chapter three
best of both worlds

🖤

THE NEXT DAY OPENS WITH THE WORST headache ever — Ruby trudges into the kitchen, where she cleaned the night before, and finds the painkillers. Two down her throat with a gulp of water, and she's already starting to feel better. If Hawkins had a McDonald's, she would be swinging by for a McMuffin. But there isn't, just that diner near the lab, and she doesn't like going that way. Her fingers start feeling charged with electricity, and she's all jumpy. It's annoying.

Billy finds his way downstairs. He's got his jeans back on now, and he's buttoning up his shirt as he walks towards her, his jacket still hanging on the staircase banister. Ruby remembers the hickey left on her breast, and feels a little regretful. She knows she shouldn't... But she does. She consented, of course she did, but she now wishes she didn't do anything last night.

"Morning, babe," says Billy. He places his fingers on her chin and lifts her head up, kissing her on the lips. She smiles softly. "I gotta get going."

"Why?" she says, with a frown. It's barely 6AM.

Billy smiles at her. "See, my parents won't know a thing if I leave now — and then I can come back, again and again and—"

She forces a smile. "I get the picture."

She feels a little sick inside, as he makes his way out of her house. He saunters out of there, and kisses her again before he leaves, and the whole time Ruby's trying to keep down last night's dinner. The idea of this happening again, of him sleeping over again... it makes her feel ill. Even earlier, when she woke up next to him, she thought, gross. She knows he's attractive, and all that, but her stomach felt like it was churning when she saw him this morning, lying in her bed. Somehow, her mind's made the second hottest guy at school the ugliest troll to exist.

As soon as he drives off, she closes the door. She doesn't know what she wants to do, but she knows she's feeling overwhelmed. Her palms are warming up — her whole body is — and she feels like at any second, the whole place is going to set alight. She can see a mysterious breeze moving the curtains next to her, and the dinnerware in the kitchen is shaking, she can hear the noise. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to block it out, trying to stop herself from making this worse. But the thought of last night happening again — of her ever having to kiss Billy's ugly face — makes her want to combust into flames. It makes her nauseous, it makes her so disgusted and grossed out that—that—

Oh, shit.

She runs into the bathroom, and pukes into the toilet. Luckily she managed to get there just in time, and she feels tears streaming down her face, a reaction to the vomit she's chucking up.

And then the house goes quiet.

The plates stop rattling, the curtains stop moving. Even her brain feels calmer. She crosses her legs, her back pressing against the bathroom wall. The cold tile is soothing to feel, which makes her think, this is a bad way to think of your boyfriend.

She doesn't know what to do now. Maybe Harrington and Carol were right, maybe this party was enough to grant her immortal popularity. She'll suss it out today at school, and take it from there. But, still, if the thought of Billy is making her puke...

... She is hungover, though... Maybe it's just that. Yeah, no, it's that. She's hungover, and to be fair, the idea of anything in her mouth makes her feel ill right now. Her boyfriend triggering that isn't weird. It actually makes sense, provided, you know... the circumstances. Of things that have recently been in her mouth... Anyway.

She gets herself off the floor, and brushes her teeth. She has a shower, and opens her bedroom window so the smell of Billy goes away. She strips the bed, too, to get rid of all reminders of him. She hates that, when your bed smells of someone else. It was never a problem when Harrington crashed for the night (dear reader: she would sleep elsewhere that night) but she guesses it's different. She doesn't know how it's different, but maybe it is.

She gets dressed, mindful of the bruises on her. Her lip upturns, kinda grossed-out, but finds a top to cover the worst ones up. Last time, she had one on her left tit for two weeks. It was so annoying.

She plucks out a black turtleneck and matching mini skirt, and puts on the radio as she searches for a pair of stockings without holes in. She'll feel much better once she's dressed nicely. And this is her favourite outfit. It makes her feel like a Chanel girl.

Maybe she'll make herself some eggs, and toast a bagel, and all those carbs will give her some strength again. Hangovers don't last long for her — she's decided it's her mind looking after her, yet again — but she can still speed up the process.

