ROYAL CRIES
━━ bonus two

━━ IT WAS ODD to live like normal teenagers after the hell that had been their summer. Odd, but incredibly welcomed. ( And deserved, too, Elisa figured. ) She thought everything was finally alright as she and Percy relaxed on the Great Lawn in Central Park on the warm September day.

               They had a comfy blanket, some snacks, water, and a box of pizza. The pizza was mainly for Percy as Elisa wasn't much of a pizza person ( which Percy said hurt his heart, but she just ignored him ). Oh—and they couldn't forget some emergency Celestial bronze weapons in case of a sudden Greek mythological attack.

               "Hey, Elisa," Percy said, leaning on one elbow to look at her, "today's September eighteenth."

               It was hard to stay concentrated on the conversation when Elisa looked the way she did, but Percy managed. Her skin seemed to glow under the sun and she had on some cherry-flavored lip balm Percy had unabashedly grown addicted to the flavor of. She was wearing an AC/DC T-shirt and some blue jeans shorts. Her black hair curled around her face and she had chosen to let the curtain bangs grow out some more. Around her neck hung a leather cord with two colorful beads from their demigod training camp—Camp Half-Blood.

               "Yeah?" she said, looking over a pair of sunglasses she had stolen from Drew. "What's up with September eighteenth?"

               Percy nudged her shoulder. "It's our one-month anniversary," he reminded her.

               "Oh ..." Elisa trailed off, looking at the picnic around her. She frowned, and Percy feared it was directed toward him. "I'm sorry, Percy, I forgot. I figured we weren't going to celebrate our one-month anniversary."

               "Well, don't forget next time," he said. "We're gonna celebrate every month. So October 18th; our second-month anniversary. November 18th; our third-month—"

               "Okay, I get it!" she promised with a laugh.

               Still, it didn't feel like enough to Percy. A simple picnic didn't feel like enough to celebrate their relationship. Being with Elisa was awesome, and a picnic didn't express that. The last month Percy had been the happiest he had ever been and he wanted to tell Elisa that, but he was bad with words.

               Elisa was pretty chill when it came to dates. She always told him she didn't care much about where they went, what they went to do, or whatever else, but that she just enjoyed spending time with him but Percy felt like he needed to do more. He wanted to be the best boyfriend possible. That's what Elisa deserved.

               Before he could say anything, a sudden streak of light flashed across his face, as if someone had flashed a mirror in his face. He looked around and he saw a brown delivery truck parked in the middle of the Great Lawn where no cars were allowed. Lettered on the side were the words: HERMES EXPRESS.

               "Oh, good," Percy muttered. "We've got mail."

               "What?" Elisa frowned, taking off the sunglasses.

               He pointed at the truck. The driver was climbing out. He wore a brown uniform shirt and knee-length shorts along with stylish black socks and cleats. His curly salt-and-pepper hair stuck out around the edges of his brown cap. He looked like a guy in his mid-thirties, but Percy knew from experience he was actually in his mid-five-thousands.

               Hermes. Messenger of the gods. Personal friend, dispenser of heroic quests, and frequent cause of migraine headaches.

               He looked upset. He kept patting his pockets and wringing his hands. Either he'd lost something important or he'd had too many espressos at the Mount Olympus Starbucks. Finally, he spotted the couple and beckoned them over.

               That could've meant several things. If the god was delivering a message in person from the gods, it was bad news. If he wanted something from them, that was also bad news.

               "We can just ignore him," said Elisa, shoving the sunglasses back on her face. "I'm great at ignoring my problems."

               "I would love to, Ellie," said Percy, "but you know the gods."

               He sighed and stood up, holding out his hand for Elisa to take, which she did to pull herself onto her feet.

               Interacting with the gods was always a gamble. Elisa was on good terms with some of them ( mainly only Artemis and—sort of—Dionysus; where she and her father's relationship stood was always a mystery to her ), but she wasn't on that great of terms with Hermes. Which wasn't too shocking as she and her friends had fought his demigod son, Luke, a month ago. Luke had been corrupted by Titan Kronos in a mortal combat smack-down for the fate of the world. Luke's death had never been Elisa's fault, but the death still put a damper on her non-existent relationship with Hermes.

               Percy started simply with a, "Hi."

               Hermes scanned the park as if he was afraid of being watched. He glanced at Elisa, then back at Percy. "I didn't know the girl would be here. She'll have to swear to keep her mouth shut."

               Elisa gave the god an offended look. "This girl has a name, and I would hope you would know it after I saved your sorry asses—" Percy elbowed her before she could finish her sentence completely.

               Hermes glared at her, but she only returned the glare. "Promise. Before I say anything, both of you must promise not to tell anyone."

               "I'm not promising anything before I know what's going on," said Elisa.

               She had no idea what was wrong, and she's never seen a god look so jittery. Hermes tucked a curl of hair behind his ear. He patted his pockets again. His hands didn't seem to know what to do.

               "Where's your staff?" Percy asked suddenly.

               Hermes's eye twitched. He looked like he was about to cry.

               "Oh, gods," Elisa said. Her cheek twitched. "You lost your staff?"

               "I didn't lose it!" Hermes snapped. "It was stolen. And I wasn't asking for your help, girl!"

               "It's Elisa, not girl," said the daughter of Dionysus. "And I'm definitely not going to help you if you can't even call me by my name. Find the damn staff yourself."

               Hermes snarled at her. Percy realized he might have to break up a fight between an immortal god and his girlfriend, and he didn't want to be on either side of that. He figured things would go bad if the two went nuclear, so he risked stepping between them. He would rather go back to having a fun, peaceful time with his girlfriend, but he knew the gods were always going to be a problem.

               "Elisa, tell you what. This sounds important. Let me hear him out, and I'll meet you back at the picnic blanket, okay?"

