Eid hai, Eidi toh banti hai ✨

-• i don't sleep •-

Rudra

I don't sleep.

I never sleep in the dark.

Night has always been mine to dominate, not submit. I know the perils of it. I've slept through them as they happened around me, on me, from the pair of hands I never found who they belonged to. I never let my guard down.

But I did.

Last night, I did.

How?

I've never felt safe at night to close my eyes. And to feel that around her? What has got into me lately? Why am I forgetting my own reality? Why am I forgetting this is not me, this is not my life? The more I stay around her, the deeper she burrows herself into my subconscious.

"Your heart rate is abnormal, Boss."

I know. I've known that for a long time now. She makes my heart anxious. It beats through my ribcage everytime she's close. She's not healthy for me. I can feel it, the way my body grows rigid, the way her words trap me in my head, make me think through them, as though it's a new language I fail to decipher.

She's everything I'm not made for.

But she is an opportunity.

My ticket to safety.

How can I let go of her? When she's everything I need for a stable future?

But she vexes me so damn much.

Her every breath, every glance, every touch, every fucking word, is forbidden, something that stains my soul with bright colours.

I've never allowed that before. I'm a greedy human, I chew out and spit what I don't like, and consume what I crave. But I never let anyone have what catches my eyes. It's mine to destroy or own, but never anyone else's.

"I didn't have nightmares last night," I mumble distractedly, my thoughts are harmoniously chaotic, a juxtaposition between sane and insane, drowning me in multitudes of screams, each bellowing her name. And the mention of her, even in my own head, makes my skin itchy, as if she's under every layer I've put on to hide my reality from the world, challenging me to find her so she gets me naked, vulnerable and weak.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Yara sounds confused.

"No." I grit out. "I want to remember them, they fuel my vengeance, Yara. I need them to keep me moving. My life has no other meaning. I live for revenge. I can't forget my nightmares. I can't."

"And what after that?"

"What?"

"What after you get your revenge?"

"Then I'll open a tech company, we'll redevelop you and get rid of all the flaws. I'll rewrite your code, and I'll make you stronger, powerful enough that you can't be stolen or manipulated." I grin. "We'll bring a revolution in IT industry, Yara. You'll be known as the most intelligent AI of the time. Rajawat Empire will be mine anyway. I'll be the richest man, the most powerful." I chuckle, there's a strange kind of hunger in my body, it salivates for power.

"You'll have to delete my current progress. I won't be the same Yara."

"I know. And I can't wait to see the new you, the reformed you."

"I'm made for you. Do whatever you want."

I smile.

Technology is so easy to trust. It can be weaponized, humanized, and still be destroyed. I need that kind of control in IT industry, fuck that, on world. Where it will be afraid to make a move without considering my opinion. And Yara is my key to that.

My phone chimes with a notification. I glance at it over my shoulder and remove my glasses, putting them in their case and stuffing them in my backpack before resuming tying my shoelaces. After I'm done, I lean backward and stretch my arm to pick up the phone.

The message is from Tanya.

I've started to hate this vacation. I'm not used to lounging around all day doing nothing. I like to keep my head busy. The plans I've made cannot be executed on their own. I need to get the work done. And it keeps me distracted, at the same time, I'm one step closer to my goal.

Once I get rid of every obstacle standing in my way, establish my own tech company, and have over-all control of Rajawat Empire, I'll be free to go on international trips and sleep peacefully at nights. But not until then.

Not until then.

Stowing my phone in my pocket, I swing my backpack over my shoulder and open the door of my bedroom. I regret it immediately.

Our eyes lock for a second longer before I tear them off her, ignoring her presence in the room.

My plan was simple.

If I was able to woo her as Rudra, a risk she knew she can't take, but still took it anyway, then how hard will it be to charm her as Shourya? The safest bet. A guy she knows how he looks, what his name is, which family he belongs to and most importantly, is not just the guest of night. And I was able to crack through her barriers almost easily. It's not that hard. I know her weakness as Rudra. She desires someone stable, someone who can promise her the world. She's very easy to read. Not like a book, but a fucking advertisement you find at the metro stations. Her requirements are simple and clear. And she doesn't forge herself as a mystery to appease the crowd.

And it is also easier for me to have her as Shourya. I don't need to sneak into her room at nights, and I certainly don't need to put on a mask or muffle my voice to hide my reality.

Tara carries her heart on her sleeve. You flirt with her a little and she'll be blushing immediately the next second. But she is also attracted to the thrill of forbidden. Something she want but can't have.

I was deadset on my plan.

But now I don't know how long I'll be able to keep my facade.

Because I don't trust myself around her anymore.

She's intense, and I've only ever felt that kind of fiery passion for revenge. It's about time I draw a clear line between us, between our realities. I can't fool her as Shourya if I'm confused in my own head as Rudra.

