Watch your thoughts, they become your words: 10 | Guidance Office

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Days after...

I sighed, hoping for patience, but it didn't help. Aoike's been trailing me all day, chattering about Cross and counseling—even though she was furious with him just yesterday.

After the leaked footage, everyone's been avoiding me, which is fine. Less attention is exactly what I want. Mr. Pedran is nowhere to be found, with Mr. Agassi filling in for him, and Chanel Oberlin hasn't shown up yet.

I thought she'd make an appearance, considering all my trouble here at the school started with her.

"Uh, Ruby?" Aoike called again, undeterred. If she pokes me one more time, I swear I'll lose it. "Ruby... I'm here, notice me."

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Will she still follow me if I grab her jaw    and separate her chin from her skull?

Tsk.

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"Ruby—"

"What?" I grunted.

"Are you just going to stay silent, or do you really not care?" she asked, for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Silence doesn't mean I don't care," I shot back.

She looked up at me, clearing her throat. "It just seems like the leaked footage doesn't bother you. You could at least file a complaint with the Dean's office. Or even think about suing Sir Pedran."

That's not all I can do... "I don't feel like doing any of that," I replied.

"But what about you? You're hurt—you should take action," she insisted.

"What about me?" I muttered, half to myself. "I do care, I just... prefer to stay quiet. I'm not in the mood to complain. Same way I'm not in the mood to talk right now."

She didn't back down, though, and I stopped, sighing. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but right now, I need some space. I'm tired, and I don't need more stress."

I noticed her look falter, but I couldn't force myself to care. She then drew a calm breath. "I'm sorry, but I only told you to go to the guidance office because Gael was there. If you'd listened, you wouldn't be so annoyed with me now."

It's the second time I've seen her upset. "Guidance office?"

Ah! that makes sense. Akane once mentioned that just hearing about counseling can trigger my automatic resistance, especially if it catches me off guard or feels intrusive.

It's like my mind shuts down, and I end up feeling irritated without even meaning to. That explain my irritation right now.

Another version of hell I wish didn't exist, huh? I have enough torture of counselling sessions back in Citadel.

As I reluctantly followed Aoike to the guidance office, a stream of curses echoed in my mind. I couldn't help but worry about the potential consequences and the kind of punishment I might be subjected to.

It made me question whether guidance offices handle such situations differently from one institution to another.

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Do this place do, torture? Or do they all compel you to break and split every mirror of your personalities? That's even more exhausting!

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I thought I'd left one torment behind, only to find myself facing another. The idea of stepping into this place was as daunting as confessing sins in a scorching church.

My head spun, feeling dizzy and lightheaded as I stood before the door. Above it, a sign displayed saying... "Guidance through Hell." putaa, kinginang karatula naman 'yan!

"It's okay," nangungunot naman ang noo kong nilingon si Aoike dahil sa sinabi niya. "Gael's already in there."

Fuck, I don't care about that doping dude... "Hey, what's with the signage?" I asked, but all I got in response was a half-evil smile from Aoike. Or perhaps it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

Dammit.

I took a deep breath and felt like I was about to vomit when Aoike opened the door for me. I may be overreacting, but it is difficult when my thoughts weigh me down and my feet are chilly.

But a sigh of relief escaped from my lungs as I entered the office and was greeted by Cargael's half-smile. I took a seat near him, my eyes drawn to a plaque with a name on it, presuming it belonged to the counselor.

Dick Head.

I couldn't help but scoff, and as I faced him, I had the urge to burst into laughter, but I decided to keep it to myself. The counselor had a name that was quite unique, almost like a talking version of his own genitals.

"Quite an interesting name. It's a bit odd, but somehow it has a calming effect, I suppose," I remarked, looking at the counselor.

The counselor smiled in return. "How do you do, miss Sinclair?"

"Not exactly feeling fantastic since I walked in to your gateway to hell," I muttered under my breath as I glanced around his office. It appeared to be relatively normal, though.

"Oh, you're sharp. Be comfortable then."

"Yeah, sure am." I replied, shifting my gaze to him. Looking directly at his bald head and his thick mustache.

Great.

"Mister Cross informed me about the car accident situation," he began. "I assume you've already taken the necessary steps to address and resolve the issue?" I nodded, and a grin spread across the counselor's face, indicating that the matter had indeed been dealt with.

He kept talking, going over what had happened and bringing up random topics—including Chanel Oberlin, the sorority president who slapped me on my first day.

Oddly, he claimed he couldn't act against her because his office had no evidence, and he complained about not having any real power over her.

