Shake Rattle and Roll

"Roxan" John hollered up the stairwell "Wait just a minute would ya? Pleaseee" he pleaded.

Freda stopped dead on the stairs which stopped me in my tracks too. She pulled me back down a few then held my shoulders "Just clear the air with him then it will be all good in the morning yeah? See you later luv" With that she was taking the stairs two by two and reached our level and was gone by the time John huffed his way to my side on the stairs.

"Geez girl. How did you get up here so fast" As he caught his breathe he glanced everywhere but me, scratching the back of his neck anxiously. 

George and Ringo pushed past John saying goodnight with the stairwell echoing their cheery voices. The door swung shut above us leaving John and I alone.

Before he could start talking I spoke, clear and steady "Xanadu"

"What?" John quizzed.

"Xanadu, an idealized place of great or idyllic magnificence and beauty" I looked him in the eye and continued "I WANT to be there and I will keep trying to get there but I am broken and jaded, scared, scarred, quite lost to this (I waved the air between us) and much too... much too slow for you, John."

 He went to butt in, to stop my words. I held my hand up "I am. YOU are on a jet plane, I'm in a horse and carriage. I'll get there but you will have been there and back hundreds of times, don't you see?"

"I can slow down" He quickly answered back.

"I don't want you to slow down. I want you to live, not having to pander to my fears, hold my hand every time a shadow crosses my path" Willing myself not to cry I continued "I'm sorry I think we should keep this thing between us, professional" I turned away but he took my hand not grabbing roughly but as lightly as he could, to stop and turn me back around to face him.

"Wait will ya. Stubborn yer bloody stubborn! You haven't even given this thing (John is waving the air mimicking my movements from minutes before) a chance. Don't you think I should be in on this decision of yours. I never intended to be anything but a grateful prat offering harbour after the storm of me mum's trial and your...... your time. But you have me, already, in the palm of your hand and you don't even know it. You don't treat me like Beatle royalty or a simpleton from Liverpool either. You see me"

As John rattled on about what I was ignoring and what he was feeling, his face was alive with emotion from the verge of tears to that nasty streak he gets when he wants his own way.

His eyes bore into mine begging me to relent, to accept what he offered. He ran a hand through his hair, then slapped his leg in frustration.

"Aa..ahemmm" Freda stood with her head just through the door above us "Ummm sorry to interrupt. Rox there's a call from England for you"

I glanced at John who had moved backwards and leant up against the wall, his head thrown back, looking skyward "Just go, it might be somethin' professionally important"

"Sorry John. I. It could-" I left the useless words behind me and dashed up the remaining stairs and into my room landing on the bed with a thud. Deep breath in and out. Concentrate. I picked up the phone and put it to my ear, eyes closed trying to shut out the previous few minutes and focus on this, what could be an important call. "Hello? Roxan Nicholls speaking"

" "Ello luv, how's me little dirty girl then" HIM. Charlie.

My eyes flew open, I sat up fast and my hand grasped for the side table to steady myself "Charlie" I was barely audible "How? You're in jail" My mind went over the court documents in my head. No parole for years yet.

"Day release my little luv, visit anyone I wants I can, call on the tellyphone even. Pretty much do anything I want to do" Charlie smiled, I could feel it. My skin crawled and tears welled in my eyes.

"What do you WANT Charlie" I tried to have steel in my voice. Tried to sound in control and nonplussed. An adult instead of that little girl, that child.  Whereas I was crumbling, a mess of nerves and ever so frightened of his darkness, his touch.

"Oh, darling I miss my little firecracker. Of course, I want YOU luv. Miss your body I do, miss touching you when and where I want" He sniggered he knew I was a mess. 

He knew how to press my buttons all this time later. "Just called to say I'll be seeing you real soon, real soon. Might even come meet your new friends, say hello to that lad that lost his mummy"

No!

"Now you listen to me you dog" my voice was low and I hoped it sounded threatening to him. Hoped it made him back off "Don't even bother coming near me. Your ass will be back behind bars so fast your head will spin and with more time tacked on to your term for good measure. Never ever come near these people..."My breaths came fast, my heart stuttering. I fisted my hand, mad, strong, I can do this "..or me! Leave me alone!" I slammed the phone down.

Pacing my room.

I pulled my hair. 

I can't.
I can't...

I can't breathe. 

But.... Is he here?

No, it was an international call. 

How did he find me? The media would be all over the tour I suppose my name had to come up. 

I...

I still can't catch a breathe.

I need air. 

I need...

Grabbing my coat from the chair I flung the door open. Freda is moving between Brian's and her room, paperwork under her arm. I'm past her, the papers flying out of her hands and a chair near the door toppling over in my rush to get some air.

"Rox. ROX! Roxan!!" Freda yelled after me but I was taking the stairs two at a time.

Johns POV

"What are you yelling about Freda" Brians murmured grumble hit my ears. Paul had the door open to see what all the fuss was about in the hall.

"What's all the yelling for Paul?" I spoke up from my position, reclined on the sofa, Rox was stupid thinking that. We are pretty grand together I think, though she is right in a way. I'm too fast, too cocky.