The doorbell rings.

"Breakfast is here, guys." Agastya announces. He's another person I'm absolutely annoyed with. The guy has his head shoved miles above earth, and is the King of his own hypothetical world. I wonder where so much cockiness comes from in Chauhans. Honestly, if he didn't have Yuvraaj cleaning up after his every mess, he'd be a penniless druggie by now. Some people are born with the power they don't deserve. I can't imagine wasting my life partying and hooking up with random girls if I had his life. That just shows how unfair the so called God is.

I sit down at the dining table and serve myself a little of everything. I don't talk much. I don't have people to talk with. I never did. That was the first reason why I made Yara. I needed someone to talk to. I was afraid I'll forget my own voice.

But Yara went from a friend to a partner all too soon. He was a great listener in the beginning, but he's also very smart. I'd applied unsupervised learning algorithm when making him, and he didn't disappoint me. He watches, hears, saves, and identifies the patterns of human behaviour to build a concise representation of its world, where he understands and responds on his own, just like a human would. Of course, he can't feel, can't show emotions. Everything he says is a conclusion of all the untagged datasets he has been fed with until now, so he doesn't speak from conscience, he's practical. I wouldn't say he has started to feel lately, but considering his behaviour with me, he has grown attached to me. There's a link between us we both can't explain. But we do care for each other. I'm actually amazed by the speed he's developing. It's been only seven years since I started working on him.

Computer became my escape when I was taken out of that dark dungeon. And it helped me rediscover myself. I'm more than capable of what people are using me for. I've it in me to conquer everything I desire, and I'm not letting anyone stop me from achieving it.

After breakfast, I follow the Chauhan puppets out of the hotel suite. My eyes glare a hole through Agastya's head. He gets on my nerves more than anyone else. It was because of him I had to share a room with Tara. I wonder how this loser can ever make a name for himself in the world. He's spoiled as fuck and has ever only thought from his nether regions. How come we're of the same age but so different? And why does he bother me so much? The ease with which he lives, his laugh, his jokes, his flirty manner, everything irritates me to no end.

And he hates me for only one reason.

Tara.

I don't know what the old Shourya was upto before his accident. I was never allowed outside my secret room where I was kept locked 24/7 unless the chairman and his lovely grandson was out. But I know one thing. He was a pervert. And that reduced my chances in front Tara by a greater margin. I had to act nonchalant and unbothered for months around her to make her believe I'm changed, have no recollection of my memories, and don't care about her anymore to get her attention on me.

Tanya was waiting for us in the lobby when we exited the elevator. She greets us with the same enthusiasm and leads us towards the black van waiting for us. I get in the passenger seat like yesterday and put on my seatbelt.

Trekking is the highlight of today's schedule.

I'm not really a big fan of outdoor activities in a group. It only works when you've the people with same vigour as you. And I don't.

Upon reaching the spot, I haul my backpack on my shoulders and tie my shoelaces tightly.

Tanya explains the arrangements she made and since plain trekking will be boring, we'll be paired up in a team of two to compete. Turns out, she had a friend of her plant red flags on our way up and whoever collects most of them, wins the competition.

"Tara, come, choose your partner." She says, holding the bowl out.

Tara walks up and picks out a chit. When she opens it, her eyes automatically land back on the only female in the group. "It's you!"

"Yes!" The two hi-fi each other.

"Arush, you choose now." Arush digs his hand into the bowl and swirls it around, picking a blue coloured chit.

"Ayush." He shrugs and goes back to stand beside his twin.

I look at Agastya only to find him already looking at me. We both roll our eyes.

Was I in the wrong queue when luck was being handed out?

Why am I always stuck with the least liked people?

"Is there a prize?" Agastya asks Tanya.

"Yes. We're going camping tomorrow. The two teams that lose will have to do all the manual work. Like setting up tents and cooking food."

Agastya and I look back at each other, this time with determination.

"I'm not looking forward to cook with you."

"Good. Because I can't cook anyway." He states.

"So, shall we?" Tanya asks and everyone nods, including me. I've nothing to lose but I definitely have something to win. And I like winning. No matter how small it is.

We split according to our teams and start marching upward. Agastya is quick on his feet, which means he exercises out of bed and I feel relieved. I can't be dragging him and our victory all the way up.

"I found one!" Agastya exclaims, pointing at the flag tied to a fragile stem of a plant. He snatches it out and shoves it in his backpack.

We resume walking.

"Agastya," I stop finding another on the high branch of a wild tree.

"Your height?"

"6.2," I reply.

"And weight?"

"80 Kilograms."

"Fuck, I'm 85." He swears. "You climb my shoulders." He drops his backpack aside.

"You sure?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yes, c'mon, don't waste time." He crouches to his knees.

