Saturday Night Lights

I gazed out over the Thames, the lights shining down off Parliament and Big Ben made the river shimmer with colour and beauty. The odd ferry chugging past creating a beautiful scene that I would forever hold dear. 

I had spent the afternoon with Maureen she fussed about and brushed my hair into a style of the day I must admit it looked great but doubt I could do all that preening day in and day out myself. James escorted me down the streets, the venue being around 20 minutes walk away, I loved how he spoke so avidly, pointing out lots of sights and places as we talked and walked.

Once we arrived at the Beautiful Victorian building called The Royal Horseguards we were led to an outdoor venue that overlooked the mighty Thames where I now stood gathering my thoughts, awaiting everyone's arrival.

(Photo above is actual view OF Royal Horseguards at night ❤)

"Arr the lovely Rox. Where have you been these past few days? I missed our chats" I turned slightly to face John who was now standing beside me. Handsome and dashing came to mind his attire was immaculate, his smile sincere.

"You know John I do have a job to do now, can't be idly drinking tea and thumbing the newspaper with you everyday" I responded with exactly what we had been doing up until a week ago. Every day around lunch he would turn up unannounced with the broadsheet newspaper, a tray of goodies and tea for us to share. Usually him alone, sometimes with the boys, but mostly him- chatting, forgetting before and forging ahead into a seemingly nice friendship. Without warning or conscious thought, I came to worry if he was a bit late or left suddenly before we had discussed the editorial of the day's paper.

"I know luv, I just like to banter with you over the latest headline and laugh at those little cartoons with ya" John stated quietly. He was rowdy and loud when the boys were around but alone he was a different person almost- insightful, smart, in a good, worldly way, and very considerate.

The ferry sounded loudly causing me to shift my gaze off John and back to the river. "Perhaps we should have a proper sit down chat next time. I know you want to know about the trial and I would like to, um, try and explain what was going on in Liverpool all that time ago..."

"Look at me Luv.... You don't have to dredge any of that up on my account Rox, its over. You're here, I'm here, we survived- right. I don't want you thinking you need to explain Liverpool to me, I felt your pain that night no more sadness. No more tears or talk of that bastard. OK..... Right. Now. Where's the booze!!" He clapped his hands and spoke loudly on the last few words changing our thoughts in a blink of the eye from sadness to happiness. 

He then guided me over to where there were by now 30 or 40 family and friends gathering for the anniversary celebrations for my bestie and his girl, Maureen. Grabbing two glasses of champagne John handed me one and winked. Yes it is ok to move on and definitely yes, it is ok to smile.

*****************

The music blared around the dance floor and all were upon it except Maureen's nana, but she was still bopping and enjoying herself on her chair, perhaps a few sherry's warming her mood. 

I couldn't believe the night- so many smiles and joyous laughter my mind drinking in all the craziness that was the fab four- Rich rolling his eye and saying zany one liners that had everyone within earshot holding the sides with laughter. George, cuddling Pattie, the beautiful model with a wonderful bright personality, they swayed and danced grinning in love and lust, kissing when a slower song made its way to the turntable then, without warning, George dashing to and from the appetisers table to scoff a half dozen delicious morsels 'for energy' George stated wiggling his eyebrows, thus making Brian roll his eyes. Paul brimming with enthusiasm and zeal, he had brought a friend along, a lovely girl with red hair and pretty flowing dress. Paul was proudly touting that "she was an up and coming actress."

"Ok Macca, we get it she's a lovely birdie but will she fit in ya cage!" John tossed the line across the top of the young ladies head. Paul replying with brotherly humour "Look John at least I have a birdie, perhaps you should stop shouting at me and do more birdwatching to catch ye own!" John ducked his head and lightly punched Paul in the shoulder, causing Paul to dramatically act out like he had been hit by Cassius Clay, the American prize boxer. They grabbed each other around the shoulders and fell to the ground in a mock battle the gathered audience laughing at the misadventure and now full on tickling fight.

