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I slam my laptop shut not wanting to see a single glimpse of it.

"I should have hid the USB instead of just putting it in my laptop bag," I laugh trying to cut the tension.

The video bought back memories, good ones yes, but ones I could no longer have. Maximus was able go make me see that it was possible, that I could do anything I want with my prosthesis and it shouldn't be something that stops me from doing what I love, but still. I didn't want to watch the video because after so long I've finally stopped seeing my prosthesis as a barrier for me and if I watched it I'd start sulking over how I lost a leg and start seeing my prosthesis as a barrier once again.

"Hales," Logans hands fall on my shoulders and he gently starts massaging them.

"You know we can watch the video together if you want," I frown, I didn't want to watch it, not even if I had company.

"I don't want to," I move away from his hands and start fidgeting around pretending I was cleaning up when in reality I just wanted him to go away and leave me alone.

"Hales sometimes its good to remember you know, times you were happier."

I feel like Im actually more happier now.

"Im happy enough," I fake a smile but I doubt if he could see me in the darkness when the only light source were the street lights below that somehow managed to illuminate my tiny apartment.

"What is it about?" Could he just leave me alone for fudge sake.

"Its just like a compilation of videos Sam had made of this day we had together," I smile remembering about it.

"It was a good day..." I sit on the couch still smiling and Logan follows my lead and sits next to me.

"I was about to lose my leg and Sam snuck into my hospital bedroom and snuck us out to have 'the best night of our lives' which also became morning eventually...."

.

"Sam you can stop recording me! Why are you even recording me stupid?"

"Stupid is a bad word and I thought Hales Adams was going to stop swearing," I slap his camera and run ahead of him not wanting to be recorded anymore.

"Where is our first stop?" I stare at the neon signs that every shop had displayed making the street look vibrant. I loved this area of town, it had a retro vibe to it.

"Take this," I take the small paper from his hand and groan, it was a picture of me staring up at the neon signs with my mouth wide open, "I hate it," I throw it back towards him and run down the street again.

"Stop running! Why the fuck are you always running?" Sam was panting like a dog as he tried to keep up with my pace. I always ran when I was excited.

"I want to go to the retro diner!"

"We will go to the retro diner, then we'll go to the carnival, then we'll go to the beach and then if we are lucky we can even surf!"

"I can't surf."

"You'll learn," I sigh and quickly dismiss the thought because I didn't want any sad talks anymore.

"I'll learn I guess," I smile to show Sam that I was the old happy Hales and not a depressed little girl who was constantly crying because her dreams were being deprived from her the day her leg was. Tomorrow.

Sam's fingers find their way under my chin and he gently pulls my head up so that Im staring into his
eyes, "Hales, you can talk about it, it's okay," I smile again, as fake as it was I had a reason to smile because I was not going to ruin this night because of some stupid leg.

"At least Im going to survive, you know given a second shot at life," he smiles, it was small but I could see the pain that he tried so hard not to show to me, because to me he only wanted to be portrayed as My Knight In Shining Armor and not some sad friend who wanted to cry with me.

"Okay lets stop talking about me, hows your girlfriend?" I laugh already knowing the exact answer I was going to receive.

"I just want to make it official but she keeps telling me that its a sin to be together but I really like her Hales!"

"Its a sin to date in Islam and you know that so quit pushing her and respect her boundaries," He nods his head and just like that yet another conversation had been dismissed between the two of us.

I liked that, being able to forget about something as quickly as it came. Sometimes although it got annoying when I actually wanted to talk to Sam about something and he'd just wave his hand and just like that we didn't talk about it for the whole day.

"Hows our architect?" I smile as we approach the big, 'Peppa Retro Restaurant'.

"Im dropping it, I don't want to be an architect anymore," I could feel his wide eyes staring at the side of my head but I didn't want to look at him, the smell of mac and cheese already hypnotizing me.

"Why Hales!? You have every talent to be an architect except for art of course but you have a spectacular imagination and are amazing in math and God damn the goddess of bizarre ideas," I wanted to tell him why I changed my 'dream' but my silence meant that it was the end of our conversation and he knew it so he kept quiet.

And that's how the whole night went, Sam constantly pushing his camera on my face and taking a thousand polaroids, us dismissing deep conversations, and fearing that the night might end. With every second that ticked by, with every laugh released that night, something kept breaking within me... slowly.  I was scared and so was Sam but we both failed to talk about it, giving each other sad glances when the other was looking away. Sam knew he was losing his best friend and I knew I was losing myself.

I knew I was becoming a different Hales, maybe a better one, but definitely a sad dreamless one with fake smiles.

.

"I'll buy new ones," I sniff away the tears as I picked up the remains of my ripped Flash posters and shreds of CD's.

"Being a nurse wasn't what I wanted to be," I speak into the darkness knowing and definitely not appreciating Logans presence. I wanted to talk and I wanted to be heard even though I hated talking about my feelings or myself in general. I hated being in such a vulnerable state, to show someone my weakness.

"I wanted to be an architect, and I already knew half of if from learning by myself. But after Cancer I wanted to become a nurse, to help restore children's happiness, to make them feel normal once more. I just wanted to help others the same way I was helped," I hear his sigh and I knew he wanted to initiate talk but I shake my head and plead him to not talk.

