Watch your words, they become your actions: 19 | Ruby's Fault

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Ang bilis ng araw, ang bilis din ni kamatayan dahil umaga ngayon at araw na naman ng Lunes.

Ibig sabihin, papasok na naman ems.

Isang linggo palang ako sa school pero mukang nakakatamad na pumasok. Huhu. Pano, there's nothing interesting in the lessons. Hindi naman na-aaply sa totoong buhay.

Matalino naman na ako at may alam na sa mga ibang tinuturo. Talagang bago lang sa akin ang paligid at mukang mas doon ata ako dapat turuan. Aaminin kong hindi ako magaling makipag kapwa-tao, ayaw ko lang talaga sa napakaraming tao.

Hanggang maaari ay ayaw kong may maka usap ako o makasalamuha... Pero malabong aayon ang paligid ko sa aking kagustuhan. Nobody adjusts for your comfort, it's up to you to fit in.

It's funny though.

How I could see these kids hanging around not feeling the weight of the world behind their back? In short halos wala silang pakialam sa nangyayari sa paligid nila. Hindi ko alam kung wala ba silang nakikita o nag bulag-bulagan lang?

Medjo nakaka inggit nga at sariling mundo lang nila ang inaatupag nila, samantalang nung ako sa edad nila, may sariling mundo rin naman ako kaso hindi masaya. Hindi exciting, hindi nakaka enjoy. Hindi ko nga gustong atupagin ang mundong kinalakihan ko kaso kailangan.

Yun nga lang, sa sobrang pagkaroon nila ng kalayaan, inaabuso na nila ito't nawalan na ng saysay ang tunay na diwa ng salita.

For them, freedom is only a term that they push themselves to understand, but for me, it is an illusive ideal, a notion that I still do not completely feel.

Ang laki ng mundong ginagalawan ng mga batang ito pero sa bawat galaw nila ay ginagawa nila itong komplikado. And if I had their freaking privilege? Hindi ko iyon sasayangin at mag-aaral ako ng mabuti.

Masuwerte nanga ako at nagkaroon pa ako ng pagkakataon na maranasan ang buhay na pahirapan ko pang inaabot tapos kung makapag aksaya lang sila ng pagkakataon... Para bang napakadali lang mabuhay.

They carry the potential to shape destinies, to carve paths toward their future. However the windows of potential just right in there faces are often pass unnoticed or unappreciated.

Yung future ko kasi alam ko ng hindi matino. Daming pasikot-sikot, daming harang, at wala pang kasiguraduhan. Hindi ko nga sure kung ando'n pa'ko sa future kong 'yon... My future may seem predetermined by fate, an enigmatic force beyond my control.

While I can't foresee my own destiny, I acknowledge its presence, siguro iyon nalang ang pinang hahawakan ko.

Wala na akong paki-alam sa mangyayari, basta lalaban ako hanggang sa mamatay. Kahit hindi ko pa mahanap ang matagal ko ng inaasam.

Kuntento naman na ako, I have no regrets and I intend to have none. The only problem is that, my past will describe my predetermined future and it's not quite fortunate.

It sucks.

Sucks to be me... Haha.

And speaking of me, hindi lang pala ako ang bida rito dahil andito na naman si pandak. Matagal din siyang walang paramdam. Hmm, asan naman kaya ang madaldal at toyoin niyang friendship?

"Hi, Ruby. How are you?" she look tired.

I nod back, "Fine."

"You know what fine stands for?"

"Freak out, insecure, neurotic, emotional."

"Which of the four are you?"

"Neurotic." makatotohanan ko namang sagot pero tumawa lamang siya. "Ikaw?"

"Hmm, freak out?"

She's scared of what? I didn't bother to say something and just stared at her. She seems gloomy, mukang hindi pa sila nagkakabati.

"How about, Gael? How is he?"

"Emotional?"

"No, I mean he's not being rude with you, right?" andoon ang pagaalala sa boses niya. Eh kung mag usap nalang kaya sila? Pinapahirapan pa ang mga sarili. Hay.

