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Rudra POV

"Will you ever love me?"

She asked and my palm was unknowingly pressing against her soft skin. I did not know, but I was feeling as if I was on the verge of losing my control. My senses were oozing with her smell, her whispers, her voices, her soft skin, her lengthy hair, her tiny waist, her reaction, her moans, and everything else. Never in my whole life had I thought that I would get this much affected by a woman, a woman so short, so tiny, so young and so immature sometimes.

She inhaled a sharp breath and moaned against my lips. Her lips had turned swollen and her cheeks were red like beetroot, her body feeling warmer than before and her hair messed up with the long loose strands falling on each side of her face, brushing against her collarbones. 

She had the dark red mark that I made yesterday on her chest and just by looking at it, I was feeling taken away enough to think about breaking my controlling period.

I looked into her eyes back and muttered in an urgency.

"No,"

Her expression immediately changed to hurt and she pushed me away with all her strength.

I lost my balance and fell against the chair. She immediately covered her chest with her dupatta and stepped down the table. 

"I will not either,"

She said and started walking away from there but I immediately held her hand and pulled her back to make her sit in my lap.

Pulling her even closer, I said.

"I already do,"

The moment I said this her face turned shocked and hurt vanished from it.

"You love me?" She asked adjusting in my embrace.

And, I hugged her tighter, pressing my lips against her cheek.

"Yes, I do,"

I accepted and closed my eyes trying to convey what I was feeling right now.

"I can stay on controlling period for another decade for you, I can Kill for you and get killed for you. I can win the Kingdoms and lose the ones for you. I can make a whole new world and burn the whole world for you, Nandani. I really can,"

I raked my palm against her naked back. Her heart was beating faster, almost audible to me.

"But, I cannot see you working for anyone but me. I cannot see you trying to change for me. I cannot see you adjusting to my habits. I cannot see you with the emotions of hurt on your face. I cannot see these eyes looking with love at anyone but me. I cannot see your lips widening with a smile of timidness for anyone but me. I cannot see the love you have for anyone but me,"

I said and I felt her shivering a little with my palm touching her naked back.

"I am sorry for what I did. I can ask for forgiveness my whole life, every day, every day and night, every moment until you would beg me to stop. This is how much guilty I am for what I did,"

I said and inhaled a sharp breath.

I could feel the goosebumps on her back and he slowly whispered.

"Rudra,"

"Shh-shh, let me speak today,"

I said in a slow voice and lowered my lips to her ear. She tilted her head a little and I continued with my closed eyes and open heart.

"I did not like you when I first met you. I took you as all the royal people who are filled with ego, power, attitude, and someone who does not even like landing their sight on the poor, low-class people. But, I had to make you fall for me. As you know, I started spending time with you. I thought I was doing my best in my game. Days kept passing, and almost three months passed. You started liking me, you started talking to me. And, I get to know almost everything about you. Your daily routine of greeting your parents, taking your time for your lessons, and helping maids in their work in the kitchen because you like to cook for your parents and grandparents. You, spending time with the common people, understanding them, listening to them. Never in those three months have you ever made me feel that I was someone different from you. I never felt that. And, the one day when you got late and I was waiting for you. I realised that I was not winning at my game but I was losing. I was losing at my own game,"

I inhaled a sharp breath and she kissed her ear softly.

She inahled deeply and asked.

"Then?"

I feathered my fingers against her naked back lightly and continued.

"That moment I realised that I was not making you fall for me, but I was getting habitual of you. Right at that moment I understood how much your presence around me started mattering to me. And, just like a coward. A coward who could not control his emotions and slowly lose over eight years of his self-control, I ran away,"

She tried to look at me and I felt her fingers touching my bicep.

"You are not a coward,"

I gulped.

"I was, I am and maybe I always will,"

I said and she shook her head.

"No,"

And, I continued.

"I was a coward because I tried to search for a shortcut to win over your Empire. And, then I was a coward because I could control the feelings that I had started developing for you. And, still, I was a coward because even after realising that my heart had started feeling something for you, I ran away. And, once again, I was a coward because I tried to control myself for another two years and burnt myself in the heat, tried to control myself under the depth of rivers, tried to control my pain by hurting myself, tried to conquer my fear by climbing the mountains, tried to lessen my hunger by fasting whole long days. I have done everything, every fucking thing that my master said would help me to control myself, would help me to become a better person, and a better King, help me control my anger, help me control my brain and help me achieve my targets. But, nobody ever told me how to control my memories, how to control my heart which has immense love for my mother, which has immense hate for your parents and which beats for you, Nandani,"

She turned to look at me and moved her hand from my bicep to my cheek.

"You are not coward, you are my King. You always were,"

I shook my head.

