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A Week Later

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It's the end of the mourning period tomorrow, which means we'll be going out and about again. The whole week has been spent in the castle grounds, only going out if needed – the king and queen have gone out a few times for meetings and have dressed in black – no engagements have happened, and Kai's new role has been sorted out.

The Queen and palace officials have been wedding planning, however, as there is so much to do and plan. I don't know why they haven't changed it, but I suppose it gives everyone something somewhat happy during this time.

My parents have both stayed in the cottage so they can support us with the wedding planning and life while this mourning period happens. Patrick had to go back to medical school, but he's planning on coming up next weekend.

Kai sits down on the sofa beside me with a cup of tea in hand and sighs.

"Hey," I whisper, putting my hand in his free one. "What's up?"

"We have an engagement tomorrow and I just don't know how to plaster a smile on and pretend to be okay," he admits.

"What is it?"

"It's just a meeting with an LGBTQ charity; nothing event-wise, but it's just—I'm not okay," he says.

I sit up and turn so we're face-on. "Kai, I don't think anyone expects you to just magically be okay. Grief doesn't work like that. Hell, I don't think anyone in public really expects you out this early. You can just refuse—"

"You know we can't do that. Life around us goes on, and we have to go back at some point."

"It's been a week, Kai. People have six months off for grief in the real world. Be kind to yourself." I lean over and kiss his cheek. "I can do all the talking and note-taking and whatever needs doing, okay? If you want, I'll represent both of us and you can stay here."

"No offence, Peach, but until we're married, the palace won't like that. If we were married now, then yeah, that could be a thing. They wouldn't like it, but they'd accept it. It's so frustrating. I hate this." He sighs. "I hate this life. This institution, this way of doing things. I want out."

I still for a second. Is he seriously suggesting what I think he's suggesting?

He looks me in the eyes. "I hate the way Mum and Dad have handled this. I know they're the monarchs and whatever, but life doesn't have to go on and I don't have to be pushed and primed for taking over a week after my sister, her husband and their two children get killed. Someone smashed into them, and one of the first things they announce on TV is that I'm the Prince of fucking Wales."

"Kai," I whisper and cup his cheeks. "I know. You have every right to be angry, okay? But you don't have to do as they say. Refuse the engagement. The charity will so understand. Let me handle your parents."

He chuckles. "I don't think they'd take kindly to that. Look, I'm okay with doing it. I'm just so fucking angry. Not necessarily at them, but at the world, at the driver that night, at them for dying, at myself for being next in line. This is fucked up."

I kiss his forehead. The moment I do, his forehead creases even out, just at the same time as the news lights up the TV with—

"Brayden," Kai announces with a hefty sigh. "Life just wants to keep getting shittier this week, huh?"

Brayden's interview with some unknown news channel is being shown in part. He's basically gone to the news and said how we were together for a while, and I broke up with him because 'we drifted apart' and mentioned how he never wanted us to split up. He remembers seeing me one night with Prince Kai in a nightclub, and I was trying to make him jealous. 

Of course, that last part is the only truth to the whole interview, and the channels aren't giving him much mind. The palace put out a rebuttal statement in which they say I don't really care for Brayden's interview – we broke up for private reasons, and that I'm fully in love with Prince Kai, looking forward to my wedding and baby, and right now am focusing on mourning and settling into royal life. They made it sound professional and friendly, and the crowds didn't seem to care much about him either.

"How do you feel about all of this, Peach?"

"What, Brayden or being next in line thing?" I ask.

"Both, I guess."

I sigh and turn the TV off. "Brayden can go fuck himself. Excuse my swearing. He's just after his fifteen minutes of fame off the back of me. As for the next in line thing... I don't know. It's not what I signed up for, but life and death happen. I guess it's just something I'll have to get used to. I'm here because I love you and our child. The royal life is... pressure, but it gives our baby security."

"Since I was born, all I've had to do is play by the rules of the royal life. Private school, private everything. Anything I've ever done is in the limelight and I get scrutinised for it. I'm the spare and always have been. But now it's turned around and I'm important. We'll have even more rules now, more engagements, more pressure." He sips his tea and almost slams the mug on the table. "I never wanted this life since I was eighteen. I hate it, Peach."