He explained that the sorority seemed untouchable, breaking school rules without consequences. It felt like the school's higher-ups refused to hold them accountable, especially Oberlin. Her reputation seemed to shield them from any punishment, which felt deeply unfair and frustrating.

But to be honest, I didn't really care about all of that. I was only growing increasingly restless sitting here, until he mentioned my leaked video and claimed that it was just a gimmick orchestrated by the sorority club. 

So it was Chanel, huh? But what could I have possibly done to her to be set up like that? It's absolutely absurd. Kaya pala walang eksena kasi may hidden agenda, may saltik kaya ang babaeng 'yon?

The counselor let out a sigh and glanced at me. "As for the footage, I can make it disappear, but I can't do anything about Pedran—" he began, but was interrupted by the audible anger emanating from the person sitting beside me.

"And why do you say that? He's nothing but a despicable pervert!" Cross snapped, his voice sharp with anger. "Don't tell me you can't take action after what he did to her. You still have the authority to do something Mr. Head," he pressed, his voice rising.

The room fell into a tense silence, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air.

His eyes welled up with emotion once again, and I couldn't help but be captivated by his gaze. What could have upset him so deeply? It had been a while since I last saw him, yet I could still sense the simmering rage within him.

Hindi ko narin kasi sila nakita matapos nila akong dalhin sa rooftop, kung saan nagkaroon ng alitan sina Cross at Aoike. Chad was kind enough to offer me his headset, and we spent the time listening to his playlist while Aoike and Cross engaged in an argument. 

Ikinuwento pa sa akin ni Chad na matagal na silang magkakilala at magkaibigan, kaya't sinabi niya na wala akong dapat ipag-alala sa dalawa. Kahit hindi naman talaga ako nagaalala.

Mister Dick let out another sigh. "The sorority club supports him, Cross, but for now, Sinclair," he said, then turned to me. "Just make sure to keep your distance from the club and any trouble associated with them, alright?"

I carelessly nod. "As much as you can, steer clear of getting involved with them. Understood?" he added.

"Mm, brighter than your head, sir."

His lips parted slightly. "That's the rudest insult I've heard in my five years here, you know?"

"I had no idea," I quickly shook my head. "Can I leave now?" I asked, growing impatient.

"We're done," the person next to me replied in a somber tone before getting up and leaving.

"Stay out of trouble. You're free to go," the counselor said as I left the office. The session had gone better than I expected.

Stepping outside, I felt a deep calm settle over me, washing away the worries I'd carried just days ago. I didn't understand how it happened, and honestly, it was too exhausting to think about—I just wanted to breathe.

Aalis na sana ako roon ngunit natigil ako ng makita sa Cross na mariing naka tingin sa akin. I was met with Cross' towering presence as he came closer in front of me. And for the second time, I didn't like the feeling.

Hindi ko rin maintindihan ngunit parang gusto nalang manginig sa takot ang bawat sulok ng aking katawan sa tuwing nakikita ko ang ganiyan niyang presensya.

I frowned looking back at him. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" He was really angry and his stares simply wants to swallow me alive. What is his problem?

"Why didn't you call me? I specifically told you to call me when you arrived home..." napaawang naman ang labi ko sa sinabi niya.

"Is that the reason why you're mad?" nalilito ko namang tanong.

"Answer me." asik niya ulit.

It only made me more reluctant to respond. "Don't tell me you're homeless? Because you didn't call..." he scoffed, his tone almost mocking the thought of me not having a place to live. "And that would explain why you didn't want me to drop you off at your house...it all makes sense now," he murmured further.

Gorblimey! Hindi ba pwedeng wala akong cellphone kaya hindi ako nakatawag? At kung meron man akong cellphone, wala rin akong balak na tawagan siya, ano?

What if he's hiding some ulterior motives and plans to hack my identity? Oh edi, maagang magtatapos ang storyang 'to...wala ng magandang protagonist.

"You still have that bruise on your jaw and those scratch marks from Chanel," he pointed out. Okay, tama siya sa bagay na iyon pero paano niya naman kaya nalaman 'yon? "And you were paranoid the other day, which led to this," he said solemnly, extending his hand to reveal the crescent-shaped wounds. 

I clearly remembered that day, but his point was lost on me. My forehead wrinkled in confusion. "I don't get you..."

He scoffed, his eyes widening as he stared at me. "You could've told me what happened instead of crying in front of me, Rubianna."

Hindi ko alam pero bigla akong nakaramdam ng inis sa sinabi niya. "Why the hell would I? Sino ka ba? And would that change everything, kapag sinabi ko sa'yo?" pabalang ko namang sabi.

