Chapter 16: Unanswered Questions

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa ni Coco habang hinihintay ang pagdating ng tren sa istasyon. Nang huminto ang tren ay tinapik ko pa si Coco upang humakbang siya papasok. Dagsa ang mga tao sa istasyon at kadalasan ay mga estudyante na umuwi mula sa Academy-- as mandated by Moran.

We have no other choice but to stand since the trains were packed with passengers. I know I am scared as I tried to think of possible things that may happen in the future ngunit doble yata ang takot at kabang nararamdaman ni Coco sa mga sandaling ito.

Apektado ng nangyari ang 5th Ward and they will bear every worst effects of the problems. Laman ng mga train ads ang tungkol sa anunsyo ni Moran at maging ang bagong batas tungkol sa kababaihan ngunit hindi ko magawang magbunyi. Napahigpit na lamang ang hawak ko sa metal pole ng train.

“Miss, hindi masakit sa akin pero tiyak kong masakit ang kamay mo,” pukaw sa akin ng isang boses. “Nakahawak ka po sa braso ko.”

Napatingin ako sa metal pole-- ay puto, braso nga iyon ng isa sa mga pasaherong nakatayo roon. I thought it was the train’s pole ngunit braso pala iyon ng lalaking may artificial limb. Bahagyang namula ang palad ko dahil sa pagkakahawak ko.

Agad akong humingi ng tawad at ibinalik na lamang ang atensyon kay Coco na wala pa rin sa sarili. Gusto kong kausapin si Coco at sabihin sa kanya na masusulosyonan namin ang lahat ng problema kahit gaano man iyon kalaki but no. I cannot tell him things that I am uncertain dahil baka umasa siya at sa huli ay hindi naman namin magawa.

The bullet train reached 3rd Ward’s station without delay at tinapik ko na lamang si Coco bilang pagpaalam. He still sat looking at nowhere, unblinking. I thought it’s unusual to see him that way dahil likas namang masayahin si Coco.

Panay ang buntong-hininga ko hanggang sa marating ko ang bahay namin. If I was gloomy, the surrounding was gloomier. Ramdam ko ang bigat na dinaramdam ng iba sa paligid. Our hearts are heavy knowing we will lost someone precious in our life. Those whose ages were almost 70 must be scared too. Hindi madali sa pakiramdam na alam mo kung kailan ka mamamatay-- ah, mali. Alam mo kung kailan mo kailangang mamatay. Naka-schedule na ang kamatayan mo at ang kailangan mo na lamang ay tanggapin iyon at maging handa.

For the past years, reproductive health plans that the Capital imposed doesn’t work. The mere fact that the Capital will impose fines didn’t scare the people. Kaya siguro kailangang daanin sa dahas at pwersahang kamatayan.

Kumatok ako sa pinto na mabigat pa rin ang dibdib. I only need three knocks at bubuksan agad nina Mama iyon and I didn’t know that time she’s an android. I waited for a while ngunit walang nagbukas ng pinto.

I knocked again ngunit wala akong naririnig na footsteps na papalapit. Nagpanic ako at nilakasan ang pagkatok ngunit nang wala pa rin, my hand reached for the knob to twist it open. It wasn’t locked. Mas lalo akong kinabahan. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isipan ko.

What if Moran... Puto, ayaw kong mag-isip ng negative!

Pumasok sa loob ngunit wala namang kahina-hinala sa paligid. Hindi makalat ang bahay. No sign of struggle and breaking. Nothing seems contrived.

“Pa???” tawag ko. As expected, no one answered my call. I continue walking to check the house but no sign of them. “Pa? Nandito na po ako.”

Naisip ko na baka nasa poultry farm sila ngunit dahil nandoon pa rin ang sombrero ni papa, malabong nasa poultry farm sila. He never leave the house to go to the poultry farm without his old hat.

Pinasok ko ang kwarto nila at gaya sa sala, walang magulo roon. Paranoid ako pero wala akong nararamdaman na kailangan kong ikatakot sa mga sandaling iyon. Inilibot ko ang paningin at nang matiyak na walang kakaiba ay lumabas na ako ng silid. I was about to close the door when my eyes caught something on the bed.

My old mittens.

Napangiti ako at lumapit sa kama. Kinuha ako ang maliliit na mittens at tiningnan iyon. Baka na-miss ako ni papa kaya tinitingnan niya ang mga gamit ko noong bata pa ako. Nilapit ko sa mukha ang mittens at inamoy iyon nang biglang may malaglag na maliit na bagay mula sa loob. Napakunot ang noo ko nang tiningnan ko ang maliit na bagay na nalaglag.

A memory card?

