Watch your thoughts, they become your words: 05  Hushed

He sounded like someone from last night... I thought as I watched his face contorted, his features twisted in frustration as he burried his face in wet wipes.

Saglit ko pa siyang tinitigan bago lumayas sa silid na iyon. Naglakad ako palabas ng maalalang, maliit lang pala ang mundo kaya hindi dapat ako magtaka ng ganito. He wouldn't knew me, anyway.

Pushing aside my worries with a heavy sigh, I tried to focus on what mattered most. The weight of what I'd done—killing that old man—still clung to me, gnawing at the edges of my mind.

Now that I had my disguise, what's next? My first day as a student didn't exactly go smoothly, and optimism isn't really my thing. Honestly, I feel more like I'm teetering on the edge, one step away from losing it.

I wandered across the campus, my thoughts dragging me down with every step. How am I supposed to live like this—knowing I'm hunted, with a bounty on my head?

Nagiging blangko lang kasi bigla ang isip ko sa tuwing  gusto kong pag-isipan kung ano ang mga susunod kong gawin ngayong isa na akong ibong nakawala sa hawla. Or a stray cat perhaps, abandoned by the owner and hunted by the cat pound.

Ewan ko ba, para kasing nawawalan na ako ng paki sa lahat. Like, bahala na si batman sa buhay ko. And if I where a villain in Gotham City? Magpapahuli nalang siguro ako sa kanya or better yet chill out with the suicide squad. I would really like to meet Harley and be her puddin since Joker dump her in the last movie.

Kiddin' aside, isa rin siguro sa dahilan kung bakit hindi ako makapag isip ng maayos dahil nae-excite ako. Natupad na naman ang nasa bucket list ko.

I finally got to live one of my lifelong dreams—wearing a school uniform and experiencing student life, even if just for a moment. Totoong namamangha ako dahil kakaiba ang karanasang ito para sa akin pero dahil binibinat ang natitirang katinuan palayo sa akin ay malabo atang ma enjoy ko pa ang mga susunod na araw.

Sino ba naman kasing mage-expect na masampal ako't mapagtripan sa unang araw ko palang sa school? Hindi pa naman ako magaling mag-tiis lalo na't wala naman akong ginagawang masama.

Ang nakaka inis pa... Instead of the carefree escape I had imagined, I found myself being pulled, shoved, accused, and touched without consent. 

What had happened was far from the romanticized high school drama I had envisioned. Wala namang problema kung sampal lang eh, pero 'yong akusahan sa bagay na hindi mo naman ginawa? Iyon ata ang nakapagpapasira sa araw ko ngayon.

I couldn't deny the truth that my idealized vision of school was nothing more than a fantasy.

The harshness of reality crashed down on me, stripping away the rose-colored glasses I had worn in anticipation of this new chapter... Charizz, para talagang hindi ko pa naranasan kung gaano ka sama yung realidad. In fact, I've been through worse!

I sighed again, trying to ease the weight of my emotions. Lost in thought, like leaves in a storm, I jolted when someone suddenly pulled me aside. The sudden move shook me, snapping me out of my daydream.

See? These things happens... 

Naglalakad lang ako kanina, bigla na akong nasampal. Tapos ngayon may biglang manghihila???

And if not for that burst of adrenaline, I would have been caught off guard even worse than before. I couldn't help but wonder about the nature of the high school drama happening in front of me.

In the movies I've seen, there's always someone who steps in if you're acting foolish or brokenhearted, like a damsel needing rescue. But that's not me. I'm no damsel. A killer in distress, perhaps?

Hindi ko maiwasang maalala ang mga eksena sa mga palabas kung saan hinahatak ng bidang lalaki ang bidang babae. Ngunit hindi ito katulad ng mga iyon. Napakasama kasi ng pamumukha ng kaharap ko ngayon. Hindi maaaring siya yung bida hindi ba? 