Hindi ko rin kasi naman alam kung bakit siya nagagalit sa'kin ngayon at hindi ko makuha ang pinatutunguhan ng sinasabi niya. 

His domineering presence felt like there was a raging inferno of madness dancing in his eyes. It was the only reason why I found myself engaging in conversation with him at the moment. And I like it. Tsk, stop it.

"Maybe I could've helped sooner?" Cross said, stepping a little closer.

I scoffed, crossing my arms and taking a step back. "Matapos mo akong gustong sagasaan, gusto mo akong tulungan? Patawa ka ba? At sino bang tatanggap ng tulong sa taong ang unang ginawa sa'yo ay saktan ka?"

My voice rose as I held his gaze. "You know, what I'm talking about. You first look at me like I was a disgusting shit you ever seen. Then, you accused me of hurting your friend at kahapon muntik mo na akong patayin. Sige nga, tanong ko lang... ginagago mo ba ako, hmm, Cargael Cross?"

His lips curled into a faint smirk, and he tilted his head. "Now you're talking... Galit ka na ba?"

I clenched my fists, forcing myself to stay calm. "No, I'm not mad yet. Hindi ako ganito magalit," I replied, narrowing my eyes at him.

"You should be, after what I've done," he said, his smirk fading slightly as he watched my reaction.

"So that causes the uncharacteristic madness in your countenance?" I paused thinking what I am going to say dahil hindi ko parin maintindihan kung bakit siya pa ang nagagalit ngayon. 

Gaya rin ni Aoike... I mean, sila naman itong unang nang gulo sa payapa kong buhay. Nakaka-gago naman kung trip-trip lang nila 'yon. They mess with people's lives and come nagging at them to tell them what to do next? Ang lala naman ng saltik ng mga taong 'to kung gano'n?

I sighed deeply. How do you even deal with people like this? I felt a surge of irritation, my thoughts racing. "If that's what's bothering you, don't. I don't need your sympathy, especially not the patronizing kind." My voice was firm, almost annoyed at how I was feeling. "And if you're feeling guilty, just stop. I can handle more than you think, Cargael Cross. This is enough." 

Ayaw ko na sanang magsalita pa pero hindi ko rin mapigilan ang sarili. "You've also wronged me, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me explaining, defending, taking action for myself, or even getting mad like you wanted to.

'Cause if I were to scale all the things you've done to me," I don't intend to say something like this, but my other self just won't let me. "You'd better start running..."

"Is that a threat?"

Yes... indeed! "Let's just say...it's in your best interest to watch your step around me from now on."

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Err, you soft hearted woman. You don't need to make me pause to make it sound like a nice threat.

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But I think it's better that way, I don't wanna sound like a criminal, you know. Besides, it appeared that he understood my point. Whatever, let me add something—

"Be careful what you wish for; you might not like me when I'm mad," I almost grin after uttering my empty threat.

My god, I'm enjoying this. You don't know when to stop, huh? You get easily annoyed with people who's pushy yet here you are, Ruby.

Pero ayos nadin na sinabi ko 'yon, nakakagaan sa dibdib kapag nasasabi mo rin yung gusto mong sabihin. Me and Cross are now heading towards the cafeteria, ni hindi nga rin napansin na ang haba ng nilakad namin at puro ako dada. And I hate the fact that, I am becoming more talkative lately.

All eyes turned to us as we entered the bustling cafeteria. I could feel Cross's imposing presence just behind me, his footfalls heavy with irritation.

"What did you say?" bigla niyang tanong. Nagtataka na naman ako sa inaasal niya.

"Hmm? Did I speak?" I replied innocently. May nasabi ba ako?

Ahh, right. Ruby was teasing him. But I found them as threat, though. Perhaps he's seeing Ruby and not me?

It worked!

Impossible. No one could stand seeing her except Adofo and Dirk!

He appeared even more provoked by my feigned ignorance. Swiftly, I placed my order and slipped away, leaving him to hurriedly choose his own lunch. With tray in hand, I maneuvered through the crowded tables, creating distance between us.

A smug smile played on my lips as I relished the thrill of provoking his anger and then escaping the consequences. 

But I knew better than to taunt someone so unpredictable. I had to be careful not to push him too far. As I looked for an open table, I spotted the shortest person in the distance, waving from where she and Chad were sitting. Just as I was about to turn away, someone grabbed my arm, almost making me spill my food.

God, he couldn't be serious about a mere tease, right?

"We're not done talking, Rubianna," he said firmly, his grip tightening on my arm.