It's only just 6AM, and now she's up, she can't go back to sleep, especially considering the lack of bed sheets. She styles her bangs (it's days like these where she regrets getting curtains cut) and puts the rest of her hair into a ponytail. There are bigger problems than the rest of her hair. Like, her finding her boyfriend repulsive. Or her kissing Harrington last night — she cheated on her boyfriend last night! That makes her feel even worse, because she almost forgot that part. That by kissing Harrington, she's cheated on Billy... But if she doesn't even find Billy attractive...

Ruby pulls out a pen and paper, and frowns, as she writes out, pros and cons for dating Billy Hargrove.

The cons were pretty easier to think of.

— Kind of a dick

— A little scary when angry?

— Find repulsive

— Has zero ambition aside from being 'king'

— Kind of stupid?

She pauses for a second, before adding the final:

— Not Harrington

Now. She does not mean that like she likes Harrington. She means that as in, her best friend knew how to help her. How to make her feel better. How to comfort her when she was sad, when she was overwhelmed, when she was hungover. He got her. And Billy... doesn't. He lives with the perception he's got of her. A sort-of bitch with a big house and a nice ass. He doesn't know how to look after her, because why would he? He's... OK, she doesn't mean this in a bad way, but like, they did start dating just to benefit off of each other's popularity. Is it... surprising, that she doesn't feel that strongly about him, now she thinks about it?

She then writes, pros, and she pauses.

... What are the pros?

Well... She guesses he's good looking, and he has a nice car. And he's a pretty good kisser, albeit heavy on the tongue. He's a good flirt, too, but she also hates being called baby. OK, no, she thinks she hates him calling her that, because she tries to imagine Harrington's voice saying the same and she thinks, oof. So it's definitely a Billy thing.

Hm. Ruby looks at the paper, and draws a line, and adds, pros and cons of making up with Harrington.

The big con is easy: could lose the popularity I've worked hard for. But, she remembers what Carol and Harrington and Tommy, at the end of last night, all said — she's the shit again. So maybe this will be fine, and she won't need Billy. Maybe, she could dump him, and she could be best friends with Harrington, and she can have the best of both worlds; her popularity, and her best friend...

She ends up getting changed again before school, because the pantyhose feel scratchy and she's one uncomfortable thing away from getting overwhelmed again. She hopes that if she holds out until after school, she can spend the whole evening in the pool, cooling down. That's Ruby's favourite thing; being in the depths of a chlorinated swimming pool, her entire body nice and cold and calm.

Really, Ruby isn't even that good at swimming. It's not a natural talent, at least. She just learnt at a young age that when she gets overwhelmed, she feels like she's burning, so water cools her down. Her amateur skill has simply developed from spending so much time in her family's pool. It's funny, she thinks. She has to go underwater to drown out the world.

She starts to remember, too, the image of those tentacles in the sky, but she decides to forget it. She'll be fine. If something tries to hurt her, she'll kill it. She did it last year, she'll do it again. The upside down doesn't scare her, but you know what the upside down's afraid of? Her.

Like, she thinks Eleven's the cutest, but that girl has got nothing on Ruby Brenner. No one does. No one at Hawkins High, no one at Parsons come fall, not even any of those lab babies that came after her. She's not a number, she's X. X marks the spot. X is the anomaly. The genetically perfect human turned the perfect fighter against the upside down. She wasn't made to have powers, her mind made them to keep her safe. The upside down's got nothing on her—

The neighbour's cat runs past her, as she opens the front door, and she yelps, jumping six feet back.

... She said she was the fighter against the upside down, not cat-kind.

She gets into her car, and turns on the radio. SOS is playing, which she decides is fitting. She would love to send out an SOS, for someone to sort this boy shit out for her.

Anyway. She drives to school, and tries to forget the whole thing. She knows Billy's got basketball at lunch, and she always thought he looked hot then, so maybe if she goes today she'll reignite that attraction. Harrington will be there too, she begrudgingly recalls, but if her boyfriend's there, abs out and shiny from sweat, she's sure she won't be thinking a thing about Harrington... About how they kissed last night... Or how when he kissed her he—

Woah, woah, woah! She tells her brain to shush. Now is not the time to think about Harrington. There is never a time to think about Harrington. Why? Because they are not friends!

"Hey," says Ruby, to Carol, as she walks up to her in he parking lot.

Carol starts to smirk. "Got up to much last night?"