Mukha siyang si Roark junior sa Sin City. Kulay tsokolateng Roark na medjo may pagka Kokey dahil sa kulay ng balat niya.

Siya iyong lalaki kanina na bigla nalang hinampas ang ibabaw ng mesa ko. Nasabi pa nung Chad na hindi raw dapat ako maglalapit sa kanya. Hindi naman nakakapagtakang balaan niya ako dahil  mas nagmuka pa siyang mamamatay tao kesa sa'kin.

"Let go," mariin kong pag uutos dahil wala itong pasabing hinablot ang balikat ko.

The lack of respect for personal space here is maddening. Every sound, every movement sharpens my senses. My muscles tense like coiled steel, ready to strike at the slightest hint of danger.

I'm always on edge, always prepared—being on guard has become second nature to me. So, when he tried to grab me again, a wave of anger and disgust hit me hard. The idea of him forcing me against the wall, trying to assert control, ignited something fierce inside me.

This wasn't just anger—it was determination, a fire burning through me. If he thought I'd back down, he had no idea what he was dealing with.

Little did he know, he had chosen the wrong person to mess with. Gusto ko nalang mag saya ng makita sa mukha niya ang inis dahil hindi niya ako magalaw sa'king kinatatayuan.

At nanigas nalang talaga ang mukha niya, pinagpapawisan narin pero nanatili parin akong nakatayo habang pinipigilan kong matawa sa gigil na gigil niyang mukha. Ni hindi niya man lang ako magalaw sa isang simpleng hatak. 

"What the fuck, don't joke around me bitch." bukambibig nito ng sumuko at talagang tumungo na naman sa binti ko para doon ako hawakan.

"Who said I was joking?" I grumbled.

That was a clear threat, yet he just clicked his tongue against his cheek, making a loud thunk, a smug grin spreading as saliva dribbled down his chin. 

He dragged his thumb across his lips, smirking, and there it was again—that disgusting, lecherous gaze locked on me. Every glance felt like a violation, stripping away my sense of space and dignity. Rage swelled inside me like a tidal wave, but I forced it down, gripping tight to my control.

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Oh, c'mon Rubianna, guguntingin ko ang mga bayag niya!

Sushh!

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"'Yan din ang gusto ko eh, pa hard to get. Sige na, ngayon lang 'to promise. Magugustuhan mo'to..."

I scoffed. How could the likes of him could say such a thing? Mukha nangang tae na nilamukos sa papel, singkapal pa at gaspang ng semento ang ugali.

"Pati pwet ng unggoy mandidiri sa'yo eh," kumento ko naman matapos mapansin kung gaano talaga kadugyot ang pagmumukha niya

Damn, I couldn't wrap my head around why I put up with his presence for so long. I was done—ready to walk away—but before I could, his hand shot out and grabbed my arm. Instinct kicked in. With a quick twist, I slapped his hand away—or at least, I thought I did. 

Shit, Rubianna!

It wasn't until a second later that the heat crept up my neck, my mind replaying the split-second contact—his hand brushing against my chest. The realization hit like a punch to the gut, setting my blood on fire. 

Before I could react, the bastard was already grinning, smug and satisfied, like he'd just won some twisted game. His eyes glinted with amusement, feeding off my frustration, daring me to snap. 

My fists clenched tight, nails digging into my palms, itching to wipe that stupid grin off his face. Anger boiled under my skin, but I held steady—barely.

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No, not yet. Not here!

Bullshit. I'm gonna ripped his throat, Rubianna! Fucking let me out!!!

No, stop. You can't kill anyone here—

Fucking, let me, Rubianna!

Ruby—!

---

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"What the hell do you think you're doing, Doug?" his familiar voice kicked in to my system before I could had the chance to hush out my thoughts.

I was taken aback when she suddenly retreated. I had only acknowledged his presence, and I could sense I was caught off guard. Damn, what the hell just happened?

