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42 ~ The Sensual Apology

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Nandani POV

"What?"

I asked and he just smiled.

"You have to figure it out,"

He said and they both left me.

I nodded and tried to comprehend what he was trying to say and suddenly Suman's voice caught my attention.

"Nandani, I think you should take a bath before dinner,"

I nodded listening to her and we both walked back towards my chamber.

Stepping inside I called an attendee and asked.

"Where is Ranaji?"

She bent forward.

"Ranisa, I am sorry but what we are unaware about his whereabouts. We have not seen him since the early after noon,"

She replied and I nodded.

"Alright,"

But, inside of my heart just wondered where he could be. It was not like I was missing him that badly but I needed to discuss a few things to him.

I went inside the bathing room and took a quick bath. After taking the bath I changed directly into the night clothes and wore an overcoat to cover up my legs and hands. 

I came out and let my open, wet hair drip the water while I settle my gaze on the food kept over the table.

My stomach growled and even though I wanted to have dinner with my dear husband but I chose to eat in silence and loneliness.

I did not know but somewhere I felt there was no point in running after him if he did not have any similar thing towards me.

I knew he committed and he opened up about his feelings towards me. But, somewhere this was not seeming sufficient at all as actions speak louder than words.

There were a few of his habits that I entirely disliked. First, him grabbing my neck if I was angry and mad. Second, him unknowingly and unwantedly disrespecting me. I loved him and there were no two thoughts about it but not at the cost of my self-respect.

I knew I married him without considering my self-respect but at that time my emotions were bigger than my mind settling on self-respect now when I was his wife and the Queen, I wanted him to treat me right.

And, there was nothing wrong in expecting someone to treat you right, treat you how you deserve to be treated by someone you dearly love and who dearly loves you.

I knew that many times I had said that I love him and he loves him but sometimes I just feel that his actions did not speak love. Precisely, I did not know what love exactly feels like or should be but the way he almost dragged me after him right from the entrance to our chamber, hurt me and it definitely was not love.

And, when he said that he did not know how many people call me their wife. I just lost it. I did.

Never in my whole life have I trusted any man. Never in my whole I let any man even touch me, not even a friendly one except my family. I knew what I did before marriage was very bold and something a good princess should not do but that did mean that I was not loyal. That definitely did not mean that he would question my character.

I did not know but there was a whole puzzle going on in my brain.

After a few little bites, I already felt full.

A part of me did not want to talk to him but another one wanted to go to him and check out on him for once. And, the third thought which was seeming more accurate was the circumstances that needed to be discussed with him.

I washed my hands after eating and walked towards the resting area as the night grew darker and it was almost time to go to bed.

Very unsurprisingly he was not there.

I just tried to figure out where he could be and the thought of him being in the library immediately crossed my mind. 

I turned my steps towards the library and held a lantern while walking through the dark pathway. The noise of my anklet bells was echoing in the hallway and I stopped in front of the library door.

Inhaling a deep breath, I pushed the door open which created a screeching sound that slightly raced up my heartbeats.

I gulped and took my step inside, the brightness of candles glowing in the library and the mild fragrance of jasmine and roses hit me immediately.

I took my steps further adjusting my dupatta over my shoulder and walked towards the main table in the library.

My sight noticed him sitting on the chair, leaning in over the table and his gaze fixed on the papers scattered all over the thick wooden piece of furniture.

I cleared my throat and patiently waited for his reaction for a few moments.

But, he did not even blink feeling my presence around.

I did not know but I was slightly nervous about him being mad.

I gulped and tried to say in a slow voice.

"Suniye,"

I just stood about eight feet away from him and he asked in a slow plain voice.

"Ji, Ranisa, kya seva kar sakte hai hum aapki?"

"Yes, Ranisa, how can I help you?"

He asked without even lifting his eyes off the papers.

I sucked on my lower lip and tried to say.

"I came to ask if you paid any attention to the drafts I prepared for the improvements in servant quarters,"

I said and I noticed the table having the same rolls of paper kept on the side of the table which was closer to me.

"Ji, do not worry. I have approved them,"

He informed me politely and I took a few steps forward.

"And, I want to discuss something with you,"

I said and he immediately replied.

"I am all ears,"

Now, I feel nervous and hesitated as he was not even looking up at me and his expressions were flat not angry, not mad, not hurt, not interested, not loving, just nothing.

I took a few steps forward and stood a few feet away from him.

"I went outside and noticed that so many people need our help and the village is often attacked by a group of dacoits. And, a storm that had hit the village a few months back has destroyed the economy and raised the prices of the commodities,"

He flipped the pages and replied.

"We will soon start reconstructing the outskirts of the Kingdom for the help. I have already appointed a group of soldiers in the village to keep an eye on the dacoits and the moment we will be done with the recounting of the resources, we will distribute the required commodities to the general public,"

His answers convinced me very well and I felt like he was talking to me in a really serious manner.

"Okay, thank you!"

I said and he replied in a formal manner.

"Good Night, Ranisa,"

I gulped upon hearing it. It had not been a day and I was already missing my nickname and his comments.

Not wanting to end the conversation, I asked.

"You are not coming to bed?"

He flipped another page and not even for once looked at me.

"Pardon, Ranisa but I have some work to finish. I request you to take proper rest,"

He said very professionally and mannerly that it twisted my heart in a painful way.

I touched my fingers feeling a little bit uncomfortable with his cold behaviour. But, a part of me just asked me to leave remembering how he treated me before.

And, a part of me was feeling sorry for slapping him.

I did not know what to do so I just directly asked.

"Aap kab tak ese rusht rahenge humse?"

"Until when you are going to be angry with me like that?"

Now, he lifted his gaze and looked at me. A plain smile was on his face and he replied.