Agad ko iyong kinuha at inilagay sa computer ni papa. There must be a reason why this memory card was inside my mittens. Sa tingin ko ay sinadya niyang ilagay iyon doon. This memory card may contain something important and as always, the best place to hide something is somewhere that’s just in plain sight.

I waited as the memory loaded at mayamaya ay lumabas ang mukha ni Papa habang nag-aayos ng camera. He shoot the video inside the room.

“Sunny, I will only say this once.” panimulang bati niya. “Nagtataka ka siguro kung bakit wala ako sa bahay ngayon. By the time na makikita mo ‘to, I already left at ayaw kong sabihin sa’yo kung nasaan ako. I have some unfinished business from the past that I need to settle in the present dahil baka magdulot pa ng mga komplikasyon sa hinaharap. I don’t know what awaits me sa lugar na pupuntahan ko. I could end up dead or worst, alive but unable to do what I want to settle.”

Napangiwi ako. Mas malala pa talaga kay papa ang hindi magawa ang gusto niyang gawin kaysa mamatay. Tsk, puto, mas malala ang mamatay.

“Siguro iniisip mo na mas malala ang mamatay--” Ay puto, nadale ni papa ang iniisip ko. “Pero anak, wag kang matakot mamatay. It’s not the worst scenario for everyone. The worst-case scenario is that we’re alive but unable to do things that we wanted to. We’ll live with regrets and carry the burden till the day we die.”

Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko. Anak nga talaga ako ni papa. Alam niya ang mga iniisip ko at kaya niyang ipaintindi sa akin ang mga bagay na hindi ko masyadong maintindihan.

“At anak, as I settle things my way, you need to settle yours too. Figure out those things you want to settle at sa tingin ko ay may mga kailangan ka ring malaman na alam ko. Gaya ng sinabi ko kanina, I could end up dead or unable to do things even if I’m alive kaya sa tingin ko, ito ang tamang panahon para sagutin ang mga katanungan sa isipan mo.”

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko at hinanda ang sarili sa kung ano man ang kanyang sasabihin.

“Una sa lahat, I know you always question your relationship with your brother Jean-Claude dahil hindi mo ramdam ang pagmamahal niya sa’yo bilang kapatid. Yes, magkapatid kayo, walang duda.” Papa paused and laughed. “Pareho kayong matigas ang ulo. Minsan ko na kayong tinali patiwarik dahil sa katigasan ng mga ulo ninyo and none of you cried.” Naramdaman ko ang maiinit na likido sa mga mata ko na dumaloy sa pisngi ko. Puto, bakit naiiyak ako?

“Jean-Claude maybe cold and emotionless but that’s just how he is. Mana sa mga Grande. I know you know his little brother, ganyan na ganyan si Jean-Claude. Hindi nila ipinapikita ngunit marunong silang magmahal. Your brother loves you more than anyone else, more than himself. Hopefully from this day onwards, you will not question your relationship to him.”

Puto bakit naging iyakin ako?! Pusangina naman eh!

“You didn’t have a memory of your childhood with him or maybe you have but only a little because you weren't here. You didn’t grow up with us dahil nanatili ka sa mama mo kasama ang asawa niyang si Elpidio and you go by the name Brenda.”

Kahit umiiyak ako ay bigla akong napangiwi nang marinig ang pangalan ni Moran. Puto, nakitira ako sa kanya dati? Siomai, nasikmura kong makasama si Moran sa iisang bubong?

“Sa una ay ayaw ko pero naisip kong anak kita, at alam kong pupunta ka sa akin. And I was right. You were seven when you decided to live with us. That’s also the time that Trapezoid Bermudo completed the android na ninakaw ni Moran sa kanya upang maging ikaw and kept her with the explanation that Brenda is someone special kaya naka-homeschool. That's why no one was suspicious about  Moran's daughter.”

Pusangina, so ako pala dapat si Brenda? Puto, thank you naman at naisipan kong umalis noon. Ang talino ko pala noong bata pa ako dahil naisipan kong umalis sa poder ni Moran. Slow clap for myself and for my very wise decision! So that explains why no one suspected that she’s a robot.

“I think that will explain the gap in your memories about your childhood with Jean-Claude. Anak, don’t be deceived by how people treat you. Hindi porket mabait sila sa’yo ay kailangan mo na silang pagkatiwalaan and it goes the same way when people are mean to you doesn’t mean they cannot be trusted. Isipin mo na lamang na defense mechanism nila iyon just to warrant your safety.”

Sumagi sa isipan ko si Jean-Claude. All these times, he was really mean for a brother pero ngayong narinig ko ang sinabi ni papa, I appreciate the things he’d done for me. Iyon siguro ang problema sa akin, I tend to see things on one perspective. Nang hindi ako nanalo sa face-off dahil si Brenda ang binoto ni Jean-Claude, I was mad at him. Naisip ko na pinahiya niya lang ako pero naliwanagan ako kay papa. Jean-Claude just wanted me to be true to myself and everyone. He just wanted me to rely and have faith to myself. He doesn’t want me to go into much trouble after I cheated.

