29

WHAT I DIDNT DO (2/2)
(ALT NAME: CLOSE CALL)

ROXANNE'S POV

IVE been in the same position since Leo left, laying on my couch feeling useless, my mind not remembering anything except for over and over again thinking about Leo and how Dave will come over.

But maybe I deserve it... whatever he does to me.

If I'm not beautiful nobody will love me, I mean nobody loves me now! I don't have a dad and I got two chances... what's wrong with me?

What's so wrong with me that somebody had to convince my mother to love me?

What's so wrong that I deserved to fall in love with somebody who would hurt me this much... when I thought I could trust him the most..

What's so wrong with me that he would leave me? Just like everybody else.

I don't even know what I did. It must've been worth it.. Leo doesn't get angry at me very easily.

That's when the door opens and I hear the grumble of a drunk Dave and I no longer want this for myself. I'm scared... scared to death of how I will die in the next few minutes.

I didn't wanna die..

I wanted to see him again. See his smile, see the way his arms flex when he writes his name on his assignments or how he stares at any guy who talks to me. See his protectiveness over Rose and how he tries to convince Reed to make a move because of how much he hates Haze.

I dont care if he hurt me.. I still wanna see him. I still wanna see him and hope to find some piece of regret in his eyes.

But some sick.. twisted part of me hopes that if I did die.. he would finally realize he loved me.. see what he did wrong..

He probably wouldn't even care though. He hates me.

I'm not enough for him...

I knew it.

Dave grumbles incoherent words, all the lights in the house off as I cover my mouth. "Be still and silent" is on repeat in my head.

But if he moves towards me I can't do anything. And as soon as Dave sees me around the couch, he growls and lunges towards me.

His dark circles are large and his clothes are practically covered in all of his own bodily fluids. I scream, moving into the couch cushions for protection but it doesn't give me any.

He rips my face from between the cushions and immediately punches me. "You ruined my life!" He scream and I spit on him, "You ruined mine!"

I didn't care to hold back. I didn't have much of a reason to. I wanted to be mean. He wouldn't stop what he was doing if I was nice.

His nose twitches in anger before he holds me by my neck, strangling me as I gasp for air. "You little bitch...!" He says this, but then gets this look on his face.... he smirks evilly and despite how much it hurt me I wish I was with Leo. I wish I was replaying that moment over and over again in my head, seeing his evil smirk. Because at least I know that Leo wouldn't hurt me... at least physically I guess, "You're gonna be useful for something!" He screams, holding me down as I struggle but I'm too weak. I always had... him to save me.

I scream for help but he covers my mouth instead, barely giving me room to breathe through my nose, not caring if I die as he pulls down my shorts with his free hand.

"what are you doing! stop! stop!" I scream against his hands but it does nothing, barely reaching anybody's ears. I squirm as he growls again. "You're only gonna be useful for one thing in your life. So stop struggling. You're were asking for it in these shorts you little bitch."

They were for Leo.. they were purple..

I scream again as he chuckles, taking off his shirt and revealing his muscled body. The one thing my mom liked about Dave: his looks.

He wasn't some stupid fat old guy, he was smart and over all handsome in some person's eyes, but he was a monster.

"NO!" I scream shaking my head and wiggling my legs, keeping them closed but he rips them open with one of his hands.

I give up when he punches me again, tears streaming down my face as I squeeze my eyes shut. "Yes that's more like it you little slut." He says and I sob, he slaps me. "Stop crying!" He screams.

And finally, he growls pulling down his pants so he's in his boxers. He watched me with a smirk on his face and my eyes snap closed once again. He's evil.

My stomach churns, and I feel dirty.

I hear at least one car pull up, maybe the second one was an echo. My ears don't seem to want to work right now.

I try to shove my head in between the couch cushions again but he doesn't let me, he pulls my head back, demanding for me to open my eyes. When I do I feel as though I want to throw up, his own vomit dried to the corners of his mouth as he leans down and moves his hand just to kiss me.

The cars.

I internally gag from the touch of his lips, biting his lip, hard. He screams, pulling back and cussing. I scream as loud as possible.

"Help!" I sob out, and it works, somebody starts pounding on the door. Dave is to drunk to notice.

