Gemma

After Tom and I released the news about the new Hunger Games movie, the internet went crazy. It wasn't long before my publicist called me and asked if Tom and I would like to present the best Villain award at this years People's Choice Awards. Which of course we immediately said Yes to. The awards were this Friday and Tom had a night shoot Thursday so the plan was to fly out separately and Tom would just make it to the carpet. Which originally I hated but he really wanted me to walk it alone. After all he kept telling me this was my moment. I think I was stressed because it was the first time I was going to see the OBX cast since I abruptly left in the middle of filming season four. Not the best look but could anyone blame me? Sure they could but after working through some stuff in therapy...this would be the first time I didn't care what anyone thought. 

I kissed Tom goodbye Thursday morning and got on a plane to LA. The second I landed Rachel greeted me at the airport. Josh was flying in late like Tom because he was in the middle of shooting a new movie. "Gem! You look amazing!! Canada did you wonders." Rachel hugged me. "Even from when I saw you last. You look so....glowy...so healthy. I'm so happy." Rachel let go of me. I smiled at her. 

"I feel it...I just feel good. I'm so in love, so happy. It's so nice." I said as we grabbed our bags and headed for the uber. 

"It's what you have always deserved. It's who Snow fell in love with isn't it?" Rachel teased me.

"Speaking of Snow.." I said as I opened my carry-on. 

"You don't have it do you?" She asked. 

"Just got in the mail before I left. You have to read this scene! I just texted Tom a pic of it." I said as we got in the uber. I handed her my binder and showed her the highlighted section.

"Oh my god, you two are going to break the internet." Rachel said. "No one is going to beat this for best kiss in the MTV awards. Also...you guys will probably be nominated this year too." She said. That's when it hit me, there was a good chance I'd be nominated for OBX too. It was a weird thing to not be excited about an award. 

"Yeah..." I said feeling a spiral coming on as we pulled up to the hotel. 

"Are you worried you'll be nominated for best kiss for OBX too." Rachel basically read my mind as we got our room keys and got in the elevator. 

"Read my mind. Chase and I haven't talked but he's been commenting on all my posts. Nice messages too. He even wrote on Tom's "you got the best of us, don't fuck it up like I did". I wanted to throw up. What makes him think he can do that and it's all forgotten. It's not. I should hate him." I said.

"You should but..." Rachel said as she walked into my room with me.

"I should but...there's so much history there. And I loved him. Or at least I thought I did. I know with every fiber of me that I love Tom. There isn't even a question. But...Chase makes me feel this overwhelming sadness. I can't describe." I said back to her.

"I get it. It's called he's your ex and every time you see him it rips the wound open again. I'll tell you what worked for me with mine. Whenever I had to see him...I would pretend we were great friends. Like it was all good. It made him squirm, the more you squirm they love it. So do the opposite and look how quick the dynamic changes." Rachel said. 

"Honestly that's amazing advice. I'm going to try it tomorrow night." I said. Rachel nodded in agreement. 

"And I know this is a work trip for us but....one drink out on the town tonight couldn't hurt." She smirked at me. 

"Fine...one." I said as we got ready together. I facetimed Tom in between filming. I heard him talking to a girl whose voice I didn't remember. And something struck a cord with me. "Whose that?" I said not realizing how jealous that came off.

"Oh it's just Nuria! Remember I told you she's back in season three as Dulcinea." Tom said unapologetically. I didn't remember him telling me that, which was sort of frustrating because I heard rumors that him and her had a situationship the last season they filmed together. 

"Oh yeah...I guess I forgot." I said trying not to jump to conclusions. Once again...Tom was not Chase he would never do that to me. Right?

"Listen babe, I've gotten run Nuria wants to rehearse one of our scenes before we film. But I'll text you when I'm leaving set later." Tom said hanging up before I got the chance to even respond. Again the man was working and we were together almost 24/7 the past fews months. He was there for me day and night. He flew across the globe to come get me. I had to chill out. I knew if anyone could calm me down it would be Rachel.

"Hey Rachel" I said as I walked out of the bathroom. 

"Gemma..." She looked at me with concern.

"Nuria...you know the actress who plays Dulcinea on Billy the Kid. Did her and Tom have a thing?" I asked.

"Oh I mean...I think they've hooked up once or twice off set. But more so just friends with benefits. And I mean she was only supposed to be on last season. So they probably aren't even in touch anymore." She said. I dropped the coffee cup I was holding. Rachel took my reaction in and realized she fucked up.

"Is she on set with him now?" She asked holding her breath.

"Yes...she is, she's back in this season." I said. 

"Well you and Tom are in a very public, very committed relationship. He would never do anything to jepoardize that." Rachel tried to assure me. To which I had to agree. "And I mean he doesn't even follow her on social media." Rachel said as she scrolled through instagram about to show me. "Oh wait...never mind." She said throwing her phone across the room.

"What?" I asked. 

"Nothing...I'm starving let's go get dinner." She said nearly pushing me out the door. 

"Rachel...what is it." I said again.

"They just started following each other. But like I said that means nothing because their on the show together and...I don't know. I need to stop talking." Rachel shook her head overwhelmed. I looked at the bottle of champagne in the ice bucket. 

"Before we go." I said as I walked over and popped off the top and chugged straight from the bottle. "It's going to be that kind of night." I said as we left the room. I had no reason to be worried or angry. But that didn't stop my mind from going wild with scenarios Chase had put me in prior. We got to the restaurant a few minutes later and the champagne I chugged has just kicked in. So the social anxiety was drowned and I was planning to have at least four more drinks and then another if we went to a bar.

