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I slide into the booth in the coffee shop three days later, opposite Annie and next to Patrick during my break at work. Annie is in her typical posh type clothing: smart dress, designer bag, nails done. Her long, dark hair is straightened down to her shoulders. She always looks smart and posh, and yet she's the softest woman you'll ever meet.

Patrick, meanwhile, is on a break from his rotation in paediatrics, so is in green scrubs. Compared to my light blue scrubs, we look like a right pair with Annie. We married up our timetables and breaks to coincide with each other beforehand.

"Thank you, I need this!" I hold the cup of tea in my hands.

"I know we said all this on the phone the other day, but congrats, little sis," Patrick says, putting his hand on my arm.

"Congratulations, Mila, sweetheart," Annie says.

"Thanks. It still...feels weird in a lot of different ways right now," I admit.

"It will do, sweetheart, especially with how this happened. How are you feeling physically?" Anne asks.

I sip my tea. "Still a bit sick. More than anything, I'm just exhausted."

"Have you told them about this? The department, I mean? I know it's early, but they can give you adjustments and extra breaks if you need it," Patrick asks. He runs a hair through his mousy hair before sipping his coffee.

I nod. "Yeah, as much as I didn't want to, with how shite I've been feeling, I had to. Haven't told them anything about the, uh, dad though."

"I can't believe it, pumpkin," Annie whispers. "When your dad told me, I fell off my chair!"

When I snort in response, Patrick nudges me with his elbow.

"Are you sure about doing all of this?" he asks me. "I mean, you know, the pressure."

I shrug. "No one but him and us will know about it until the baby is old enough, so I guess it's just like any accidental pregnancy, you know?"

"Do you trust him without a contract of sorts?" Patrick asks.

"Can they do that without his family finding out?" Annie questions.

I shake my head. "That's what he told me and why we just have to trust each other with this. If we do this with a contract involved, it means his family knowing, and if they find out, there's no way I'll get the choice in how to raise this child. I want to raise this baby, so I guess it's just a case of going along with it, you know? He said he doesn't want to come to any of the scans, he's basically signing his rights away without the signature. It's just... weird. He literally looked so different. I don't know how I didn't know, or why I didn't, you know."

Patrick fiddles with his phone beside me for a few seconds before putting it on the table. "This will explain the headlines of him actively going out to nightclubs and acting drunk the past couple of nights."

The social media post is one of those gossip magazine types, with photos of Prince Kai coming out of a club, and photos of him stumbling. He looks drunk, and he is not in disguise either.

The posts mention how he's usually seen as a 'good boy' and wonders what exactly has sent him into this spiral the royal family will not be pleased about. I remember the biggest scandal before this Prince Kai had ever been in was when he fed his nephew chocolate during a public engagement six months ago. The press thought it was awful because sugar and junk food. Other than that, Prince Kai has always been the good royal, and it's now obvious why: he goes around in disguise to do all his debauchery – or what the press would say is, anyway. This is definitely a scandal, and because it's so out of character to the public, this is going to cause speculation.

"Well, shit," I whisper. "He proposed this scenario, though. Also, we don't know this is what that's about. He could just be...doing what he did that night, but not so covert about it now."

"Oh, come on, he told you he wanted this, didn't he? Or that's what you said, right?"

I nod. "He said he would've wanted to try this out, but with the way... things are, it's not ideal."

"So, it's clear to see why he's suddenly doing this. Also, doesn't mean he might not want it deep down. If he said he wants this, then I think he probably meant the whole caboodle. Family life, you know? You said you chose this for the baby to have a choice, and that's really noble and absolutely the right choice, but hemight not agree with it," Annie says. "He might want to make a go of this."

"We had...chemistry. As cliché as that sounds," I whisper. "Maybe in a different life and all that. Biology got in the way."

"Doesn't sound cliché at all. You know how your father and I started out. But if you don't want that life for you or the child, and still want this baby, then you've made the right choice," she responds.

Patrick puts his phone away. "It's like star-crossed lovers! How cute and absolutely heartbreaking."

I play thump him. "Shut up."

"Don't be so unfair, he can't hit you back!" Annie laughs.

I poke my tongue out at him when he gives me a filthy look.

"Whatever happens, you know this baby will be loved in our clan, right?" Patrick says. "Its uncle loves it already, or step—"

"Will you all stop referring to yourselves as step-mum and brother? Annie, please, be Grandma or Nan or Nanny... not your name or whatever. Patrick, you're just an uncle, not a step-uncle. I love you both, and you'll never step over my mum or anything. Please, I've been arguing with you all over it for years now. For this baby's sake, you're my mum as well, and you're just my annoying, overly-smart brother."

