1 Week Later

Tom and I had having the time of our lives in the honeymoon/undefined relationship phase we were in. We were having alternating sleepovers between my hotel room and his, eating all our meals on and off set together. And we were killing our scenes on set because our chemistry was so red hot. But what goes up...must come down right? It was too good to be true and sure their may have been some things...or someone I was avoiding. 

Since that tabloid article about Tom and I had come out and we had denied it was in the restaurant photos, people were trying to snap pictures of us whenever they saw us in public together. That morning after Tom and I had dove out of our favorite cafe in disguise I was really at my wits ends of hiding from the world. Especially when I was fully invested in making it work. I really wanted to be Tom's girlfriend, a title I would be proud to have. I blushed at the thought of meeting his mom and sister. We had something that was going to withstand just us filming together. And I think maybe having that connection with him...scared me a little.

The second I got to my trailer that morning since I was feeling especially raw. I decided now was as good a time as any to rip the bandaid and call Chase. I wanted to start off the call by saying how fucking dare he comment on that gossip article...with his bullshit opinions about what I'm doing with my life. Now for the first time ever what I'm doing and who I'm doing it with shouldn't concern him at all. 

"What the fuck..." I said the second he answered the phone.

"And hello to you to Gem I called you I don't know over a week ago. What took so long to respond back to me.." He sighed through the phone. 

"You have some nerve to comment on that article. Like I already don't have the media breathing down my neck day and night because of you." I sneered. 

"Look, you were the one who chose to terminate your OBX contract, don't put it on me that the fans were curious what might have enticed you to leave. I'm not really surprised though. It seems you and Tom have been pretty close since you started filming this movie. Reminds me of how we got together during the first season of OBX. I'd just be careful if I were you." He implied I was repeating patterns.

"Funny, now you seem to care about my personal life. Yet when it revolved around you....I was told I worried too much and you'd always put me first. Chase...I had to leave the show because I had to leave you once and for all. It's not healthy for either of us to keep this going any longer. I was not going to destroy my career with more lies. Especially when I knew the truth the entire time, the worst part is...I know our whole cast and crew did too. But they protected you...not me." Tears were starting to pour down my face as my voice shook with anger. 

"Look Gemma, I'm not trying to fight with you. You made your choice...I have to accept it. I just probably wouldn't have jumped into a full blown new relationship right after ours. Not the best look for someone whose trying to lay low after being painted the cheated in her last relationship." Chase taunted me. I had nothing left to say to him.

"Bye Chase, please never call me again." I said as I hung up before I could hear his closing argument. 

"I'm done with this shit." I said as I tossed my phone at the wall. I crumpled into a ball on the floor and started to sob. Tom had done nothing but be the perfect gentleman from the start. He didn't deserve to be pulled into my rabbit hole of despair as collateral damage. Once again I was about to let Chase get in my head. Had I rushed things? Was this a bad look if I wanted to stay out of the public eye? Had the last month and week not been the best of my life? Yes it was...so why the fuck should I feel anything other than complete happiness in my life right now. Oh yeah...because social media exists.

I continued to sit on the floor of my trailer and ball my eyes out, when I heard a knock at the door. I assumed it was the PA calling me to start hair and makeup. But I needed another 10 minutes to collect myself. "Sorry!" I choked. "Running a little behind, can I have another 10 minutes." I asked as politely as I could between the tears. When the door opened I immediately knew who it was. 

"Gem." Tom said in full Coriolanus Snow hair and attire. I smiled up at him, trying so hard not to completely break down. But I couldn't hold it in, the second he wrapped his arms around me I was hysterical again. 

"Tom." I cried into his chest. I couldn't even catch my breath at this point, he was the only thing standing between me and the ground. He pulled me into his chest harder and kissed the top of my head. 

"It's okay...I'm right here. Are you upset about that article? You know that's not true babe. None of that shit matters. You and I matter. You matter, you being healthy matters above everything else. Please don't do anything that would hurt that." Tom begged me. Because he knew how much I was struggling with my body image daily and what that news post was going to do to me. 

