*TRIGGER WARNING MISCARRIAGE/UPSETTING IMAGERY*

Gemma

The next morning I sat up in bed struck with more anxiety than I could handle. I was sweating and felt like I couldn't catch my breath. The room was spinning and Tom was still fast asleep right beside me. I couldn't bring myself to wake him up. I needed to breathe and handle this alone. If  I was going to be a mom, I had to start acting like an adult who didn't need her boyfriend or anyone else in her life to fix all her problems. Livia never needed a man to save her. That's what Coryo loved about her. She was fearless to a fault. I took another deep breath and decided if I couldn't sleep I would go sit out on the deck and get a jump start on reviewing my lines for when we were back to filming next week.

Leaving LA as quickly as we did last night to get to New York had my mind and my body all topsy turvy. The only thing keeping me from going off the deep end was how beautiful and sunny it was in New York. Unlike filming in London, where it had been raining for two weeks straight non-stop. I opened my script and sighed remembering over a year ago when I had received the first copy of Bloodlines. Before I had even met Tom...before my life changed for good. I turned to a page where Livia was having a crisis of faith. Who would she choose? Coryo or Archer. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. Livia had a hard time trusting Coryo for good reason. It reminded me of why I fell for Tom in the first place...I never doubted his loyalty. Okay maybe for a second...but could you blame me. Try dating John B for two years and only realizing he was cheating on you 6 months into your second year together. I was mind fucked for so long...I didn't know which way was up.

Tom changed all of that...Coryo protected Livia...he looked after her. Everything she needed or wanted he would do whatever it took to make happen. That was Tom...from the second I met him. So much so that it scared me at first and I did something I'm the best at doing. I pushed him away...but life has a funny way of showing you you're wrong. I was reading over the lines when I started to feel sick again. It's just morning sickness I told myself. And I had an appointment with my doctor the second we got back to London. That's when things would really get real. But for now I had a week of premieres and press to worry about. I decided to just take a shower and let it pass. But the second I was standing under the water I started to feel a little woozy. I made the water too hot and I hadn't eaten breakfast yet.

I was about to turn the water off and get out to sit down at the vanity when the woozy feel changed to seeing spots. "Tom..." I said at first in a soft tone not wanting to startle my still fast asleep boyfriend. "Tom.." I said a bit louder. Now I was closing in on a blackout and felt myself sliding down the wall. "Tom!!!" I screamed as I heard him attempting to open the door. Shit I must've locked it.

"Gem!! Gem! Honey it's locked! Are you okay? Can you open the door?" He was yelling behind it. I heard him desperately trying to turn the handle. I was holding on the to the bar in the shower trying not to pass out when the door swung open.

"Tom.." I cried as he swung the shower door open and pulled me out. I remember bits and pieces of what happened next. Tom had a towel wrapped around me as he held me in his arms on the floor in the bathroom. He was soaking wet hair dripping on me because he had to get in the shower to pull me out.

"Gem..Gem..." Tom said as I stared up at him. "What happened Gem?" he asked. But I didn't know.

"Can you...can you get me something to eat. I think I was just light headed. I was throwing up again this morning." I said as he carried me over to the vanity stool.

"Okay I'll run downstairs and get you a muffin." He said taking off as fast as he could. The second he was gone. I focused my vision on the shower floor. Blood was washing down the drain. I examined my body to make sure I didn't cut my arm when I was sliding down against the wall. No visible cuts and that's when I realized what was happening. Blood was dripping down my leg. I felt like I might pass out again, Tom walked in and saw me. He immediately knew what was happening.

"Tom..." I cried.

"It's okay Gemmy. Let's get you cleaned up and we'll go to the hospital." He said as he helped shower me off again. Somehow an hour later we had made it to the hospital without anyone seeing us even leave the hotel. Tom got me right into see a doctor, I asked him to wait outside. Just so I could hear it first. He understood and told me he would come in the second I said so. An hour after a full exam and blood tests I had the answer I didn't want.

"Gemma, I'm so sorry you're in the process of miscarrying. We'd like to keep you overnight to further determine the cause." The doctor said to me.

"I have to go to the New York premiere tonight. I can't stay the night." I said back to her. She nodded.

"Alright then when do you fly out back to London?" The doctor asked.

"On Friday. " I said back having a complete out of body experience.

"I'm going to suggest because you've just started misscarrying, a surgical procedure at the hospital. That will completely remove..." I stopped her before she said the words.

"Fine. Can I do it now. I have to be on the carpet by 8pm." I said back to her.

