Watch your thoughts, they become your words: 04 | School wasn't Fun

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RUBY'S POV

Odd people, mean students, and nasty surroundings. What is happening to kids these days? They are going wild, dumb and broke. Young and free but are fucked up and bullshits.

In comparison to what you'd assume in a supposedly polished environment, kids here appear to be bolder, with a rough, gritty attitude. Citadel's streets seem to have more courteous kids than the so-called wealthy students here.

Grabeng culture shock naman 'to. Nasampal pa ako at napagtripan, kakapasok ko palang eh. Tapos ngayon may masisinghot naman akong amoy ng sigarilyo? God, from what part of hell I'm in? Maling bansa ba ang pinagtataguan ko?

This is consuming every tiny bits of my social battery!

Rolds, have mercy.

"Kindly introduce yourself, miss?"

And, strangest of all, the teacher appears younger than me, and I must admit that she is lovely. But seriously, how did my first day here end up like this? It's like the unexpected keeps finding its way into my day, throwing me off guard.

Ang daya talaga ni Rolds hindi man lang in-extend ang kaligayahan ko kagabi. Lahat talaga may kapalit, kung hindi ang kalayaan ko ang kasiyahan ko naman.

It feels like nothing's genuinely free in this corrupt society. It's frustrating. I can't help but feel completely out of place. Pero bakit pa ako magrereklamo? Kahit saan naman yata ako ilagay ng poong may kapal, puro hindi magaganda ang nangyayari sa akin. Sana pagdating ko sa kabilang buhay mararamdaman ko na ang matagal kong hinahanap.

Oh crap, enough of these sentiments.

Where were we?

Ahh, I'm discreetly trying to figure out who's responsible for this disgusting smell that irritates my olfactory nerves. Should I rip off their lungs for smoking at such young age? Do they even know how harmful secondhand smoke can be? I wonder if they're even aware of the impact it has on others.

Err, this is getting me drained early in the morning. I can manage not to smell it anyway, but it will cause some energy. Damn it. "Hi, I'm Rubianna Sinclair, nice to meet you." pilit ang ngiting pakilala ko.

This situation feels more complicated than infiltrating a thousand military bases or even planting a bomb beneath Blood Putin's guarded villa in Russia.

Ruby...

"Pleasure to meet you as well, Sinclair. Take a seat in the vacant chair at the back row, please." I nod but before I could take a step, a guy from the back row blurts out rudely, his rage is obvious even from here.

"Miss Daki!" he called out, looking completely lost and flustered.

"Yes, mister Cross?"

Cross?

Ha? I've heard a lot about how you died, Rolds; is this a message from the angel of death itself? Are these warning signs leading to my own demise? It feels as if I'll end up with wounds on both hands, punctured side by side, and wearing a crown of thorns.

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Is crucifixion my way of death?

My freedom?

Haaa~~ This anticipation...

Stop it, bullcrap. Slipping isn't our best option right now so shut the fuck up.

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"Mister Cross?" Daki's voice kicked in, though it hasn't seemed to knock any sense into the face of the guy who's been staring at me ever since I dealt with those three girls, minutes ago.

What is his problem?

Sure, he had some internal problems, aside from the scent of smoke, which I finally noticed when he opened his mouth.

What a filthy saliva.

Filthier than the water in Citadel's septic tanks. Or even in Europe's entire drainage system? Nah, filthier than a rotting mouse flesh. Hmm, maybe rodents are not that dirty or smelly like a cow's shit. Err, whatever, his breath should smell like it.

Hindi ko na lamang pinansin ang bawat bagay na nasasabi ng utak ko at tinungo na ang bakanteng upuan. Even the people here aren't as pleasant as those I know who've slashed hundreds of human heads.

Ano bang aasahan ko sa ganitong klaseng lugar? Bukod sa mga maaangas na mga estduyante at mabahong sigarilyo, ano pa?

I shifted my chair and desk to escape the musty stench of cigar smoke from the man slouched beside me. Daki, the instructor, began her class. On my first day, I sat up eagerly, ready to absorb everything. Pero sa hindi malamang dahilan I can't settle on my seat.

My forehead creased. What's up with this doping dude here? Is he so high that all he can do is stare at me and dry his eyes out? Pwede ko naman hindi pansinin eh, but I can't ignore the fact that he's smoking and smells terrible!

Huh, should I say it loud?

Okay... "I hate cigarettes..." I mumbled under my breath, the words barely more than a whisper, yet intentionally loud enough for him to hear. As the scent of smoke lingered in the air, a grimace formed on my face, a physical manifestation of my distaste.

