for the Eid on 28th! It was Ganesh Visarjan too so wasn't in the best of my moods.

ps. The practices of different faiths mentioned in this chapter have nothing to do with the individual interpretation of one's own religion.

-• it's too late •-

On 23rd September, I stand in front of my third eldest's room. Hesitation pulls me back every time I lift my hand to knock on the door. I haven't ever done this. Wish my kids Happy Birthday first, that is. I always wanted to. I visit sacred places of every religion and pray for their well being to the almighty above. But I never mustered up the courage to physically approach them and gently caress the back of their head as a blessing.

And now, even after knowing this might be the last time I'll be celebrating his birth, something holds me back from facing him. Even as a father, I could never understand my own kids. Yuvaan ended up as a mystery for me. And nothing could be more painful than that. Just how bad of a parent do you have to be to not know anything about your own kid?

I clench my hand in a fist, my knuckles inches away from hitting the door frame. I give up seconds later. There are a lot of things I won't be able to do in this lifetime. Becoming a good parent for my kids will be one of them. The thought breaks my heart. My feet move in shame, and they come to an embarrassing halt upon meeting the most beautiful blue eyes staring at me fondly. I look away.

"Do it," she whispers.

I walk past her. She grabs my arm. "Tara, I can't."

"You can," she whispers. "Dad, you can. You always could. You just never tried."

I look down at her, tears in my eyes. "You just saw me try."

"No," she replies, "I saw you give up."

"It's twelve. He must be asleep."

She shakes her head and drags me back to Yuvaan's room. I resist half-heartedly. A part of me wanted to give it another go, the other wanted to hide back in my room. She makes me stand in front of his door again and knocks on my behalf. The moment we hear footsteps approach, the little star teeters to hide behind the curtain. The door opens and I stand startled in front of my son.

"Dad?"

I look towards Tara. She peeks from the curtains and gestures me through her expressions to wish him.

Yuvaan leans over to look. I quickly block his sight as Tara hides back in the curtains. "Were you sleeping? Did I disturb you?"

He stands straight, a frown covers his smooth forehead. The golden mutt of his prowls over to stand next to him and looks up at me, his head tilting to the side, the shiny gems of his eyes staring at me curiously.

"No, I was busy fixing the last minute changes."

"Oh, right, the opening is tomorrow." I click my tongue and shake my head, "I mean today. In the daylight. Like when people wake up and stuff-"

Tara slaps her forehead. I hear it.

My lips seal on their own. Silence weighs us down.

Yuvaan's frown deepens. "Do you have something to say?"

"I do, actually," I glance at my wrist watch. "In about six minutes," I nod. As the clock hand strikes 1:07, I look up at him and blurt out the two words that had my thoughts tied to my tongue. "Happy Birthday."

He blinks.

"I- I know kids prefer to be wished at 12, but that wouldn't make sense because you were born at 1 in the morning. So, so yeah, happy birthday."

He nods slowly, his eyes casting down.

"I should - I should go. You're probably busy," I chuckle awkwardly. "Sorry to disturb you." I walk backward and turn, ready to flee the floor.

"Dad," he calls out unexpectedly. I quickly face him. "Thank you." A smile replaces the frown on his face.

The response takes me aback to the extent I end up taking another leap of faith, "Would you join me today?"

"For what?"

"For something important. Would you?" I ask.

"I- I uhm, I'm a little busy tomorrow," he says, "I mean, today. I'm -"

"It's okay." I assure him. "Don't work yourself up. It's not necessary that you join me." I wave my hands in a no at him. I turn to leave.

"But I can make time if it's before three!" He exclaims.

I spin around, surprised to witness the willingness in his words. Is it because he pities me? Wants me to be happy in my last days? I don't mind. Honestly, I wish I had caught this disease earlier. At this rate, I might really live a lifetime in the next nine months.

"Yeah, that's enough time. That's more than enough time." I nod, smiling at him.

He nods back. "Do we need to go out?"