Pertaining of what she mentioned though, isang napakalaking gago ang tinutukoy niyang tao. Kung hindi mang-aaway, mang iinsulto. Kung hindi naman mang-iinsulto, nang babastos... Kung hindi naman nambabastos, napakalaki naman niyang engot.

Andyan pa ang mga mata niyang nang gagambala ng katinuan.

Pero kung sabihin ko sa kanya lahat ng nasa isip ko, baka mas lalong hindi magkabati ang dalawa. Tsk, bakit pakiramdam ko'y nai-iipit ako sa away magkaibigan?

"Si Cross? Mm, he's nice." siguro pag tulog.

"Are you sure?"

"You're doubting a friend?" kunwaring depensa ko naman. Natahimik naman siya at bumuntong hininga.

"Hindi naman sa gano'n... Pero buti naman at hindi kana mailap kausap. Hehe." she giggled and smiled at me.

Psh, kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako ka plastic ngayon, haponesang maliit.

Ngumiti rin akong pilit ngunit hindi ko pinahalata. I want this breakfast be peaceful. Hindi na kasi ako nakakain dahil late na akong nagising. Tang-ina kasi 'tong si Dirk, hindi na bumalik ng iwan ako sa junkshop niya.

Naging busy din kasi ako sa bago kong koleksyon, hihi!

Speaking of his car... Kaya ba hindi ko siya nakikita ngayon dahil nagluluksa siya sa sasakyan niya?

Hm, buti naman kung gano'n.

"Oooh, speaking of the bitch." agad nanakit ang tainga ko ng marinig ang nakaka-buwisit at nakakasira ng eardrums niyang boses sa sobrang OA nitong mag salita.

"Another bitch! Hahahaha!" turo nito kay Aoike, saka sila tumawang tatlo.

"Hey there, little twat. How are you?" giit ni Bul sabay hampas sa katabing si, LV? Ang gagara naman ng mga pangalan nila. Mga branded pero ang lo-lokal ng nga mukha.

"Kamusta ang bakasyon sa Japan?" usisa ni Chanel saka in-akbayan si Aoike ng maki upo ito. Umupo narin sa magkabilang gilid ko si Bul Gari at LV.

"Bakit mo tinatanong, hindi kapa ba nakapunta?" hindi ko naman in-expect ang pagiging agresibo mi Aoike.

Ooh.

"Don't be funny, who wants to go their? A place full of twats like you! Wahahahaha!"

Ouch.

Nakay Aoike lang ang tingin ko, at kitang-kita ko kung papaano nag iba ang ekspresyon sa kanyang mga mata...

Hmm.

"You shouldn't have comeback you, freak." seryosong giit ni Chanel habang hinihimas ang buhok ni Aoike sabay sabunot sa huli.

Tumayo na si Chanel saka sinenyasan ang dalawa na umalis na. Tinitigan pa ako nito ng masama bago rumatsada papunta sa counter. Nagmamasid pa ako sa tatlo ng biglang tumayo si Aoike at umalis.

Hmm, this feels right.

Peaceful, again...

Maya-maya'y umalingawngaw nadin ang bell, hudyat na magsisimula na ang klase. Good thing first subject si Daki pagkatapos ng recess. Subject niya lang ata ang may gana akong makinig. Buti at nabago ang schedule namin dahil sa insedente ko noong nakaraan.

Pinalit kasi ang oras ni Sir Agusi sa oras ni Daki, dahil nagtuturo paraw siya sa hapon sa tertiary campus. Kaya ayon, medjo naging kumportable ako sa schedule. Ayos lang na hindi gumana ang utak ko sa umaga dahil hindi ko kailangang makinig ng maayos sa dalawang unang subjects.

Hehehe.

"Oh, asan si Cross?" puna agad ni miss Daki, nakatingin sa gilid ko. "Rubianna?"

How would I know? "I don't know," pagtataka ko rin dahil sa'kin tinanong.

"Chandler?" baling nito kay Chad na mukha ring wala sa ayos.