               Elisa gave the god one last glare before stomping over to the picnic blanket. She had been too hopeful in wishing the gods would leave her alone after the war. She thought after it was all said and done, she would finally get to live like a normal teenager, but the gods were too dependent on demigods to do their dirty work.

               Percy came back a few minutes later, but Elisa wasn't exactly able to decipher his expression. But she knew her boyfriend well enough to know he had made promises to help. He was always eager to please and to help—partly because he was a people-pleaser ( despite how much he denied it ), but also because if you denied doing something for the gods, bad things tended to happen.

               "What is it?" Elisa demanded.

               "Good news." Percy explained everything; Hermes needed them to track down Cacus to get his staff back and that the staff needed to be delivered no later than five that day in Rockefeller Center. Then he gave her a smile, hoping all the not 'good' news would be softened.

               It wasn't. Elisa scowled heavily.

               "Why is tracking down a fire-breathing giant good news?" she demanded. "And why would I want to help Hermes? He was a bitc—"

               "He's not so bad," Percy cut her off. "Besides, two innocent snakes are in trouble. George and Martha must be terrified—"

               "Not my snakes, not my problems," said Elisa defiantly.

               "You know how the gods are, Elisa," said Percy. "If we don't help, Hermes will make it our problem ..."

               "... I know," she said, sighing.

               "I'll make it up to you, Elisa, I promise—"

               She held out her hand. "I know you mean well, Perce, but no more promises. You've made enough for one day. Let's just find this giant."

               She stowed their blanket in her backpack and put away the food. The only thing she kept out was Annabeth's shield. Like a lot of magic items, it was designed to morph into a smaller item for easy carrying. The shield shrinks to plate size, which is what we'd been using it for. Elisa brushed off the crumbs and tossed the plate into the air. It expanded as it spun. When it landed in the grass it was a full-sized bronze shield, its highly polished surface reflecting the sky.

               "Why do you have Annabeth's video shield?" Percy asked.

               Elisa shrugged. "She mentioned I should take it in case of any monster attacks. It helped a lot during the Titans War, so I figured she was right."

               "That thing only shows aerial images, right?" Percy asked. "Cacus is supposed to be underground."

               "We might as well try," said Elisa. "Shield, I want to see Cacus."

               Light rippled across the bronze surface. Instead of a reflection, they were looking down at a landscape of dilapidated warehouses and crumbling roads. A rusty water tower rose above the urban blight.

               Elisa glared at the video shield. "Oh—it has a sense of humor," she grumbled.

               "What do you mean?" Percy asked.

               "That's Secaucus, New Jersey. Read the sign on the water tower." She rapped her knuckles on the bronze surface. "Hilarious. Now I want to see—I mean, show me the location of the fire-breathing giant Cacus."

               The image changed. This time they saw a familiar part of Manhattan: renovated warehouses, brick-paved streets, a glass hotel, and an elevated train track that had been turned into a park with trees and wildflowers.

               "That's the High Line park," Percy said. "In the Meatpacking District."

               "I guess so," Elisa said with a shrug. "But where's the giant?"

               The shield zoomed in on an intersection blocked off with orange barricades and detour signs. Construction equipment sat idle in the shadow of the High Line. Chiseled in the street was a big square hole, cordoned off with yellow police tape. Steam billowed from the pit.

               The son of Poseidon scratched his head. "Why would the police seal off a hole in the street?"

               "Wait—I think I remember this," said Elisa. "It was on the news yesterday."

               "I don't watch the news."

               "Shocker," Elisa said sarcastically. "A construction worker got hurt, or at least that's what the news said. Some freak accident way below the surface. They were digging a new service tunnel or something, and a fire broke out."

               "A fire," he said. "As in, maybe a fire-breathing giant?"

               "Hopefully—kind of. I really don't want to meet a fire-breathing giant, but if that's what it takes to get Hermes off our backs, then fine," she said. "The mortals wouldn't understand what was happening. The Mist would obscure what they really saw. They'd think the giant was just like—I don't know—a gas explosion or something."

               "So let's catch a cab," Percy said.

               Elisa looked at him, grabbing the video shield. "You're lucky I like you so much," she informed him. "'Cause I wouldn't do this for anyone else. I mean—the first sunny day in weeks, and we're going into a dangerous cave to fight a fire-breathing giant."

               Percy grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "You're awesome," he told her. "Like, the coolest girlfriend ever."

               "I know," agreed Elisa.

ˋˏ [ 👑 ] ˎˊ

The cab dropped them off on West 15th. The streets were bustling with a mix of sidewalk vendors, workers, shoppers, and tourists. The two half-bloods made their way to the construction site. Two police officers stood at the intersection, but they didn't pay them any attention as they turned up the sidewalk and then doubled back, ducking behind the barricades.

               The hole in the street was about the size of a garage door. Pipe scaffolding hung over it with a sort of winch system, and metal climbing rungs had been fastened into the side of the pit, leading down.

               "Any ideas?" Percy asked Elisa.

               "We climb down," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We find the giant. We get the caduceus. And we get the hell out."

               "Wow," he said. "Wise and strategic. Are you sure you're not a daughter of Athena?"

               Elisa glared at him. "Shut up, Chico Pez."

               They climbed over the barricade, ducked under the police tape, and crept toward the hole. Elisa kept a wary eye on the police, but they didn't turn around. Pretty standard; they were normally useless. Sneaking into a dangerous steaming pit in the middle of a New York intersection proved disturbingly easy.

               She and Percy descended. And descended. The rungs seemed to go down forever. The square of daylight above them got smaller and smaller until it was the size of a postage stamp. She couldn't hear the city traffic anymore, just the echo of trickling water. Every twenty feet or so, a dim light flickered next to the ladder, but the descent was still gloomy and creepy.