Now, my gaze wavered as he showed up, looking straight at me. Ang matangkad niyang pigura ang sumakop sa espasyong pakiramdam ko'y punong-puno ng disturbo.

"Gael... You're killing the mood. We're just having fun!" Roark Junior's voice rang out, full of smug entitlement.

I clenched my jaw, frustration building as his careless words hit a nerve.

"Come on, sweetheart, it's all just fun..." his voice lingered in my head.

How dare him, call me such name? Kahit pa nakaharang si Cross sa pagitan namin, naglalaro naman sa isipan ko kung gaano kadugyot ang pagmumukha niya habang sinasabi iyon.

Nagngingitngit na naman ako sa galit—I wanted to scream, to tear into this sorry excuse of a man. But before I could move, Cross's back filled my vision. Hinarang na niya ang sarili sa aking harapan at heto ako galit na nakatitig sa mapalad niyang likuran.

And his long arm shot out, gripping me with a hold that sent chills down my spine. I frowned, trying to figure out what he was up to, fear twisting through my thoughts and leaving me silent.

His grip was sudden and unwanted, made my skin crawl. I froze, panic building as every part of me begged to break free from his hands.

Hindi ko tuloy lubos maintindihan ang kanyang ginagawa. Pinoprotektahan niya ba ako laban sa mukhang tae na lalaki o pinaghihigpitan?

Kapag kasi nahahawakan ako sa kahit saang parte ng aking katawan ng walang pahintulot ko, pakiramdam ko sinasakal ako. Sinubukan ko pang kunin ang aking kamay ngunit sa bawat hila ay siya namang paghigpit ng kanyang hawak.

What the hell is his game?

Is he seriously trying to play the worn-out role of the knight in shining armor? Newsflash: that cliché doesn't work here. This isn't some scripted fairytale or a predictable movie.

This is real life, and his attempt to control the situation isn't heroic—it's insulting. I'm the protagonist, I should be my own hero, right?

"Fun? You call assaulting someone fun? Get loss already before I break your face." he kept a low grunt, acting so cool with such remarks. 

I groaned in silence. Dammit.

"Whoa, calm down, Gael. I was just messing around," Roark Junior shot back with a smug grin.

"Messing around? You think violating someone's space is a joke? You're sick," Cross snapped again, voice sharp as a blade.

"Oh, come on, don't be like that, Gael. You're no saint either!" Roark Junior yelled, his laugh sounding like that of a lunatic fresh off a bad prank.

"I want you to get lost before I call the security and have you thrown in jail where you belong," Cross shot back, his jaw tightening.

The sharpness in his tone, along with the sudden definition in his features, made him look even cooler—almost annoyingly handsome.

But that knight in shining armor effect did not last long in my eyes as roark junior suddenly retreated. He was just persistent a while ago... "Fine, fine," he said, surrendering his hands in the air, still attempting to sneak a peek at me.

Pero bigo siyang makita ako dahil muli na namang hinarang ni Cross ang sarili niya para itago kay Roark Junior.

"I'll come and get you, Rubianna." rinig kong bulalas pa nito na talaga namang nakaka irita. 

"Fucktard." I muttered behind Cross' back.

"Get out of my goddamn sight, Doug!"

Kahit hindi ko na nakikita ang manyakis na iyon matapos magtago sa likod ni Cross na umaapaw sa taas, nararamdaman ko pa rin ang pagkukurap ng aking mga kilay.

Wala na siya roon, ngunit dahil hawak pa rin ni Cross ang aking kamay, hindi rin mawala sa akin ang iritasyon.

"Get off, will you?" I demanded and I caught him twitch before seeing his hands on mine.

At naghintay pa ako kung kelan niya ako bibitawan pero hindi niya iyon ginawa. Sa halip ay tinitigan niya ng mariin ang mga kamay ko.

"You know, Ruby, your hands feel like sandpaper..." aniya na talaga namang hindi ko inasahan. "Rough and calloused, just like your attitude."