*********

Shall We Walk

By the time the party started to wind down only the hardened were left. Tiddly ladies and half cut men all happy and ready to say their 'ta- ras' and farewells. 

As many were staying at Saville Row in the guest rooms it was decided that, it being a lovely night, a walk back would be in order. James, making sure I was ok to get back with the group, then escorted Maureen's' niece to her accommodation which was on the way to James' flat. Much luck to him as they had been making eyes at each other most of the night.

Grabbing my jacket from the cloakroom I spotted the group a little ahead so made haste to catch up.

"Hey there. You will trip over if you're not careful!" John jumped out of the darkness at me.

"Winks, you scared the life out of me! Don't you dare do that again!" John smiled down at me as I scolded him lightly, we soon fell into step with each other, not really bothering to catch up to the main group just dallying along behind.

"Did I tell you, you looked very nice tonight?" He looked coyly at me under his fringe that had fallen over his eyes.

"No I don't believe I was complimented earlier but thank-you now kind sir" My pink dress was very feminine, not really me: a big leap from ted to now. It had been a long road to this point and I hoped I wasn't over compensating with all my new dresses I had bought. John's shy offering was just the prod I needed to think I was looking good.

"Much better than the leather and jeans I must say, you really look lovely" John talked on with his kind words, he had me blushing in the semi darkness.

Most of the things I had heard about the office really didn't seem to fit the John I was getting to know. They spoke of his like of girls and more girls, booze and anger. All I had and have seen was heartfelt words and attention, determination and hard work with the band and kindness to me.

"Is that 2 compliments in under 2 minutes Lennon" I teased him lightly giving him a little shove to his arm. At Cambridge I kept away from situations like this; a few boys had asked me out but I wouldn't accept. Safety in numbers was my motto, only going out with groups, never tete-a-tete. I was feeling safe with John tonight.

"I believe I could have established a new world record in compliment giving – do I get an award Miss?! Do I. Do I!?!" John joked at me jumping up and down next to me like an excited school boy.

"You do have a strange ability to get a smile out of me where others have failed Mr. Lennon. But no prize tonight as I'm pretty sure 3 compliments in under 2 minutes is the last record made"

We were suddenly mute no words passed our lips as we walked until a block from the building. I made to walk across the street but John held my arm. As I turned in surprise I was aware we were standing outside a lolly shop, thousands of disc shaped lollies piled about and in pretty jars in the window offering lots of different words, 'wink' being my favourite. The street light glowed, casting a soft light on Johns head as he smiled at the window too. He was close, but not so much to cramp my space he seemed to know instinctively I needed that room.

"One- you are amazing. Two- I love the colour of your hair. Three- your eyes are beautiful and shimmer when you talk. Four, to break the record, I think you are a wonderful person full of spirit and determination. There ta-da I am now the official world record holder- no press thank-you and please direct all enquires to my assistant. Thank-you, thank-you" John bowed and pretended to accept flowers and other unseen gifts.

I was stunned and speechless that John thought all this of me. I think my chin hit the ground.

He stepped closer then suddenly he was too close. My mind screamed.

"Ummm I better dash. Catch the group" I dived off like a deer being chased by a lion. John jolted up straight then hung his head as I swung away and sped across the empty street. I suddenly realised how alone I was and fled as if in my former life was upon me, stalking me. The same former life I thought I had left far behind me but it was still here and its haunting memories swirled in my head rearing up and making me flee.

I landed on the couch in my room with a thud, not bothering to sit prim and proper, just sprawled and now with head in hands I realise I had just upset the only person that knew me, knew my past, knew my triumphs- correction our triumphs over the bastard as John called him. Richard knew too but John had been there that night he didn't hurt me, ask questions or bribe me with his knowledge of Charlie's bad deeds. 

He was, on all accounts, a rock that I never realised I had til now and I had just fled from him as if he was the villain, I had left him standing alone on a London street corner.