I turned back to Daki, forcing myself to focus on her. His stare burned into me, but I ignored it, distracted by how much Daki reminded me of someone. As she spoke to the class, I sat there, feeling a bit lost and unsure. Her words swirled around me, blending with my nerves and excitement. It's my first time in a classroom like this, and honestly, it's a little overwhelming.

Nakaka panibago man ang pakiramdam pero dahil mabilis akong maka adapt sa paligid ko, feeling ko isa na akong estudyante kahit nakiki-upo lang ako, nakabihis ng maayos, may bit-bit na bag pero walang lamang panulat at kahit ano, nakikinig sa klase kahit kakasimula palang at nakikitango kahit wala naman akong naintindihan sa sinabi niyang Faraday's law of electromagnetic induction.

Para ba akong napili sa isang purposive random sampling at nasali sa sub-group of this population...expecting me to sit motionless in this little chair while doing the same with the rest of the sample size in someone's experimental research.

This was not just a test of the experiment's hypothesis, but also a test of patience and endurance for me to get engaged into an environment I wasn't familiar of.

Everything was nothing like the world I grew up in. I was raised in a brutal, unforgiving environment, trained from a young age to become a killer. It started with simple lessons, like holding my breath to block out the stench of blood.

As a child, I learned to control my emotions and turn fear into focus. The smell of blood, once sickening, eventually became familiar-a constant reminder of the harsh reality I lived in.

Over time, I learned to control my bloodlust, turning it into precision and skill. Every day was a test of my will, pushing me to my limits and forcing me to adapt.

That harsh upbringing made me a survivor, a fighter-but it also left deep scars, reminders of a past full of violence and blood. Now, sitting in this little chair, listening to this class, I can't help but think about how much my life has changed.

Yesterday, I was entirely abandoned, and now... I felt... lost.

"Think about the relationship between a changing magnetic field and the induced electromotive force." Daki walked over to the chalkboard, picking up a piece of chalk. "Remember, Faraday's law is fundamental in understanding how generators, transformers, and other electrical equipment function."

Muli na naman siyang may sinulat sa chalkboard and the room was filled with the sound of scribbling notes once again. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasang tumingin sa lalaking katabi ko at bahagyang tinignan ang kung anong sinulat niya.

He was only copying what was written on the board; is that important when you could just memorize what Daki had been saying from the beginning of her class?

How stupid, kids in this generation could be?

Suddenly, the bell echoed coming outside the classroom made everyone paused and eventually made them yawn.

"Aahh, class is over!" someone just yelled from the front row.

"Have a good, lunch everyone." Daki remarked before leaving the room.

Is it already lunchtime? Ang bilis naman ng oras. I was just internalizing and appreciating this monologue...err, yeah, I should also take a break cause I've been suffering from a stomach pain for the rest of my life, so I had to go to the cafeteria before everyone else left.

"Hi Ruby!" bahagya naman akong nagulat sa taong humarang sa labas ng pintuan. "I'm Chandler, Chad for short!" pakilala nito pero wala akong pakialam sa kaniya kaya tinignan ko lamang ang kamay niya sa ere. "Or call me whatever you want? Andy? Chany? Oh, call me baby?"

Ano raw? Ang baduy. I was going to leave when the doping dude grumbled next to me. When did he emerge so near to me? Bakit hindi ko siya naramdaman?

"Cut it off, pervert. Tara cafeteria." mukang nagagalit na sabi nito sabay hila sa lalaking nagpakilala bilang, Chandler.

"Oyy, you're taking away the chance man!"

"Shut up, Chad."
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Shortly after spotting the doping dude with the man named Chad who never stops talking, the only term that came to mind was irritation.

Napakalaki ng kainan nila, pero isang mesa lang ang natitirang bakante. Tatlong mesa na ang layo ko sa kanila, ngunit malinaw na malinaw ang bawat salita na lumalabas sa bibig ni Chad tungkol sa akin.

Kahit saan, kahit kailan, hindi maiiwasan na may mga taong humahanga sa aking kagandahan. Napapangisi ako habang naririnig ang kanilang usapan.

"Ano kaba, Gael? She's gorgeous as hell!" giit na naman nito matapos siya ismiran ng kausap. Hindi sumasang-ayon sa kaniyang pahayag.

"Sexy too! Nakaka-ano..."

"Ano?" Cross raised a brow.

"Alam mo na!" ngumisi ang loko sabay subo sa pagkain nito.

"Napaka salaula mo, tumigil ka nga."

Sa bawat tao na humahanga, karamihan sa kanila ay malalaswa ang iniisip. Pinapantasya ang aking kagandahan sa hindi kaaya-ayang bagay. It's not new to me kaso nakakakilabot padin paminsan-minsan.

