Dear readers, I'm sorry.
A lot has happened this year, I will explain everything. It's gonna get deep and serious.

At the beginning of last year 2016, I lost someone who inspired me to do great things, my moms mom passed away,  my Nana. I miss her so much, januaray and febuaray we're a blur, I barely remember anything from that winter. All I remember was the feeling of falling apart and not feeling wanted by my family. A lot of ties we cut,  and I hate how disconnected I became with my parents.

Sometime in February, like I said everything is a blur, we had to put down the dog I dearly loved, Jinjer, she had been around ever since I was 1. After she was put down I changed, I was more depressed, I had mood swings and I cried a lot. I struggled keeping up with my schoolwork and almost didn't complete everything before my evaluation. I wrote to get away, it brought me happiness to get away and live in another universe for a little, but I just broke.

This year, my Nannie (Dads mother) got very ill. I spent months helping take care of her since she was bed ridden. I spent a lot of time talking to her, feeding her, and many other things I don't want to bring up. She passed away a month ago. I really wanted to do some writing and make you guys happy, I'm just broken at the moment.

As I said she passed away, we had the funeral, and it caused a lot of arguing between my dad and his siblings, over the will. Which caused a lot of tension and sadness to drag into the holiday season.

When she passed I was there with her. Let me tell you it sucks. It aucks to know someone who you loved dearly to be gone so quickly. I kept my emotions under control for the time being. When we got home, I went to my room laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling, I began to wonder the heck I was doing, why everything was going so wrong in one damn year. Why I couldn't be happy, or have a chance to relax. After all the stuff with my nannie had passed, and it was the beginning of December, I started to think about happy thoughts, my birthday, christmas and being to breathe and being able to sit back. That all changed very quickly.

I had gotten home from youth group and asked my parents what had happened when they took our cat Yin in. She was sick she had gone through 2 surgeries to get rid of her cancer, which had traveled to her lungs with out us knowing. They had to put her down, this was about a week ago. I'm still upset about it, to top it all off, my one brother is home. He has anger issues and can lash out suddenly. I've gotten used to the yelling, but the words still sting. He usually is at college, so he hasn't been home for awhile. My other brother has anger issues and can be very mean verbally. Hea says stuff to me regarding how I look how I act and I just let them say it. I've learned to let it go, but it hurts in the moment. This kind of stuff started getting worse after my Nannie passed away. Honestly the place I feel the most peaceful at is when I'm at church with my friends. I'm not abused or ignored there is just a lot going on, I've survived this long and I'm not giving up now.

Just please understand these kinds of thing take time to get past. I'm just struggling and need you guys to be patient. I tried writing, I just can't. Please understand, the year of 2016, is thw year that will be nothing but a blur to me. I love you guys, thank you for your support. Im sorry