               Elisa was vaguely aware that the tunnel was opening up behind her into a much larger space, but she stayed focused on the ladder, trying not to step on Percy's hands as he climbed below her. She didn't realize they had reached the bottom until she heard Percy's feet splash.

               "Holy shit," he said loudly. "Elisa, look at this!"

               The daughter of Dionysus dropped next to him in a shallow puddle of muck. She turned and found that they were standing in a factory-sized cavern. Their tunnel emptied into it like a narrow chimney. The rock walls bristled with old cables, pipes, and lines of brickwork—maybe the foundations of old buildings. Busted water pipes, possibly old sewer lines, sent a steady drizzle of water down the walls, turning the floor muddy. She didn't want to know what was in that water.

               There wasn't much light, but the cavern looked like a cross between a construction zone and a flea market. Scattered around the cave were crates, toolboxes, pallets of timber, and stacks of steel pipe. There was even a bulldozer half-sunken in the mud.

               Even stranger: several old cars had somehow been brought from the surface, each filled with suitcases and mounds of purses. Racks of clothing had been carelessly tossed around like somebody had cleaned out a department store. Worst of all, hanging from meat hooks on a stainless steel scaffold was a row of cow carcasses—skinned, gutted, and ready for butchering. Judging from the smell and the flies, they weren't very fresh.

               Elisa curled her lips with disgust at the sight. "That is disgusting."

               Percy nodded. "Almost makes me want to go vegetarian."

               There was no sign of a giant. Part of Elisa hoped he wasn't home, but she knew she wasn't that lucky. But then something caught her eye, some at the far end of the cave. "Maybe he's down there."

               Leading into the darkness was a twenty-foot-diameter tunnel, perfectly round, as if made by a huge snake. Elisa didn't like the idea of walking to the other side of the cave, especially through that flea market of heavy machinery and cow carcasses.

               "How did all this stuff get down here?" Percy whispered, but his voice echoed anyway.

               Elisa scanned the scene. She obviously didn't like what she saw. "They must've lowered the bulldozer in pieces and assembled it down here," she guessed. "That's probably how they dug the subway system a long time ago."

               "What about the other junk?" he asked. "The cars and, um, meat products?"

               She furrowed her eyebrows. "Some of it looks like street vendor merchandise. Those purses and coats ... the giant must've brought them down here for some reason." She gestured toward the bulldozer. "That thing looks like it's been through combat."

               The machine's caterpillar treads were busted. The driver's seat was charred to a crisp. In the front of the rig, the big shovel blade was dented as if it had run into something ... or been punched.

               The silence was eerie. Looking up at the tiny speck of daylight above us, Elisa got vertigo. How could a cave this big exist under Manhattan without the city block collapsing, or the Hudson River flooding in? They had to be hundreds of feet below sea level.

               What really disturbed her was that tunnel on the far side of the cave.

               She wasn't saying that she could smell monsters the way satyrs could, but she suddenly understood why they hated being underground. It felt oppressive and dangerous. Demigods didn't belong here. Something was waiting down that tunnel. Elisa wanted to flee, but instead, she squared her shoulders, took a deep sigh, and forged ahead.

               They had just reached the middle of the cave when a groan echoed from the far tunnel. The duo ducked behind the bulldozer just as the giant appeared from the darkness, stretching his massive arms.

               "Breakfast," he rumbled.

               Elisa could see him clearly now, and she wished she couldn't have. The giant was about ten feet tall, which made him small compared to some other giants she had seen. But Cacus made up for it by being bright and gaudy. He had curly orange hair, pale skin, and orange freckles. His face was smeared upward with a permanent pout, upturned nose, wide eyes, and arched eyebrows, so he appeared both startled and unhappy. He wore a red velour housecoat with matching slippers. The housecoat was open, revealing silky Valentine-patterned boxer shorts and luxurious chest hair of a red/pink/orange color not found in nature.

               Elisa stared at the monster with disgust. "It's like a Weasley mutant ..."

               Percy looked at her. "Weasley? Who's Weasley?"

               "It's a family from Harry Potter, Percy," said Elisa impatiently.

               Unfortunately, the giant had extremely good hearing. He frowned and scanned the cavern, zeroing in on their hiding place.

               "Who's there?" he bellowed. "You—behind the bulldozer."

               Elisa and Percy looked at each other. She mouthed, Sorry.

               "Come on!" the giant said. "I don't appreciate sneaking about! Show yourself."

               That sounded like a really terrible idea. Then again, they were pretty much busted anyway. Maybe the giant would listen to reason, despite the fact that he wore Valentine's boxer shorts.

               Percy took out his ballpoint pen and uncapped it. His bronze sword, Riptide, sprang to life. Elisa pulled out Annabeth's shield and Acantha. None of their weapons looked very intimidating against a guy that big, but together, they stepped into the open.

               The giant grinned. "Well! Demigods, are you? I call for breakfast, and you two appear? That's quite accommodating."

               "We're not your breakfast," Elisa corrected.

               "No?" The giant stretched lazily. Twin wisps of smoke escaped his nostrils. "I imagine you'd taste wonderful with tortillas, salsa, and eggs. Huevos semidiós. Just thinking about it makes me hungry!"

               He sauntered over to the row of fly-specked cow carcasses. Elisa's stomach twisted as she watched him.

               Percy muttered, "Oh, he's not really gonna—"

               Cacus snatched one of the carcasses off a hook. He blew fire over it—a red-hot torrent of flame that cooked the meat in seconds but didn't seem to hurt the giant's hands at all. Once the cow was crispy and sizzling, Cacus unhinged his jaw, opened his mouth impossibly wide, and downed the carcass in three massive bites, bones and all.