I sigh and drop my backpack too, removing my shoes before I plant my right leg on his shoulder and then the other on the remaining. He grunts while getting up.

"Don't drop me." I warn, keeping my eyes up as I carefully reach for the flag. "Done." He slowly crouches back and gets me off.

Then he groans in pain, holding his shoulders as he rests against the bark of the tree. "Are you sure you're 80?"

I pick my backpack and stuff the flag inside. "No, I'm ninety." I answer and swing it over my shoulders. His jaw drops in shock.

"You fucktard!"

Hiding my chuckle, I walk past him. "C'mon, we can't afford wasting time."

"Fuck you, you fatass!" He grumbles behind me.

Fifteen minutes later, I see another flag. But I also see Tanya and Tara are closer to it. One glance and they'll easily notice it. I nudge Agastya in the ribs.

"Wha-"

"Shh," I hush him, signalling him with my eyes.

"How are we going to distract them?"

"You get on Taranya's nerves just by existing, it won't be that hard for you."

He shoots me a glare.

"Or do you want me to go and flirt with her?"

He shoves me aside and strolls in their direction. I sneak in stealthily while he indulges the girls with his usual bullshit and untie the flag from the rock, hiding it away in my hoodie.

"Agastya, stop wasting time!" I bark out.

He scoffs at me before excusing himself from the girls, who by their faces, look relieved that he's leaving them alone.

We leave them behind and make our way further ahead. By the end of it, we've fifteen flags, the girls find seven and the twins collect only three.

Coming back down was easier. I didn't have to slow down in order to keep up with anyone. Tanya takes us to the local restuarant by the foot of the mountain and communicates with the owner in their mother tongue. Except for Ayush, everyone eats. And because of him, we have to return to the hotel earlier than required. I don't mind. The earlier we get done with the teen drama, the better for me.

I ignored Tara the entire time today. Until I get my head back on the track and find my purpose again, I'm staying away from her. Confusion is something I can't tolerate. I like to be sorted, always, like deck of cards, clear and concise. Precision is required when you're playing mind games. There needs to be a straight line between what it is, and what you create of it to fool the world. If it blurs, I'll be one of the pawns, and that's not something I can let myself become. I don't play for others.

Agastya leaves the suite at around seven. And after dinner, I retreat to my bedroom as well. I'm craving to get some work done. I've rested enough. My hands itch when they're empty. I haven't been inside the gym for more than a week. If I don't indulge myself mentally, I'll grow more restless physically.

Just as I grab my laptop from the suitcase, the knock on the door stops me.

I sigh exasperatedly and get off the bed, opening the door to see the twins lingering at the threshold, startling when their eyes meet mine. From their perspective, we three are of same age. But I tower over them by a foot easily, so it's apparent that I intimidate them a lot.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I inquire harshly, my voice cold. I'm tired of acting as Shourya.

Ayush flinches and shoves the older twin forward, jutting his chin towards me. Arush glares at him before looking up at me. "Uhm, we're going out-"

"I'm not interested." I say and go to shut the door.

"Uh, wait," Arush places his hand on the doorframe. "It's okay if you don't want to come, but if someone from our family calls you, tell them we're at the hotel. Actually-" I tune him out when the door across from me opens and Tara steps out, dressed in a full sleeved bodycon glittery black dress that ends just a little below her thighs.

My hand clenches around the door knob.

Is it because I didn't have much contact with opposite gender that she gets into my head so easily? Or that's just who she is? Temptation embodied, a breathtaking charm of seduction, one that always renders me speechless. I don't remember her being so fucking sexy before. She has been playing with my head from the time she held my hand in the flight when we hit the turbulence. She glowed, and for once in life, I wanted to follow the light she emerged from. That never happened to me. Dark has always been my home, it's my skin. And you don't feel comfortable out of your skin. Yet she made me want to risk it all in that one fraction of second.

"Where are you off to?" I look down at the twins. She lifts her head hearing my voice. I avoid looking at her now that I've her eyes on me.

"To- um, out actually. Just to explore the streets." Arush chuckles awkwardly.

"Like you did last night?" I ask sarcastically.

The two sigh in defeat. "Okay, fine, there's this club. The owner is friendly. You know the son of Atlas Group's Director? It's his uncle. So they're family. We met yesterday evening when he was out on a field trip at that palace. Tanya introduced us. Then he offered to take us out and we went along. It's safe. Trust me. So if you're free, you can tag along. And if you can't, then please keep this a secret." Arush blabbed like a parrot.

"Are we going or not?" She asks meekly, tugging at the sleeve of her dress.

She's going along with them? Dressed like that? For the first time I'd not mind Agastya's presence.

"You're taking her to the place where men older than you drink and hit on girls?" I snap.

"We know the owner. Nothing is going to happen." Arush defends.

