The Christmas red and green 'festivities', so colourless and boring felt little Ruby Sparkles. She was one for the bonfire night. Big bangs and explosions always excited her and she never did wear gloves when she held her sparklers. Such the rebellious eight year old. Now, Guy Fawkes, him she did believe in.

When her ears listened to the tales of the other children putting out carrots and milk for you know who, well, she laughs. She doesn't spoil their imaginations and beliefs, mind. She is rebellious unknown to her little self, but not cruel. Just aware is Ruby Sparkles, knows more than the other children. Or so it would seem.

Maybe she is the one deprived. 

Ruby Sparkle's parents were quite the realists. Always believed in telling their dear children matter of facts. No illusions here. Straight cut, hard family values.

They had three children including Ruby. Exasperating, but alluring Aimee was a very boisterous 16 year old she was their eldest. Then Ruby Sparkles herself, quiet and reserved with a mischievous lurking undertone (of course, of course) and last but not least Henry, he was their newborn. Their newly cherished baby boy who held all their attention.

Ruby Ruby Ruby. Where to begin? Let me a have a little think. It was cold winters night...

You're kidding me? You're kidding me for sure...

This is not that type of tale.

Ruby sat at her school desk listening to all the children speak of all the things they wished to get for Christmas. Their lists were endless. From bikes to computer games. From barbie dolls to puppies. She wasn't even planning on getting that lump of coal.

'Ruby what are you getting for crimbo?' asked the red headed, freckled scruffy looking scamp sat next to her.

'Ummm'

Ruby didn't want to say 'nothing' it would draw far too much attention to her, so she needed to think of something believable so the other children wouldn't laugh or question her.

'Well, Ruby? Come on you must have one thing you want', persisted the prissy girl edging for the side of the naughty list.

Ruby managed to muster up some form of response 'I--I wish that Santa would bring me a secret notebook, one that I could draw pictures in and write about silly things, but it will have a lock, a lock  so only I can see what is inside. Like a book of mysteries.' A small wish from a little black haired girl.

The others smirked and mumbled to each other underneath their breaths.

Children nowadays, so expectant and ungrateful, but not poor Ruby Sparkles. She didn't expect her notebook at all. It was merely a front to stop those pesky children from prying further.

Later that evening Ruby thought of nothing else but her imagined up magical notebook. What would it take for her to get that? The other children got the earth and more and some of them were quite horrid. She was sometimes a little naughty, unintentional. It was just sometimes her curiosity and inquisitiveness got the better of her and also in a heap of trouble. Especially at home when she went exploring...

She once found something quite bizarre in her mother's underwear drawer, it was pink and made the strangest buzzing sound. Made her hand feel ever so fuzzy when she switched it on, gigging. But she wasn't laughing for long that's for sure. She went without dessert for a week!

Speaking of desserts, the family after a long day gathered. All were sitting around the table enjoying mums specialty, cheesy pasta bake, low fat cheese and not a whole lot of bake.

'So girls, how was school today?' asked a stern and uninterested father. Ruby stayed quiet and looked towards her sister Aimee for assurance.

'We went through so much today daddy, for the exams. A revision session it was very informative' Aimee said as politely and pleasing as ever.

That's not her. That-was-not-her.

When they were on their own Ruby found Aimee had the most strangest language. She sounded nothing like how she did in front of their parents. Ruby tried to imitate her once. This is how that went...

'Ruby darling eat your asparagus. It has a lot of vitamin B6 and will help you go the toilet, toilet' an aloof mother chimed, obviously trying to impress their father.

'B6 can go suck it!' Ruby unconsciously spat out whilst looking at the limp, watery asparagus on her plate.

Another week with lack of dessert and a red sore bottom for the night did Ruby Sparkles attain. Bringing us back to dinner table etiquette. Ruby had learned to keep her innocent responses minimal so she didn't get her cheeks slapped. Most families would have found that type of talk endearing, amusing to say the least. Not the Sparkles, they were ever so serious.