               Elisa's jaw dropped. She looked green in the face. "We're fucked ..." she said weakly.

               "He really did it," Percy murmured in horror.

               The giant belched. He wiped his steaming greasy hands on his robe and grinned at us. "So, if you're not breakfast, you must be customers. What can I interest you in?"

               He sounded relaxed and friendly, like he was happy to talk with the demigods. Between that and the red velour housecoat, he almost didn't seem dangerous. Except of course that he was ten feet tall, blew fire, and ate cows in three bites.

               Percy stepped forward. Elisa looked at him like he was crazy, but didn't say anything. "Um, yeah," the boy said. "We might be customers. What do you sell?"

               Cacus laughed. "What do I sell? Everything, demigod! At bargain basement prices, and you can't find a basement lower than this!" He gestured around the cavern. "I've got designer handbags, Italian suits, um ... some construction equipment, apparently, and if you're in the market for a Rolex ..."

               He opened his robe. Pinned to the inside was a glittering array of gold and silver watches.

               Elisa raised her eyebrows. She hung around Cabin Ten enough to know knock-offs when she saw them. "Those are fakes," she told him haughtily. "You stole all that from street merchants, didn't you?"

               The giant looked offended. "Not just any knockoffs, young lady. I steal only the best! I'm a son of Hephaestus. I know quality fakes when I see them."

               Percy frowned. "A son of Hephaestus? Then shouldn't you be making things rather than stealing them?"

               Cacus snorted. "Too much work! Oh, sometimes if I find a high-quality item I'll make my own copies. But mostly it's easier to steal things. I started with cattle thieving, you know, back in the old days. Love cattle! That's why I settled in the Meatpacking District. Then I discovered they have more than meat here!" He grinned as if this was an amazing discovery. "Street vendors, high-end boutiques—this is a wonderful city, even better than Ancient Rome! And the workers were very nice to make me this cave."

               "Before you ran them off," said Elisa, "and almost killed them while you were at it ..."

               Cacus stifled a yawn. "Are you sure you're not breakfast? Because you're beginning to bore me. If you don't want to buy something, I'll go get the salsa and tortillas—"

               "We were looking for something special," Percy interrupted. "Something real. And magic. But I guess you don't have anything like that."

               "Ha!" Cacus clapped his hands. "A high-end shopper. If I haven't got what you need in stock, I can steal it, for the right price, of course."

               "Hermes's staff," the boy said. "The caduceus."

               The giant's face turned as red as his hair. His eyes narrowed. "I see. I should've known Hermes would send someone. Who are you two? Children of the thief god?"

               Elisa frowned. "I know he did not just say that. Does he realize just how rude that—?"

               "I'm Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon," the black-haired boy told the giant. He put out his arm to hold his girlfriend back. "And this is Elisa Bardales, Daughter of Dionysus. We help out the gods sometimes with little stuff, like—Oh, killing Titans, saving Mount Olympus, things like that. Perhaps you've heard stories. So about that caduceus ... it would be easier just to hand it over before things get unpleasant."

               Percy's threat didn't work too well. Instead of tossing the caduceus over and then begging for forgiveness and his life, Cacus threw back his head and chortled. "Oh, I see! That was supposed to scare me! But alas, the only demigod who ever defeated me was Hercules himself."

               Elisa rolled her eyes. "It's always Hercules."

               The giant kept boasting. "For centuries, I was the terror of Italy! I stole many cows—more than any other giant. Mothers used to scare their children with my name. They would say, 'Mind your manners, child, or Cacus will come and steal your cows!'"

               "Oh, that's terrifying." Elisa shared an annoyed look with Percy. "I even have chills I'm so scared."

               The giant grinned. "I know, right? So you may as well give up, demigods. You'll never get the caduceus. I have plans for that!"

               He raised his hand and the staff of Hermes appeared in his grip. Elisa had seen it before, but it still sent a shiver down her back. Godly items just radiate power. The staff was smooth white wood about three feet long, topped with a silver sphere and dove's wings that fluttered nervously. Intertwined around the staff were two live, very agitated serpents.

               Percy! A reptilian voice spoke in Elisa's mind. Thank the gods!

               Another snaky voice, deeper and grumpier, said, Yes, I haven't been fed in hours.

               "Martha, George," the boy said. "Are you guys all right?"

               Better if I got some food, George complained. There are some nice rats down here. Could you catch us some?

               George, stop! Martha chided. We have bigger problems. This giant wants to keep us!

               Cacus looked back and forth from the half-bloods to the snakes. "Wait ... you can speak with the snakes, Percy Jackson? That's excellent! Tell them they'd better start cooperating. I'm their new master, and they'll only get fed when they start taking orders."

               The nerve! Martha shrieked. You tell that ginger jerk—

               "Wait," Elisa interrupted. "Cacus, the snakes will never obey you. They only work for Hermes. Since you can't use the staff, it won't do you any good. Just give it back and we'll pretend this never happened."

               "Great idea," Percy agreed, nodding to his girlfriend.

               The giant snarled. "Oh, I'll figure out the staff's powers, girl. I'll make the snakes cooperate!"

               Cacus shook the caduceus. George and Martha wriggled and hissed, but they seemed stuck to the staff. Elisa knew the caduceus could turn into all sorts of things—a sword, a cell phone, a price scanner for easy comparison shopping. And once George had mentioned something disturbing about 'laser mode.' She really didn't want Cacus figuring out that feature.

               Finally, the giant growled in frustration. He slammed the staff against the nearest cow carcass and instantly the meat turned to stone. A wave of petrifaction spread from carcass to carcass until the rack became so heavy it collapsed. Half a dozen granite cows broke to pieces.

               "Now, that's interesting!" Cacus beamed.

               "Oh, shit." Elisa took a step back.

