chapter : 38
i refuse

another surprise update! hahaa
okayy. do vote on the last chapter tho, we haven't even reached the avg vote count there, but i didn't wanna torture y'all more.

do share the boook, please. heheh. we are almost at the end and i would love this book to end with a good view count. 🫶🏻

happy reading!

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k a b i r
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I know what is going to happen. I anticipated it and planned it.

The house is doused in darkness, the silence heavily coats it. I stand near the window pane, overlooking the busy roads. It's the place where I had made my life's most important decision.

I am counting the minutes before the door unlocks, and my wife barges in.

It's time.

I have to come clean to her. We need to get divorced. She is going to throw some tantrums, but it's okay. I'll tell her, explain it to her.

There are footsteps outside, keys jiggling before I hear her entering the code. With a click, the door opens. The bulbs in the corridor act as the only source of light.

Her heels strike against the floor, her stride raging. The door bangs to closure, the light dying, eating the room again with blackness.

"Kabir." Word dripping with anger, questions. I have to answer it to her. Need her to know. Things are complicated. It will end very badly.

"Noor." I walk forward. My speed is slow, measured.

"The fuck—" She almost clashes with my body, it's difficult for her to see me in the absence of light. The one from outside fails to give us the required vision.

I don't let her speak, mashing my lips against her. She is shocked, rightfully so. She hesitates. Fuck.

I don't stop though, I give her time. To adjust. To clear the fog. Carefully, I move my lips. My hands cup her face, thumb stroking her wet cheeks. It pains me so much, but I had to do things rightly. She deserves it, she deserves everything.

It takes her a few seconds but she responds, slanting her head, her lips moving against mine. Soft and pillowy. She grasps the collar of my shirt, I can feel her anger. It's radiating through her heated skin, engulfing and swallowing me.

We have kissed before, many times, but today it feels different. I know what she is thinking, why she is aching. It's all because of me, and I'll help her settle it.

The contours of her body merge with mine. I can feel her pulse, her laboured gulps of breathing, her doubts.

She pulls away first, taking a step back. It might be pitch black but I can see the white layer of her eyes, the water pooled in them.

"What the fuck is wrong with you. I am—"

I tap on the small button that rests inside my pocket. There it is. The room lights up, and she stands there bewildered, mazed.

I had skipped work for this, I had spent weeks planning for this moment. I have to make sure I don't mess it up. Can't mess it up.

The room is bubbling with small twinkling stars, there's a rows and rows of gleam. She stands right in the centre, petals of roses encircling her. The battery-operated candles are lit too. Making a path that she had just walked to reach the middle of this circle.

She is busy observing the decor, her eyes widening and blinking on their accord. Her mouth is gaping, her nose cutely scrunched.

"What's this..?" There's a slight stutter and hesitation in her tone. I can see her hands curling around the bundle of sheets she is holding.

Our divorce papers.

I have done this before but I still feel a fright simmering within me. It hadn't meant much at that time, today, it means everything.

I carefully lower on one knee, again in front of the same woman who has me bewitched and smitten. I know my actions are contrasting, causing her a whiplash. She is correct to feel addled.

"Kabir, I swear if you—"

"Noor Shekhawat Sood, I love you." The confession flows out of my mouth as if it's a statement we repeat every day. It was long overdue, I don't give a damn about the challenge anymore. I was always supposed to say those words first because I had been in this hurricane of feelings much before she entered.

What I wanted to do, what I wanted to come clean about was much greater than our challenge, a game we enjoyed teasing each other with. Not anymore.

There are so many things she needs to know, a major truth that I had hidden from her. She deserves to know it all.

"But—" I can see the reluctance in her eyes. I know a part of her is relieved hearing me confess my feelings but the other part is hurting. It's confused and tormented.

"I think I have been in love with you since the moment you forced me to take this very position before you. You have managed to boulder your way through the cemented walls I had constructed around my heart. You have forcefully made your home in me and now I can't afford to lose it. You have managed to charm me with your witch powers. You successfully have me on my knees for you. Last time when I did this, it was heartfelt but my heart wasn't involved." With a deep breath, I continue.

"Today, I want to do it right. I want to spend my life with you, I want to take care of you, I want to fight and love you with every breath of mine. I want to let you know that I am completely under your spell, mad in love and burning with passion for you. I had promised to help you, to care, to protect you and I still do. Now, I also vow to love you, forever. Will you make me the happiest man by accepting my proposal for the second time?"

She is sobbing, her cheeks stained with tears. Croaking, a total mess but my mess. I know she had controlled the outburst of her emotions then, that's how my Noor is. She knows, she reasons and she pacifies herself. She believes there's good in everything.

"I refuse to sign the divorce papers." Her words come out in a whiff as she pounces on me. Her arms wrap around my body, taking me to the floor and she follows. We are chuckling and crying, hugging each other tightly.

