Gemma

After spending two weeks in the hospital trying to do everything I possibly could to get better. I was finally in a decent place mentally. I still felt pretty crappy but my doctor told me it was going to take a while to get my body back on a healthy eating schedule. I was seeing my therapist twice a week and nutritionist every other. I was nearly three weeks completely clean of social media too. And that break was helping me stay on a better path to finally feeling like myself again. 

But it wasn't that easy to start with, that first night I spent in the hospital was definitely the worst because Tom was working and couldn't stay over night. I sat in my thoughts a little too long. I was blaming myself for everything...how had I let my life...my perfect life spin so out of control. Tom was staring at me with tears in his eyes begging me to help myself. And I didn't think I was strong enough to change. The second day in the hospital when Tom came to visit, I tried to break up with him. I told him I was going to destroy his life and his career. And I couldn't stand to see him cry. 

The first time I did this months ago, it worked. He left. This time...he held on tighter than anyone ever had before. He assured me there was nothing I could say right now that would change how he felt about me and where we were going in our relationship. Which I couldn't believe. He held my hand and we talked for hours about everything and nothing at all. 

When I came home 14 days later to the farmhouse everything was different. We were different. Tom walked me into the house and there on the floor were huge bouquets of roses. I nearly collapsed. The entire house was filled with them and balloons. I sat down on the floor next one of them and was so beside myself I started to cry. Tom sat down next to me and held me. 

"You're very loved Gemmy." He said as he kissed the top of my head.

"Are these all from you?" I asked in shock.

"Yes, but I did have some help with the set up." He winked at me as I heard footsteps coming down the steps. Rachel nearly dove into my arms.

"My girl! My sweet girl I'm so happy you're home. Tom's been sending daily updates. So when we we heard he was bringing you home today...WE had to come." She said as she hugged me. 

"Thank you guys so much for being here...for both of us." I said as I looked at Tom. We sat down to eat dinner that night and for the first time in so long I didn't think about what was on my plate. I just cared about the people I was with. I had the best friends, an incredible boyfriend and I was about to star in my own movie as the character who gave me everything I have. And I was hopeful Livia would give me my confidence back for good. 

That night I was laying in bed reading next to Tom. I was behind on my character study because I wanted nothing to do with anything when I was in the hospital. I literally just wanted Tom to sit there and talk to me about horses and how my family had been. Since he had taken over all communication for me. Which my mom appreciated because if it was up to me she'd have no idea where I was right now. Not because we weren't close, we were but I never wanted her to worry about me. Even when she had absolutely every reason in the world to, especially with the stunts I'd pulled at point. 

"Teach me to ride tomorrow?" I asked him as he put his script he was reviewing for Billy the Kid away.

"Of course...I was hoping you'd want to....maybe even come to set with me?" Tom asked. My poor boyfriend was now terrified to leave my side. 

"I mean I really do want to see you in costume." I said biting my lip.

"The rest of the cast really want to meet my girlfriend...if you're up for it?" Tom said looking at me. I was still feeling pretty shitty honestly...but my therapist told me I needed to try to get back into a routine. Not think about food or eating but make it part of life like breathing. So I decided instead of staying locked up in the house for the next two months till we left for London, I would agree to go to set with him. 

"That sounds like fun." I said as he kissed the top of my head. 

"Alright great, you don't have to stay the whole day. Maybe just the morning shoot?" He asked. "I can show you how to ride at lunch." Tom continued. I nodded in agreement, Tom fell asleep mid conversation with me. I didn't blame him. I can't imagine how exhausting the last month had been for him. Between his filming schedule and rescuing me halfway across the country from my own nervous breakdown. 

The next morning I woke up took a deep breath and told myself someone is going to get a picture of you eventually. It might as well at least be on set with your boyfriend. So I poured myself a cup of coffee and brought a bagel for the car ride to set. Tom was trying his best not to hover but I could tell he was watching me to make sure I ate it. And I did. The second we got to set, Tom jumped out of the car so excited to introduce me to everyone. I couldn't help but blush as we walked onto set hand in hand. I was greeted with just about the warmest welcome ever as Tom introduced me to his cast mates one by one.

"I can't believe we finally get to meet the young lady whose completely stolen our Tom's heart." Daniel teased him as he shook my hand. 

"I heard from Tom that he still has a thing for your ponytail, so don't think I have all his heart." I joked with everyone as I sat in Tom's chair. He was talking to one of the stunt coordinator's when the director walked up to me.

"So nice to meet you Gemma, my daughter is a huge fan of both Outerbanks and the Hunger Games franchise. We're so happy you and Tom are together." He said. I couldn't help but smile and thank him for his kind words. Hearing his daughter loved Outerbanks was bitter sweet for me. But I had to be on the other side of it now. Therapy was teaching me it was okay to let go...it was okay for people not to understand my decision. It was what was best for me, and that had to outweigh the opinions of everyone else.

"Well tell her I'm beyond flattered! I'd love to meet her. And thank you so much, Tom is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I said as I caught him smiling at me from where they were setting up cameras.

"I know he'd say the same about you. So I was wondering if you could help me with something?" he asked. 

"Of course, I'll be here for the next two months." I said.

"Even better. How would you like to guest star on the show?" He asked.

"Wait what?" I asked almost not registering what he said.