I'm unsure how to react to this, so I sip my drink for a moment to compose myself. When I'm ready, I put my cup back on the table. "What are you suggesting, Kai?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I guess I'm saying I want out, Peach. Screw this. I'm not fit to be a king, and I couldn't just expect you to be okay with being a princess, or queen consort – depending on what my dad says about it when we marry."

"But there is no one else, so who would the throne go to if we said screw this and ran away? Kai, you told me the other week when I suggested this that it would break your family apart. Your sister, her husband and kids just died, and you want to threaten that fragile crack in your family by renouncing your title?" I ask gently. "Genuinely here, I'm not telling you what to do, but this is what you argued with me about the other week when I suggested that same thing, so what has changed?"

He stands and paces the floor, hand rubbing his chin as he does. "I don't know. Technically, because the throne is in my dad's bloodline, it would go to his brother – my uncle David. But because you're pregnant, our child would have the rights to the throne, so David would look after the throne until our child comes of age. Girl or boy, it would decide what to do. If our child refused the throne, it would go down David's bloodline."

I wipe my face in frustration. Why is this so ridiculous? It sounds so backwards, but Britain has had a monarchy since, well, the first of May 1707. When I came here, they gave me a quick rundown of the monarchy's history and apparently some of the stuff stuck in my head. The only real things I remember are the things about the Tudor period and the most recent history. Everything else went over my head.

"This feels... dangerous and so against everything you've told me since I found out who you were, Kai. You wanna know what I think?" I ask.

He stops moving and stares at me. "What?"

"I think you're nervous. That's to be expected. You've been feeling like the spare part all your life, but now it's all come at once. You're about to get married – regardless of our feelings now, for a while we weren't doing this out of choice. We have a baby on the way, you're grieving for four people, and you've suddenly been put next in line to the throne. You never expected to one day be king and here we are. It's nerves, and it's natural. I'd not be surprised if you've got serious anxiety, too. So your first thought is to run."

"I've been running all my life. Hiding in night clubs, sleeping with women and getting drunk. Prince Kai has been the butt of the royal family since I was old enough to play the role."

I cock my head. "Prince Kai has grown up since then. Listen to me, if you want to renounce your status, I will back you every step of the way. You're the one with the royal blood here. But I think you'll be making a mistake. I think you'll make an excellent monarch."

He shakes his head. "You were against this since the moment you found out."

"Princess Peach goes through a character arc of her own, you know. She kicks arse now," I joke.

He laughs. "How do you always manage to make everything feel lighter and better?"

"It's actually me that's the butt of the royal family. I'm the one who drops drinks, falls on TV, knocks the king's crown off his head—I'm an idiot. If anyone here isn't fit for this, it's me."

"That's a lie. The people love you more than anyone else in this entire institution."

I scoff. "Don't charm me! I'm trying to comfort you here."

He gives out a small grin. I stand up and stop in front of him. After a beat, we both move until our foreheads are touching. Tears course down his cheeks and mix into my skin.

"We will get you through this, okay? My idea is this: give it a few weeks, and refuse to do any engagements for a while. Grief comes in so many forms, and you're feeling it four times over. Take a break. Then, when you feel ready, think about this properly. I'm here for you, okay?"

He nods and kisses my lips. It's a gentle, non-passionate kiss, but I can feel every emotion he's putting across right now. I kiss him back, wiping his tears with my thumbs. 

Somehow, I wish I could magic this easier for him, but I know I can't. There is no magic wand for this. There's no fairy godmother. He has to feel this and move forward somehow, and that will come with time. Despite what fairy tales might suggest, time isn't something that can be magicked. It can stretch and feel like an age while you're stone and immovable. But it'll happen one day, when he doesn't feel the need to cry anymore; he'll remember Lucy and her family with a smile.

"So many times during my nursing training, I had to deal with this kind of thing. Not the same, but you know, similar with loss, and this can take time. Cliché as it sounds, being kind to yourself and time are both the best healers. Having people around you to understand will also help. It's not the same, but I lost my mum, so I can empathise."

"You're amazing. I love you."

I kiss his lips. "Kai, I love you too. Go get some rest, okay? We'll deal with everything else later."

