Tub Traumas

"Ok in there?" John hovered, somewhere close by. Undoubtedly, just outside the bathroom door "I've washed these two munchkins in the other tub, Sophie wants, no needs to go to bed she tells me; Wants a kiss from her mum"

I picked up a wash cloth and draped it as strategically as I could over my chest, Soph had seen the inches of scars from the small surgeries but if John was there I wasn't having any 'oops looks' accidents, my hand covered lower down my body in case the bath bubbles parted. "Soph where are my kisses!!"

Sophie rushed through the door and up beside me, I leaned over carefully for a kiss on the lips, she loved to kiss in an order- lips, nose, both cheeks then my forehead.

"Can I wash your head mummy!" She already had the shampoo in her hand. She looked at me expectantly.

I nodded consent "Of course, I've been waiting for you, huny" She had washed my hair way back when I had some, now with the stubbly mess I had, she had no trouble, her fingers always giving me a gentle massage.

"You make mummy feel really good when you rub my funny head." I could hear John snigger in the hallway "Grow up Lennon!"

"It's daddy mummy, not Lemon" Sophie rinsed my hair and finished her kisses. I didn't correct her surname miss hash of his lordships name.

"He is your daddy hun, not my daddy" I could see Soph's mind going over and over what I had said, she looked around but didn't see him so turned back "Well it's John, that's daddy's name. Like uncle Paul is Paul"

"Ok ok, you win. John" I kissed her nose. "Off you go, I will be through to tuck you in when I finish up in here. Love you sweetie" Sophie replied quickly 'I love you too mummy' and turned to go off out through the door.

"Soph shut the-"

She was gone.

"...door" was said into thin air.

So, the conundrum at this present moment is....

Wait for Linda and freeze my tits off...

OR

Wait for John to finish settling the kids, he comes back to the bathroom door, I shout 'shut the bloody door' then still wait for Lin and freeze my remaining tits off....

OR

I, as quickly as I can, get out right now, while he is settling the kids and shut the door when I'm out.

I chose the 'get out of the freezing cold bath water now' option.

Like a military exercise I begin:

Check the essentials-

Towel close by to landing zone. Check.

Floor mats in place. Check.

Ok...A hand on the tub here and over there. Knees up......Check.

Ok let's move.... lift, grasp, grunt........

Nothing!!!!!

Arghhhhhhh.

My legs are already frozen rigid in place.

Bloody Linda and her 'it's not the right day in the shitty chem-cycle' crap, I should have showered.

Maybe I should stay here til she gets back...in three plus hours, not likely, I'll be a prune with pointy tit bits or they will actually fall completely off.

Ok, come on, try again Rox.

Maybe both hands on this side of the tub and do a lift and roll. Hmmm, well it will be pretty uncomfortable, and I will end up on the floor...

I say heck yes! Go!

Half way and I'm coughing and gasping like a whale stranded on the beach except I'm still in the water. I go back to position one, hands either side and I get a fair way up, but my foot slips and I splosh back into the tepid water.

Would the rest of the house have heard that?

Nothing.

No male 'carer' comes a knocking.

I lean back in the water, resting, thinking, banging my head on the rim every so often at my idiocy.

"Ok in there?" John's back, still out of sight though. Can I reach a towel and cover all the bits and pieces? The bubbles are long gone.

Nope, the towel genies have conspired and held the towels at bay.

"I heard a ..... commotion?" John questions from outside.

"So, you're beside the door, right?"

I have a stupid plan.

"Close your eyes and feel your way to the doorway and stop"

I crane around and see his eyes softly closed.

"No peeking!!"

"Oh yea, right, sorry" John never took orders well.

"Now put your right hand out and grab that towel beside you.... your right-hand John, that's your left. Yeah, now toss it my way"

"And which way would that be dear" The huge bloody grin on his dial is that enormous it's starting to crease the sides of his eyes, yes really, it's that wide.

"Toss the towel to the left about 3 feet" The towel lands short, mostly on the floor but a bit has caught on the edge and a bit is in the tub as it fell, I can reach it "Well you'll never be in major league."

I must admit this has been the best funny start to my getting out of the tub in ages.

It's just usually- Linda walks in pulls the plug and drags me up and over, sometimes we manage a bit of a slip and tumble at some point, so it sometimes can be a bit of a giggle too.

"So, did you pull the plug prior to the towel toss or is it a soaking mess with you in the tub?" John is still 'blind' the eyes are 'closed' but I have known this clown too long not to know his M.O.

"It's a bit damp, like me, that's all" I reach forward and finally pull the plug and the water gurgles away, the temperature dropping on my skin moreso if that's even posible. "There is another towel next to you, yep. Grab it and walk forward 5 feet, you will hit the vanity"

"Really?! Can I not open my eyes, you have a towel!"