               The giant swung the staff in their direction. "Yes! Soon I will master this thing and be as powerful as Hermes. I'll be able to go anywhere! I'll steal anything I want, make high-quality knockoffs, and sell them around the world. I will be the lord of traveling salesmen!"

               "That," Percy said, "is truly evil."

               "Ha-ha!" Cacus raised the caduceus in triumph. "I had my doubts, but now I'm convinced. Stealing this staff was an excellent idea! Now let's see how I can kill you with it."

               "Wait!" Elisa said. "You mean it wasn't your idea to steal the staff? Who's idea was it?"

               "Kill them!" Cacus ordered the snakes. He pointed the caduceus at the two, but the silver tip only spewed slips of paper. Elisa picked up one and read it.

               "You're trying to kill us with Groupons," she informed the giant. "'Eighty-five percent off piano lessons.' Maybe get a coupon for some gardening tools or something. Now, those can be deadly."

               "Gah!" Cacus glared at the snakes and breathed a fiery warning shot over their heads. "Obey me!"

               George and Martha squirmed in alarm.

               Stop that! Martha cried.

               We're cold-blooded! George protested. Fire is not good!

               "Hey, Cacus!" Percy shouted, trying to get back his attention. "Answer our question. Who told you to steal the staff?"

               The giant sneered. "Foolish demigod. When you defeated Kronos, did you think you eliminated all the enemies of the gods? You only delayed the fall of Olympus for a little while longer. Without the staff, Hermes will be unable to carry messages. Olympian communication lines will be disrupted, and that's only the first bit of chaos my friends have planned."

               "You have friends?" Elisa asked.

               Cacus waved off the question and her insult. "Doesn't matter. You won't live that long, and I'm only in it for the money. With this staff, I'll make millions! Maybe even thousands! Now hold still. Perhaps I can get a good price on two demigod statues."

               Elisa wasn't fond of threats like that. She wasn't anxious to fight this guy, but she also knew she couldn't leave George and Martha at his mercy. Besides, the world had enough traveling salesmen. Nobody deserved to answer their door and find a fire-breathing giant with a magic staff and a collection of knockoff Rolexes.

               Percy looked at her. "Time to fight?"

               Elisa gave him a sweet smile. "After you, pretty boy."

ˋˏ [ 👑 ] ˎˊ

Charging into battle with no real plan was pretty stupid, but Elisa and Percy had been fighting together for the past two years or so. They knew each other's abilities—their strengths and weaknesses. They could anticipate each other's moves. Things weren't always the easiest as romantic partners, but as sparring partners? Everything came naturally.

               Elisa veered to the giant's left. She was good with a shield, even though as far as Percy was aware, this was the first time she was using one in battle. He charged Cacus head-on. He was still out of sword-reach when the giant unhinged his jaw and blew fire.

               Percy managed to leap to one side, and he rolled through the mud to douse the flames that ignited on his clothes. But while doing so, he knocked over a rack of women's coats.

               The giant roared. "Look what you've done! Those are genuine fake Prada!"

               Elisa used the distraction to strike. She lunged at Cacus from behind and stabbed him in the back of the knee—usually a nice soft spot on monsters. She leaped away as Cacus swung the caduceus, barely missing her. The silver tip slammed into the bulldozer and the entire machine turned to stone.

               "I'll kill you!" Cacus stumbled, golden ichor pouring from his wounded leg.

               He blew fire at the girl, but she dodged the blast. Percy lunged with Riptide and slashed the blade across the giant's other leg.

               Unfortunately, Cacus didn't die. But he did bellow with pain.

               He turned with surprising speed, smacking Percy with the back of his hand. The boy went flying and crashed into a pile of broken stone cows.

               Elisa yelled, "Percy!"

               Move! she heard Martha's voice, though it was much quieter than before from the distance. He's about to strike!

               Roll left! George said, which was one of the more helpful suggestions he'd ever made. Percy rolled to the left as the caduceus smashed into the pile of stone where Percy had been laying.

               Elisa looked at the spear in her right hand. Sure, she had stabbed Cacus, but he hadn't died—which was bad. She looked to her left arm, where the video shield was strapped. Suddenly, she had one of her best ideas to date. She reeled back her left arm and used all of her strength as she pulled it forward. The Celestial bronze hit Cacus in the backside with a loud CLANG!

               She had smacked the fire-breathing giant in the backside. Elisa couldn't deny the amount of joy it gave her.

               The giant screamed, and loudly.

               Percy staggered to his feet. Elisa was backing away from the giant with a huge grin. Cacus stumbled, but before Elisa could discipline him again, he turned and snatched the shield from her. He crumpled the Celestial bronze like paper and tossed it over his shoulder.

               Elisa's grin faded and she whimpered like an injured dog. If Cacus didn't kill her, Annabeth surely would.

               "Enough!" The giant leveled the staff at the daughter of Dionysus.

               Suddenly, the caduceus changed form. It became a cell phone and rang to the tune of Macarena. George and Martha, now the size of earthworms, curled around the screen.

               Good one, George said.

               We danced to this at our wedding, Martha said. Remember, dear?

               "Stupid snakes!" Cacus shook the cell phone violently.

               Eek! Martha said. Help—me!

               George's voice quivered. Must—obey—red—bathrobe!

               The phone grew back into a staff.

               "Now, behave!" Cacus warned the snakes. "Or I'll turn you two into a fake Gucci handbag!"

               Elisa ran to Percy's side. Together they backed up until they were next to the ladder.

               "Our tag game strategy isn't working so well," she noticed helpfully. She was breathing heavily. The left sleeve of her T-shirt was smoldering, but otherwise, she looked okay. "You got any suggestions?"