"This is not as simple as you think, little wife. I do not know but I was never like this, I was never this impulsive, I was never this possessive, I was never this insecure, I was never this scared, I was never this open, I was never, never like this. I am still trying to control myself, to focus on my goal, my target, to focus to rebuild the Suryagarh and take out people from the three decades of suffering. But, every time I see you I start losing myself, and the more I try to control my emotions, the more they slip through my hands in form of anger, in form of possessiveness, in form of hunger, for you,"

She shivered listening to me and I pulled her even closer. 

"I feel so damn hungry for you, Nandani. You have no idea, you have no idea how insanely I try to control myself around you. You are my death, little wife,"

I said and she gulped a deep inhale.

"Then eat me,"

She said in a slow voice and I kissed her ear a little.

"Eat me like a lion and calm down your hunger of a decade. Eat me the way you want, until you feel satisfied. Claim me and burn me the way you want,"

I shook my head lightly.

"No,"

The silence followed for a moment and she said.

"Because I am not a virgin,"

The moment she said it, I felt like my heart tightened even more. I inhaled her smell and said.

"I do not care, Nandani. These all things do not matter to me. This purity, this virginity, this seduction, all these things that probably matter to the other men. I do not care whether you are a virgin or not. If I did, I would have never married you after knowing that the King slept with me and you invited him to do that,"

I said and immediately asked.

"You do not care? Why? You said you are possessive about me,"

I opened my eyes and looked at the mole behind her ear, locking the strands of her hair behind her ear.

"No, I do not care. I am possessive about you, not your body. You are more than your body, there is a soul in you, there is a purpose in you, there is a human in you, there is a God in you, there is love in you, and there is so much in you apart from your body, little wife,"

I said and she gulped.

"This is so deep, Ranaji,"

I kissed her bare shoulder and I said.

"I do not want to eat you, I want to win your heart. I am attracted to you for now maybe because my control of ten years is now slipping by slowly off my hands. But, there is so much in me I have for you. I respect you for loving everyone equally, I respect you for choosing me at my lowest, and I respect you for making me realise my mistakes. I love you for fighting against the world and it is only you who gave me the strength to face my fears. It is only you for whom I created all this mess, my Queen,"

Tears collected in her eyes and she whispered in a slow voice.

"Rudra,"

I placed my lips on the side of her neck, feathery leaving kisses on her collar bones and said.

"Be my strength, Nandani. I cannot break my controlling period until the coronation ceremony. I have taken an oath to do it until I wear the crown rightfully. The old King is still alive and I do not want to wear the crown until I kill him and until each and every person of the Suryagarh sees me as the King,"

I touched her cheek with my lips and continued.

"Do not dare to adjust yourself for me. You are my Queen. No cooking in the kitchen, unless you want to cook for us, no wearing these attendee's clothes, no stubbornness. I cannot fight the world after lighting a fire in my own home. You are my home, my safe zone, my strength and my weakness. Do not make me weak, do not make me see you doing all these. I would love to see you like a Queen, who can conquer sitting beside me. Do not become my wife, become my queen, Nandani,"

She nodded her head lightly and a tear fell from her eyes.

"You want me to be a Queen and want me to see you sleeping on the floor, eating simple food, doing your chores by yourself, seeing you punishing yourself for no reason, see you suffering, see you controlling yourself for something stupid,"

She inhaled a sharp breath and washed her tears off her cheeks.

"Okay, I will do that,"

She said and stood up from my lap.

I fisted my fingers with the loss of touch of her skin and stood up to walk after her.

She walked behind the changing area and I followed inside. I caged her against the wooden wall of the changing area and said.

"Please try to understand,"

She gulped.

"You want me everything to understand what about you? I cannot see you controlling your emotions like too. I also have feelings for you, I also care for you, I am also possessive about you, I am also insanely in love with you, Rudra,"

She said and broke into cries.

"But, you keep on doing this. Make your Empire, rebuild it, and do everything that a good King should do, who I am? What does it matter what I want? You left me hanging in between, but still, I understood, you played with my feelings, and I understood. You used me for your game, I understood. Then you wanted me back, I understood. Why cannot you understand I also care for you? Why cannot you understand, it hurt me to see you in pain,"

She said and lowered her gaze to take out the clothes for her from the trunk.

"Nandani,"

I tried to say and she showed me her palm to stop.

"Do not worry, Ranaji, I will do as you say,"

I immediately pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

She tried to protest a little but then snaked his arms around my back. Her body was now covered with the dupatta and I feathered the back of her neck lightly.

"It is so difficult to convince crazy stubborn kids,"

I teased and she slapped my back immediately.

"Do not call me a kid,"

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