nasa malalim siya na pag-iisip.

“Pentagon? What’s wrong?” I asked him kaya nakuha ko ang atensyon niya.

“The war of wealth was publicize at hindi inaasahan ang naging reaksyon ng mga tao Kitten. They rebelled against the Capital and Moran’s acquisition of wealth was questioned. They began digging how he acquired it and somehow obtained evidences of underground business and connections,” he replied.

Umupo ako sa tapat niya and i guess it’s some good news! “Kung gayon ay may pag-asang mapaalis sa pwesto si Moran!”

Mahinang tumango siya. “Evidences were found that he steal properties from the Grandes. Actually his authority has been questioned. The public filed cases at naroon na rin sina Trench at Traingle to do the same. He’s under many counts of graft and plunder.”

Puto, tila ang ganda ng bungad sa akin ng balitang iyon ngunit bakit tila hindi natutuwa si Pentagon?!

“Isn’t that a good news?”

Tiningnan niya ako nang diretso at walang kangiti-ngiti. “I wanted to rejoice at first too Kitten but a bigger problem has arouse. The Capital now is under anarchy and I don’t think that will be great. You know how anarchism rules Kitten and I hate to say this but this will be bloody harmful. The Capital will be in chaos.”

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