Anne gives me a smile full of emotion. "Mila, you don't know how happy you've made me."

"Then let me call you Mum," I whisper. "There is no way you would ever stamp on her memory or make me forget her. But you have raised me in her stead, and I love you like a mum."

She grabs my hand and nods. "If you want to."

"I've had enough emotion on my bloody shift so far. I don't need this on my break!" Patrick jokes. In response, I nudge him with my shoulder. "My little sis is going to be a mum!"

"I love you both," I whisper. "But I also hate you because my emotions are already all over the place!"

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The fact I can't say anything to Gemma about this hurts. We've been close since university, and we tell each other everything. Not telling her who the baby's father is feels crazy to me, but I can't say anything. I know she'll ask as well.

She sips her coffee. "You spoke to the baby daddy yet?"

I nod, trying to quickly work out how I'm going to word this. "We both agreed he won't have anything to do with the baby. I want to keep it while he doesn't, so he said he'll give up his father's rights."

She tuts. "If he didn't want this, he should've wrapped it."

I shrug. "Takes two to make a baby. It's his right to not want it, and I'm okay with that."

"You gonna take him for money? I mean, you know, once the baby is born and that. He made it, too, and all that."

I raise an eyebrow. "I mean, he's giving me some to help with the cost, but I don't want to take him for anything. Part of me just doesn't care, but I also don't need it. Sure, it takes two and he should step up, but to an extent, we've discussed it and he doesn't want it." Keeping silent about Prince Kai is super hard in this moment, but I know I have to. "I gave the father a choice, and I don't want to agree to him having nothing to do with it and then beg for money. That's not fair."

"I mean, fair isn't the right thing, though, is it? Yeah, you didn't protect yourself, but nor did he, and he got you pregnant. You have to front the cost of it."

I shrug. "Because I'm choosing to. Neither of us used protection, and why should he not get the choice when I do, you know? We've agreed to the arrangement, and I'm happy with that. I told my family and they're over the moon. This baby will be well loved."

Gem smiles after a few seconds. "Then I'm happy for you, Mila. I just don't want to see you hurt through all of this, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. Thank you. It's just hard getting my head around the whole thing, let alone working out shit like this, you know?"

She smiles and sips her coffee. "So who is he? Do I get a name seeing as he doesn't want to be involved?"

I snort. "No! He doesn't matter, anyway. What matters now is trying to sort my life out. I mean, anything could happen between now and the due date...whenever that is. I've worked out it's around October, but scans change things and all that."

She nods and squeezes my arm for comfort. "You know I'm here for you, right? Whatever it is—a scan partner, someone to make you tea and that when you're in early labour, or someone to go baby shopping with. I'm here. And heck, babysitting, I'm here."

"Thanks, Gem. My dad's excited. Heck, Annie's finally let me call her Mum—"

She gasps. "Seriously? Oh my god, that's so amazing! I bet she's over the moon!"

I laugh. "Even Patrick's getting excited. I kinda feel like this is a good thing, even if it's unexpected."

"This baby is going to be the best little thing in the whole world and it's going to have the best family ever."

I smile. "I hope so. Part of me is questioning my sanity by doing this with the new job and everything, but also...why not? I want this. As much as I was an idiot not to use protection and whatever, like, I feel like it's kinda meant to be."

"Then be excited! It's amazing!"

Gemma's right, of course. It is amazing, and the thought of doing this is just as exciting as it is daunting. But at the same time, there's a whole damn layer of this that is more daunting than anything.

Despite me doing this on my own, I know for a fact the pressure will still be on in every aspect of my parenting. If I don't raise this baby right and keep it safe, I'll have a royal family to probably answer to. That's if they get told. Will this child hate me if I keep the truth from it, and then tell it when it's sixteen, eighteen, or later? What if it wants nothing to do with the royal family, but they find out?

What if a few years down the line Kai wants something to do with the baby despite the agreement? Will it be secret meetings and waiting ages for him to see his child? Will his parents find out and demand the child go into their custody – and because they have power and money, will win the battle?

There are so many unknowns in this situation, it's hurting my brain already. The thing about life is that it's an art; it is what the owner makes it. Despite science creating a human life, once it's born, it's subjective. What's best for one isn't for another, and as a parent, you have to do the best you think, and then let the child make their own art once it's ready.

And that's the most daunting thing for me, because what if my choice for my child is wrong? What if my child gets taken, and that's wrong, but I have no say in that? Art might be subjective, but some art is never meant to be shared, and my child is that even though I'm not even that far along yet.

Everything is a mess already. 

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