"Yes," I answer.

"Can we bring someone along?"

"Ayush?" I suggest.

"No, he has exams."

"Tara?"

"Yeah, if she's free-"

"I'm free." Tara pushes apart the curtains, revealing herself to her brother. He flinches so hard a yelp escapes his mouth. The mutt barks at Tara, perhaps offended for scaring his owner. She recoils back alarmingly, pulling the curtains back and only stretching her neck out like a duck. "I'm always free. Take me please."

"What is wrong with you!?" Yuvaan places a hand on his chest, still a little shaken up. "Why are you like this?"

She pouts.

The laugh that bursts forth my lips is unfiltered and loud. My kids look at me. Tara grins sheepishly while Yuvaan shakes his head with a sigh.

"What time?" He asks me.

"Nine am," I reply.

"I'll see you at nine in the morning." He steps back to close the door.

"Me too!" Tara chimes.

"Yes, you too." He grunts and slams the door close.

I open my arms for my daughter, eternally grateful to her for pushing me to not give up. She smiles broadly, the light of an entire universe surmised in her bright blue eyed as she runs into my arms. I hug her tightly.

"What would I do without you?"

"Chicken out at the last moment." She perks on her tip toes to give me a smug look.

I drop a kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

"I know!" She shrugs cockily.

Chuckling, I swing my arm around her shoulders and guide her towards the staircase. "What were you doing roaming hallways so late in the night?" I chide softly.

"I came to wish Yuvaan Bhai. You beat me to it."

"I'm fast, aren't I?"

"Not really," she twists her nose. "I came down at 12, so I had been watching you for an hour. I even sat down on the last stair and played solitaire for solid thirty minutes. When I realised it's going to take forever, I decided that's it. I'm taking the charge." Determination fills her eyes.

"Sorry," I murmur. "I don't know what stopped me from just doing it."

"I understand," she smiles. We reach her room and she taps her card on the scanner, unlocking the door. "By the way, where are we going? Somewhere special?" Her eyes sparkle.

I nod thoughtfully. "It's indeed special."

She squeals in excitement. "Eek! I can't wait. Good night, now. I gotta sleep."

"Good night." I mumble, holding the door open for her as she steps in. "Sweet dreams, little star."

"Sweet dreams, dad." She smiles back. I close the door and head back downstairs to my room.

I fall asleep with a bit of struggle. Needless worries swarm my head. I even have the audacity to imagine how my kids will cope up with my absence. If anything, not having an incompetent father anymore might just relieve them of all the trauma they had been burying deep within their subconscious ever since they were kids. I wish my kids live a beautiful and independent life after I'm gone. And even in those moments of solitude, they are assured they've each other to turn to in times of need.

The next morning, I get ready before nine. My feet, as if replaced with wheels overnight don't stop until I'm in the living room, waiting impatiently for the two to come downstairs. Taranya shows up first and her outfit gives me a slight heart attack.

"Little star, what are you wearing?" I ask, deeply concerned about my daughter's fashion choice. I know the length of a woman's cloth is not the certificate of her class or status. But the clothes are absolutely inappropriate for the place we're headed to.

She looks down at herself. "Erm, ripped shorts and a halter top?"

I shake my head. "No, go and change. Wear something traditional. White. Wear the while anarkali I bought you. Go," I usher her back.

She clicks her tongue. "You should have said that before. Damn it." She stomps back upstairs. Yuvaan watches her in confusion as she storms past him.

"What's wrong?"

"She isn't dressed properly for the occasion so I told her to change."

"Thank God, you finally notice the problem with her clothes." He sighs.

"Nothing's wrong with my clothes, you dipshit!" She screams from the second floor, startling both of us. Even the staff in close proximity flinches.

"God damn, what did her mother ate while she was pregnant with this tiny explosive?" He questions to himself in a low voice.

"Everything spicy." I answer.

He meets my eyes. "No wonder."

I laugh. His lips curl at the ends.