I pressed my lips together, realizing I couldn't just brush him off. With a sigh, I followed him to the table where his friends sat, their eyes fixed on us with a mix of curiosity and interest. Though they said nothing, I could feel their silent questions.

I shot back with a scowl, "I have no idea what's going on with your childish friend."

Cross all but forced me into a seat, his voice low as he did. He settled across from me, dropped his tray with a soft clatter, and slid it aside. Leaning forward, he clasped his hands tightly, his gaze unreadable.

"I don't like you..." he declared, his words direct and firm.

A smirk threatened to escape my lips, but I quickly bit down on the inside of my cheeks. Chad nearly choked, and Aoike looked at us in amazement. This guy is unbelievable... 

"Mm, you don't," I hummed, sliding the tray back to him. "Now eat, you'll get hungry from staring at me like that." The words slipped out before I could stop myself, but I didn't regret saying them either.

Now, I'm biting my lower lip, seeing him blush. Tsh. No on could ever resist my appeal, gosh! I knew it. Dammit, I just wish her to stop.

"Omeejiii! What's going on, huh??" Aoike chimed in, leaning on me for attention. Akala ko galit 'to sakin?

"Hi, Ruby. How are you?" Chad greeted, but I only offered a nod in response.

Ignoring Chad's persistent attempts to pull me into the conversation, I kept my attention on the man across from me, who was still visibly annoyed. As I picked at my food, I threw occasional glances his way, pretending to follow the chatter between Chad and Aoike. 

It didn't take long to notice their odd attempts to include me, all while seemingly avoiding someone else who, honestly, should have been part of the conversation instead of me.

Are they still not on good terms? Could this be because of that little argument they had on the rooftop? Now, I just feel awkward for them.

I noticed that Cross wasn't touching his food, his attention elsewhere, almost tense. My gaze drifted to his wounds—healing quickly now, with dried blood sealing them entirely, the scent faint but still present.

I couldn't resist the allure of that sweet, metallic scent. The taste of blood had become intoxicating to me, a craving that lingered from always being drenched in its vivid red. My eyes would light up with a strange thrill, my throat drying out, leaving me thirstier each time.

And when did I become bloodthirsty?

It's a frightening story, but in simple terms, when I had a vasovagal syncope and overdosed on paroxetine hydrochloride, the lab gown folks just gave it to me every day since I couldn't bear the odor of blood. Let's just say it's the adverse effect of taking that drug, forcing myself to be immune with my kind of environment.

Afterwards, it just so happened that I became the toughest me who can endure almost anything with a somewhat unique thinking, which Adofo would consider rude, little fellow.

I grew captivated with how I perceive things; my formerly dull and uninteresting mentality has been spiced up with personal preferences of how I feel. For example, I am pleased with how everyone around me perceives me right now.

It's as if they can take my life with the blade of their gazes, but because they can just look, they're giving me a dosage of homicidal show to pleasure my insides...

Wanting me to cut their tongue when my four lettered name escapes from their nasty lips, or gouge their eyes while giving me an unsettling gaze as if I were the filthiest trash on the sidewalks, and crush their skull against a wall anytime they have a terrible thought about me.

Isn't it amazing how lovely I think of pretty things?

I snap out when I unconsciously lick my fork out of nowhere. I quickly pulled it down and stuffed it inside the hot dog before looking up only to see, Cross already looking at me.

It's hard to tell if he actually noticed or if he was lost in thought and happened to glance at me? Curious, I looked behind me to check if someone else had caught his attention, but there was no one around. When I turned back, he was focused on his meal.

Acckkk! He saw meee...it's your fault!

"We'll leave you alone, Ruby. Chad and I are heading somewhere," Aoike suddenly announced.

"Bye, Ruby!" Chad chimed in. I simply nodded, meeting Cross' gaze. Even though he appeared occupied playing with the fork in his hand, I sensed he heard it all.

"Aww, they're rude." I murmured.

He sighed instead of responding. He then drop the spoon he was holding, seeming angry.

"Get up."

"Hmm?"

"Let's go."

"Why?" I frowned. I'm not even done with my hotdogsss. And why do I feel, needing to sympathize with someone's anger?

"Tayo na."

I bit my lip. "Tayo na?" my eyes glitter.

He was about to leave when he suddenly stopped, his brow creasing once again. "Tayo na nga—" He groaned immediately, realizing what I was intending to say. "Whatever, Rubianna," he said, trailing off.

So, I got up, devoured the entire hotdog, and then followed him. I was thoroughly enjoying teasing him.

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Thanks for reading!

@myinkspeaks