"You're not going to be in the most comfortable state after. It does require you to be put under for. But technically speaking yes you will be able to make it in time." She said back to me.

"That's fine. I'll do it. Please get my boyfriend now." I said as the nurse came in to prep me for surgery. Tom walked in right as the nurse finished putting the IV in my arm for the ansetheisa.

"Sweet girl." He said as he pulled a chair up next to the bed. I started to cry while he rubbed my hand. "This is not your fault. I love you just the same, no matter when we start a family together. It doesn't matter. Gemma....I'm never leaving. We're going to get married. You're all I want in this lifetime and the one after. I love you. So now in the spirit of me being the protective boyfriend. Let's focus our energy on getting you better. I heard you still want to attend the premiere tonight after surgery and I..." I stopped him.

"Tom...I need the distraction and I want to pretend everything is normal. No one knows but me and you yet. Now we can keep it that way." I said back to him.

"Gem but you're not going to feel great and I'd rather you rest." He argued with me.

"I'd rather not be in the hospital bleeding right now too Tom. I'm going to the premiere please just be there and help me." I said back to him. He nodded and squeezed my hand.

"Whatever you want. I'd get you through it." He said as he kissed me. I didn't deserve him. I could tell he was scared to death like I was. But it was a little different. The Hunger Games: Royal Bloodlines was out in the world. The movie was playing in every theater across the world and it was # 1 worldwide. Our lives were falling right into place just to fall apart in an instant. As I kissed Tom goodbye before they wheeled me away I realized something. He was scared for more reasons than I was. In fact the way his blues looked at me, he wasn't just scared he was terrified I was going to get sick again...and I'd be lying if I said he didn't have a right to feel that way."

Tom

"Hey Rachel...what time are you guys getting in?" I asked over the phone as I sat in the waiting room.

"We literally just got off the plane. I tried to text Gem but your service must suck at the hotel. Want to meet for lunch before I steal Gem for glam." She teased me.

"Yeah slight change of plans....um...look I don't want to discuss this over the phone. I'll text you." I said about to hang up.

"Tom, now that you've terrifed me. Just tell me what happened." Rachel said back.

"Gem's in surgery. We're in New York. It's more complicated than it sounds. Remember how she wasn't feeling good the last few days. We found out why two days ago. She was going to tell you tonight at the premiere. We were going to tell you. I just love the girl so much and sure she was scared we both were. But most of all Gemma was happy. I was happy and now all I feel is terrified. The only thing I care about is getting her better. And she's hell bent on not missing the premiere tonight. She doesn't want anyone to know about this. She'd rather it just stay between us. Well us, you and Josh. But that goes without saying. So I need you to head to our hotel. So she has you when I get her back there later." I said.

"Tom I am so...sorry. This...this happened. And you and Gem would've been great..no you will be great parents someday soon. I have no doubt Gem will make a great mom. I love you both and we're here for you and I will be there for Gem. I'll see you soon." Rachel said as she hung up.

About an hour later the nurse grabbed me because Gemma was in recovery. I sat down next to her bed, as she forced herself into a sitting up position so she could drink her water. "Does it hurt?" I asked her not really knowing what to say. I just blurted it out because I could feel the discomfort and pain in her without her saying a word. I saw it in her eyes.

"I'll survive." She whispered back to me.

"That's not what I asked Gemma." I said back as I held her hand.

"It feels like my heart was ripped out of my chest and replaced with nothing. I'm hollow. But I will plaster a smile on my face and wave for everyone tonight. Not because it's what I do...but because it is the only way I know how to survive this. Tom...this is my fault. You should be mad at me. You should break up with me. Here is your out." Gemma's voice cracked.

"Gem..it's the drugs talking. I'm not going anywhere and this sure as fuck isn't your fault. If you want to go tonight and use it as a distraction. I will let you, but this isn't a healthy way to cope with loss. I won't lose you to yourself again. You have never had to watch the person you love almost die. I did twice. I won't let you do that to me again. Do understand me." I spoke in a hushed but stern tone between my sobs.

"Gem..." I repeated her name making sure she was aware of the weight her words had on me.

"I can't promise you things won't get bad again Tom. I can't promise you how I'll feel when I wake up tomorrow. I can't promise you I won't runaway. But I'll let you chase me if I do. Is that a fair trade?" Gem said as I held her hand.

"It seems for now love it's the best I'm going to get." I sighed. We sat there for most of the day until Gem felt well enough to head back to the hotel. The doctor advised against going to the premiere. So did I, but I'm in love with a girl who never listens. Not to me, not to anyone and I wouldn't want it any other way.