The door is pounding, pounding, and there are grunts on the other side of the door as Dave grabs the waistband of my underwear. "You want this. So stop." He growls, and the door smashes open.

"Get out of my house- ARGH!" Dave screams as he looks around, and in his moment of looking I fall off the couch from under him, crawling backwards, terrified until I bump into somebody's legs.

A figure tackles Dave to the ground and I recognize the blonde head of hair as my heart pumps faster. I feel disgusting, like I was covered in a thick layer of good ol' everybody-will-know-and-think-I'm-disgusting juice.

I hear his fist hitting Dave's skin over and over and over, Leo's grunts and heavy breathing a sign of his emotional state.

I whimper, my face bleeding and falling onto the hard wood floors as I look up at the figure to find my mom. I see Jemma's look of horror as she looks between Leo beating Dave up and me.

She scrambles to the phone as my mom drops to her knees and pulls me in.

"It's okay hunny, I got you! I got you!" She says, but it's more to herself as she cries silently. "Lucio will fix you up, it's just a few bruises... it's just a little..." she brings me as close as possible, red blood streaming onto her shirt as I look at it in shock.

"Momma, am I okay?" I ask and I hear Jemma's faint voice of panic as she calls somebody. I hear Leo's slurs, everything meshing together as I cry silently, watching her with scared eyes.

"Momma?" I ask and she shakes her head to rid he thoughts before nodding, "You're gonna be okay..." she says, but I don't hear any confidence.

"Momma I love.... I love you. Thank you for everything." I say and she lets out a sob. "I wish I could redo it and protect you from all of this hunny.."

"I've been hurt worse today..." I say, all though it's not as comforting to her as I hoped. Her eyes drop more, as though she knows what I'm saying.

I see Leo's body pop up from the Dave's limp one, his breathing heavy as she hides my face and pulls a blanket over my body.

I can't see much, but I can see a crack through my mother's arm as he looks around, trying to find me before rushing over. He drops to the ground, his breathing heavy. "Baby? Baby please... please answer..." I hear from him, his voice cracking.

What did I do to deserve this?

"You don't wanna look at her, Jace." My mom mumbles lightly...

"Omar please! I just want her to know I love her!" He sobs but my mom snaps, her own tears falling on to my face.

"You don't wanna look at her!" My mother screams and sobs. His face stiffens. My mom softens her features. "I'm sorry, I just... you wouldn't be okay seeing her..." she mumbles, acting as though I can't hear as I focus my eyes on Leo through the crack between my mothers bent arm. She puts pressure on my cheek and I wince. She nods... "I know hunny..."

"Momma..? Please make him leave... please..." I cry quietly and she leans in, blocking me from Leo's view as my eyes fleece themselves shut. I can't open them. "No... please... I love you baby... I love you..." he cries, his hand lightly setting down on my waist but he takes it off, unsure of whether or not to touch me or not. "I wanna be the one holding her, Omar... I want her to love me.." he cries, his sobbing active before he sobs into his moms chest. "I wanna go back.. I'll fix it please! Please!"

A tear falls from my moms face onto mine before she sniffs, "Go to sleep, Roxanne..."

"I just..." Leo starts, tears brewing in his eyes as he tries to sit down on the couch but is met with my shorts. He grabs them and cries, falling his head into his own lap.

"I did something bad..." he sobs, staring over me as though I were asleep. He looks at his bruised and bloody knuckles, an unconscious Dave and lets out a cry.

He drops to my knees, moving the blanket and grabbing under my thigh to which I flinch and my mom grabs his hand, helping him slowly lift my legs up.

"She's been... hurt... there, Love.." Mom says and he let out a cry again as he pulls my shorts up over my legs and stares at where my head is. "It's my fault..." he says, "its all my fault..." he cries again as his hand rubs supposedly soothingly on my knee, but I think it's more for him. I can't have any emotions right now, nor thoughts really, it's all just pain.

"Oh fuck.." he mumbles, slumping down and putting his head in between his knees. At this point I think they believe I fell asleep with the amount of blood I've lost, but my mom's fingers never stop brushing soothingly through my hair.