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It's later in the evening. My parents have been and gone; Annie cooked up a spaghetti bolognese for us all, which Kai even sat and ate with us. He seems chirpier this afternoon, and I know he's been locked away in the office sorting something out on the phone to do with the charities and that. As much as I can tell him to rest, he clearly wants to do it for a distraction, so I can't have a go at him.

Instead of sitting and watching the continuous news of Lucy's death or Brayden's stupid face, I've decided this afternoon to take up playing Call of Duty on Kai's Xbox. Somehow, playing this online multiplayer and killing people virtually as someone called TheRoseCrown is therapeutic. I know Kai's username is a nod to the rose as the English emblem when the royals back then adopted it as the national flower, and obviously, the crown is a nod to the fact he's a royal.

My phone keeps blowing up, though, as I'm playing, so when the round is over, I pick it up and have a look.

'Mila, sweetheart, we need to talk.' 'Don't ignore me. We both know this needs to be addressed.' 'Mila, we need to talk. Don't pretend you haven't seen the interview and actually have a different view than what the palace put out.' 'I want you back.'

They're all from Brayden.

"Fuck." I throw my phone down on the sofa and lean my head back.

"Everything okay, Peach?" Kai walks in. "You're playing CoD? You? And on my account, bringing down my kill-to-death ratio?"

I narrow my eyes. "You wanna check what I've done to it? It's called being better."

He scoffs. "Now you've raised a challenge. I'll literally get another console and we can play together."

I wink. "Bring it on, Prince Kai."

He stands straighter and uses his phone for a few moments. "They'll have one delivered tomorrow—"

My mouth gapes open. "Seriously? You just text someone and they'll have a console delivered the next day?"

He shrugs. "If I was desperate, I just go out the front door, ask Greg, and he'll have someone drive out to the nearest shop for me. But it's just a console, they'll just order next-day delivery."

"Jesus," I whisper.

"More like Mr Sony or Mr Microsoft, but whatever." He puts his phone away.

"Talking of—I think I need to get a new phone number."

"Why? Is it—?" He stops when I nod. "This idiot. I can get them to get an indictment or restraining order or something."

I shake my head. "No, there's no need for drama over it. Seems no one is really bothered by him in the media, but he's messaging me non-stop. All I need is a new number."

He sighs and shakes his head. "Peach, at any moment, I just have to phone and we can get the law on our side. Just let me know. But—" He grabs his phone out and sends another text. "A new phone with a new number is on its way before the shops close today. Someone will go out now." His phone chimes. "Yep, they're on their way."

"Christ, if I need a new phone before all this, I'd have to save up for at least six months."

"Talking of before all of this—" He stops and sighs. "We need to discuss things."

I cock my head. "Why does this feel ominous?"

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said earlier about leaving the royal family, like officially. Basically, it would mean legally giving up working as a royal. I would still be a part of the family, but we would have to rely on ourselves for money, but we wouldn't have the expectations and limitations. We wouldn't be expected to be the next in line. I think my parents would probably pay for our child to have a private education, not a public one like you went to, but we would be free."

I sit on the sofa, feeling the weight of this already. Personally, I like this job and life, but if he needs this, I'll be with him for whatever. Despite our baby not having a choice if we walk away, I think this is a good thing in a way. The people like us, I like the people and I can try and make a big change for the world – one our child will be born into. But it's not me who has royal blood. It's Kai.

"But the thing I keep coming back to is how much the public loves you, and how much you seem to love this life." Kai sits beside me. "So I came up with a few ways this could work: we carry on and become next in line. The second choice is we both leave and start again. Or the third option is you leave."

I cock my head. "I leave?"

He nods. "You can just go back to Southampton like before when I brought you into this. I'll give you the money—whatever money you need to raise our baby—"

"Kai, stop. Just stop that. The third option isn't on the table. We're in this together. I love you—I'm not going to leave you. The three of us are a family now." I thread my hands together with his.

He meets my gaze. "Okay, that's a good thing." He chuckles awkwardly. "But I don't know what to do, so this is why I think it's best if you choose."

"I'm not making your life decision for you, Kai."

"Peach, if we're a couple, I need your opinion on this. This decision is mainly yours because I don't know what to do – do we leave the royal family or stay?"

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