"No! This is all going to plan, you will be blind to all of this!"

I am silently laughing at his despair as he walks 'blindly' into the room "Not left! Geez, go straight man, are you blind!!" I snigger and he does an over exaggerated wink and then quick smart he's back to the eyes being squished shut. "I saw that Lennon"

"John, the names John, or daddy, or Winks....Or Lemon.." He somehow blindly waggles those eyebrows of his.

"Ok John, towel down. Right, take one step backwards, now turn your body 90% to the right, no I mean left.... Sorry" I laugh and he grimaces. "Lean over, arms out, further... further. I can't reach damn it! Concentrate would you. Stop trying to randomly grab at bits of me!" I swipe at his hands as they come perilously close to my face and somehow close to my breasts under the soaking wet cold towel. "Stop peeking!!!"

"Are ye sure this is 'ow it's usually done?" The Liverpublian accent pops up in his wording, making him sound like he stepped out of a scene from 'A Hard Day's Night' movie, they really pushed the accents in that one  "I can't see Linda standing for this sort of fiasco every day"

"We don't usually have so much trouble, but I'm here on the wrong day and now I need a lift" I pull him forward and he nearly joins me in the bath "Watch it, stand there, don't move!" Now I have him in position I grab his too bony shoulders "Ok lift up ..... now"

As he lifts his eyes open, I feel them on my skin heating me but I'm too busy concentrating on the towel which is utterly useless, it's too heavy with water, falling down half of me, as I try and stick it to my wet body.

Our gaze meet as I stand half pressed against his front, lower half still in the tub.

I am stranded surrounded by his arms, his body the island.

Shit what am I thinking I can handle this now so I swat him, the eyes close again, easily lifting me out on to the mat, a dry towel is slung around me, quickly.

He then tidies up the soaking towel and we walk awkwardly out of the bathroom like it's a usual night at the bath tub disco.

"Bravo, bloody good show, la',  miss" Paul and Linda are standing a few feet from the door, casting artifical flowers from my vase sat beside them at our feet, applauding the whole shambles of the bath extraction, obviously witnessed via hearing more than actually viewing.

"I told you, it wasn't bath day" Linda smiles and I give her the evil eye and she shoos me towards my room but doesn't follow "Don't look at me like that, it's my evening off!"

"Come on Lennon, you get to rub lotion into my feet, yay" I sarcastically scowl. He catches up to me and follows silently into the bedroom after me. "Just wait a couple and I'll put me pj's on in the walk in. Pull the bed covers back and fluff me pillows, like a good boy will you" I was secretly enjoying this, really making him bow and curtsy, it was a welcome distraction to be completely honest, as long as I didn't fall victim to his wiles in the meantime.

"Yes mammm. Right away mammmmm" John banged and thumped my pillows harder than necessary. "Enjoy it while I let you, Syd."

"Oh, I will, I will" I walked out and realised my pj shorts were too short and vest top was pretty revealing too. Too revealing for his eyes anyway. I jumped into bed a little faster than snail pace, as my tired body wouldn't allow me to cross the room at warp speed- sloth. I dragged my bedding upwards and over quickly.

"Lotion?" He turned around a huge amount of the white stuff in his hands, much too much for my feet.

"Arr no thanks, it's ok, we sorted it last night"

"But I have it out now, don't want to waste it, do we mammm?!" The tables turned in an instant and I was now the victim to his deviousness.

The covers were tossed off my legs and my feet copped a large blob of creamy skin lotion, not all of it though, his left hand still overflowed, some dripping onto my knee. John decided I needed more.... he grinned like the devil incarnate, hummed happily at his silent crafty decision and smoothered a thick river of white on both my knees! He was so quick! The rest smeared onto my slightly exposed belly in moments.

Arghhhh! Damn the man!!!

I wrestled for the covers but he was now sitting on them rubbing my feet humming. Sat as if he owned the middle of my (!!) bed. I lay hanging half over the edge at this point.

"Stop squirming Syd, I'm administering lotion here, gotta keep the circulation up in the farther regions, right" John smiled sweetly at me and I sat up and banged (like a soft breeze I'm sure it felt to him- damnit!)  repeatedly on his back as he leaned over 'concentrating' on my 'farther' regions, with each bang on his back that I made, his hand sweep up my leg. From toes to calves travelling over my knee higher, then higher, then too high! I squirmed around but that was now dangerous in itself.