"What did you do, Jace?" My mom asks as Jemma comes over and flops by my head. Jemma looks at her son and then looks to me like she's seen the devil, "tell me what you did. Now. I knew all too well that I should've told you in person so you couldn't do anything rash but Lucio-"

"I told her it was all a lie...." he interrupts and Jemma stops as he lightly trials a finger over the side of my leg.

And just as that happens, my breathing goes ragged, my chest pounding as I cough. My asthma is acting up again...

"Fuck..." my mom mumbles lightly, looking under the covers and gasping, "Jace! Go get her inhaler! Now!" My mom yells as I try to breathe in, barely getting any air.

He scrambled, running up the stairs before I hear him yell "I can't find it!!"

He runs down stairs, saying everything quickly and barely able to comprehend, "she had an asthma attack before I left and I gave it to her and now I can't fucking find it!! I always carried one around but I don't have my bag and I can't find any of the extras I kept around-! Help!!!" He says and my moms sets me on the ground before running upstairs, Jemma running after her.

He scrambled down next to me,where the blanket has fallen off and I'm curled into a ball off pain, scratches and bruises all over me. He grabs onto my waist lightly as he lays down next to me, running his fingers through my hair as he cries. He turns me slowly and presses my face to his chest.

He sobs above me, crying. "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry..." he cries. He holds me as close as possible but I just shiver, trying to breathe as he sobs. "You deserve so much better Roxy..... just know I love you... I love you so much. It wasn't a lie Roxy... I love you."

I gasp for air, letting out a sob..

And I know what I wanna say to him.. when I see him right now. It's just like that sick twisted part of me imagined.. he'd love me if I was dead..

And if I die.. I want him to know how I felt.. what he did to me..

I open my drooping, bruised eyes, looking at him in his.

He was crying.. hard..

"Why.." I sob, gasping again, "Why was I not enough..?"

He kisses all over my face, shaking his head and trying to restrain his crying.

"No no no I love you I love you I promise!"

I lift my hand up to his face, barely getting any breaths in. I saw his bleeding knuckles ... mixing with my blood as we touched each other.

"I just wanted you to love me..." I mumble, and my eyes finally droop closed again.

He lays there for a second before our moms come downstairs screaming, "there's not one anywhere, mouth to mouth right now-"

He presses his lips to mine, trying to give me airs as he sits up and puts my head in his lap.

"Why did I do this mom... I did this to her-"

He gives me another breath.

"You didn't do this he did, everybody makes mistakes-"

"Yea and I made a fuck ton of mistakes today... this wasn't just a mistake this RUINED ME! I love her I promise... I love her so much...and seeing the love of my life is making me think she's fucking dead. If she's dead I'd die too Mama. I love her so much... so much. She can't die on me... she can't. I don't want her to die thinking I hate her..." He says, his tone getting sloppier by the second.

He gives me another breath.

"We all love her, Jace... and we always knew that you loved her a little bit more over all the years... but you didn't know that huh?" She asks to herself before looking back up at him, "Which is the entire reason we didn't tell her you were adopted. While everybody else knew she didn't because we knew she loved you too much to keep that secret from you, especially since when we told everybody you were always a dick to her and she would do anything for you to look at her, including telling you a secret your real parents didn't want you to know until you were 18. I just... I don't know what to do now that you are the one wanting to look at her Jace." Jemma says and he sighs. He gives me another breath before kissing me, running his fingers through my hair. It hurts so bad, I can't breathe, I can't do anything I feel like everything is closing in on me.

He gasps as professionals come in, my ears being attacked by new sounds. "my girl..." he mumbles as they pick up Dave and put him in an ambulance. "Mama that's Roxy! That's fucking ROXY! She was the little girl I grew up with! She's the fucking only person I've ever loved! She's the person who gave me chocolate on Halloween even though I chose not to go! Because I was 'too old' or some bullshit! And still after all of that, after she only gave me kindness I let this happen to her! She won't wanna see me ever again! Ever! She's still pretty... she's still the most beautiful girl.... she's so perfect..." He screams, a tear falling onto my face as he runs his thumb over my cheek lightly.

"She means the world to me, Omar and I mean it! I'm so sorry I let this happen! I let it happen!" He burst into tears as my mom roughly says, "You know I'll forgive you for anything. But I don't know if she can.... and I don't know what you did but if she wants to go. Let her go." She demands and he gulps.