"Where are we going?" He reduces the remaining distance between us.

"It's a surprise."

He inhales deeply, forcing a nod at me. I'm sure he hated that answer. See, the cancer is more like a friend to me than an enemy. It's bringing my kids closer to me. I fail to hold back a smile.

"Okay, I'm here!" Tara announces.

A sight in white descends. Yuvaan's jaw drops. He appears star struck. It's only on rare occasions we get to see our girl in proper traditional clothes. And that's unfortunate, because she absolutely stuns every indian attire she wears. The chikankari anarkali comes with this beautiful georgette dupatta that flows like river down the stairs. She tosses her hair back, revealing the jhumkas I got her for her eighteenth birthday from a local market in Jaipur. It has to be the cheapest jewelry she owns in her wardrobe, but when I got it, I knew she would make it look priceless. And I predicted right.

"Is this better?" She looks between us hopefully.

"Oh my God, what the hell!?" That's Janet. The nineteen year old rushes in when she sees Tara. "Excuse my language, Papa Chauhan, but holy shit, Tara. I'm gay for you, dude. Marry me." She quickly goes down one knee and holds up an imaginary ring.

Tara giggles.

I smile seeing their genuine exchange. It makes me feel at peace knowing my innocent girl has got such good friends backing her in life.

"You guys going somewhere?" She gets up from her position and eyes us curiously.

"Yes, we are. She won't be able to drive you to University today. Mind taking a lift from one of the twins?" I ask her politely.

"Don't worry about me, Papa Chauhan. I'll adjust. You guys should go before someone else comes and sees Tara. Because believe me, it feels like a privilege to let people see her for free."

"Shut up!" Tara blushes a furious red.

Janet leans in and whispers something in my daughter's ear. Tara blushes even more.

"You've lost it! Go do something productive!" She chastises. "Let's go, Dad, c'mon, Bhai," hooking her arms into ours, she steers us out of the palace.

"Have fun!" Janet shouts from behind. I send her a smile over my shoulder. She waves vigorously. Such a kind girl.

We get inside the car waiting for us. I take the charge of the wheel and drive us out of the palace property. Tara gave up on the front seat stating it's Yuvaan's day so she's making a sacrifice for a change. I know it was the only way to make Yuvaan sit next to me without making the whole thing awkward. The more I praise my daughter's emotional maturity, the less capable father I feel.

"Temple?" Yuvaan and Tara echo when I cut off the engine thirty minutes later.

I smile at the two and nod at them to get out. The local police officer in lead introduces himself. Under his team's protection, we safely make it inside the temple.

"Maharaj," the Panditji smiles when I step in along with my two kids.

"Yaha sirf ek hi Maharaj hai, aur woh hum nahi. Humein Vikram bulayein. (There's only one King in this room, and that's not me. Call me Vikram.)"

"Every year you say the same, and every year I feel blessed to be living in your reign." He pats my head gently. "Yuvaan, is it?" His eyes shift to my right.

My son steps forward.

"For the last three decades, your father has been performing this Pooja every year on your and your siblings' birthday. And he has never missed a date," he smiles towards me. "I might forget my wife's birthday, but he'd never let me forget yours." He chuckles.

"You do this for everyone's birthday?" Tara questions me.

I nod.

"Mine too?"

"Of course, Taranya." Panditji says, "For your birthday, we even put up extra decorations in here." He says playfully.

"Really!?" She asks gleefully, clapping in excitement.

Everyone laughs witnessing the reaction ladened with pure innocence and joy.

"Let's get started. It's almost time."

I nod.

"Yuvaan, would you be okay changing into dhoti, son?"

He shrugs undecidedly.

"Someone help him please. He's new to it." I request one of the pandit's disciple. He nods and walks Yuvaan out through the back door. In the mean time, Tara and I help others with the last minute preparations.

Yuvaan returns a few minutes later, changed in a white dhoti. A white pashmina shawl draped around his shoulders. He finds Tara and I sitting near the doorstep and reluctantly sits in the centre on the wooden asana, close to the Mahadev Pind.

