Gemma

"Gem, how are you feeling?"

"Can I get you anything?"

"Do you want to talk about it?

"Are you in pain?"

The filled hotel room of our friends and management made my head spin as Tom and I entered it. I glued the fake smile on my face and thanked everyone for being there for us in our time of need as Tom helped sit me down in my makeup chair. The one question I was asked four times in the past hour was the easiest and hardest one to answer.

"How are you feeling?" I was asked this by the nurse who discharged me, my boyfriend the second I opened my eyes and all my friends and my management team the second I opened the door to the hotel room. I didn't have an answer...well at least not one I thought anyone would want to hear anyway.

How am I feeling? I sat in the silence that question brought with it. I wasn't feeling anything. I was deprived of any emotion happy or sad. I wasn't spiralling...I was exhausted of the the mental capacity it took to actually spiral. And then all at once the answer came to me. I was numb, the Oxford dictionary definition of the word described me perfectly. I was deprived my feeling  and responsiveness, it showed in my eyes...it showed in my lack of tears. It showed in my inability to accept Tom's compliments as he helped zip up the back of my dress. And it scared him and I both.

"Are you sure you want to go, love?" He asked as he stared into my hollow eyes. I nodded, the physical symptoms...of my recovery were the least of my problem. I laid my head on his shoulder the second we got in the car.

"I want to close my eyes and wake up from this nightmare." I whispered to him.

"I'm right here, you're not in this alone. I'm right here." He repeated those words in my ear. His breath against my neck still sent shivers up my spine. I loved Tom, I needed him. But I was scared this would change everything. It's kind of like what I told him in the hospital earlier today. I couldn't promise anything, but I could promise if he decided to chase me...I would let him.

"I know Tom...but I can't help but feel more alone than ever." I said as he squeezed my hand. He nodded because he understood even though we were going through this together...I was the one who was suffering.

"Gem...maybe after this week...we should take a break. Go on vacation? We can make it a group trip with Rachel and Josh." Tom suggested.

"As much as that probably would be a great idea Tom, I have to keep going. I have to work...honestly I should probably be working more." I said as we pulled up to the carpet. He nodded realizing he wasn't going to get through to me today. Especially after everything I had just gone through.

"Let's just take it one step at a time and get through tonight. We can regroup later." Tom said as the door of the car opened. He got out first and I grabbed his hand to follow. Between the faked smiles and sucked in poses I had forced myself into on the carpet...I was beyond physically ill. I stepped away while Tom was being interviewed and headed to the ladies room. I realized it was unisex, as as I was about to walk in I bumped into Chase walking out.

"Gem! Hey!" He said giving me the once over. I was turning more green by the second. I smiled at him and pushed past him and thought I locked the door behind me. But of course I didn't. I had no idea as I was throwing up the one rice cake I had managed to get down before this, that he was still behind. "Gemmy." His voice gave me a horrible sense of comfort. I pulled my head out of the toilet and turned to face him.

"I thought I locked the door." I said as he helped me up off the ground.

"Are you sick....I mean are you...you're not...." Chase stuttered. He was worried I was making myself sick. No that was the type of eating disorder I struggled with either. But he wouldn't have known that. I hid it from him when we were together. I just wanted to be the cool girlfriend. The unbothered, naturally stunning one. The unrealistic one.

"No...no...it's not that. Um..it's just side effects." I said realizing I might just actually have to tell him what was going on. Yes Chase was my ex, yes he cheated, yes he ruined my life. All of that was true. But his hand on my shoulder in this second...reminded me of all the times it had been there before. I love Tom...but after this experience. I just didn't want to deal with real life for a minute. I wanted to be 21, in Charleston...with my life ahead of me, my stupid hot boyfriend and I getting drunk in every bar with our friends and filming a show we loved until the sun came up.

"Side effects?" He asked.

"Chase...i still hate you but I need you to be who you used to be to me for a second. Before we were together. When you my best friend. Can you be 22 for a second? Just close your eyes and pretend we're in your room getting ready to go to oyster bar." I said. He nodded and closed his eyes.

"Okay, I'm wearing a Ruca half button, snapback and the flipflops I stole from set. You're in that sundress I got you from that boutique and Wilmington and we went to shoot a scene there." He said. I smiled remembering the exact one he was thinking of.