Ruby frowns. Yes, I made out with Harrington.

"No..."

She starts to get the bad feeling in her stomach. How would anyone know? She knows that Harrington wouldn't tell anyone, but what if someone found out? Maybe Billy found out, and now he's telling the whole school that she's an ugly cheater and the worst thing to walk the Earth since Burt Reynolds' pornstache—!

"Well I heard—"

"Hey, Ruby!" says one of the guys off the football team. He grins at her. "Your party was so cool last night — thanks for inviting me!"

Ruby fakes a smile. "No worries..."

Carol tries to pipe in, but someone else passes by and speaks to Ruby. Every time Carol speaks, someone else appears, smiling at Ruby and telling her how cool she is. She feels like she's being slowly enveloped by the friendliest water in the world, like everything around her is cool and quiet and still and nothing to worry about...

... Maybe she's done it. Maybe the the party's done it, and cemented it for good — maybe she is the princess, the queen, the king, the one and only ruler of this school. Billy cannot top her, no one can.

Maybe this'll all work out! Maybe she'll be so popular that she won't have to rely on anyone else ever again! Look at that, Ruby Brenner, self-sufficient again!

The world feels like it's on her shoulders — as it should, it revolves around her! — as the day progresses. She sees Billy briefly at lunch but leaves early to get homework done; frankly she's trying to avoid him, because he still makes her feel sick to her stomach. Her friends believe the homework lie though, thank God, so she plants herself in the library for the majority of lunch—

—And then again after school, when Billy asks if she's free.

"I've got journalism club," says Ruby. Which is true: she does have journalism on a Wednesday. "And I am editor, so..."

"I see," says Billy, twisting his lips. "Maybe I'll swing by yours later, then."

"Yeah, that'd be fun..."

She closes her locker and starts walking to the classroom the club uses. There's a couple seniors already there, but most of the designated time is for Ruby to figure out what's going in the next issue. It's nice, though, to have all that freedom. She likes the power, even if no one really reads the newspaper...

After a half-hour the two others leave, having finished their stuff, but Ruby doesn't mind. She's in the process of writing her own fashion articles, so when she moves to New York, she'll have a portfolio. She knows it won't be published, but it'll be some sort of proof of her dedication — and talent, she'd hesitantly add.

She knows she's got the guts to make it, though. It just takes one good internship and that's it, she's set. She'll be on her way to Vogue and Harper's Bazaar and Cosmopolitan and Vanity Fair in no time. Maybe one day she'll become an editor-in-chief of one of those places. She'd love that... Could you imagine? Lab baby, now the editor of Vogue.

But she starts to get the gross feeling in her stomach again. This time, though, it isn't from the upside down — she feels like someone's close, someone's nearby...

Someone...?

Her mind goes to El. She doesn't know why on earth it'd go to Eleven, but in a panic, she jumps to her feet and runs out of the classroom. She takes the nearest exit outside, and starts running towards the middle school. It's just over the grass, that must be where El is, maybe she transported back to the place she first disappeared...?

"El?" she calls out, to the empty hallway. She starts walking aimlessly, knowing the route still from when she was a student. She tries to use her mind's enhanced intuition to find her, but she's being drawn outside, to the school field. She's confused. Why would El be out there?

She saves the questions for later, though, and books it to the doors. She pushes open the door, with such force that the doors slam against the brick walls behind her. She can't see Eleven — she can, however, see Will Byers in the middle of the field.

Ruby realises that was what she sensed. She goes towards him, anyway. He looks completely out of it, his mouth and eyes wide open. Her brows furrow, and she tries to put her hands on his shoulders, but he's ice cold. He feels like the upside down...

Her eyes widen. He's having his own episode. Will Byers, after his time in the upside down, is just like her — annoyingly connected to the place, without any say in it. He's just like her, and it makes her feel protective of him, just like El. It just doesn't look like he's got powers; if he did, she would know. She would feel the upside down reacting, or whatever, especially if his powers were like hers. He doesn't have any. He's just suffering at the hands of that place.

She calls out for his friends, and eventually Mike Wheeler appears. He goes to call Will's mom, and Ruby stands with him, thinking to herself, I could saw this tattoo off my arm, and yet, that place would still take me back...

Fuck's sakes.