"We're performing this Pooja to request a spiritual bonding between you and Mahadev. So whatever you wish for, do not hesitate to ask. Bholenath listens to your every prayer. And he fulfills each." The Panditji tells Yuvaan. My son nods. "Let's start,"

I glance at Tara. The kid doesn't realise she needs to cover her head. I lean closer and gently put the dupatta over her head like a veil. She smiles sheepishly, holding the border of her dupatta between her joined hands.

The Pooja finishes an hour later. I stop Yuvaan from changing clothes. There's another important task left to do.

"People in need always look up to people like us. It's our duty to return at least a little bit of what we receive." I pat his back, encouraging him to give away the blankets and prasad.

Tara groans in relief when we sit back inside our car. "Are we done?"

"No. We just started." I declare.

Tara drops back in her seat.

"Where to next?" Yuvaan asks me, wiping off the kumkum smudged on the bridge of his nose.

"Gurudwara," I reply.

When we reach there, I send the kids to get the blessings and make my way towards the main kitchen. The man who looks after Gurudwara, Jaisingh Bhatia, personally attends me and helps me with the preparations. For the next two hours, along with the other kitchen staff, I make the mahaprasad.

My Yuvaan's favourite, Suji ka Halwa.

I meet the kids when they sit to have their lunch. Tara gasps when I bend over to serve. She taps Yuvaan's arm, her wide eyes stuck to me. Yuvaan lifts his head and stiffens. I serve him the halwa.

"It's the first time one of your children is here on their birthday and eating what you make for them." Mr. Bhatia smiles. "Eat a lot, Prince Yuvaan. This is our special sweet made by your father every year on 23rd of September. You're lucky to be finally eating it."

Yuvaan looks down, and subtly brushes away the tear from the corner of his eyes. I smile tearfully.

I was so desperate for this moment. For at least one of my kids to know that I do love them. I do love them. God, they've no idea just how much I love them.

I add a little more halwa to his plate before shifting ahead to serve other people.

The next we stop at Dargah.

"I heard somewhere Quran says visiting Dargah is a shirk?" Taranya muses softly as Yuvaan offers the Chaddar. "A sin." She whispers in my ear.

"Faith can never be a shirk." I reply.

The Maulvi smiles at me, nodding in response.

"Making your religion your only identity is definitely a shirk." He gently tips her nose before teaching her how to offer a Du'a. "Pray for enlightenment, never a miracle." He gently guides her hands to open up to the Almighty above.

We leave after donating clothes and shawls to the needy.

"I always thought visiting Dargah was offensive." Taranya mumbles once we get in the car. "We had a Muslim student in our class back in London. She told us associating their God with something or someone is a sin. And that graves should never be worshipped. Allah condemns that."

"I've no right to refute her claims since I'm a Hindu, but I believe purity of one's intention lies in offering a prayer, and not in how or where he does it." I maneuver the car through the crowd.

"True. Maybe it depends on how we interpret it?" She mutters mindlessly. "Are we going to church now?"

"Yes, how did you know?" I ask, surprised.

She shrugs. "I'm just smart."

Yuvaan snorts.

At two, we offer our prayers to Jesus Christ. Father Albert introduces himself to my kids and invites us to sit through a reading. I take the kids to one of the empty benches and we sit down. Taranya almost dozes off in the middle of it. I have to nudge her a dozen times to keep her awake.

"I cannot believe you dozed off, Tara. What were you thinking?" I scold her when we leave the church.

"It was so boring." She groans. "Ice cream!" She points past me. I sigh and walk the kids towards the Ice cream cart.

"Did your mother never take you for readings?"

"I used to fall asleep there too." She chuckles.

"You sound very proud about it." Yuvaan teases her.

She sticks her tongue out at him.

My phone pings with a message at that time. I take it out and unlock the device.

Unknown: I tried to reach you but you weren't answering. Can you call?