"Well we've wanted to ask you since we saw you in Hunger Games. But now that your here, and I assume you'll be around set. We'd love for it to be a surprise for Tom if your interested. We have a role written for you. It's the mystery of the season. An outlaw worse than Billy. A lone wolf stealing stock, cash and hearts. But one has seen them yet. Not even Billy. So we were hoping we could convince you, we know we'll get a genuine shocked reaction when Tom sees you walk into the bar in the season finale. Would you consider it?" He asked.

"I absolutely love the idea. I'm in...this will help me not get rusty before we got to London to shoot the next Hunger Games." I said back to him.

"Great. We have one solo scene for you with Jessie who meets the black widow first. Thats the name the bandit goes by. But her actual name is Lara Wilx." Tom's director continued to explain the part. I'll bring you a script now while Tom's busy. The second I got my hands on the script I couldn't help but laugh, Tom was going to lose his mind when he saw me walk in the bar with a holster on my thigh garter. I couldn't wait. Around lunch Tom took me over to the stables to show me how to ride. 

"Alright one foot up and right over." Tom helped me get on his horse. "You already look like a natural." He smiled up at me. We rode around the stables for most of his lunch break and I felt myself truly be in a state of happiness for the first time in a while. Because I was allowed to be happy. I didn't have to carry the weight of the world's opinions of me on my shoulders. All that mattered was what I thought of myself. And I felt pretty good right now. I stayed the rest of the day watching Tom film and secretly memorizing my lines for tonight's night shoot. Tom had wanted me to stay to see him film it but I told him I was going to head home and get a goodnight's sleep early. 

Which he believed because I'd been on the set with him all day. But I didn't leave, I went to hair and makeup. He texted me while I was getting my hair done and told me about the scene he was about to shoot. He said he had no idea who was playing this outlaw character that the whole season revolved around. But he knew that everyone was very excited about who ever it was. I asked if they were keeping the person's identity a secret from him. And he said yeah, he thought they were doing it so Billy's reaction to the shock of the character reveal was genuine. I told him I agreed with that theory and asked him to take a picture with the person when they were done filming, so I could see who the mystery character was. He sent me one last text that they were calling him to set and he would be home closer to 2am. Little did he know we were actually going to go home together.

The second I was done in hair and makeup and had my script mesmerized I slipped into the corset style western dress. I couldn't wait to see Tom's reaction as they set up the cameras for the scene. "Alright Tom make sure your back is turned when they walk in." The director said not giving anything away. 

"Got it." Tom said as the camera's locked in on Tom's reaction. I stood between the swinging doors waiting for my queue. I listened as the scene began between Billy and Charlie. They had written to the black widow and asked to meet to see if they could work together to stop The House. "And close up on the door, and back on Tom. Action!" The director yelled as the doors swung open and I walked up to the bar and sat down in between Tom and his other cast mate. 

"Well boys, I can see you sure weren't expecting little old me." I said as I flashed a fan printed with a black widow across it over my face. "Whiskey neat..." I glanced at the bartender. It took Tom a second to realize what was happening. Which was spot on for the performance they were looking for. I turned to face him with a smirk. "Sweetheart, you might want to close your mouth...that is unless you're looking to catch flies." I continued looking at Tom as my finger grazed his chin. 

"And who might you be?" He said trying his best not to smile at me like "you got me!"

"I've been called a lot of things sweetheart. My love, beautiful....vile, murderous and my favorite death herself. I know who you are Billy." I said back to Tom. We were having so much fun they let us keep rolling. 

"The black widow..." He said back to me.

"Nice pet name, isn't it? I prefer Lara...but enough of the pleasant exchange. You wrote, you wanted to meet. I didn't come all this way to Lincoln for nothing..did I sweetheart. What's this you said about taking the house down? I'd sure be interested in that." I continued.

"The house has been hunting you for months...you're like a ghost. Why come out of hiding to meet us?" He asked.

"Why not, your penmanship was refreshingly civil. Not so of Jesse Evans wouldn't you say? Quicker to the holster than he'll ever be. I know that to be true Billy." I looked at Tom. 

"You've met Jesse?" He asked.

"Met, well that is one way to say it isn't it. It's a shame you men all break your favorite toys isn't it. This was a lovely chat but I must be on my way. And I don't take kindly to time wasted." I said as I got up from the bench. I was about to walk out when Tom said his final line.

"I'd like to meet again. Dawn by the barn." He said. I turned to face him with a laugh.

"Why a second date William Bonnie? And you didn't even buy me dinner. I'll see you at Dawn Billy." I said as I was about to walk out of the bar. I stopped neared the doorway and  hit a few bottles off the bar shelf, causing holes to form in each of them. "Still a little slow on your left." I teased him as I walked out the door. The director yelled cut and Tom ran out and nearly tackled me to the ground. 

"That was unreal...how long was this a surprise!" He asked. 

"Only this morning...your director came up to me and asked if I would do it. And I couldn't say no. I needed to see this look on your face." I said as he kissed me.

"You're going to make this season." The director said as he came over to us. "Would you consider doing one or two more scenes?" He asked me. "We want you to be the one that got away for Billy. We've now established she may have had a relationship with Jesse and that has already fueled jealousy in Billy. I'd like to see it go a little farther." He finished. I nodded in agreement.

"I think we can make that happen." I said realizing if I was working again. I might want to consider rejoining social media. I'd been gone for a month since I left OBX. Now was a good a time as any to make a comeback with a vengeance. Especially when I had just received word from my manager that my book was dropping on Friday.