"A few days ago I was feeling sick, I took a test it was positive. My life flipped upside down and Tom and I were happy. This morning....I passed out in the shower, started bleeding and had to go the emergency room. I miscarried, had to have surgery and I refused to miss the premiere. So I'm a little sick still. And in too much pain to be wearing this corset. And right now I just want to hug my best friend, go back out there and pretend none of this is happening." I said. I waited a few minutes for Chase to respond because I had left him speechless. "I know you're going to have multiple opinions about this...but please Chase I'm so exhausted and sick...I can't fight anymore. If you can't be 22 with me right now...then go. Because I need him really bad." I said.

It wasn't what he said next that changed everything...it was what he did. He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back. Then he spoke. "Gemma Clark, you don't need me to tell you this...but you are the strongest woman I know. You're brave, courageous and beautiful. I will probably love you forever. Which is something I have to live with. Please remember through all of this...none of it is your fault. Sometimes..life truly does have other plans in mind. You will have it all Gem, but give yourself sometime to heal. Not just your body but your heart sweet girl. That was the most like 22 year old me I've felt in a while." Chase said as we let go.

"And you'll never know truly how much that meant to me. And also...I forgive you. Don't harbor that guilt anymore. What you just did for me tonight...despite what you think...it made up for all of it. You took me back in time for a second and it felt too nice for words." I said as brushed a piece of hair of my face.

"I know I'm probably dreaming all of this anyway...so I'm just going to ask before I wake up." Chase said as he stared at me.

"Go for it." I said back.

"OBX4 is on break we shot the first 5 episodes already. But we're filming the next five in a week. Would you want to come back just for those five. We're getting a house to stay in for filming. And there's an extra room for you. Tom can of course come with you too." He said. "I know you said you're in between filming rest of the next Hunger Games. But seriously no pressure...just a thought from 22 year old me." Chase said.

"If I say yes right now...will you hold me too it." I said staring at him.

"No I swear I won't, I understand you're going through a lot Gem, honestly the fact that you didn't skip the premiere tonight is wild to me. And I mean you look stunning but I don't have to tell you that." Chase said.

"You're sweet Chase...you took me back to 22 and right now I kind of wish I could stay there. So call me tomorrow with Jonas and we'll work it out. Sarah and John B deserved better from us." I said as I freshened up my face in the mirror.

"You made my night Gem, I'll call you but first I'll enjoy your movie with the rest of the cast who are probably wondering where I am. I should probably head into the theater. Can't wait to see our Sarah on the big screen." Chase said as he patted me on the back. I smiled at him as he walked out of the bathroom. I walked out a few seconds behind him and ran right into Tom at the theater entrance.

"Hey pretty girl! Where have you been?" He asked.

"Bathroom, don't worry feeling a lot better now." I assured him as we walked into the theater together. I walked into the stage with my hand in Tom's, taking a deep breath before I gave my thank you speech and introduced the film. My mind was every other place but here. So Tom started it for me.

"We're slightly jet lagged excuse us. But thank you all for coming tonight Hunger Games: Royal Bloodlines was made as a labor of love and. continuation of Corio's story.  We couldn't let it end with Lucy Gray getting away. You had to meet the woman who changed Corio for the worse or better." Tom introed me.

"Here I am...the storm you've been waiting for. Without further or do...here is a love story for the ages. Ruthless, heart wrenching and heart breaking...oh and maybe a little hot too." I smirked at Tom. "Please enjoy Hunger Games: Royal Bloodlines. And wait till after the credits for a surprise!!" I said as Tom led me back down the steps to our seat.

"You okay little one?" He whispered as I sat down next to him.

"No...but we're trying to push through." I smiled at him. He pulled me closer into his chest. I rested my head on his shoulder as something caught my attention behind me. My eyes caught chase's. He was giving me a half hearted smile. But there was sadness behind it. As he watched Tom wrap his arm around me. I smiled back at him with my eyes. Like there was an actual reason to comfort him. Especially after all he'd done. I couldn't lie though, I forgave him. I forgave Chase for everything when I looked into his eyes on the bathroom floor. That was the boy I fell in love with, the one I brought home to meet my mom. The one who was apart of my family from the first day I met him. Something I had spent the last year trying to forget. But life has a way of not letting you in the worst moment. My worst moment was the miscarriage. It changed me in a way that made it hard to move forward with Tom but not able to move backward with Chase.

"Call me tomorrow." I mouthed to him before I turned back around. He nodded, smiling a little bigger this time. I nestled back into Tom's shoulder as he looked down at me. He kissed my forehead right as the opening credits flashed across the screen. I love this man I thought to myself as I watched our chemistry come to life on the screen. I remembered everything from our first kiss to our night we spent together in my hotel room. Tom and I had lived so much life together in such a short time. I was worried we were heading for a crash and I wasn't sure which one of us would break first.