Unknown: This is Shourya, by the way.

Unknown: It's important, please.

"Excuse me," I say to the kids, they don't even notice amidst their arguing. I walk to the side and call the number. It's answered almost immediately. "If it's so important, should I be calling you like this?"

"This number cannot be traced. Don't worry. Remember the burner phone you gave me?"

"What about it?"

"I managed to retrieve the data." He says, relief in his voice. "You don't know but after that anonymous threat, you got another message in the morning. At five am."

I frown. "From whom?"

"My father."

I freeze.

"He texted you some address. Wait, I'll forward it to you," I pull away to look at the screen. Another message pops up and I quickly recognise the place. "It's the golf club I told you about last time."

"What?!" He exclaims, sounding incredulous. "I thought - I thought it's something special. I thought he left us a proof or something -"

"The locker." I realise. "We had a locker to keep our equipments. The last time I went there, I think a decade ago. I had to shut down my account since they were still charging me. And they told me someone is anonymously paying for his locker. I didn't think of it much. He had opened many bank accounts to legalise the cash flow so I assumed the account will close once the money runs out. I didn't want to contact the Rajawats to talk about such insignificant matter so I never pried into it."

"Can you go check the locker please?" He requests. "Do you know the passcode?"

"It had a key." I answer. "But I'm sure they'll open it if I tell them to. The golf club might be on the outskirts, but it's still a part of Jaigarh." I reply. "I'll go and check it."

"Okay, thank you." he answers. I hang up and go back to my kids.

"Are we done? It's three," I smile at Yuvaan. "Not a minute more. You're free now."

He nods softly. "Thank you for today."

"I'm sure your brothers will beat me to this with the party tonight."

"I've to go now." He points.

"Sure."

"I've called my car to pick up."

"Yeah, take Taranya along. I've to be somewhere."

He hums. "We'll wait for you."

"Come soon, Dad!" Taranya beams at me, following her brother towards the car awaiting them.

"I will," I wave at them until their car disappears from sight.

I get inside my own and drive to the golf course I haven't been to in years. It's the only place I visited with Virat when we were young. The manager recognises me the moment he sees me. I request the membership details about Viraj Singh. To my surprise, the fake account was still being paid for anonymously. I quickly look for my phone to call Shourya.

"Ah, shit, I forgot it in the car." I whisper under my breath. "Let me check the locker." I say to the manager. He walks me to the locker section.

"Sixteen years and everything's still the same." I murmur in awe.

"We have an international sponsor. Their only request is to never change this place. Especially the locker room." He points towards Virat's locker and offers me a duplicate key. I thank him and unlock the locker, opening the door to reveal a sheet container lying inside. The strap has decayed to the point it breaks off the moment I pick it up. It falls to my feet. I grab the container from the floor.

"Thank you," I say to the manager.

He nods with a smile and closes the door.

I exit the place and slide inside my car, putting the container on the passenger seat to reach for my phone on the dashboard. I need to call Shourya.

"God, these stupid phones always need to be charged." I plug in the charger and start the car, driving out of the parking lot. The best part of Jaigarh are the cliff roads that overlook the river.

My phone comes alive a few minutes later. It starts to ring immediately. I reach over and pick it up.

"Shourya, I found a container -"

"The Chairman has a tail on you."

I push on the brakes, slowing the car.

"I just- I just found out. You need to get back to the city. Or just tell me......" The rest of his words wither away, faded whispers, incoherent as I hear the honking of the truck that comes at me with full speed. I whip my head over my shoulder and see the corner I just turned. My eyes shift back to the front.

"Are you hearing me!? Mr. Chauhan!?" He shouts through the phone. "Tell me where you are! I'm on my way!"

"It's too late." I sigh.

"What!?"

"Too late." And the impact of the crash penetrates the windshield, sending shards of glass piercing through my skin. I look in the eyes of the driver as he tips my car over the edge of the cliff.

I close my eyes and embrace the fate.

The price of bravery.

My life.

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