"Do you see what everyone thinks of me? Why would you want to date me? I have nothing to offer but tabloids, cheating scandals and my sucky appearance. Chase told me it was a bad idea to jump into a new relationship if I wanted to lay low in the press. Maybe he was right." I balled. Tom's grip around my waist loosened as he looked down at me. 

"You think he was right?" He asked already too hurt to even consider listening to an explanation of my answer. I was talking without thinking about the weight my words held for Tom.

"I can't drag you down with me. I won't do it. We need to take a step back." I said as Tom looked at me confused. 

"Gem, you're not dragging me down. I thought we were in this together. But it seems no matter how hard I try I can't convince you enough of it. Maybe you're right..." Tom sighed and took a deep breath before continuing his statement. Almost like it was killing him to even say another word out loud. "Maybe we take a step back and reevaluate what happens next. I didn't think we were but now it seems were on two completely different pages." Tom said about to walk away from me. 

I recoiled in my own skin as once bright blue eyes turned to stained glass. "I can't put you in this position to feel the need to defend me constantly Tom. It's not fair, the rumors aren't going to stop anytime soon. This will eventually destroy us if I don't put an end to it right now." I cried.

"No Gem, like I told you at the restaurant that night...I listen to or believe the outside news. I know you and I know your heart. Or at least...I thought I did. Now I'm not so sure. You destroyed us before we even got the chance to begin. You didn't even give me the opportunity to fight." Tom turned away from me as he stood at the entry way of my trailer.

"Tom...please you have to understand I..." He stopped me before I could finish my sentence.

"I only have one scene to film today, after that we have a three day break while the crew changes out the scenery. I'm gonna fly to New York to see Rachel and Josh. You'll have all the space you need." He said as he walked out of my trailer. And just like that I had burned us down before we even really got to begin.

That night I sat there alone in my room thinking about the last month and even just the last week of my life and how it played out. It went from sad, to confusing to thrilling back to sad and it was all my own doing. I can't blame anyone but me..I sat there as I stared at the unopened takeout I got for dinner. I tried to convince myself I was hungry, tried to convince myself I'd want to eat something. But I didn't. I just sat there and thought about Tom. How had I given him up to sit alone in self pity? Sure no cameras were following me because if my life wasn't bringing the drama and my body wasn't being talked about what was I good for anyway? Feeling this level of  low and alone was killing me. So I did what I do best, scrolled through social media until I found soemthing that would make me cry. The OBX cast were hanging out with Chase leading the pack at the bar of course. Than I saw it, the one thing I was looking for...Tom had just to got to New York to see Josh and Rachel. And I was sitting here watching everyone else be happy. But I couldn't. I went to bed after that because sleep was better than whatever I was inflicting on myself while being conscious. 

The next day like Bella when Edward left her, I sat in the same chair and stared at tv. I didn't eat because I couldn't and I didn't know what to do to make this feeling stop. That night I thought about calling Tom, apologizing and explaining that I was falling in love with him. And everything I love has a way of disappearing or leaving me. And I couldn't watch it happen again. So I ran first. But instead of calling him I went on instagram again and saw Rachel had posted.

That was the last thing I needed to see, I deactivated my Instagram and turned off my phone. I decided if I couldn't eat, I could definitely drink. So I walked down the block to the wine store to buy one or seven bottles of red wine to drown my sorrows in. I walked out of the store and was about to cross the street to head back towards my hotel when I heard screeching tires in the distance. I didn't think too much of it, because it was raining in Berlin and sometimes the water's friction on the tires made that sound. If I had looked up, maybe I would've saw the car speeding towards me, unable to brake. The second I heard someone scream, it was already to late. I saw bright lights and felt the ground get taken out from under me. I could hear the wine bottles I was carrying shatter, as each one hit the street. The last thing I remember thinking before I felt warm sticky liquid pooling under me was ...I really do love Tom and now he'll never get to know that.