Loner

Three days later it happened. Somehow one of her minions found John, and delivered her scroll. Plonking it in his lap, then awaiting his reply, or better still, his body, to drag back to her cave.

I'd only just had a full day of recuperation when the clanger arrived, dropped brutal and terse over the telephone line "I have to go, Syd" as I lay sore and sorry for myself in the hospital ward.

As always Linda was ready with a tissue and cuddle and we got on with the job of concentrating on my health. I had been in for surgery and the girls stayed home, then the next day they would visit, all arranged, no need for anyone else.

No need for him.

Linda stood in the doorway of the hospital room, Sophie holding her hand, a small gift bag in her other. "Hello there Sophie, how's my girl!"

Linda left us alone for an hour, Sophie was well behaved and always quiet. She wouldn't overburden me as I lay watching her play with a paper aeroplane she had skilfully made.

"Roxan how are you today. Oh hello there young lady. Sophie isnt it!" Sophie nodded yes and grabbed a felt tipped pen to continue colouring in the side of her plane.  Doctor Porter was lovely, this wasn't his place of practice but he was making time for me, a special visit, checking my progress.

"Well if they would just deliver the verdict I would be fine but it's been too long" I teared up a bit and Sophie swung her head my way, I smiled trying to show her happiness and not fear and she turned away again, content her mum was happy.

"These things take time Roxan. Be patient"

The doctor was right I had to bide my time, but when you're not sure how long that time is, you start to worry.

**********

"It's stage 3 we need you to consider the options....Now, Stage 3 treatment options vary widely and may consist of mastectomy and radiation for local treatment, and hormone therapy or chemotherapy for systemic treatment. Nearly every person with a Stage 3 diagnosis will do best with a combination of two or more treatments."

I was alone, Linda took Sophie for a walk while I was delivered the news. She would be back in half an hour.

I tried to keep my mind on the doctors words "So, if I have a mastectomy I still need chemo or radiation" I was slowly digesting the news and my head was in a thick fog, all sorts of information was coming my way and I needed to get a grip.

The plan of attack was set in place and now I had to explain to Sophie in child's terms what would be happening, what things with mummy would be changing. Linda walked in with Sophie and a bag of fruit, a big pineapple and some apples.

"What do you have there sweetheart?" I smiled as they plonked the bag at my sheet covered feet, the white sheets were heavily starched and scratchie to touch.

"A pineapple mummy, your favourite!" Sophie got up on tip toes and gave me a kiss then decided to climb up and lay down beside me in the bed. Her pink dress crumpled around her legs, she fell asleep as she lay, not moving an inch.

So?" Linda poked me in my arm that didn't have a canula stuck in it and smiled waiting for the plan to emerge, slouching back in the red lounge chair putting her feet up over the sides.

"Well make yourself at home there, luv"

"Certainly will, that girl of yours has been running me ragged!"

"Ok. So simply put they want to go back in, make sure they have cut out as much of the spread as they can, then Chemo"

"And more time in here, ugh, this décor is slowly killing me" Linda flung a hand up to cover her mouth realising her words as soon as they left her lips. I stopped running my fingers through Sophies hair.

"Ha ha good one I'll let that slide, seeing as I luv you" I smiled softly and went back to combing through Sophies locks. We still can share a joke, it would be the only way to get through the whole ordeal I'm sure. "I'll have the Chemo with hormonal therapy to help shrink the tumour too"

And do you stay in hospital the whole time or..."

"Um I think I just come in have a course of chemo, over a few hours I think. Then go home pretty much to spew and feel awful, it sounds horrid some of the side effects" I chucked the little pamphlet at Linda to read when she got home, Sophie was waking.

"Hello there miss sleepy head. Can you look after Auntie Linda for me some more? Mummy will stay a few more days in hospital and hopefully I'll be home for the weekend ok! Can I have a gigantic cuddle before you go please"

***********

"Shave it off Linda stop being such a wimpy woman and get clipping! Sophie smack Auntie Lin on the bottom and tell her to hurry up" I laughed as Soph did as she was told, Lin jumping about the room trying to get Sophie back.

"Mummy shall I get the dustpan and brush?" Sophie ran off to find the cleaning tools both Linda and I had forgotten.

"Sophie, you are a champion, you read my mind!"

Sophie sat on the floor watching as my locks fell, I tried not to cry or look sad. I will look and take stock of  myself in the mirror later. "Turn the music up Sophie!" The radio was cranked up in the living room and we tried to sing as the hair fell away.

"Sophie look at my arm huny it looks like a purple and orange sunset!" I laughed at my bruising, having hit it accidently on the fridge door it now was bruised and extremely colourful, a result of the chemo drugs in my body.

"Oh Rox, you are a bozo bumping into things" Linda laughed and kissed my cheek as she sat the clippers aside. Then whispered in my ear "You look beautiful as always. As I predicted your jawline is stunning without the locks tumbling around it."

We lazed about on the verandah after Sophie went to bed, drinking juice, nibbling crackers, it was about all I could stomach.

As we were about to go to bed the phone rung and Linda smiled and ran off, Paul, of course, ringing from across the ocean.

I went inside quietly and got ready for bed.

Half an hour of listening to the tender sounds of the waves hitting the shore gave me time to mull over my life, plan a few necessities and try not to dwell on nasty things happening to my body. I had a look of near contentment when Linda poked her blonde locks, and head, around the bedroom door.

"Hi!"

"Linda just go to bed, it's late, I'm half asleep. Tell me about Paul and the crisis he seems to always be in, in the morning" I smiled the words to her.

"He is a bit of a worry isn't he. If it isn't the toilet clogged up, it's one of the girls stuck in a tree somewhere!" Linda crawled across the bed and laid down beside me and we hugged in the darkness "I love you Rox"

"Love you too, just don't go thinking I'm your bloody husband if you wake up in the middle of the night!" I ran a hand over my head, I still had managed to avoid looking directly in the mirror as I used the bathroom before bed.

Linda cackled and, as usually the way, she was fast asleep within minutes, I hugged her to me again and kissed her cheek.

I mulled over the years of our friendship. Melancholy slipping through my thoughts. My last conscious musing before sleep were....

Thank Christ, Paul picked good.