I stopped hitting, I was stuffed from the bath and now the lotion attack. One hand was running the entire length of my leg not so invasive I blushed but enough to allude to the direction of travel he could take. His other hand now massaged my stomach, my navel was tickled and hips rubbed lightly over, scooting lower and higher, at times.

"You know I could scream right now"

"Arr, but will she, that is the question" John's voice slid around my ears gliding into my mind as only he could. Like it or not, I was drifting off to sleep. The bath, the John invasion (his arrival was an invasion) this afternoon and now this, his magical daring fingertips. I could hardly keep my eyes open.

"Stay awake your dinners on the table" he murmured.

"No" I whispered. His hands seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time, teasing my mind, my emotions, I wanted, I denied, I wanted maybe... no "John, you're in dangerous territory. Please, no more"

"He finished off slowly his fingers seemed to find all the knots and I did feel much better. I drifted away, sleep beckoned and I fell into it.

No dreams please; not tonight.

I hoped, I wished, as I clutched to the last of consciousness that moment longer, no nasty dreams tonight please....

The trees were huge, the forest dark, I ran, I fell.

At the bottom of a cliff I clawed to reach the top, my escape.

Sobbing, gulps of air gasped as I think of family and friends, new and old.

Charlie looms beside me, I can't move. Nowhere to run, he speaks but his lips don't move.

Cigarette smoke curls around me and I feel the burn, the smell of burning flesh.

NOooooooooooooo Stay Awayyyyy Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slapped hard, my face screams from the pain.

"Noooooooooo please Noooooooooo" I sit bolt upright in my bed, my head spinning, holding my cheek from pain casting my eyes from side to side. No Charlie, no Liverpool darkness, no slap; only moonlight and soft linen.

The door slams open and a figure looms tall, and darkness surrounds the features.

"No Charlie. No more, please" My head is spinning, I know this isn't logical but try telling my chemo addled, sleep deprived mind.

"Roxy, Syd, it's John luv. .Winks...com'on babe" He marchs quickly across the room and flicked the light on next to the bed, it's dim... not too bright to blind a previously sleeping, trembling figure. He is beside me in seconds and without question lying with me. Running a hand over my stubbly head and down my back.

"John?? What, Why" I have forgotten his arrival as I hug his body close.

"Yes Syd, I'm here. Please go back to sleep" His hands sweep down my arms, my back, over and over trying to calm me. But still I tremble.
"Open your eyes, luv"

They are squeezed shut trying to close out Charlie and his cigarette.

"Open your eyes my darlin'" He's been here before. Long ago. Whenever I was not well, not 100%. If I was overtired. Dreams would come... and John would hold me.

As I open my heavy eyes, he is almost nose to nose with me, so close I can feel his stubbly chin on mine. I try to shrink back but he has me, softly enclosed in his embrace "Charlie..?"

"No, just me and the mozzies, luv. Just John..." He smiles but I gulp for air and sob into his chest, I touch my arm where I think the burns lie, nothing but faded scars. "I'm gonna turn the light off now, alright?" I am staring at him as the light goes off, we take a few seconds to adjust to the moonlight that now casts the room aglow with silvery shadows. "Remember the night we met, hmmm?".

My mind floats back over the years, before Sophie, before the Beatles, before University, back to a cold dark police station in Liverpool where a teddy boy hugged a strange girl all night long. Not questioning or wanting anything from her, just comfort offered.

I clutched him tighter.

"So long ago but always with me. I hate how he, that man of all people, pops in to my private dreams like he has some authority to frogmarch in and take over. Why not my dad he deserves to be there, not that horrid man. I rarely hate, but him... I hate him, John".

"You should. But you know some good did come from it all" John whispers and I shake my head vigorously in the negative, I don't believe "Us, your talent for business, Sophie of course, your strength. Would all those things had happened without that prick?"

I slowly stop, the sobs ebbing away and raise my mouth away from Johns chest to take in fresh air, the moon casts soft dark shadows around the room. Glancing back at John, I see the boy that was, the man he was too.... And the man he became and is today- all in one moment. I love him more than ever but I hate him too, how can that even be possible? How does that work?

My heart is, and was, torn. Shredded and dumped but here he is again in the middle of the night holding me close. Comfort, a safe habour, love oozing from him, his body warm. I snuggle in and settle more, taking his offering. I'm so tired, energy quick to deplete but I need to get out one thought that has me rattled.

"John, if I die. You will look after our baby won't you and if you can't, please don't do a half-arsed job, just hand her to Linda" I am speaking slowly and shaking him to get the words in and embedded in his head. I need him to understand.

"We all die someday, but you are not going anywhere for a very long time Syd" He shushes me when I try to negate his words.

"I will move mountains before I let you go, girl.... Go back to sleep, Roxan"