               Percy still looked hazy from the slam with the granite cows, but he looked better than he had before. He looked up the tunnel wildly, and Elisa figured he had thought of something—hopefully.

               "I don't like you!" Cacus yelled. He stalked toward them, smoke pouring from his nostrils. "It's time to end this."

               "Hold on," Percy warned Elisa as he wrapped his free hand around her waist

               Cacus towered over them, his mouth glowing like a furnace. "Any last words, demigod?"

               "Look up," the son of Poseidon told him.

               Cacus did as told. The whole cavern rumbled as a thousand water pipes burst overhead. A not-so-clean waterfall slammed Cacus in the face. Percy yanked Elisa out of the way, then leaped back into the edge of the torrent, carrying the daughter of Dionysus with him.

               "What are you—?" She made a strangling sound and screamed loudly.

               They started to travel upstream like some salmons, jumping from current to current as the water gushed into the cavern. If you've ever tried running up a wet slide, it was kind of like that, except at a ninety-degree angle and with no slide—just water.

               Far below Elisa heard Cacus bellowing as millions—maybe even thousands—of filthy gallons of water slammed into him. She alternately shouted, gagged, hit Percy, called him endearing pet names like "Idiot! Stupid—dirty—moron—" and topped it all off with "Kill you myself!"

               Finally, the two shot out of the ground atop a disgusting geyser and landed safely on the pavement. Pedestrians and cops backed away, yelling in alarm at their sewage version of Old Faithful. Brakes screeched and cars rear-ended each other as drivers stopped to watch the chaos.

               Percy had stayed dry throughout the swim—he and his stupid son of Poseidon powers—but he still smelled pretty bad. Elisa had old cotton balls stuck in her hair and a wet candy wrapper plastered to her face.

               "That," she said, ripping the wrapper away, "was disgusting! I'm going to kill you myself, Sea Brain!"

               "Oh, a new nickname!" Percy said happily. "On the bright side, however, we're alive."

               "And do you see a fucking caduceus?"

               The boy grimaced and stayed silent. The geyser receded, followed by the horrendous sound of water draining down the tunnel, like somebody up on Olympus had flushed the godly toilet.

               Then a distant snaky voice spoke in Elisa's mind. Gag me, said George. Even for me that was disgusting, and I eat rats.

               Incoming! Martha warned. Oh, no! I think the giant has figured out—

               An explosion shook the street. A beam of blue light shot out of the tunnel, carving a trench up the side of a glass office building, melting windows, and vaporizing concrete. The giant climbed from the pit, his velour housecoat steaming and his face spattered with slime.

               He did not look happy. In his hands, the caduceus now resembled a bazooka with snakes wrapped around the barrel and a glowing blue muzzle.

               "Okay ..." Elisa said faintly, in the middle of taking the cotton balls out of her hair, "what is that?"

               "That," Percy guessed wisely, "would be laser mode."

ˋˏ [ 👑 ] ˎˊ

Elisa and Percy fled as another laser bolt gouged a ditch through the street to their left. Chunks of asphalt rained down like confetti.

               Behind them, Cacus yelled, "You ruined my fake Rolexes! They aren't waterproof, you know! For that, you die!"

               They kept running. Elisa hoped they could get the giant away from innocent mortals, but that was kind of hard to do in the middle of New York. Traffic clogged the streets. Pedestrians screamed and ran in every direction. The two police officers she had seen earlier were nowhere in sight, maybe swept away by the mob.

               "The park!" She pointed to the elevated tracks of the High Line. "If we can get him off street level—"

               BOOM! The laser cut through a nearby food truck. The vendor dove out his service window with a fistful of shish kebabs.

               Elisa and Percy sprinted for the park stairs. Sirens screamed in the distance, but she didn't want more police involved. Mortal law enforcement would only make things more complicated, and through the Mist, the police might even think she and Percy were the problem.

               They climbed up to the park. She tried to get her bearings. Under different circumstances, she would have enjoyed the view of the glittering Hudson River and the rooftops of the surrounding neighborhood. The weather was nice. The park's flower beds were bursting with color.

               The High Line was empty, though—maybe because it was a workday, or maybe because the visitors were smart and ran when they heard the explosions.

               Somewhere below them, Cacus was roaring, cursing, and offering panicked mortals deep discounts on slightly damp Rolexes. Elisa figured she and Percy only had a few seconds before he found them.

               She scanned the park, hoping for something that would help. All she saw were benches, walkways, and lots of—plants. Lots of plants. Her dad, Dionysus, was the god of grapes and grapevines. That was a little different than just regular plants, but Elisa had enough grasp to control grass and such. Call her an overachiever.

               The girl grinned. "I got an idea."

               Percy looked at her desperately. "Anything."

               Despite fighting for their lives, Elisa was beautiful—even in combat. Scratch that, especially in combat. Percy knew that was a crazy thing to think, especially after they had just swam through a sewage waterfall, but her purple eyes ( which were only purple in the right light ) gleamed when she was fighting for her life. Her face shone like a goddess's, and believe the boy, he had seen goddesses. The way her Camp Half-Blood beads rested against her collarbone—Okay, sorry. He got a little distracted.

               "Plants, Percy," the daughter of Dionysus explained, motioning to the grass all around them. "I'll get some plants to trap him."

               "But, I thought you could only control vines, like, grapevines," he pointed out.

               "That's what I'm best at," she agreed. "But I've trained with Demeter Cabin a lot. All it takes is the right kind of touch."

               Percy didn't look exactly convinced. Elisa didn't blame him. She never used the powers often in battle, and had never really used them in front of him. But when push comes to shove, they had to do what they had to do.

               "I've got this," she insisted. "No need to worry."

               Percy relented and nodded. "Okay, so you use those plant powers thing-ys and trap him, but what do I do?"