She huffs and throws a punch against my shoulder. Kicking her leg against my shin I get up wincing.

"You are the worst."

"You haven't given me a reply yet, baby." She settles on my lap, arms around my nape.

"I don't see a ring." Her eyes narrow at me for committing such a great error.

"Well..about that." Time for a tale. I scoop out the velvet box, extending her palm forward and placing it gently on it.

"I have two this time," I confess. My fingers tuck out the chain around her neck. A ring that holds so much meaning for me, something that now belongs to my wife. I unclasp it, sliding the ring back as it comes to a stop on my palm.

"Why?"

I open the box on her palm, revealing a new wedding ring.

"This was my mother's," I tell her, pointing at the one on my palm. There's no flash of surprise in her features, that I had anticipated.

"You know?"

"Your grandfather stopped by today." She informs. Her orbs raise to meet mine, there's no voice but I know she is curious.

"It was painful for me, you know? Offering you the ring that was my most cherished possession. I wanted to marry you, and I needed a ring. I had convinced myself that I would never touch this box, it would always remain just a memoir. But we hadn't selected any rings and I knew that if I didn't take any action soon, my grandfather would start doubting us. I had held it in my hands, for minutes and it just felt natural. It felt right." I keep going.

"Honestly? I still have no answer for that feeling but the second I thought of giving you this ring, my soul felt at peace. It was maybe my mother or my grandmother signally a green light on my thought from heaven. Today, I propose this ring to you again, with no ounce of doubt in me. Well, in case you want a new one, I have that—"

"Never. This one's absolutely perfect. As perfect it can ever be." I wait for a moment, trying to process everything. I slide the ring back to the place it belongs, on her, forever.

Earlier, when I thought of ever revealing this ring's true nature to her, I was scared. I was terrified of burdening her with me and my feelings. Even when I knew I loved her, I still felt guilty. This ring might just be my family's heirloom but for me, it is a symbol of remembrance and love.

I claimed to be over my insecurities regarding love but truth be told, I am still coping. The fact that I had proposed to my fake wife with this ring, always troubled me—strangely never with the guilt of lying. It bothered me because I liked seeing it in her hand, on her finger, as a sign of our marriage.

I crane my neck forward, halfway into kissing her when she flicks my forehead back.

"You still haven't explained to me about those papers." She points at the document that lies deserted on the floor.

"I want a new start, Noor. We have smashed all the clauses we had once agreed on, crumpled and destroyed them in the best way possible. I thought we could move forward, a new start?"

"So we'll work on cancelling the contract because I am not divorcing you. Not now, not ever. Kabir Sood, you are stuck with me. I ain't leaving you so soon."

"I'll hold onto that promise." I can still feel the imprint of her smile against my lips, as they meet in a searing kiss. Unlike the one we shared earlier, this one is more eager and hastened. We are savaging and salvaging.

Teeth clattering, lips sucking and tongues brushing. Even with my eyes closed, I know where she starts and I end. I can see my future so clearly, with this lady.

Right here, right at this moment, I have rewritten my fate. I was never supposed to fall in love, I never had thought, nor did I ever wish to. It was a curse, something that only weakened you, sucked you empty and left you discarded once the tide washes over.

This woman changed me. When you fall in love, it never comes with a warning. It's a car dashing and breaking and jumping all red lights, hitting you with so much force that you end up brutally and beautifully smothered.

We sit there, between those candles and rose petals, the floral smell along with the musky scent of wax from the artificial candles, covers up the entire space. Calming me down.

Orbs pooling into each other, waves crashing and finally finding their shore.

I cup her face with one hand, the other around her neck. Angling her towards me. My callous thumb tracing and outlining her soft lips. We know what this moment holds for us.

We have waited long enough.

There are moments in your life you wait for, anticipate with all the excitement you can ever muster and yet when that event approaches nearby, you falter.

You feel the need to procrastinate, you want to push it back further because more than enjoying the moment, you start fearing its end. You start worrying that it will end so soon, so you wait and push it back. Run away from it, so that you can treasure it for some more time, a little longer.

That was what I was doing. I knew I wanted all of this. I had to confess about the ring, about the divorce papers I had asked my lawyer to prepare the very night Noor slept in my room. But, I kept prolonging it.

I was petrified. I was terrified of its ending.

But today, I realised something. With my wife on my lap, her eyes radiating like the lightened flames around us no amount of time will ever justify our wait.

It's not something that would burn out once the oxygen supply is cut off, it runs deeper. This moment is our start, and nothing can take that away from us. This moment will always be etched in our hearts and yet we will continue making more of them.

Because there's no end to us. It's just only our beginning. We might have been trapped in this arrangement, but we are going to continue our journey, together.

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Hey!

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royally yours,
meethi.