Hmm, bakit parang andoon ang pag-aalala sa boses nila. Is he dying or what?

"Hindi ko rin alam," he shrugged.

"First subject, pumasok ba?"

"Hindi rin, miss eh." sagot naman ng iba.

"Strange..." she mouthed, nangungunot ang noo. "Alright everyone, we will not be having class for now."

What?! But I'm looking forward to her class!

"Something urgent happened, and Mister principal has announced an emergency meeting." anunsyo ni miss na mas lalong ikinasaya ng lahat maliban sa akin.

Daki's face also looks solemn and she keeps on glancing at Aoike. Hmm, something's strange.

"I will not be giving you a seat work but no one is allowed to leave the campus hanggang wala pang uwian, your attendance will be graded otherwise. Maliwanag ba?"

"Yes, miss Daki!"

Ayun, nag unahang lumabas ang lahat pagkatapos lumabas ni miss. I groaned, cancel lahat ng klase? Oh eh, ano namang gagawin ko rito? Bawal pang umuwi, tsk.

Badtrip naman.

"Aoike!" naagaw ang atensyon ko kay Chad. Pinigilan niya kasi si Aoike sa pag alis.

"You can't stop me, Chad." mariing giit nito.

"Ke, we'll sort things out. Hindi naman kailangang madamay ang shares niyo rito sa Lyceum!"

"Don't tell me what to do, palibhasa kasi hindi sa'yo nangyari..." agad na natigilan si Chad. Binitawan niya si Aoike at basang-basa ko sa mukha niya ang matinding pagaalala.

"That's not what I mean, Ke. I'm sorry,"

"Just find him, I'll settle this on my own." Aoike said in deep and firm voice. Andon pa ang pagbabanta sa tono ng boses niya.

Na para bang malalagot si Chad kapag hindi agad nito ginawa ang inutos ni Aoike. Gaano ba ka seryoso ang away nila?

Umalis na ng tuluyan si Aoike at kami nalang ni Chad ang naiwan. I could feel the tension building on his pace but it wasn't enough to scared me off when he laid his eyes on me.

It was dark.

Full of hate.

Anger.

Doubt.

And fear.

"This is your fault," he mouthed and trailed off.

Natulala pa ako ng ilang segundo, nakatitig sa ere habang dinadama ang bigat ng sinabi ni Chad.

My fault?

What did I even do?

... Saka wala nga akong alam sa kung ano ang nangyayari sa kanila. Tapos kasalanan ko ngayon? Seryoso?

Lumabas na lamang ako dahil wala akong planong mag mukmok sa loob. Nagmistula pang ghost town ang campus ng makalabas. Asan naman kaya ang mga tao dito? Umuwi naba ang lahat, eh akala ko bawal pa umuwi?

Tumungo nalang ako sa Cafeteria. Wala naman akong ibang alam puntahan kundi doon lang. Nang makarating ay may mga iilang kumakain, I expected na dito lahat dumalo pero mukang hindi rin. Medjo puno ang hall pero hindi parin ganoon karami kapag lunch break or recess.

Strange.

Where could people be?
          
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Aoike's POV

"Ojousama, are you sure about this?"

"Nani? Sore ga tadashii koto de wa nai to itteiru no desu ka?"

Translation: What? Are you telling me that this isn't the right thing to do?

"Iie, Ojousama, oyurushi kudasai."

Translation: No, young lady, pardon my intrusion.

"Don't worry, I'll be the one facing the Kaichou, shitsuji-san... Just make sure all the shares will be transferred to my bank account. Is that possible?"

"Hai, Ojousama... Your bank is unlimited."

Kaichou, pardon my disgrace... I made a bold move. But I insist, If I can't protect myself... Who will? If I can't protect others, who will?

"One victim is enough; two is a sin. I can't forgive myself if what happened three years ago repeats... I should have known better, but I pushed her to go to his office." mariin kong sabi sa sarili habang puno ng pagsisisi.

Sana sinamahan ko siya.