               "Keep him distracted," Elisa said. "Snag the caduceus while you at it."

               "Anything else?" asked Percy. "Would you like fries and a drink, maybe?"

               She gave him a cold look. "Shut the hell up. Distract him and get the caduceus."

               She held onto Acantha tightly, moving into a grassy area of the park, hiding where she knew she wouldn't be seen by the giant. Not a moment too soon.

               "Death!" Cacus stormed up the steps and onto the High Line.

               He spotted Percy and lumbered over with slow, grim determination. The boy raised his sword and faced the giant. His red velour robe was in tatters. He'd lost his slippers. His ginger hair was plastered to his head like a greasy shower cap. He aimed his glowing bazooka at the son of Poseidon.

               "George, Martha," he called, hoping they could hear him. "Please change out of laser mode."

               We're trying, dear! Martha said.

               My stomach hurts, George said. I think he bruised my tummy.

               Percy backed up slowly, toward the park where Elisa was hiding. She watched carefully, like an animal watching its prey as Cacus followed.

               It seemed the giant was in no hurry to kill now, thinking he had the son of Poseidon trapped. He stopped twenty feet away, just beyond the bushes she was hiding in.

               "So," Cacus growled. "Any last words?"

               "Help," Percy supplied. "Yikes. Ouch. How are those? Oh—and Hermes is a way better salesman than you."

               "Gah!" Cacus lowered the caduceus laser. He pulled the trigger, and suddenly the caduceus changed form. The giant tried to zap Percy with a credit card–swiping machine, but the only thing that came out was a paper receipt.

               Oh, yeah! George yelled in Elisa's mind. One for the snakes!

               "Stupid staff!" Cacus spat angrily.

               He threw down the caduceus in disgust, and Percy launched himself forward, snatched the staff, and rolled under the giant's legs. That was Elisa's chance. The giant was no longer facing her anymore as he turned around to keep an eye on Percy. She shifted as silently as she could, piercing the dirt underneath her feet with Acantha. Immediately, the green grass bent to her will and started to grow, inching its way toward Cacus.

               "You put out my fire with that cursed sewage," he growled. "Now you steal my staff."

               "Which you wrongfully stole," Percy reminded him.

               "It doesn't matter." Cacus cracked his knuckles. "You can't use the staff either. I'll simply kill you with my bare hands."

               The plants were taller—ten feet tall, now. It was like a green wave growing behind the giant. And they only kept growing taller. Elisa stood up, keeping Acantha in the dirt. She locked eyes with Percy and winked.

               Percy grinned. "Actually, Cacus, I have another secret weapon."

               The giant's eyes lit up with greed. "Another weapon? I will steal it! I will copy it and sell the knockoffs for a profit! What is this secret weapon?"

               "Her name is Elisa," the boy said. "And she's one of a kind."

               Elisa pushed Acantha further into the ground. The green wave of plants—which was now fifteen feet tall—slammed into the giant like a tidal wave. The grass swallowed him and bounded around him, pinning his arms together. The hit dazed him with the number of rocks that had been stuck in the grass.

               Cacus tried to fight his way out of the plants, but he couldn't. He squirmed uselessly and tried to blow fire, but only managed to cough up some mud.

               "Wha-what is this?" he demanded. "Let me go!"

               "Hey, what do you say I could get the plants to toss him?" Elisa asked Percy.

               "I have a better idea," he said, looking at the godly item in his hands. "George, Martha, do you think you could manage laser mode just once more for me?"

               With pleasure, George said.

               The caduceus turned into a wicked high-tech bazooka. Percy took aim at the squirming giant and yelled, "Pull!"

               The caduceus blasted its beam of blue light, and the giant disintegrated into a beautiful starburst.

               That, George said, was excellent. May I have a rat now?

               Elisa rolled her eyes and pulled Acantha out of the ground. "You and rats," she said as the weapon turned into a miniature golden thyrsus.

               I have to agree with George, Elisa, Martha said. A rat would be lovely.

               "I think they've earned it," Percy said. "How are you feeling Elisa?"

               "Fine, why?" she asked.

               The boy shrugged. "I've never seen you do anything like that before."

               Elisa grinned again. "I just like to keep people on their toes, Percy. Can't have you knowing all my tricks."

               She kissed him and felt the butterflies in her stomach. It had only been a month, but she was still shocked at how Percy had such an easy time making her a blushing mess.

               Percy pulled away for air and said, "Rats."

               Elisa gave him a confused look. "Oh, that's romantic.

               "For the snakes, Elisa," he explained. "And then—"

               Her eyes widened. She turned to the clock nearby. "Oh, gods. It's almost five. We have to get the caduceus back to Hermes!"

ˋˏ [ 👑 ] ˎˊ

The surface streets were clogged with emergency vehicles and minor accidents, so they took the subway back. Besides, the subway had rats. Without going into gruesome details, Elisa can promise that George and Martha helped out with the vermin problem. As they traveled north, they curled around the caduceus and dozed contentedly with bulging bellies

               They met Hermes by the Atlas statue at Rockefeller Center. ( The statue, by the way, looks nothing like the real Atlas, but that's another story. )

               "Thank the Fates!" Hermes cried. "I'd just about given up hope!"

               He took the caduceus and patted the heads of his sleepy snakes. "There, there, my friends. You're home now."

               Zzz, said Martha.

               Yummy, George murmured in his sleep.

               Hermes sighed with relief. "Thank you, Percy."

               Elisa not-so-discreetly cleared her throat.

               "Oh, yes," the god added, "and you, too, girl. I just have time to finish my deliveries! But what happened with Cacus?"

               They told him the story. When they related what Cacus had said about someone else giving him the idea to steal the caduceus, and about the gods having other enemies, Hermes's face darkened.