Habang patuloy ang usapan nila, unti-unti kong binago ang aking direksyon, hindi dahil sa hiya, kundi dahil gusto kong magpatuloy ang aking araw na walang abala.

Hindi naman masyadong nakaka-bother ang bagay na iyon, hindi rin kasi ang kademonyohan ng mga tao ang inaalala ko, kundi ang sarili ko.

Hindi nila alam, bago paman sila magtangkang ilapat ang kanilang kamay sa akin ay nailibing ko na sila ng buhay.
I may be brutal in sensual ways. So, as much as possible... I won't be making a scene here... I should behave.

But with the loudness of this bustling place, everything that grated on my ears had me seething. Despite being annoyed by the racket of this market-like place, I pressed on and continued to eat.

Well, I have to eat kahit nakaka irita ang kaingayan.

Honestly, eating has become a struggle for me because my jaw hurts whenever I bite and chew. It's frustrating because it ruins any enjoyment I could have from my food. That hysterical Chanel Oberlin, according to her nameplate, really got me hard.

That unexpected slap totally caught me off guard. The sting on my jaw lingered, as if her nails dug into my skin. And then she went on to spout meaningless, nonsensical insults, calling me stupid.

Eh siya lang naman itong tanga.

Respect my foot.

Psh.

"They're quite good-looking, aren't they?" I turned slowly as someone unexpectedly spoke. I hadn't even noticed her sitting across from me. She was the one who sneaked into the classroom through the back door, if my memory serves me right.

"Oh, sorry. I'm your classmate, Rubianna, right?" I ignored her and kept eating.

"My name is Aoike Igarashi, Ke for short. Hajimemashite!"

Alright, I already have enough. I took a deep breath just to calm some nerves but it isn't helping!

Heto naba talaga 'yon?

Final na?

Walang rewind?

Or uno reverse?

Rolds naman?!

Nakakapagod ah?

Naglalakad ka lang, bigla ka na lang masasampal, tapos putangina, 'yang amoy ng sigarilyo! Kumakapit pa rin sa ilong ko, ang baho parang higad na kumakati sa loob. Parang bawat sulok at ng paaralang 'to'y amoy yosi.

Tapos ngayon, hanggang sa pag-kain may susulpot na istorbo?

Is this School?

Eh mas tahimik pa ang buhay ko nung mamamatay tao pa ako ah?

Is this it? If so, this is freakin' bullshit.

Guess going to school wasn't fun at all.

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Hey, someone's talking, Ruby.

"YOROSHIKU ONEGAI SHIMASU." she gladly offers her hand.

Translation: Nice to meet you.

Mukang mas payapa panga buhay ko noon eh. Kahit ako lang mag-isa na-eenjoy ko naman ang bawat minuto ng buhay ko. Pero ngayon iba na eh, ako parin mag-isa kaso nasa gitna ako ng napakaraming tao... Nakakawindang.

I simply glanced at her without bothering to offer a greeting, but to my surprise, she mindlessly took my hand and shook it forcefully.

Caught off guard, I sat there frozen, uncertain of how to react. It was in that moment that I noticed the softness of her hands, a stark contrast to the calluses and scars on my own. Without a second thought, I instinctively withdrew my hand, leaving hers suspended in the air.

"Sate, o ai suru no wa ī kotode wa arimasen." bulong ko saking sarili na ang ibig sabihin ay hindi magandang makilala siya.

"Hihihi! Anatagasuki," she murmured, her cheeks flushing crimson.

I glanced at her in disbelief. She likes me?

"And because I like you, you owe me an ear," she went on, but I didn't answer, letting her babble on without engaging.

"The guys you were eyeing earlier," she began, nodding towards the two men at the distant table. "They're the most influential folks not just in our school but across the entire country."

"The elegant one," she carried on, singling out the man with Cross. "That's Chandler Channing, heir to the nation's largest mining conglomerate. He got this charming persona that draws people in, especially the ladies. Surprisingly, he's quite the academic, although he doesn't exactly give off that vibe."

"And the other guy," she added, subtly gesturing to Cross, "that's Cargael Cross. He's not as flashy as Chandler, but he's equally important. Cargael's family owns a chain of private security firms, now managed by his uncle, Robert. Additionally, his father is one of the most prominent business magnates globally. He goes by many names, often called Gael... Cross by a select few. More reserved, but don't let that deceive you. He's incredibly strategic and possesses a talent for discerning people's intentions. The complete opposite of Chad's demeanor - tough, serious, with a hint of edginess, yet surprisingly kind."

"They're the closest of friends!" she exclaimed with enthusiasm. "Isn't that just great?"