Sana hindi ko nalang siya pinilit na ipasa ang output niya.

Sana...

Sana... hindi siya nagalaw ng hayop na'yon!

"Forgive me, Ruby... But today I'll make things right."

Lintik lang talaga't may bruhang Chanel at pinagkaisahan ang nangyari kay Ruby. Habang pinagsasamantalahan ng step dad niya si Ruby, palihim naman nitong kinukunan ng video ang pangyayari.

Mga salbahe!

Walang modo!

Josei dakedo shitsurei!

Kuso!

Kutabare!

Kono yarou, Shaneru! Honto ni ganmen o bun naguru zo.

Translation: Kababaeng tao, pero bastos! Fuck her! Damn her! You're bullshit, Chanel! I swear I'd smack you right in the face.

"Ms. Igarashi, I understand your decision, but have you considered the ramifications of pulling your major shares from the school?" I heaved a deep sigh, trying to be calm as possible. Pero sinusubukan talaga ng chairperson ng finance ang pasensya ko... Uzai.

"I have, Chairperson. It's not an impulsive choice. I believe it's time for me to pursue other ventures and not to waste my money here..." halos pabulong kong sabi sa huli.

Tumawa rin ito sa huli, kanina pa namumutla ang mukha. Nababaliw na siguro, dapat lang. Kung naki-usap ako noon at wala man lang silang ginawa, pwes kahit lumuhod siya sa harapan ko ngayon ay wala parin akong gagawin at hindi ko babawiin ang desisyon ko.

"Your family's contributions to this institution have been invaluable. We greatly value your support and guidance."

"I appreciate that, but I've made up my mind Mr. Chairperson..." I wish he'd just back off for once. My decision is final, hindi niya ba iyon makuha? Is he stupid or what?

"Ms. Igarashi, your decision seems hasty. Your father's vision for this university was substantial. Would he truly endorse this abrupt withdrawal?"

I greeted my teeth, seeing his audacity mentioning my father. "My father's wishes were for progress, not stagnation. My decision aligns with that—"

"Your actions threaten the legacy he painstakingly built."

I scoffed, "Legacy? How about addressing the recent scandal? Allowing a known criminal to work within these walls? Is that in line with the legacy my father envisioned?"

"Ms. Igarashi..." Chikushou, he doesn't know when to shut up! "Let's not deviate from the subject at hand."

"Deviate? How about addressing Mr. Pedran?" pagririin ko na talaga. "The man you let walk these halls freely three years ago, the same man who inflicted harm on me."

"That was a regrettable incident, but it was resolved internally." pagpupumilit ng gago.

"Resolved? I suffered, and yet you stood by, protecting a criminal. Think about the implications of that decision. Sa tingin mo hindi ko alam, ha? Now that he fucking had another victim did you do something? Wala, hindi ba?!"

"Our focus now—"

"Your inaction then speaks volumes about this institution's priorities. I won't allow such negligence to continue."

"Ms. Igarashi, emotions shouldn't cloud—"

"Shut the hell up, you son of a bitch! This isn't about emotions, it's about accountability. Your complacency allowed him to escape rightful consequences. I won't stand for it. And try to mention my father again or I'll kill you." pagbabanta ko na dahil ayaw niya talagang umawat.

Gaano ba kakitid ang utak niya para hindi maka intindi ng isang salita?

He's just a friggin' Chairperson of the finance, not even the owner of this friggin' school.

The arrogance of him and this school, the stupidity disguised as authority. It's cramped and suffocating. My choice to withdraw my shares was planned and purposeful. And they dare to call my judgment into question? How dare they?!

I'm past the point of no return. This isn't only about my family's stake in this institution; it's about a deeper calling within.

Three years ago, I faced a darkness that permanently pollute my life. Mr. Pedran's acts left deep scars on my soul that refused to disappear.

The worst part? This school's indifference, their negligence, only added salt to those wounds.

Those memories plague me at all times. The fear, vulnerability, and wrath are all intertwined emotions that I can't shake. Pero gano'n lang nila kadali iyon binalewala at in-etsepwera?