"I'm sorry!" He screams as he bursts into tears, "I can't let her go I cant! I can't do it without her.. she's everything to me. I just... I didn't know I loved her.... and she's so pretty and sweet and I love her so so so much..... I'm not enough for her, I keep ruining it.. why couldn't I just tell them.... tell everybody?"

It goes black..

I feel somebody rubbing my cheek, somebody laying next to me, and it goes black again.

I hear Leo, but just his voice and no words attached.

And then I'm able to open my eyes, or at least it feels like just then, but it's more so an hour and a half later and at the McClures and not my own home.

I wake up in a bed, my plush white bed. Although all my brain can think of is Leo, about being in his bed... wishing I was in his bed, in his arms, with him telling me I'm perfect.

But I can't remember anything after I asked my mom if I was okay, it all goes black after that. Something in my mind is screaming at me to go talk to Leo. To go look at him and tell him that I'm worth everything, that my momma loves me, his mom loves me.... that I'm worth something and not just a check off of a list of virginities to take.

But I won't, because I should've known.

Tears slip down my cheeks as my raspy voice screams from my open door, "Momma!"

She rushes upstairs, but not to be beaten by Leo, who burst into the room first. I can't look at him though, and when I see her, I just collapse onto the floor. "Momma..." I cry and she sits on her knees next to me. "I know hunny... I know..."

"I feel disgusting..." I cry and she rubs her fingers through my greasy hair and bites her bottom lip. "Okay hunny... get in the bath with a bathing suit, I don't know if washing you off will make you feel better, but I hope it will..." she says.

I feel his stare on me.

She pulls me up and I go into my room as she walks away, grabbing something. I close my bathroom door and start the bath.

I watch as the water pours out, making that all to familiar obnoxious plopping sound against the porcelain.

My breathing is heavy as I turn around and look in the mirror for the first time. I don't see pools of blood but I see rather gigantic bruises painting my face new shades of purple and gold.

There's a thick hash on my lip and my nose has a little bit of blood under it, making it obvious where all the blood was coming from. My stomach is sore and my legs are bruised, I find new ones every time I take off my clothing and put on my bikini.

I think he punched me a bit more than I thought....

Once I'm in my bathing suit I sit in the tub, bringing my knees up to my chest and holding onto my ankles.

I'm just happy I have my mom and Jemma, I know Jemma was raped in 1967, and that was the night she met Lucio as well. When they got close she ended up telling him what happened that night and he went and almost killed the disgusting man.

It wasn't the cutest most princess-like love story, but it was real. I should've known that Leo loving me was to good to be true.

My mom comes in with a hand held towel and wets it in the water next to me. She puts a pump of soap onto it and begins to wash my arm closest to her.

"Y'know... Jace learned he was adopted this morning..." my mother says and my heart stops. "Is... is that what he thought I knew..?" I ask myself, realizing why he would be angry but not... why he would do this...

"Nobody told you, because when Jemma was telling me and your father after our families got really close... they knew you would tell him. You looked up to him, you thought of him as your world and it was adorable. And he did the same to you, he taught you everything and he stares at you every second he got with just pure adoration. We knew that we couldn't tell you unless you would tell him... Honey I don't know what Jace said exactly, but I know that it was out of anger... he thought you knew. I mean everybody in his life except you knew... his best friend, his family, our family. It doesn't give him a reason to treat you horribly, but it gives him a reason to try to win you back with you knowing that he had a reason for saying the things he said, and that it wasn't just to hurt you tremendously." She says and I start at my feet in the water.

"yea neither of his parents are blonde so he could've thought-" my mom cuts me off with a laugh, "Yea, neither of them are blonde."

"You know that me and.. Jace... were dating... well we fell asleep in my bed last night, and just like that when I woke up all of his love for me was gone. And everything he said had a reason to be true, Mom! Who all of the sudden gets up and decides one day. I'm gonna go fuck my little sister's best friend? Nobody!"

My momma chuckles and I laugh a little too. As if on cue we hear a knock on my bathroom door.

"Who is it?!" My mom calls as she washes my arm thoroughly.

"It's me..." his ragged voice says on the other side of the door.

He sounds... broken