"Not entirely sure but Freda's picking up papers and telling Brian about some international call. What? Oh Freda says Rox barrelled through and upended all this stuff. What? A chair too Johnny and didn't even apologize. Weird huh" Paul relayed the information as I came out into the hallway. I see the papers all over the floor and Freda crawling about gathering them up.

"Freda" I bang on the wall as Freda is hell bent on clearing up the crap on the floor "Who was on that phone call?"

"Ah, I don't know John I can call front desk and see if they have a name." 

"Do that luv, ta" I walked up and grabbed the chair placing it right way up, Rox doesn't upend chairs.

"What is this about John?" Brian asked "You haven't done anything, have you?" 

Paul was looking at me tapping his foot, his eyebrow raised in question. Saved from their mini interrogation Freda swept into view.

"John. They only got a first name" Freda apologized "Charles, they thought he said Charlie"

"Does that mean anything, John? I don't have any acquaintances by that name" Brain stepped into the hall towards me.

"Geez mate you look like you've seen a bloody ghost" Paul put a hand on my shoulder.

"I've got to find her. Where? Geezus! Christ" I rubbed my face, the night was already long, now I needed to wake up "Look Paul, Brian this is important we need to find Roxan, this call will have messed her up BAD"

"Why?" Brian, Paul and Freda asked in unison. George stood by the door, Rich with his head poking out over his shoulder both showered and in theirs pajamas.

"Not now. Just.. let's get out and find her. I'll explain later. George, can you grab my disguise"

"Mine too" Paul hollered into the room.

George returned quickly tossing the false beards and hats at us.

"Thanks George. Look you two go up the street, check the pubs and the like, I'll go the way we walked the other week."

"Want Rings and me to look too mate?" George offered as he watched me fumble with the pathetic disguise.

"Nah, you'll take too long to get changed, stay here. If she comes back, keep an eye on her, try and get her to sit with ya's. Right? Bri, Paul lets go"

"Any notes for us if we find her" Paul questioned as we took the stairs.

"Handle with care" Was all I said, Paul nodded and took off in the opposite direction.

OK so I've walk the whole way round the roads we took. We took a cab. Would she have taken a cab? How do I find her then?

The park is quiet and dark. She will have tried to stay in the light surely. As I round the corner I spot the place where we stood and had our moment. The camel ciggy bunting waving in the streetlight. As I hurry over the street to the storefront, I see her. 

Sitting on the front step of the shop. She is scrunched up holding her knees up to her chest. The light just catches her hair as the bunting sways. I slow my pace to an amble. Do I joke or do I just sit?

I slowly crouch, then make the decision to sit beside her. I can hear her breathing laboured and fast, panic reflected in its pace. Slowly I touch her hand. She flinches slightly, a sob escaping her mouth. Before I can say anything, she has her hands around my neck clinging like she will be pulled away by what is chasing her. 

I try and stand bringing her up with me, she is not relenting her grip. 

OK, well, I'll carry her. 

She is in my arms with her legs wrapped around me before I utter a word. Our minds think alike whether she admits it or not.

As I make my way back to the hotel I see Brian and Paul half a block away giving the thumbs up as they make their way towards the building. I don't wait. As I carry her past my room George sticks his head out concern in his eyes no words pass between us though.

I kick her door open with a bit too much force and she jumps in fright "tis ok, luv" I whisper. Closing the door with my boot I cross to the bed deciding the best thing to do is sit with her on the bed til she is ready to surface. The table light radiates a low glow over the room.

We have been like this for an hour or more now, her breathing has settled.

"I'm going to lay ya in yer bed now Rox, ok" I whisper into her hair. As I untangle her from my body I get her settled into the bed. "I'll sit by the door. I won't leave, ok?"

"No" She speaks softly as if she is dozing but regains a vice like grip on my t-shirt with her hand.

"Ok well I can't crouch over ya like this all night Rox"

"Stay. Right here" she shimmys over to give me a sliver of bed to which I accept where-upon she quickly releases my T and regains my neck. One leg snaked over me as a second defence to stop my 'escape'.

"Rox" I whisper quietly. I'm face to face with her now, well I would be, if she took her face out of my neck. "Rox will you talk to me, please darling" All I get in return is an even tighter vice like grip around my shoulders.

"I won't let him near you love, I won't. We will sort him out good as soon as we get back to England" As I run my hands over her back comforting her she finally looks up, tears have stained her face, her eyes swollen from the crying. I get an odd feeling.

Shes my heart, she is my heart right here outside my body.

"Promise?" Rox stares into my eyes. "Promise, YOU won't go near him. Promise John!"

"I promise. We will let the law sort him out OK?"

"Yes OK" Rox smiles sadly. Her head has tucked back into the crook of my neck. I can feel her breathing softly on my skin. 

But just as I think she has settled into sleep she raises up once more searching my face. "I'm sorry John, forgive me" I go to speak to say not to talk or worry bout it. But she is leaning towards my lips, pausing slightly before moving closer then kissing me ever so softly, her eyes wide open as if making sure I am me, no one else. 

If it was other circumstances she would have had me unravelled there and then, as it was, I had to hold back a shudder of love and want and need of her. As I go to respond she is back to her position tucked into my neck. I kiss her on the head instead. Good night luv....