I look up at her, carefully, from head to toe and grow even more aggravated. And I hate it. So what if she goes out wearing that? She can wear a fucking bikini for all I care. It's none of my business.

"Yeah, fine. You're free to go."

"You won't expose us, right?"

"You'll not drag me in your mess if you get caught." I warn them.

"Promise!" The twins echo. "Here," Arush slaps a card on my chest that I catch before it slips. "If you change your mind, you can come to this address. Call me when you reach there and I'll get you in."

Nodding, I pull the door, my eyes meeting hers for a split second before I shut it close. I hear the three hoot in excitement before they file out of the main door.

I go back to bed and pick up the laptop, putting on my glasses as the WiFi connects.

"Your heart rate is abnormal again, Boss."

"It's hot." I mutter nonchalantly.

"It's twenty degrees in the bedroom. Not that hot."

"Shut up, smartass." I grumble. "Open your source code. I've a few packages to install." I instruct him.

"Yes, boss."

Three screens open simultaneously. I type the code and hit enter. It shows an error.

"What the fuck?"

"You forgot a slash."

"Right." I mumble and retype the command. It shows error again. "Goddamnit, now what!?" I growl at the screen.

"Semicolon."

"Fuck this." I throw the laptop on the bed, raking my dominant hand through my hair.

"Irregular heartbeat, sweating, confusion and panic, you've all signs of heart attack. Should I call an ambulance?"

"Are you dumb?"

"No, actually, I've an IQ of-" I remove the glasses and toss them beside the laptop.

"I hate myself." Getting off the bed, I open the wardrobe and shuffle through my clothes, grabbing a pair of ripped jeans, black tshirt and a black leather jacket.

I'm only going there because I need to blow some steam off.

It's a good opportunity to see what these overpopulated clubs have to offer.

And I regret my curiousity the moment I step through the doors with Arush leading me inside. Loud music blasts through the speakers, it vibrates beneath the floor I walk on. Flashy bright neons spill across unfamiliar bodies, gyrating, grooving, dancing, drinking and good Lord, some even fucking grinding. I gawk when a man yanks a woman's buttock against his nether regions, rubbing her against him.

My eyes gravitate back to Arush to glare a hole through his head. How the hell did he bring his sister to a place like this? And how the fuck she agreed to come?

I look around for her. I wasn't bothered about her before, but now I am. This place is not safe. She's a minor for fucks sake. We all are!

I find her talking to a group of girls in the corner. They all look her age and I wonder just how many illegal activities this club allows.

"Ayush and I are on the second floor-"

"I'm staying here." Keeping an eye on her. Someone needs to take her responsibility. My future relies on her.

"Alright!" He shrugs and bounds back upstairs. I shake my head in disappointment.

"Drinks?" The bartender offers.

"Wine." I shout over the sound of music.

"Wine?" He frowns.

"Is there a problem?" I bite back.

He shakes his head and turns to fill me a glass of wine. I turn back to look at her, panic settling in me when I find her gone from her previous spot. Looking around frantically, my nerves relax seeing her on the dance floor.

She stands out in the crowd.

She was wrong.

She doesn't need a name or an identity to make people notice her.

She does that naturally.

Her hips sway to the beats of the music, the shiny mass of voluptuous hair swirl and groove along her movements, her arms up in the air, and her head thrown back to smile. The flashes capture her for fleeting moments, red, green, blue, violet, and in all of their ephemeral existence, she glows like a fucking rainbow.

When our eyes meet, she freezes, and I can hear her heart racing inside her ribcage like it's calling out to me. Like she stopped to catch her breath, but only at the edge, and now she's on the verge of falling off the cliff.

"Your drink, sir."

Without breaking the eye contact, I lift the stem of the glass and tilt the rim to my mouth, taking a slow sip.

The girl beside her shakes her on the shoulder and she flinches, breaking the stare before she forces herself to focus on her newly found girlfriends.

I smirk.

I'm obsessed with the way she looks at me. Like I'm otherworldly.

The corner of my lips drop when I notice a group of men entering the club.

One of them catches my eye.

Eric.

To my dismay, he notices Tara almost immediately and isn't behind on sharing the news with his friends. I grow stiff when he pats one of the guys on the shoulder and enters the dance floor, pushing past the crowd, his feet moving purposefully towards their target.

My body moves before I allow it. Putting the glass away, I storm in the direction of Tara and grab her wrist, yanking her to my chest, my arm curling around her waist, proprietary and confident as I glare at Eric who abruptly stops.

She gasps before realising it's me. "Shourya!"

Eric shakes his head and his smirk widens.

We're at the disadvantage here. Not only are we minors, but we're tourists breaking the law.

I look down at Tara. "We've to go." And I drag her with me, completely aware of the threat following us.

Shit.

Oops.

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