"I said, let go." mariin king utos, habang nakatitig sa kanya ng masama.

His comment about my hands felt like a personal attack. Each callus and rough patch showed the hard work and determination I put into everything. They were signs of my braveness, not something to be mocked. 

Damn him. Wala namang nanlait sa akin ng ganon sa tanang buhay ko.

Ang dami nga naman talagang mga walang modong tao ngayon at isa na ang krus na iyon!

Kung iisipin, mas malala pa mga ugali ng mga tao rito kesa sa mga kilala kong mamamatay tao eh. Guess, the world is full paradoxical shits. Night had already embraced my surroundings but I couldn't still find peace inside my chest and head. 

Nakatulala padin ako sa dilim, tahimik na nag aabang kung may susugod ba o wala. Ngayon lang ata nanuot ang pagod. If I could just stand here and let there be carnage.

Hold on, I'm trying to live a new life, can't I wish for a little bit more? Kanina pa ako iniwan ni Cross kaya ako nalang mag-isa sa labas ng paaralan.

Closing my eyes, I whispered a curse, trying to block out the flood of emotions inside me. I gripped my hair tightly, pulling at it as if I could jolt myself back to reality. It was a weak attempt to regain control amid the internal chaos.

With each step away from the school, I felt the tension gradually easing. Sa wakas ay naging bukas na ang isip ko sa katanungan na tama batong ginagawa ko.

Sa kaloob-looban ko kasi ay parang gusto ko nalang ishut-down ang sarili para hindi ko na'to kailangang pag daanan sa susunod na araw. Tutal, kaya kong naisip maging student for a day ay para lang matupad ang natitirang bagay na gusto kong gawin.

At nagawa ko na nga iyon, ano pang silbi kapag magpapatuloy pa ako? Ano pang gagawin ko, eh nasa hukay na kalahati ng katawan ko? Mag hintay na ilibing?

Naalala ko tuloy si Adofo. Ang katangi- tanging tao na nakakausap ko ng matagal. Nakakasalimuha ng maayos at nakakasama.

He once taught me of school pero ang layo nito sa sinabi niyang masaya at maganda. Though I find teacher Daki a bit intriguing but it is not enough to keep me interested.

If Adofo were here, he'd know how to keep me engaged—not by force, but by sparking my curiosity. He had a way of teaching that went beyond facts. It wasn't just about dates or formulas; it was about understanding the deeper meaning, the wisdom behind it all.

With Adofo, learning was never just from textbooks—it was about seeing the bigger picture.

It might sound odd, but there was a strange enjoyment in those lessons, a sense of joy. A sense of life... Home. Pero sa bagong mundong ginagalawan ko ngayon... Everything feels so... Disconnected.

Yes, I hate him for leaving me behind but, he was the only friend I can think of before Dirk and others.

Maybe this is it. I'm completely on my own.

Life has a strange way of twisting. Adofo handed me the keys with those sorry eyes, like he regretted putting this burden on me after I ended that old man's life. He was always there, guiding me through every challenge, every choice.

Now, as I head toward the apartment, loneliness settles in—not just because of the distance, but because he isn't here. It's his presence I miss most—his steady voice, his quiet wisdom.

When I reach the door, I pause, the keys heavy in my hand. I picture Adofo standing beside me, his familiar half-smile, nodding like he always did when things felt uncertain.

He gave me more than these keys—he gave me shelter, understanding, and the strength to walk forward. But as I unlock the door, the silence reminds me just how hard it is to step into this new mess without him.

This apartment provides a fresh start, a place to call my own. However, despite the thrill, I can't remove the sensation of uneasiness. Can I manage the new phase without Adofo? Are his lessons sufficient to meet the difficulties ahead? The keys in my palm appear to bear the weight of these concerns.

And maybe, just maybe, this place will become a home.

A home...? Psh, 'wag kang ilusyonada Rubianna.

To be Continued...