Sumagi rin sa isipan ko si Tatsulok. Okay, he’s mean but first all all, he is really mean mula pa noon. Period.

“Another thing, is about your mom. Huwag mong iisipin na ang sama niya sa’yo. Talk to her anak. Ask the questions you want to ask. Tell her how you feel. Have quality time together. After all, she misses you so much. She cares for you in her own way. Mahal na mahal ka niya at alam kong ramdam mo naman iyon. You can also ask her why you don’t remember a thing about living with the Moran ngunit malaki ang posibilidad that they deliberately deleted or altered your memory dahil baka may nalalaman ka tungkol sa mga sikreto ng mga Moran.”

Pwes mali si Papa. Unang kita pa nga lang namin ni Hilary, hate at first sight na agad. Pusangina. Pero paano kung gaya ni Jean-Claude ay para sa ikabubuti ko lang din pala ang ginagawa niya? I wish papa is here to explain my follow up questions.

“About the scar in your heart...” Huminga nang malalim si papa at yumuko. Nang mag-angat siya ng tingin ay pilit na ngumiti siya. “That’s a bluff.”

What? Pusangina?! Hind totoong...

“I tried removing the device but it’s impossible. At kahit matanggal ko man, I will not put it to you or to Jean-Claude. I don’t want you to bear the burden and pressure of this thing. Imagine the mental stress kapag naiisip niyo na paano kung isang araw, malagutan na lamang kayo ng hininga? You will live with the burden that your death could mean death to everyone in the Capital.”

Puto mas lalo akong napaiyak ng umiyak si Papa sa video.

“I bear such burden for a long time now at napakabigat niyon sa pakiramdam kaya ayaw kong maranasan ninyo iyon. The stitch is real but no device was planted inside so relax yourself and don’t think too much. Patuloy mo lang din na papaniwalain si Moran pero sa tingin ko, he already knows a way to play you in his palm kaya kailangan mong mag-ingat anak.”

Tama si papa. Moran doesn’t fear the device anymore. Tabla na lamang. Kung mamatay ako, mamamatay lahat. He’s absolutely ready for that o maybe may mga nakahandang solusyon na nga siya. Who knows what he’s up on his sleeves.

“Sunny, this is the last thing I will tell you so listen carefully but make sure you move away from my computer.”

Nakataas ang kilay na napatingin ako sa video ngunit tila hinintay talaga ni papa na lumayo ako. Lumayo ako ng kaunti at hinintay na muli siyang magsalita.

“I know you probably moved away as I speak. I know you’ve been mourning after losing a friend... a very dear friend...”

Puto, biglang sumagi sa isipan ko ang malungkot na ngiti ni Pentagon nang huling nagpaalam siya. It was so painful to recollect the thoughts of that fateful night.

“You’re so lucky to meet Tap’s son, Pentagon.” Mapait na ngumiti si papa. “He’s the best friend anyone could have just like his father. He came to me one day. Lumuhod siya sa harapan ko at nakiusap na mag-isip ng paraan para tulungan ko kayo. Kayo ng mga kaibigan mo, ng kapatid at pinsan niya, ng mga Grande. Sabi niya kung kaya lang niya siya na ang gagawa pero hindi, his memory loss is a bitch.” Tumawa si Papa. “Siraulo din yung kaibigan mong iyon anak kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi.”

Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti. Of course, Pentagon is like that. He’s capable of turning the atmosphere into something light. Alam ko rin na hindi siya makasarili. And he swallowed his pride. Hindi naman niya kailangang lumuhod sa harapan ni papa pero ginawa pa rin niya.

“He said we must find a way to help you kahit buhay pa niya ang katumbas. Akala ko ay salita lamang iyon but his eyes... his eyes were determined to do what he just said. I regretted it so much that I wasn't able to help the Grande twins.”

Suddenty, biglang naging pula ang kulay ng video. It disappeared at napalitang video noise. I stared at the random pixel dot with creased forehead. There were static noise before the video was back at ngunit may nakasulat na na “self-destruct” at nagcountdown.

Siomai, kaya pala sabi niya kanina na lumayo ako sa computer. His video also started with him saying: "Sunny, I will only say this once."

Self-destruct in 3...

2...

Before the countdown ends, I was able to hear what Papa said.

“Pentagon’s alive and probably you already met him disguised as someone new to you.”

1...

The computer exploded but I was blown by papa’s last words, not the explosion. Puto, buhay si Pentagon?! Disguised as someone new...

Nikon?

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