"I wouldn't worry Gem, you're the internet's girlfriend. You should be on top of the world right now." Rachel said. It was the exact same sentence that Madison said to me when I suspected Chase was cheating on me. 

"Yeah, you're right." I lied as I threw back another margarita. The only thing my nerves could stomach at this point was a few french fries at dinner. Rachel realized I was at my breaking point and she couldn't bring herself to comment on it. Right as we were about to leave, from a table in the back the entire OBX cast walked by.

"Gemma!" Madison yelled pulling me into a hug before I could react. 

"Mads!" I said drunkenly hugging her right back. 

"Gems!" Drew said taking over the hug while Rudy, JD and Carlaica waited their turn. Chase just stood in the background. I noticed between my conversations with the rest of the cast Chase and Rachel were talking. Right before they left I joined in and Rachel and him seemed to be finishing up. 

"All I'm saying is, Rudy needs to wear shoes other than those boots." Rachel said as she walked toward Madison and left Chase and I alone. I didn't want to talk to him but I was just drunk enough and pissed at Tom to not care. 

"Gem." He said as we stood face to face. "You look good. I mean healthy. I..." I stopped him before the stuttering continued any further.

"Thank you, it's okay...I know it's an awkward subject. I'm not one for advertising my faults. Usually the internet can take that task upon themselves." I laughed. "But yeah...I was struggling with an eating disorder for a while. And I finally took the time to get better. I mean Tom..." I stuttered. Because for as mad as I was at him..this statement was true. "Tom really helped me through it." I said.

"I know, he seems like a really great guy. I'm happy you found someone who actually deserves you. I'm sorry I texted you about you being selfish. I had no idea what was going on and was so mad you left out of nowhere. I thought I'd get a few months with you to at least make our friendship right again. And when you left I thought that I'd never seen you again. I mean in a personal setting like this. I am so sorry Gem, I don't think that post was enough after what I put you through, but I hope it was a start." Chase said.

"It was..and you know what Chase. I'm on my revenge tour now. So I'd say you and I are about even. I'm not saying we're going to be best friends. But I think I can stand the sight of you in the same room as me finally." I teased him. 

"Good start...I'll take it." He said back. 

"As for my future with OBX, I guess when I made the decision to leave the first time that should've stuck. Sorry I put you all through that again. But you know I had more reasons to leave then stay." I said back to him.

"Completely...I'm just happy to see you doing better. You look really good Gem. You deserve this...all of it." Chase said. I could see the sadness in his eyes...like he knew he had really lost me and I was never coming back. And something in that final closure...even made my heart break a little. 

"Thank you and uh you too! I see you're nominated for best action lead in a series PCA. I saw the show was nominated too." I said.

"Yeah! We're hoping to at least win that category. And hoping Drewski brings home best villain. I heard you're giving that one out with Tom, right?" He asked.

"Yep, he's still filming Billy the Kid so he had to take a later flight than me. But he'll be here by the carpet tomorrow." I said.

"Oh that's good. I was only asking because we're all going out to that karaoke bar tonight, and was going to see if you all wanted to come. But if it's weird...I get that too." Chase said.

"We might raincheck but I really appreciate the offer. You guys have fun." I said as Chase nodded and the rest of the crew left with him.

"Well was that the closure you were looking for?" Rachel said as we got into our uber to head back to the hotel. 

"Yeah...but...it was weird." i said.

"Closure usually is." Rachel sighed. I was about to text Tom to see if he wanted to facetime like we usually would before we'd go to bed when I noticed he had a story on Instagram. 

"Rachel..." I said as I handed her my phone. She watched the story and sighed. "Even the smartest men are stupid." She said. 

"Is she not all over him in this video of them at a bar. A bar...that he never told me he was going to. He never texted, called...nothing. You know what. We're going out." I said as I changed the stop on the uber.

"Please tell me we're not going to that bar Chase recommended." Rachel begged me. 

"We're going to the bar." I said. "Well at least I am...Tom has his hand on Nuria's leg in this photo Rachel. I can go to the same bar as my ex...and I love a good margarita. And I'm already drunk." I said.

"Oh I'm going to with you. Not letting you make a bad decision without me present." Rachel laughed as we headed to the bar. I couldn't help but immediately feel bad. And I did. So I texted Tom.

To Tom

Hi babe!

Ran into the obx cast at dinner with Rachel. Chase and I talked and I think I'm going to finally be able to let it go. We can coexist without it bringing on a spiral for me. Anyway I miss you! I can't wait to see you tomorrow! 

From Tom

Hey babe,

that's great! and shit i'm so sorry I don't think I'm going to be able to fly in after all. The night shoot ran late. And we're behind on a few scenes. So I'm going to have to stay behind. But I can't wait to see all the pics of you looking gorgeous on stage! Call you tomorrow! Love you!

i didn't really have words for how upset I was that not only was Tom not coming to the awards with me tomorrow. But he nearly forgot to tell me and still hadn't mentioned that he was at a bar with his entire cast, including Nuria right now. So I responded back.

To Tom

Okay, hope you have fun tonight! 

I had to, I couldn't show him that I didn't know what he was doing. But I also didn't want to make it a big deal. And that had been the deciding factor to walk in the bar that night.