The family finished up dinner and the children were put to bed. Ruby lay back thinking of her beautiful, red and black glittering book of mysteries that she will never ever get from 'santa.' But it didn't stop her from dreaming of the things she wished to draw and jot down in that unattainable book of hers.

Ruby's dreams were always so vivid, as her imagination. Tonight she dreamed of the one and only St. Nick. She imagined him as a more lifelike character, not the generic, plastic fakes in every supermarket in town. His beard had a twinge of grey, the twinkle in his eye still existed and he wasn't so fat. He was more pleasantly plump to her and his red velvet suit looked a little downtrodden and dirty.

Ruby awoke the next morning with the image of old Father Christmas running through her mind. She knew she had seen him someplace before. It was the weekend and Ruby's eight year old mind was now full of adventure and wanting. Not the want for her notebook, oh no. The want to take him some food and soap. Santa needed to be fatter and cleaner for the other children's benefits.

She began to pack her backpack with bits she could reach out of the fridge and cupboard. She also took some carrots, just in case there really was a Rudolph. Up to the bathroom she went, bar of soap and a toothbrush that she thinks belongs to her father, but she is ever so determined and the red bottom she will suffer later.

She peeks back into the now crowded kitchen, radio is on, Henry is screaming and everybody is grabbing toast and ramming it down. She tip toes out the front door in search of her St. Nick.

Walking for half an hour to finally reach the town centre meant she was close. Town was still empty and looming. Those certain shades of grey you get on a winters morning that can make a person feel ever so dismal, surrounded. It had no effect on Ruby Sparkles.

As she reached the quiet darker end of town she recognised the entrance to the alley way their family car drove past last year when it was heavily snowing. Her St. Nick looked frozen to death. That always played on her mind leading her to this day no doubt. She knew this was the place, so began her pursuit.

Stopping at the entrance, Ruby found it was much darker than the earlier grey sheen she had just experienced of the early winter mourn. The alley way was meekly black and had the most foul smell. This didn't stop Ruby. She took her stride slowly now not so hasty. The further she veered into the alley way the more she could hear  a distinct rumbling.

There he was. Her St. Nick. Sitting on layered sheets of cardboard boxes. His suit was filthy like in her dream. His beard was greyer than she remember, black almost with dirt and he wasn't so plump anymore. In fact he was deathly thin. This prompted our little rebellious black haired eight year old to get out the food she had gathered for him.

He stayed quiet and took the food with gracious hands. She watched him closely as he ate. They both sat in silence for the next hour. Ruby knew her parents would start to get ever so cross because she had been gone for a very long time. So she left her fathers toothbrush and the bar of soap by St. Nick's side and lifted herself from the cold ground.

Mid way up Ruby Sparkles felt a gentle hand reach for her arm  to stop her movement. She paused and waited. The now black bearded man reached into his ripped rucksack. He pulled out a red and black glittery notebook and handed it to Ruby. She looked at this book in pure confusion. How did he know? She rubbed it against her cheek in disbelief, smelling all its wonder to make sure it existed. Her parents were wrong, there is a Santa after all was her first thought. Her second thought was now that Santa's eyes were closed and he wasn't moving any more he must need his rest for the upcoming busy season.

She tucked away her new found treasure into her backpack and began to make her way home. Curiosity got the best of her as always and she just had to open her bag to see if her notebook was really still there. The notebook she held, now tangible and real as ever was not the one little miss black haired Ruby Sparkles envisioned. This book was already full... hers should have been blank.

*

As the years go by, the more she adores her little red and black glittery note book. As she ages the notebook ages with her and she is  wise to the words scrawled inside. They have shaped her life in such a wondrous way. She shares snippets of his words and now her own every year hoping to inspire. St. Nick for her will never be a myth. Her parents were the disbelievers. She never will be, for his poetry in her little red and black glittery book will live on through her and her children.