One Last Time

As I stepped into the sunlight and slowly took the steps down to the street, John caught up to me. A couple of apple-scruffs tried to approach him but he glared down his nose at them and hurriedly caught up to me as I walked away.

"Hold up, you" John strode up beside me with his long legs, lighting another cancer stick and flicking the match to the gutter.

"Don't you call me 'Syd' ever again"

"But that's....."

"That was OUR name same as 'Winks'. There is no us anymore if you hadn't noticed" He looked like I had kicked him.

Was he blind or dumb to the whole 'taking up with new woman and snorting his life away' tale.

"How. How is she?... Sophie"

"She is just fine thank-you, why ask when she is nothing to you"

"Hold on just a minute" He spun me round quite roughly to stop my walking off, a few people gawked, it was John Lennon standing there having an animated conversation on the sidewalk in front of them.

"John decide will you. She got in your ear after I told you. She convinced you of a fallacy that made you come back and spit hateful words in my face- 'it's not mine' 'you fooled around Syd'...... Me, you accused me of sleeping around. That OUR baby wasn't yours!"

"It's complicated, Roxan" John through his arms up in the air and walked on a little, then turned around. He looks tired.

I decide to tell him, just put it all out there, now, so I don't have to see him ever again.

"I'm leaving. I was thinking about it while I was in hospital, nothing ties me here. I want her to grow up without a camera in her face. I want sunshine and sand for her." We were walking again, and now, we bicker quietly in a quiet churchyard.

"Where would you go?! You can't. There's work. Me... You mean somewhere like Cornwall or something, yeah?" John's eyes were searching my face for some relief to my words, but I went on, breaking the news.

" 'Work' in two of my positions- that building behind you and our old home, is now over. So, I'm amazingly free to do as I please. You, I don't know anymore. You have chosen your bed. You can always get in touch through Richard, if he ever speaks to me again that is. Seeing as you have all been poisoned in the mind by that horrid little man Klein" I took a breath and continued "...or James, remember he's in Sardinia, he can pass on your messages. And John, it will be further than Cornwall"

John flops down on the ground, looking like I smashed his favourite toy.

Looking up at me through his round spectacles.

I could almost think he was defeated, broken.

"..I just thought you would stay. Be here. Wait for me. Be close by. A bit pig headed of me, I guess" He is up again hovering over me. I need him to kiss me but that wouldn't help the situation.

I close the chapter, the slam of my words pushing through my lips.

I hate it, I don't want it but for my own wellbeing and to possibly wake John up to his nonsense, it needs to be said "I need a divorce John. You chose her... You need it too" I croak out.

As it leaves my lips I can feel my heart shattering, tears stinging my eyes.

And he has a front row seat to the destruction of my heart.

Suddenly we're there, together, hugging for the good, for the bad....for the loss.

He's so methodical, so screwed together, nothing shattering in his world that I can see. How does he not see me breaking.

"Well then, that's it then. Had a good run, had some fun" He holds me away from him and looks deep into my eyes, smiling but sad, being strong unrelenting hard John but now. I see he is cracking under that veneer of his too.

Outwardly he is just being John. Arrogant John... to get past the pain.

"Look, when you're completely... I mean completely over whatever it is that is wound around you. I will think about letting you back into Sophies life" He silently questions me with a lift of his brow "But until then Sophie needs stability. I just don't think it's best for you, or Soph, with the erratic behaviour at the moment."

"Rox, I do love you. I know I've been a cunt. I know I am a crazy person more than half of the time. Inside..." John grips me firmly, squeezing again so I have to look into his eyes, shaking me gently "Inside..... Inside, I know the bub is mine and I know what you say is true, and right"

He drops my arms and drops his to his side "Even though I'm dying right now stood here in front of you, I won't stop you. But I will say this Rox... I will come, I will find you and you will forgive me and... And one day...One day Rox...you will let me call you Syd again..."

He draws me in for one last hug which I freely give and then he's gone; Striding off, head held high, back ramrod straight.

John, the intimidating Beatle, marching off toward tomorrow.

And I...

I stand and hold both hands over my mouth, tears streaming down my cheeks.

Begging myself to call him back...

But not saying a word.

A/N: So the end of Rox & John comes with the end of the Beatles or is it. Can they reunite..?

Now... let's time travel forward a few years and head to LA .....