"Bhala hum kon hote hai aapse rusht hone wale? Hume kya adhikar hai aapse rusht hone ka? Ranisa,"

"Who I am to get angry with you? What right do I have to get angry with you? Ranisa,"

He said and unknowingly my eyes filled with tears.

"Aap see kyu rahe hai?"

"Why are you saying this?"

He smiled a little and lowered his gaze back to the papers.

"To aap khud hi bata dijiye hume konse adhikar hai or konse nahi, kin paristhritiyo me or kin me nahi,"

"Then you yourself tell me what kind of rights I have over you and what kind do not have, and in which circumstances and in which not,"

He asked and I stepped a little closer to him.

"Rudra,"

I tried to say and he lifted his eyes to me.

"Ji, Ranisa,"

He said and immediately replied.

"Stop calling me that,"

He nodded lightly and lowered his gaze back to the papers.

"As you wish,"

I gulped and did not know what to say. My eyes unwantedly scanned the scattered papers and I asked.

"What are you doing by the way?"

He did not answer anything and I leaned in closer to him.

"I know you are upset with me. I should not have slapped you,"

I tried to say and he immediately looked at me.

"No, you did the right thing. I deserved it. Because I was wrong, I have always been wrong. You could try marrying my uncle and If I objected, I was wrong. My brother jokingly calls you his wife, I objected, I am wrong,"

He said and suddenly laughs.

"I do not even know who am I to you,"

And, he continued laughing lightly.

I gulped and said.

"You are my husband and you know that,"

And, he suddenly started laughing even more and looked at me.

"Alright,"

He said and stopped laughing slowly.

"Jokes apart, I need to concentrate and if you could leave, I will be really thankful,"

He said and I immediately threw the papers away and said.

"No, I will not. Either you are coming with me to the bed or I am staying here with you,"

I said climbing to the table and sitting over it right in front of him.

He leaned backwards on the chair slowly and looked into my eyes. I placed my hand on the side of my waist, a little behind to balance myself to lean back a little and, I looked into his eyes without any fear, without any shame and without any doubts.

Our eyes looked into other intensely and I looked at him trying to stand up. My eyes noticed him placing his hand on the table's edge to support him standing up.

And, I immediately pressed my feet right against his chest to push him back into his place.

The noise of my anklet bells echoed in my chamber and with the force, his chair moved a little backwards. I could feel his strong chest beneath my feet and I said in a slow voice looking deep into his eyes.

His breathing turned fast and I could see his expression changing to intense and dangerous right now.

"We are not going out of here until we sort things out. None of us is perfect. You make mistakes and I make mistakes, none of us will survive individually. Our unity is our strength. We have a long way ahead, Ranaji. And, we cannot give our enemies chance to break us by seeing our differences,"

He inhaled a deep breath and lowered his gaze to my foot. 

He moved his hand right to my feet and I felt his fingers touching my toerings and he immediately pushed it down to stand up.

"I am done making a team with you. You play your part and I play mine,"

He said and I immediately pressed my foot again right against his chest to settle him back in the chair.

The chair moved a little back again with a screeching sound and I could feel the heat building up between us already.

"And, one of that parts says to listen to your wife,"

"That is the point, you are not my wife alone,"

He said and I angrily looked into his eyes.

"Now, you are crossing your limits again,"

I said and he chuckled.

"If I am a husband and you are my wife, then I know no limits,"

He said and I gulped before replying.

"He is your brother and he only said so because we needed to hide our real identities from the guards,"

He inhaled a deep breath and asked.

"What if I jokingly said that Suman is my wife?"

Anger rushed to my body immediately and I gritted my teeth.

"Dare say so and I will let you know,"

He smiled.

"That is the difference. You cannot hear any woman even your best friend called with my name. Similarly, I cannot hear any man, even if he is my brother being called by your name, be it a joke, a need or anything else. I pay no care, Ranisa,"

He stated and I nodded.

"But, you cannot feel jealous because of your little brother's joke,"

I said and he immediately pushed my legs aside and stood up hovering over me. His hand immediately grabbed my neck dangerously and I saw him looking directly into my eyes.

"You are not a joke. You are my wife, my Queen, my everything and when I say you are mine. I do not mean taking possession of you, in the means of power. But when I say you are mine I mean your heart beats for me, I mean there is no man who can even jokingly call you his, not even in his dreams. Be it my uncle, my brother and anyone else,"

He said and my lips parted feeling suffocated already.

I blinked nervously and tried to say.

"And, you have to promise me that you will never treat me like a slave. How you dragged me from the entrance to the chamber, it hurt me,"

His grip even tightened on my neck and he said.

"I do not do slaves, little wife. The only hand of a woman I ever held is yours. And, next time I will not be dragging you, rather I will be throwing you over my shoulder or carrying you in my arms if you ever try to sneak out of the Kingdom without letting me know, understand?"

He questioned and I immediately nodded.

"Yes,"

I said and he looked into his eyes. His anger calmed down a little and his eyes softened. 

He placed his lips over my forehead and kissed me deeply. My lashes forced close and he muttered.

"I love you so much. I just got angry and anxious seeing you sneaking out like that. I got worried that if I had not caught you then I might have lost you,"

He said and he slowly removed his hand from my neck.

I blinked and looked into his eyes.

"And, I am sorry for not trusting you and slapping you,"

I said and he looked into my eyes.

"I told you that you can do whatever you want but not like this,"

He said and I nodded.

"Okay,"

And, he pressed his lips against mine. Sucking for a few moments, he breathed deeply into my mouth.

"You are making me needy right now, little deathbed. And, I want to punish you so badly right in this moment,"

He said and my stomach twisted very wrongly. I saw him pecking my lips once before he took a few steps away from me and said.

"Undress yourself, now,"

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