The darkness I hated at that moment seemed like a blanket enveloping around my tiny body, protecting me, and I didn't know from what. Was it the burglar? Logan? Or myself and my thoughts?

"You can stay with me tonight Hales, you know until your doorknob is fixed," I shake my head denying his kind offer, I wanted to be alone.

"No I'll go to my parents house," I was lying, I knew fully well I was going to knock at Sam's door at whatever time it was and jump into his arms. He was the only one permitted to see me cry.

"Are you sure?" I smile, making sure to show my gratitude through my small smile and the flickering lights.

"Sure."

.

I was standing outside Sam's house, with my red puffy eyes and tear adorned face. I wanted to knock and at the same time I couldn't. So I stood there staring at his doorbell lost in my own random thoughts at 2:00 am, a miserable mess.

Im so childish. Who cries over posters? Not a 24 year old thats for sure. Why was I like this? Why was I crying over small things? It's just the flash. Maybe whatever happened was a sign to tell me to grow up. And thats what I was going to do.

So I knock. I wait. Fidget. Until finally the door opens and a sleepy Sam squints his eyes trying to process his not so unexpected guest.

"Hales? What's up?" He didn't inquire what I was doing outside his house at 2 am because that was a normal thing between us. We could go to each others place whenever we felt like it.

"Im growing up," I puff out my chest to look more intimidating and older, my dads large sweater failing me and making me look in fact younger.

"Wait Puberty!? I never knew we were going to have this talk! I don't know what to say? Should I call My mom?" A small smile makes its way across my face and for a moment Sam's stupidness makes me forget about whatever I was doing standing at his door at 2:00 am.

"No. I threw away my Flash stuff today," he furrows his eyebrows and sighs.

"Why?"

"Because I want to grow up?" He sounds annoyed.

"Where are you rushing to?"

"What?" I was cold and confused.

"Are you planing on having kids? Getting married?" I push him aside and welcome myself into his house knowing that he wouldn't have if I didn't myself.

"No Im 24 and Im a grown up," I flick on the lights and squint as my eyes try to adjust to the new lighting.

"So?"

"Whats wrong with you? I just want to act different!"

"To impress who?" I was getting agitated, his never ending questions getting annoying.

"Cause Flash and comics are for kids," I look up towards the peeling ceiling trying to push my tears back in.

"Look at me," I shake my head blinking my tears away.

"Hales..." he lifts up my chin so that Im staring directly into his eyes, but I close them not wanting him to see my tears.

"You are the most strongest, intelligent, funny and amazing girl I know. You aren't childish, you just have a big heart like a child," I open my eyes and quietly laugh at his attempt of being wise.

"No matter what you want to do, I'll support it. But don't push away what you love just so you 'grow' up. You don't need to grow up to be an amazing person," he gently taps my chest, "you already are an amazing person," I smile and wipe away my tears, feeling better. It was funny that two or three sentences from Sam were enough to restore my smile. Thats how much he knew me, a big brother from different parents. Without Sam my life would have indeed been gloomy.

"I love you Sam," he leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too Hales. I just gave you that speech so you can take away this shit I bought for you. I was freaking out who to give it to if you didn't want it," And thats when I saw it, the largest Flash poster I had ever laid my eyes upon with a winking Berry Allen, hands outstretched.

"It's as tall as me!" I gape at it not knowing wether to hug Sam or Berry who's outstretched hands were really inviting.

"Why'd you buy it though?" I didn't say thanks yet.

"Meh it was on sale and I thought of you when I saw it so I bought it for you," I smile but for some reason the words thank you couldn't form over the excitement.

"Hales?" He raises his eyebrow already knowing something was wrong

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" I hated that sentence, hated how you composed yourself for so long just for someone, sometimes not even sincere, to say it out loud to get you pouring your heart out.

I wasn't alright, my tears gave away my facade. I was a mess, I couldn't comprehend my feelings, I didn't understand myself or what I really wanted. One moment I wanted to be all alone and the other I wanted to be in Sam's arms. I should have been at my parents door this evening but they would have been too nice to me, too perfect. I'd have felt guilty if they were to fret around about me, I didn't want to be selfish and worry them, they deserved happiness.   Sam did too but Sam just understood me better and he wasn't going to fret around about it or worry about it because he has this mentality that I'm a bad peach and that I could overcome anything. And I liked being perceived as a strong person that was why Sam was always perfect in situations like these.

"It's been so long since Ive seen you cry," I walk towards his chest and lightly bang my head on it.

"Hales tell me what's wrong," I wanted to but I couldn't, it was hard to talk when one was crying.

"Flash...p," I wail pulling his shirt closer to my wet face. I couldn't even piece a sentence together without crying.

"Hales don't grow up. Haven't you ever heard? Its the little things that matter. Flash is your little thing and he matters, he makes you, you. Age shouldn't prevent you from loving what you love, it shouldn't change you," I nod my head trying my level best to stop crying but now I was hiccuping. Sam and I both knew once I started hiccuping while crying, there was no going back.

He places his hand beneath my knees and as easy as picking up a feather I was already in his arms. I hide my face and wait for him to lower me down into my bed and tuck me in.

"Thanks," I groggily whisper, pulling the blanket over my face. I feel the bed dip beside me and Sam whispering something.

But I was already half sleeping. Maybe tomorrow was going to be a good day.