               "Cacus wanted to cut the gods' communication lines, did he?" he mused. "That's ironic, considering Zeus has been threatening ..." His voice trailed off.

               "What?" asked Elisa. "Zeus has been threatening what?"

               "Nothing," Hermes said quickly.

               It was obviously a lie, but Elisa knew better than to confront gods when they lie to your face. They tend to turn you into small fuzzy mammals or potted plants.

               "Okay ..." Percy said. "Any idea what Cacus meant about other enemies, or who would want him to steal your caduceus?"

               Hermes fidgeted. "Oh, could be any number of enemies. We gods do have many."

               "Really? I had no idea," Elisa said with raised eyebrows.

               Hermes nodded. Apparently, he didn't catch the sarcasm, or he had other things on his mind. She got the feeling the giant's warnings would come back to haunt them sooner or later, but Hermes obviously wasn't going to enlighten the half-bloods now.

               The god managed a smile. "At any rate, well done—both of you! Now I must be going. So many stops—"

               "There's the small matter of my reward," Percy reminded him.

               Elisa frowned. "What reward?"

               "It's our one-month anniversary," the son of Poseidon said. "Surely you didn't forget."

               "No, I forgot again," she admitted. "Sorry, Percy."

               "Ah, yes, your reward." Hermes looked them up and down. "I think we'll have to start with new clothes. Manhattan sewage is not a look you can pull off. Then the rest should be easy. God of Travel, at your service."

               "What is he talking about?" Elisa asked.

               "A special surprise for dinner," Percy said. "I did promise."

               Hermes rubbed his hands. "Say goodbye, George and Martha."

               Goodbye, George and Martha, said George sleepily.

               Zzz, said Martha.

               "I may not see you for a while," Hermes warned. "But ... well, enjoy tonight."

               He made that sound so ominous, Elisa wondered again what he wasn't telling them. Then he snapped his fingers, and the world dissolved around them.

ˋˏ [ 👑 ] ˎˊ

Their table was ready. Just like that. The maître d'seated them on a rooftop terrace with a view of the lights of Paris and the boats on the River Seine. The Eiffel Tower glowed in the distance.

               Percy was wearing a suit. And Elisa wished Hermes had given her a camera so she could've taken a picture—to immortalize it because he looked good and so she could make fun of him.

               She was wearing something she never would have picked out herself. Elisa wore a light purple sleeveless dress and white, low-heeled sandals. Her camp necklace had been replaced by a string of pearls that paired nicely with the dress. Elisa didn't look like she had just fought and lost a battle with some sewage anymore ( luckily didn't smell like it either—now she smelled faintly of fresh grapes ), which was nice. Her hair was pulled back with two French braids with purple ribbons interwoven in the braids for added effect. Despite the hairstyle Hermes chose for her, small curls fell loose and framed her face.

               It was easy to say Elisa looked radiant. Percy struggled not to stare at her with an extra dumb look on his face.

               The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, and Cokes with ice ( because they were both barbarians in that regard—Elisa was never going to willingly drink sparkling water ). They dined on a bunch of stuff she could barely pronounce—but all of it was great. It was almost half an hour before she got over her shock and spoke.

               "I don't know what to say," she admitted. "I mean—this is all incredible."

               "Only the best for you," Percy said. "And to think, I could've let you go about your day, completely forgetting our one-month anniversary."

               Elisa rolled her eyes playfully. "You're going to keep reminding me of that forever, aren't you?"

               "I have to get my teasing in somehow." Percy shrugged. "Normally I'm the one doing dumb stuff."

               She scoffed and protested, "I didn't do anything dumb! I was forgetful! Not the same thing." But her expression turned serious, she turned to face Percy fully, leaning on the table. "I'm worried about what Hermes said. He was acting so nervous, Percy. I just ... I just have a feeling something bad is happening on Olympus."

               Percy shook his head. "Let's just enjoy tonight," he said. "Hermes will be teleporting us back at midnight."

               "How many hours is that ...?" Elisa looked around for a clock.

               "Don't worry about that," said Percy, pulling her attention back to him. He pointed to the River Seine below. "Just think about us having all the time in the world, okay? Let's go see the river."

               He stood up and grabbed her hands to pull her out of her seat. Elisa grinned up at him, and the sight made him a little nervous. It was always hard to tell what she was going to say.

               "Since you mentioned it ... feel free to start planning our two-month anniversary."

               "Oh, gods." Percy paled slightly.

               Elisa busted out laughing, making the boy turn red in the face.

               "You always do this," he grumbled.

               "Tease you?" she asked. "'Course I do. I have to keep from your head getting too big on me. I know you saved Olympus and all, but I'm not going to date some asshole."

               Percy shook his head slightly, but he was smiling too. "How about we go for that walk?" he suggested as he out the credit card Hermes had tucked in his pocket—a black metal Olympus Express—and held it out proudly for Elisa to see. "I want to explore Paris with a beautiful girl." 

               The daughter of Dionysus raised her eyebrows. "Smooth talking, Jackson."

               Percy grinned at her. "I have my moments."

               She could agree with him on that. There had to be something that made her so stupidly head-over-heels for the boy.

👑  APR. 17TH, 2023  /  perlisa is so cute and is the best thing i have ever created

get you a man that will fight a fire-breathing giant and simp for you MID battle

get you a percy jackson. everyone deserves a percy jackson in their life.

percy jackson and elisa bardales are THE blueprint. perlisa is the best ship i have and will ever create

but now royal cries is officially over

i'm actually gonna cry- one; for the shit i'm gonna put perlisa through and for the shit i'm gonna put the other ships through

frank, jason, i am so sorry (this is totally not a spoiler)

just cherish these good times bc they're gonna be few and far inbetween for the next books

anyways,, thoughts?? opinions??