I remained silent, diverting my attention back to Chad and Cross. "Why is he called Cross if his name is Gael?" I queried, seemingly unexpected.

"I thought you'd never speak! Anyway, answering your question. Cross is his second name; only a few calls him that. Most people know him as Gael or Cargael."

I just nodded and looked at my watch. I grabbed my belongings and got up, preparing to leave since the lunch hour was soon over. Aoike, on the other hand, followed.

"Chottomatte!" She yelled, begging me to wait for her, even though I had no intention of doing so.

She hurried to catch up, her short legs struggling to keep up with my bigger steps. "Um, can we be friends? I only know a few people here, so..."

"Hey, please listen!" I was taken aback when she abruptly grabbed my arm, halting me in my tracks.

As I looked down at her hands, I felt a flash of anger for what she was doing. This toddler is getting on my nerves.

"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, sensing my tension rising.

"Oriru," I demanded to let go of my hands, using her Japanese language, which caught her off guard.

"Gomenasai!" she apologized, bowing and rubbing her palms in front of me. Yet, I still couldn't shake off the discomfort of her hands clinging to my skin.

Gusto ko siyang balatan ng buhay. Tsk.

"Aoi-chan?" The sound drew our attention, leading us to turn and look for around, only to see Cross and Chad already by our side.

When Cross grabs her away from me, she stutters, "G-gaeru-kun..." I attempted to look her in the eyes, but she wouldn't allow me. I didn't say anything and was going to leave until I heard what Cross had to say.

"Is she bothering you?" my brow wrinkled, and I couldn't help but feel more irritated. "Aoike?"

"Iie! Kanojo wa chigau!" she honestly replied.

Translation: No, she's not!

"Then what did she do?" he asked again, and I couldn't help but draw circles on the insides of my cheeks.

"Ē to..." and she don't know what to say.

Curse her.

"Hey, what did you do?" my jaw clenched as I turned around, Aoike's eyes widening as she doesn't know what to say, and then I looked at Cross, who was looking at at me so intently.

"Why ask? You already said I was bothering her," I said, straining my teeth.

My brow furrowed even more. I'm not sure why his look shifted from serious to bewildered, and I don't want to know. After a time, I reverted because no one talked, but he called for me again.

"Hey!"

"What?" I grumbled. "If you don't mind, my time has already been ruined," I said, not waiting for an answer.

Psh.

I returned to class, and the teacher was right behind me when I walked in, followed by the three people I suspected had known each other for a long time.

If she wasn't acquainted with the boys, Cross wouldn't address her politely dahil nasa bansang Pilipinas naman sila. Now I see why she knows the guys better than just telling me a random info about the two who had interesting histories.

I was simply staring ahead from my chair when our gazes crossed again by accident, and it didn't break until he sat down next to me. What did I do to him that he could look at me like that?

The discussion lasted a long time and none of the topics aroused my attention, so I didn't bother taking notes. Throughout the period, I merely crossed my arms across my chest, making my elbows stiff.

So, as soon as the last instructor left the room, I extended my arms, and there was some seatwork left on the board that wasn't too difficult, so I answered it in my head before it was wiped away off the board.

I take up my stuff as soon as the bell sounds and I was about to rise when someone smashed their hands on my table, knocking me back into my chair. A strange face stared at me like a drug addict.
              
Lugwak ang mata niyang nakatitig habang nilalaro pa ang dila sa labas ng bibig niya.

Yuck, kadiri.

Akala ko magtatagal pa siyang gano'n dahil balak ko na sanang isapok ang pagmumukha niya sa upuan ko pero ngumisi lang ito ng nakakaloko saka dumila pa sa ere bago umalis.

May hepatitis ata ang mokong, naninilaw ang mga mata eh.

"Huy, 'wag kang maglalapit sa adik nayun!" bigla namang sumulpot iyong Chad sa gilid ni Cross kaya napatingin ako sa kanila, lalo na kay Cross na magkasalubong parin ang kilay.

"Where's Aoike?" Cross asked.

"Ah, she's running some errands daw. Family matters ata... Ikaw, hindi pa uuwi?" Chad asked back.

"You go ahead," seryosong giit nito.

"Okay, then." ani Chad at humalik sa pisngi ni Cross. And the latter couldn't do something about it but just exudes his irritated stature. "Ingat, bro! I love you, muwahh!" ngumingisi pang pang-aasar nito bago bumaling sa'kin.

"Bye, Ruby..." he wave but I refuse to respond.

"Putangina naman talaga..." I heard Cross cursing, almost a whisper, so I jot back as he reminds me of someone cursing from last night.