Ha! Mga walang hiya, matapos nilang dekwatin ang yaman ng mga Igarashi?

Damn this school. Ako pa ang kailangan mag dusa? Punyeta lang.

Pulling out my shares isn't just a financial decision; it's my way of rejecting a system that's rotting from the inside. It's a call for justice that echoes through these halls.

I'm done being part of their ignorance. I'll be the spark for change, the voice that won't be silenced.

And this time, I won’t back down.

I stood firm, resolved in my choice, but I could feel her disdain, sharp and heavy, even from afar. It was like her presence alone brought a storm of judgment.

Actually, kanina ko pa hinihintay ang eksena niya eh, mga thity minutes na nung maka labas sa finance office.

At hayun, hindi ko na nasalag ang malakas niyang sampal.

"What's this? Prodigal daughter, couldn't stay away from your little power play, could you?"

"Shaneru, this isn't about power. It's abou—" she cut me off with another slap.

"Save it, Aoike. You're a coward, running away and then barging back in like you own the place. We were doing just fine without your meddling."

"I wasn't trying t—"

"Shut up, twat!" she yelled at tinulak na ako. Agad akong nawalan ng balanse at natumba sa lupa.

"You should've stayed in Japan, playing your games there. You've no business messing with things here!"

"I have my reasons, Shaneru. This isn't personal."

"Isn't personal? You abandoning us and then swooping back in—how's that not personal? You think you can waltz in and change everything? You're delusional!"

"I'm here to make things better, for everyone's sake."

"Better? Ha! You're making it worse! Your absence was a relief. We managed just fine without your drama. You should've stayed gone."

Alam ko kung bakit siya galit pero wala naman siyang alam sa pinagdaanan ko para ipagkamuhi niya ako ng ganito. My connection with Chanel was once unshakable.

But when Sir Pedran got into our life, everything changed. Chanel's warmth and openness vanished, replaced with an unexplained isolation that confused and pained me.

Aaminin kong iniwasan ko siya pagdating ng highschool at doon ko naman nakilala sila Chad at Gael.

Dahil sa ginawa ko, doon na nag simulang mas lumayo ang loob niya sa akin at nabu-bully ulit ako dahil sa kanya.

She was jealous, but I didn't get where she's coming... Kung bakit siya galit na galit sa akin, kung bakit siya naging ganito ay hindi ko rin alam. Siguro nga, ako talaga ang walang alam at kasalanan ko ring hindi ko na inalam.

"Sorry! I don't know he was your step dad!" bigla ko nalang isinigaw iyon, hindi namamalayan ang luhang parang gripong umaagos na sa mga mata ko.

"What did you say?"

"G-ginalaw ka rin b-ba?"

"How could you ask that in front of everyone, you freak!"

I shouldn't have gone that far but I had to. I'm already tired of this.

Chanel's eyes, usually bright, darkened like storm clouds. Her face twisted, caught in emotions I couldn’t name. My simple revelation seemed to have stirred something deep, releasing a fury I hadn’t expected.

The silence that followed was heavy with tension. It felt like her mind was unraveling—or maybe it was sorrow that cracked the fragile calm between us. Her laughter, sharp and empty of its usual warmth, echoed around us, sending chills down my spine.

Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakita ko siyang ganito pero mas nakakatakot padin ang simple ngunit mabigat na titig ni Rubianna. Handa naman akong harapin siya, kaso hindi ko akalaing ganito pala kasakit ang ma- sampal.

Itai.

"You think you know everything, don't you?" Chanel's voice cut through the air, sharp and biting. "You have no idea what you've unleashed, do you? Your ignorance is astounding. You come in here with your so-called revelations, thinking you understand. You've ripped open something you can't even begin to comprehend, Aoike!"

Itai.

Nanatili akong nakayuko sa lupa habang ini-inda ang bawat salitang binibitawan niya. Mali ba ang ginawa ko? Ang desisyon kong itama ang mali? Should I have stayed silent?

But, how about Ruby?

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To be continued....